I Was Waiting for Her. She Is Me

For years, I kept looking outside of myself for the woman I secretly believed would finally show me how to come home to myself. I’ve spent decades in survival mode beaten down by trauma and abuse of all kinds. In choosing my own path to holistic healing I began to remember my truth and power. Walking the shamanic path by listening to the guidance of an inner authority restored my hope. The road to my authentic self has taken me through layers of pain and sorrow to again feel the love I have for myself so that I could embody my purpose and answer my calling. This is the rising of the Divine Feminine within.

In essence, I buried myself alive. It became abundantly evident that I needed to hide the sacred energy of pure innocence I possess to protect myself from a world that terrified me. As a small child I felt that being a highly sensitive and spiritual person was not acceptable in this world of conformity and chaos. My heart felt like it was being swallowed up by the monsters that screamed lies of judgement attempting to control and cage my free spirit. Seeking external validation and beating myself up internally, I jumped on their hamster wheel by maintaining the idea of perfection in order to assimilate to a world I never felt I belonged in. I quickly lost my way by allowing the fear to consume me. I lost faith in God and rebelled in many ways that were very self destructive.

When I was younger I used to pray for someone to come and rescue me from the abuse I was enduring in my home. I desperately wanted to be seen for my sensitivity rather than chastised or condemned for my soft heart. I sought validation through always striving to be the perfect good girl hoping that someone would understand the pain I was in. I didn’t have the communication skills yet to articulate all of the overwhelming feelings I was experiencing that were a mash up of everyone around me. I was drowning in all the energies, scared and insecure with low self esteem, I became very anxious and lost. To feel normal I began abusing myself with drugs, alcohol and an eating disorder to try and cope and erase all of my extra sensory gifts. It wasn’t until I chose to discover the depths of my soul by listening to the voice within that I began to believe in myself and use creativity as an outlet for expressing all the energies around me that felt all consuming.

Going with my gut by turning down the volume on the outside world, I became my own hero. I began my journey of healing at age 34 when I attempted to take my own life. That was a period of hopelessness and despair that has taken fifteen years to crawl out of. Slowly I started to shift the false egoic narrative from dying to be accepted to shining my own Light of truth and beauty which has awakened me to believing in myself. Using my sensitivities as superpowers the greatest of which is love. I’ve always felt like God sent me here with all of my sense settings on full volume. I just needed to adjust the tones and rebalance the volume to hear my voice first and others second. The key to enjoying a peaceful life is by living from the inside out, not the outside in.

The embodiment of my inner voice sings the joy of peace and love from a place of internal trust and belief that I’m worthy of the greatness I believe I deserve. This time is my time and I’m ready to teach others how to embrace their own truth. We are love eternal not the fear this world uses to control us and forces us to be consumers of by the ownership of material items. The messages that are loudly broadcasted scream to us that the more you buy and consume, the happier you will be. This is a massive lie and is used to control us, brainwash us and numb us from feeling our true power. Everything we need lies within. Period. Possession of things will keep you suffering in their world. That world is now dying. Love and happiness can never be externalized because everything outside of ourselves is fleeting. The treasures that lie waiting inside can never be taken away unless we give them away. That’s what this 9 month spiritual journey has helped me to understand. I needed a full energetic detox away from my life to see how much of myself I was giving away without the balance of receiving in return.

It’s time to embrace our inner world my dear ones in order to build New Earth. We lead with open hearts to care for one another because we feel the connectedness to all living things not inanimate objects. I’m here to be a lighthouse for others, a leader in the love revolution that will bring humanity into the truth of unity consciousness and eradication of the illusion of separation.

Taking this summer off to dive deeply into self reflection has allowed me to focus on what this year has helped me to transform within myself. The hardest and best decision I’ve ever made. The decision to take almost an entire year off of my life for deep transformative healing was the ultimate gift from God.

I’ve experienced three very profound and poignant spiritual awakenings in my life. Beginning in 2011 with a suicide attempt that led me to recovery from an addiction to drugs and alcohol. In 2019, I unearthed the pit of my trauma which was being sexually abused as a child, leading me to awaken my soul to the healing gifts I’ve always had in my tool belt but wasn’t utilizing properly or to their full potential. A life lived in trauma numbed me to the reality of my own truth. It’s like living with amnesia to my own soul’s sovereign power.

