Healing, relationships, Spirituality

The magic of December

I am a modern day troubadour spreading the power of love through my poems. The energy that is occurring on Earth right now is life changing my dear readers! Powered by last week’s New Moon and solar eclipse in Sagittarius, we are rising to feel much more of the love vibration that is pouring upon us through Spirit, the Divine light. Tap in, feel its power and trust the truths that are ushering in New Earth. Welcome to the mass healing, the Great Awakening. Can you feel the shifts within yourself to learn more of your own truth? What an amazingly beautiful time to be alive!!!

This is a short and sweet expression of joy as I celebrate my 44th birthday, stepping into the spaciousness that freedom inside provides and the creativity that allows my soul to thrive. This past year has been one of elevation and endings. I have learned so much, growing by leaps and bounds. Shifting from ego to soul and allowing love’s purity to shine through. My heart is full and I look forward to so much abundance to come here in my new home in Utah. I’ve met my soul tribe. Absolutely magical people who see me, my authentic self and show me such love and kindness. This month is so very special because it’s not only my birthday, it’s also my sister’s AND my nephew’s 21st on the full moon next week. Many special celebrations are planned all month long.

Listening to Spirit, I allow myself to be

My dear friend and soul sister Rachelle took me on my first hike up the canyon last week. Getting outside into the elevation rejuvenates me completely. I took a few short videos too. We call these outings walkie talkies and we both get some much from them. Enjoying nature while processing what’s going on in our lives, sharing intuitive guidance with one another and our perspectives. I am incredibly grateful for our connection. Thank you for being you Rachelle,  I love you very much!

Good morning Sun
Suspension bridge silliness
Bear Canyon in Draper,Utah

I’ve officially lived here for three months now and I love living in this part of the country. The chill vibes from the mountains and the kindness of the people have made this transition an easy one. My sister and brother-law have opened their home and their hearts to me at time when I needed them the most. Healing our relationship means everything to me. My sister is so generous with everything she has and I love her so deeply. She’s always been a mother figure to me. We all participated in what is called “The Human Race” on Thanksgiving. It’s a 5K and 10K course and my brother-in-law and I ran the 10K together finishing just minutes apart. It’s the longest I have run since arriving here and adjusting to the altitude. It’s been a big change for my body coming from the east coast to now living in elevation. I’m being gentle with myself by allowing myself to acclimate slowly. I walk a mile and a half to work which keeps me moving and grooving as well as shirt runs around our community lake. Now that we’re in December, I feel the cold settling in. This southern living woman hasn’t experienced a winter since 2013 yet I’m much more comfortable than I thought I would be! Thankfully, I have eased into my new home quite well and feel balanced with my work/life schedule. Quality over quantity in all areas is how I roll.

Attitude is everything
My family at The Human Race

These poems are a continuous expression of my heart and the lessons learned through soul. The new beginnings here are inspired by energy coding and my soul’s ongoing awakening. Awareness becomes clear when I am heeding what Spirit teaches and guides me to and through. Remaining in awe of the outpouring of love, effortlessly I allow the Light to come shining through. Inside of me and inside of you. And so it is. Amen.

Celebrating being, isn’t life grand?
Be kind my friends, the more you give, the more you receive
Advice from myself to my younger self

Life is so surprising by the endless messages, signs and gifts I become aware of the more I follow Spirit’s teachings. Learning to be patient is the greatest act of self love. Allowing love to lead is a choice I mindfully make everyday and within each moment. Life truly is a gift and it’s meant to be shared with all. We are mirrors for one another and each others teachers. I learn more and more everyday. I dance through the ebbs and flows with lots of laughter. I used to take myself so seriously when I was younger. I can see how hard I was on my own heart. Life is much lighter now and I feel much more joyful having forgiven myself amd others for the past. Living in each moment and enjoying every spectrum of emotion there is in it brings a smile to my face. Everyday…. in some way, even if some days I have to look a little deeper to see it.. I love getting older. The years are not what matter, it’s the life in them and boy do I have so much to be grateful for!

