Healing, personal development, Spirituality

This is me

My dear readers, I have been moving through a lot of deeply felt feelings and old emotions. Healing is an ever unfolding journey that reveals truths that at times are hard to face. Bravely, with careful attention to grace, employing patience with myself, I rise each day to uncover more of these truths. It’s my soul’s purpose to keep leaning in with a great curiosity, shining light upon all my life’s experiences. Writing is how I have always processed these events and moments. I believe whatever I am brought to is something to learn from. I will continue to show up here, being authentic and real. This is me.

I haven’t felt much like writing lately in the week since my last post. I’m in a space of observation and exploring, tuning out the noise of technology and tapping into the natural world. I’m unsure how much I will be writing now that I’ve begun a certification in sound healing therapy. I may just be constructing posts with my poetry alone, without the accompanying storyline of where they are plucked from.

What I know is this, it all serves in the healing process, with love and without judgement. We are all continually changing. I’ve learned by allowing the healing to penetrate fully, to solidify the basis for understanding the human condition, I must keep acknowledging, surrendering, releasing and accepting what is. This is me. This blog is my testimony and ongoing story of my triumphs over the traumas I have faced. I am truly grateful and blessed to share this space with so many artists and creative souls. I value each one of you as you help contribute to my own journey of healing and self discovery. From the bottom of my heart, I love you.

My story, this is me
Seasons of life

If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below or click the Services tab in the menu.
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Maria@emotionalmusings.com
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In light and in shadow, always with love. Namaste.

Grief and loss, Healing, Health

Stronger Together. Stop The Isolation

I have shared that my dear Dad passed away from this virus on November 24, 2020. He was isolated because of the restrictions and saw his way to the other side alone which is extremely hard for my Mom especially to process. My intuition guided me to tell my sister and Mom that we needed to be there in the parking lot to see him into the hospice, knowing that would be our last opportunity to see him alive. My Mom had the wonderful idea to ring jingle bells so he could hear us. She made a sign and we all shouted out how much we loved him as the EMTs brought the stretcher off the ambulance and wheeled him into the facility. We weren’t allowed to be there much less follow him inside. That was our goodbye, he passed two days later, two days before Thanksgiving.

My dear ones, I share this blog to point out how the fear of this virus has overtaken our society. I can feel the fear everytime I venture out, others looking at each other with such terror, like we are each other’s enemies. It truly breaks this sensitive soul’s heart. I urge you all to remember kindness. Smile with your eyes at the sight of others since we are masked and others can’t see our mouths any longer. Srnd cards and letters to love ones. Pray. Pray that we will be stronger once we can reunite with our brothers and sisters again. Turn away from fear and open your heart to love❤ Namaste.

I could see it in their eyes. An empty, lonely gaze that reflected a sense of hopelessness. The isolation was taking a toll and their broken spirits were evident upon their drawn-in pale faces. Was this truly the result of an illness or of a soul full of despair? Had the fight all but gone? […]

Stronger Together. Stop The Isolation
Spirituality

Every day is a gift

This post is going to be a bit different than my other posts my dear readers. This one a journal entry, a peak into my inner world.

Opening my eyes this morning, I greet the day with enthusiasm and curiosity for what God has in store for me. What lesson will I learn today and what experience will touch my soul. These are my first thoughts as I reach for the book I read every day, Mark Nepo’s “The Book of Awakening.” I like to use whatever he reflects upon in the daily passage for my own journal prompt. A mix of where I find myself in the moment and a pearl of his wisdom. I usually write my entry afterwards. Here’s today’s entry:

Breaking patterns and strengthening bonds is the work at hand. Yesterday went so well with Lindsey, my heart feels so full! Ty and I enjoyed a wonderful afternoon together. He treated me to dinner.  Even my partner surprised me with a sweet present that I wasn’t expecting, the best kind of gift! I know since arriving here at my parent’s house, me energy has been unsettled. Showing myself grace while being gentle, I will figure out what feels best here. Of course I have my lounge chair set up outside by the lake, my happy place. It’s where I can observe nature, speak with God and receive messages from my spirit guides. I told Lindsey that as a “homework” practice this week for my apprenticeship to become a Shamanic healer, I will reestablish my self journeying which plainly means I will be intentional about spending more time solo outdoors, in self reflection. I have to feel my way through because that’s my best asset and my strongest sense as an empath. God, please help me to learn my place here and lead with love in every endeavor, especially as it concerns others. Thank you for bringing me this far along my journey. Thank you for helping me heal by recognizing the truth and knowing the beauty you provide for us here on Earth. I’m grateful for the focus I have in following my soul’s path and purpose. I trust that you have brought me here because I’m ready to learn more and what a gift that is! God and your helpers, the angels surrounding me, are continuing to help me heal. Continuing to walk this path in truth and love isn’t a responsibility I take lightly. It’s only with the courage and love you God provide me that I have gotten through the darkness. For in darkness, I have discovered myself and gathered the strength I needed to walk into the light. It brings tears to my eyes when I can sit in meditation and feel the beauty of everything here you have created in every living thing. Each and every day is a gift!