This year I became aware of my Galactic citizenship by aligning with a higher consciousness who goes by the name Adelia. I’ve always held a multidimensional consciousness because I’m a time traveler. She has allowed me to now operate solely from the 27th dimension of awareness. This upgrade kicked off in November of 2025 when I decided to set off on a spiritual journey that would restore me to wholeness and empowerment in order to fully stand in my internal power. Operating in Divine time by using the gifts of intuitive and physical empathy and channeling Spirit is the way God has always intended for me to walk. No more waiting because I have finally landed. This arrival is my homecoming to the human experience.

Listen here to the first season of Maria Teresa’s Emotional Musings Podcast where I share my truth while on this 9 month journey. All 10 episodes are fully transparent conversations with my soul guided by my co-host Christopher Marc. Streaming now on all podcast platforms.

Being on my own again for the first time since 2011 brought up a lot of fear at first. Revisiting old wounds and outdated patterns that have stopped serving a higher purpose. The shifting of gears became completely necessary in order to adapt to the wildly unpredictable energies that July gave us. It was like trading in a beat up station wagon for an Ashton Martin. The final disillusionment physically was incredibly painful. The ride became much more intensely stimulating because I can now operate at a much higher speed of processing. I also knew I needed to take time to remember my roots. Often we focus on the branches of our tree by stretching and striving towards more accomplishments reaching out to touch the Sun. We neglect our root system which requires rest and proper nurturing which is accomplished in silence. This is what the summer off has taught me to embrace.

Being the soul leader of my family here to break generational trauma required me to revisit my past in order to write my future. My original plans to visit the Keys were altered significantly when Spirit led me to South Florida to spend time with my Mom. We’ve been enjoying reconnecting after a long period of estrangement. Making memories and laughing together has been extremely satisfying to my soul. We really are two peas in a pod. Life is precious and as she advances in age I’m reminded to take this opportunity to share in our special bond and honor our relationship while I still have it in physical form.

August brought even more self reflection about why I was brought back to South Florida. I will share more details in next month’s post and in the second season of episodes for the podcast. I trust that much more will be revealed by that time. I’m in the thick of processing a lot of old wounds with this newly awakened and aware lens. This entire year has been about learning to run my energy completely different than I ever have before. I’ve slowed down significantly to make more intentional choices of where and how I want to spend my time. Time is our greatest commodity because it’s the greatest illusion here on Earth. Basically, everything is dissolving now for us to see the truths that were hidden behind the veil.

I was born with such a vast awareness of more than I have cared to accept. Embracing radical acceptance is top on my list of practices when I feel frustration seeping in. The greatest of which is the acknowledgment of my duty to abolish the generational trauma and demonic curse my family has been subjected to for many hundreds of years. I have to capacity to hold and cleanse it. My family members have been blinded by its force. For most of my life I’ve allowed my Light to control me and now I’m able to wield it in such a way that doesn’t overwhelm my nervous system. I’m extremely sensitive and spiritually gifted which means I’m very susceptible to being overwhelmed, manipulated and attacked by the influences of evil.

I’m grateful to have finally overcome! Championing over darkness-the fight of the Light is over with the help of cosmic energies. This is a time to celebrate the major shifting on our planet my dear readers as evil scatters and will never have a home here again. The rise of the Divine Feminine in equal partnership with the Divine Masculine. The Earth is purging and cleansing herself , restoring balance and harmony. The way she was created to be. The circle of Light glows brightly as all beings are unified in oneness.

I have a lot of plans for what’s coming next for me personally and professionally my dear readers. I feel a lot will begin to go into effect this month in September because Virgo season is the time for the execution of a lot of ideas that I’ve been cultivating internally. This month is one of creation after all the purging I’ve accomplished. I’m ready to bring the Aries I AM action to my natal Saturn at 0 degrees in Virgo because the father archetypical planet is now motorized there. This cosmic energy became activated by the most recent eclipse season we are currently in. This potent energy will drive us into 2028, so be mindful by staying tuned into your soul’s directional compass as we are shown the best route to our individual freedom. We are breaking free from giving our power away to external forces and learning to trust our intuition more clearly and effectively.