The only truth is love

This last poem, “Waterlily Flow” is dedicated to my sister Tami, the person who has shown me what art is by the legendary painters like Claude Monet. Art means expressing yourself no matter what and being true to your heart. Tami is a true artist. She is intentional with everything she does. Creativity bursts from her heart using her home as the palette for decorating, her cooking, gift giving and the attentiveness of her most generous soul. She can draw anything and wrap a present so beautifully that you don’t even want to open it! Everything she does she puts 100% into. She often doesn’t give herself enough credit or get the appreciation from the people that were entrusted to care for her growing up. This is for you sis, I see you and I adore you!

Thanks Tam Tam for bringing art into my life

If you’re interested in a long distance shamanic healing session via phone, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations and other ritualistic services I provide or to purchase any of my 5 books of poetry please click the link below. See the Services tab in the menu on this website.
For a personalized autographed copy of any of my books, please send me an email.
Maria@emotionalmusings.com
https://linktr.ee/Emotionalmusings

In light and in shadow, always with love. Namaste.

Grief and loss, Healing

In memoriam

Yesterday was a glorious day for my family and I as we bid our final farewell to my Dad. My Mom was especially happy to hold this memorial service in their Catholic church 45 years to the day they had their first date. I was extremely honored to be the representative from the family to give the eulogy which included the poem I wrote “Daddy” just hours before he passed on November 24, 2020. This was the closure we all needed and the homecoming my Dad deserved.

For you Dad
“Daddy”

We continued the celebration of my Dad’s life with an Italian fest fit for the king he is, a luncheon that was held at his favorite restaurant which included family and close friends, about twenty people. My older sister flew in from Utah and my oldest brother drove down from Orlando. It was especially great to all be together again since we have all been separated by the pandemic. We laughed and we shed tears. We all shared our favorite memories of my Dad. I was so comforted by my family yesterday and it felt so good to be with the people I love the most. My partner is here (FINALLY) and he was and is my rock, grounding me through the grieving process. I’m so grateful and blessed to have these people in my life when I need them the most. My gratitude includes my dear friends that are scattered across the country and in other places around the world who have sent condolences with love including so many of you my dear readers. From the bottom of my heart, your love means so much to me. Connection is a key in healing because we all experience loss. This is a time we need to lean on each other.

My sister Tami arranged these beautiful flowers

I took this video of myself dancing hours before my partner’s arrival. I absolutely adore Janis Joplin’s style and fiery vocals. My partner often remarks on how I remind him of her so I felt it fitting to dance in tribute to her and my love for all of humanity. I put a piece of my heart into every creative thing I do. If I don’t feel passionate about it, I simply don’t do it. Life is precious and I intend to make the most of my time here doing what I love to do most which is expressing the depths of my creative soul in light and love!

“Piece of My Heart”

In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below or click the Services tab in the menu.
For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment. Maria@emotionalmusings.com
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77
paypal.me/tinyd9

Spirituality

Love overflowing

My oldest son is here in Dallas visiting me my dear readers and I couldn’t be happier! Tyler is 18, turns 19 in August, and has grown into such a thoughtful, insightful and mature man. He really blows me away with his point of view on life. I must admit, he has his stuff way more together than I ever did at that age!

We are staying a block away from the hotel I work inside of in downtown. Last night I took him to see where I work and he was able to meet many of the people I see on a daily basis inside The Statler hotel. He was immediately impressed by the ambiance of the hotel with it’s rich history and background of being one of Mr. Conrad Hilton’s flagship properties. There is something to be said for cultivating meaningful relationships with the people you work with because many of them told Ty how much I brag about him and treated him like a king!

My heart is bursting with pride for how smitten my dear friend and the owner of the boutique I manage took to him❤ He has already asked me when we will get to see her again because he enjoyed her company so much! I must admit how fulfilling it is to see all of my hardwork pay off as a stay at home for the twelve years I was raising him and my younger son.