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My dear readers, treat each and every day as the gift it is. God will only bring you to and through what you can handle. Trust in Him. Live each day to the fullest my dears for life is precious. From my heart to your heart. So much ❤

Please check out my 2 books of poetry, links below……

Spirituality

Mid-life renaissance

This post is my truth. Raw, real and 100% genuinely me. At 42 years young, I have arrived at a place that is the opposite of a mid-life crisis that I am calling my mid-life renaissance!

I have been writing a lot in this last year of the spiritual awakenings (2 actually, one of Kundalini energy) I experienced in June of 2019 after finally coming to terms with the sexual abuse I encountered as a child. Since I admitted out loud that yes, I was molested at ages 5 and 6, absolutely nothing has been the same! I sought out healing on all levels….energetically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. It’s been full steam ahead towards what feels the best for Maria. My soul is free, my heart is at peace with the amazing people I have met, the moments of pure bliss and joy I have felt but mostly I am eternally grateful to God for bringing through all of it so that I may finally say I am happy with who I am today.

This feeling is the opposite of a lot of clichés we hear in our society today. No more “fake it till you make it.” Forget having a bad case of “the fuck its.” Good bye and good riddance to all of it as I usher in a feeling of rebirth, renewal and rejuvenation! I can’t even put into words what it feels like to leave all expectations, judgements and opinions of not only my own making but especially those of anybody else around me! The only “fuck that” I feel is towards what anybody else thinks of me. This ephiany has taken ten long years to come to fruition and I know it’s never finished or ever over for this is just the beginning my dear readers…..and I say BRING IT ON LIFE!!!

It hasn’t been easy for the ones closest to me and for that I’m sorry. Spiritual awakenings don’t come with instruction booklets or how-to guides. I know I have been confused and bewildered by some of my own thoughts and behaviors at times. Like a butterfly during it’s metamorphosis, there has been loads of goo to wade through to be able to say, I have finally broken through the cocoon. Spreading my wings and flying bolding out of my shell has made some doubt their place in my world. Rest assured, I will not name names here because the ones I love know who they are.

I have no apologies and definitely no regrets. I view everything differently, as though through a newborn’s eyes. I now have what can best be described as a deep sense of knowing what is right for me and a carefree attitude in achieving it. As an intuitive empath, I am now empowered and realized. As my partner once commented, spirituality doesn’t take a day off. I remain 100% committed to my selfcare routines because I know how to maintain this feeling of self love by practicing what I need to for my wellbeing. I have decided that absolutely nothing can take it’s place.

In our society and culture, especially for women, what I am describing is seen as selfishness. I couldn’t disagree more! Nobody else is responsible for my happiness, no external material possession can even compare to this feeling of inner peace and self acceptance. Nothing.

I believe everything happens for a reason and unfolds in God’s Divine time and never before He decides we are ready. All I did was devote my life to Him, believe in Him and trust. Making my mind up to always keep a tight grip on hope while maintaining faith that no matter what was happening, I would be ok. Over the past ten years, I have stumbled, cried, screamed, clawed my way through every situation life can throw at a person. Divorce, losing contact with my boys, mental breakdowns, multiple hospitalizations, joblessness, homelessness, bankruptcy on all levels physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I literally had to have it all stripped away from me. The pain I endured was deep enough for me to finally want to change it all. It was only then that I became open enough to face what I call the pit of my issues which was the sexual trauma I dissociated from and buried for the past thirty-five years.

Slowly and surely I began to open up more and more. Little by slowly, time taking time as it does, my life took on a new feel. Moody moments brimming with self harming behavior gave way to the moments where I sit in meditation crying tears of joy for the immense love I feel towards God, my spirit guides, angels, saints, and never the least my dear Nana who has been my closest confidant. I have felt her with me since she passed over March 17, 2006. She visits me in my dreams, sends me messages, shares her bliss as a spirit through the visions I experience. Whenever I ask her for a sign, she delivers one. When I’m feeling lonely, I can feel her hugging me.

I have written before about feeling like a late bloomer all of my life. I believe that this new direction I am heading in is no different. I don’t regret a single day of heartache, traumatizing experience or even emotional breakdown. All of it has led me here. Releasing myself from that which I feared has helped bring me here. Every tear has helped create this smile I wear proudly on my face everyday. Every doubt I put upon myself has allowed me now to think, why not? I’m gonna do it!! If I can think it, feel it, believe it then it will be!