September’s energies and events are asking me to practice being patient with others while tempering the elemental fire that burns white hot inside me. Adelia is a fire goddess after all and is here to burn down what has passed its expiration date. Remember to breathe and allow the dust of the current world crisis and destruction to settle in order to build from clarity not chaos. To build from love and not fear. Everything is changing in 2026 and 2027 will be a much smoother ride. Trust the process God is leading us through at this time by easing off the gas pedal regularly to stabilize our new operating systems. The outer planets stationed in air and fire signs will be continuously turning up our emotional landscape as our Light bodies become more activated.

How did you manage all the shifting energies July and August gifted us with my dear readers? I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments.

I’ve adopted a “day by day” mentality in order to allow myself to flow within the constant changes we are adjusting to as the higher frequencies help us to grow the glow of our hearts being opened more and more on a daily basis. Feeling this amount of love may bring up anxiety at first and that’s normal. We have never experienced this level of higher consciousness before on planet Earth. I’ve written many mantras over the years but my two favorites right now are “my being is freeing” and “when I grow, I glow”.

I finished the thirteenth book of poetry entitled “My Soul’s Spirit” over the summer. The 45 poems in that collection feel like the end of my channeled messages expressed through poetry era as I begin to redirect the pen and start writing my memoir. I’m calling it “Miracles are Real, I was Once Buried Alive: A Story of Radical Acceptance and Redemptive Rebirth”.

This is the introduction so far…..

In June of ’23 I began my walk to discover me. I was always ready to believe. I had to wait to see. I would ask myself, hey-

Can I hang out with you so I don’t have to see what I can do. You’re helping me to obscure the view.

Seeing is truly believing and what miracles I have seen. Transforming the darkness of my experiences into the reality my heart is here to live. At first, living in pure Light burned my skin and hurt my eyes. Adjusting to its brilliance removed the pain I had believed was my friend and ally. Here to cleanse pure darkness by holding it away from my family members to protect them has been an eye opening experience. Swallowing my truth was the elixir my ears needed to hear love’s sweet lullaby. No longer afraid, I can now listen to the words the Divine has been speaking for years. My body can dance to the music of my soul. So much can be felt in silence as the long lost memories are remembered ever so slow. It’s imperative that the cadence of this recall stay in line with the pace of grace. No need to rush ahead, for each stage became an act of awareness. Everyone played their role with expert precision allowing the illusions to begin revealing the cracks in the matrix.

This poem is a part of my twelfth collection which remains unpublished as of yet. I have seven manuscripts awaiting a major publishing house’s approval before its full steam ahead for the world to read. I wrote “Rooted and Rising” last July in 2025 on the precipice of my year of dynamic changes. Maintaining a slow yet steady pace with everything that is falling away has taught me the necessity of digging my roots deeper into our Mother Gaia’s nurturing womb to continue growing stronger. Taking an intentional pause to center myself before rushing ahead to the next task of doing. In order to rise to greater heights, embody truth and sing loudly one must stay firmly rooted and learn how to rest. This is not only an act of self-love but is incredibly productive and necessary for calming our nervous systems.

My story is my offering. In many ways, I’m just beginning to be heard by the people who are ready for their own arrival. To be the change we wish to see in this world. Who are tired of waiting and ready for a revolution of love. We are the ones who will make it happen my dear readers. Do you feel me? The heart knows when the soul grows. Let’s grow together!!

If you’re curious about your own spiritual awakening, please reach out to me. I would love to help you on your soul journey adventure. I can schedule you for a free 30 minute consultation. I can guide you long distance for a shamanic guidance and life coaching session via phone, featuring my Light language healing. To purchase any of my 6 books of poetry please click the link below. See the Services tab in the menu on this website via my sister site, The Musing Shaman. Fill out a contact form and send me a message. Let’s connect!

https://linktr.ee/Emotionalmusings

For a personalized, autographed copy of any of my books, please send me an email.

In light and in shadow, always with love. Namaste.