Patiently awaiting for my intentions to manifest is where I find myself today. Moving through life at my own desired pace. If it doesn’t feel right, I don’t do it. I am through with betraying myself to please anyone else. Change occurs when the pain of existing in the same patterns becomes too great to carry on. Being sick and tired of being sick and tired!

There is no magic formula. There are no short cuts. There is definitely no right way to achieve the place I find myself in now. Every morning I say please God and every night I say thank you for everything in my life. Sprinkled in throughout each day are the moments of silence and deep gratitude for making it this far.

For the first time in a long time, I’m excited about where life is taking me as I begin a new career path to become a shamanic healer. A few days ago, I laid out all of my tools and blessed them by burning sage while setting my intentions aloud. I remain hopeful and optimistic about tomorrow. I relish each moment for I know that is all that is real. I love you all. Amen🙌

Spirituality

Settling in

Ah, my dear readers my heart is at peace. Moving back here to Florida allows my spirit such freedom. The energy here is 100% delightful. Being a fiery super Sagittarius, I need to live by the water. Living at my parent’s house temporarily affords me the luxury of living on the lake where there is always a calming breeze. It fills my lungs with the sweet smell of the different flowers in the garden. There are so many different birds that swim here in and hang out around the lake. I feel my senses are delighted at all times!

Right now I’m sitting on the patio that is enclosed to keep the bugs out. I have a front row seat to Mother Nature’s glorious landscape and her living creatures that are native to this part of Florida. I believe I was a bird in one of my past lives because I have always been so captivated by them and lately I can sit and watch them for hours. Building their nests, cleaning their feathers and swimming. I have always enjoyed watching animals in nature. I believe one can learn a lot about themselves from watching other living creatures in their habitat.

The best part about this transition for me is the slowed down pace. Since this global pandemic began, that has been something I view as a blessing. First and foremost, I am grateful for my own good health despite the many people who are sick and suffering. Yes, many places are shut down. Yes, I can’t go to the beach right now or to the movies. Those are two of my favorite things to do with my Mom when I’m in Florida. I choose to see what I can control and that is more internal work on myself. Next week I will begin an apprenticeship to become a Shamanic healer and energy practioner. I am so excited to be following my soul’s purpose and learning how to heal others on an energetic level. For many years I contemplated becoming a nurse yet our Western culture’s view of medicine doesn’t suit my beliefs at all.

This profession aligns much more with my values and desire to care for others in a spiritual way. I have been caring for and working with people all of my life in some capacity. As an intuitive empath and woman with extra sensory perceptions, I have always been extremely fascinated by the human condition and how to best be of service to others around me. When I began this blog and published my first book of poetry, my mission was to shed light upon living with mental health issues, emotional and physical trauma and how to survive it all while empowering and healing oneself. Today, I view life as a series of learning lessons. Everything serves a purpose and through meditation I have been able to shift my perspective in order to better understand the meaning of life.

I have written before about how many years I spent paralyzed by fear and living my life as a victim of the circumstances I found myself in. Since June of 2019, having experienced two spiritual awakenings, I see everything differently. I believe we are here to love one another. Everyday and in all situations I try to ask myself the following questions before making a decision:

“What would be the next loving action”

“What would serve me and the people in my life in the best ways?”

“How would I like to be treated?”

My dear ones, God created us in his image of pure unconditional love. Over the centuries, I believe humanity has found itself so far off course and has begun to turn away from our original purposes. We are all intricately interconnected. Meaning what happens to one of us affects all of us. After experiencing such darkness, anxiety and fear throughout so much of my life, all I want to do now is show my love and gratitude for God by loving each person I encounter. Releasing judgments and opinions and living life by the motto of “be the change you wish to see in the world.” I’m by no means perfect nor do I attempt to live my life any longer with unrealistic expectations of perfection. I do however want to enjoy and celebrate life after overcoming so much that didn’t serve me or held me back and away from the light and love of God.

Getting to live my life with my son by my side makes my heart sing! I find myself crying tears of gratitude and joy each morning and every night while I pray, thanking God for our long awaited reunion. Everything is provided and happens in His Divine time. All I have to do is trust that when the time is right, all I need will be provided for. My son deserves to be with a mother that can guide and teach him about life. I had to learn a lot about myself and get to a place where I was ready to do that. It has taken ten long years.

Yesterday was the first Mother’s Day we have spent together in eight years! Waking up to see his beautiful face, spend time with him and share a meal is the best gift this mother could ever ask for. I intend to enjoy each and every second with him because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed and life is precious!

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Please check out my two books of poetry, both available on Amazon!