Miles may still feel not ready to rejoin our little threesome because of the alienation my ex-husband and my moving away has caused, yet I know it is only a matter of time. He will understand more once he has some true life experiences under his belt like his brother. Ty has been on his own for over two years now and works a full time job with a good company. He has confided in me that Miles feels angry and perhaps abandoned which is something I completely understand based on how the divorce played out. My decision to move out of state and restart my life must still be confusing for him while he still lives with his Dad. He was so young when we separated, only 5 years old. Miles didn’t get near enough alone time and attention from me. Tyler and I had almost four solid years together before Miles was born.

Being able to embrace my role of Mom is exhilarating and fills me with such joy and peace! I live on a ton of faith and hope because we live so far away from one another. Having Ty around me reminds me of the greatest and most honorable reasons to be alive. We have been through so much together and it is so refreshing to see what a sweet and kind man at 18 can be like. My boys are the two best accomplishments in my life and they make me so proud to hold the title of Mom.

Ty goes back to Rhode Island on Monday so for now we are enjoying every minute together as you dear readers can see in these pictures 🥰

Mother & son
Enjoying a laugh together
At the pool

This is the best gift I could ever have, the pleasure of time off work spent with one of my favorite and most loved people in this world❤

Spirituality

Stuck on memory lane

Ahhhhhh dear reader’s I can tell I’m neck deep in my own “stuff” when I wake up and immediately feel left over anxiety and frustration from the night before. Any little irritation sets me spinning off and yes I have been feeling quite heavy for the past 2 days as I reminisce about the good ol days of my youth. Since my last post I have been stuck on memory lane💭

Sadly, on Sunday my Mom called me to tell me that my step sister Liz’s husband passed away. My parents are both not well enough to travel from Florida to New Jersey for the service. I immediately thought of my nephews and niece who are now without their Dad. He was a great father and he and my sister were married for over thirty years. There are six of us siblings all together and I fall second to the last in age order. Here is a picture of all of us at their wedding sometime in the early 80’s…..

That’s me on the left😊 I was probably 7 or 8 years old.

My parents came into their marriage together with two children each. Back in the late 70s they did the best they could to create a blended family, which was extremely difficult because of our wide age gaps. My step brother Jay is twenty years older than me, my step sister Liz is eighteen, then comes my sister Tami (my Mom’s oldest daughter) who is twelve years older, then my brother Billy is ten years my senior. My parents had me in 1977 and lastly the baby of our family, my sister Gina was born in 1979. Thinking back I remember us all always spending holidays together.

When someone passes it always makes me think of the past and how fast time has gone by.  I remember the little girl I was so wide eyed with wonder, curious about everything and super shy. I really didn’t break out of that phase until I started dancing competitively at around age 10. With all I have unearthed surrounding my sexual abuse at age 5 and 6, I have been slowly going back in my memory bank. That expierience taught me how to dissociate and being numb to my own feelings began there. Eventually I developed Complex PTSD, but that diagnosis took many years to come about.

Little Maria age 3
Silly Maria age 5

For this post however I’m choosing to focus on how my youngest sister Gina and I had the best of everything provided to us. She and I are just twenty-two months apart. I call her G, she was my first best friend, we did absolutely everything together and my Mom dressed us alike for too many years I think🤣 Looking back at these pictures however, I must admit how darn cute the two of us were (are)❤

Sisters in the summertime
We ❤ this hammock

We grew up in a very idyllic neighborhood, nowadays I would compare it to Mr. Rogers’s. Our small town, Wyckoff, NJ is located just 15 minutes from NYC. Everybody knew everyone, all the kids in the neighborhood rode our bikes together, played on each other’s front lawns and swan in each other’s pools in the summer. Our neighbor directly across the street became my first friend outside of family because our mother’s were pregnant with us at the same time and I like to say we were bonded in the womb 😄 Around Christmas time, we would dress up and go caroling. Even my grandparents joined us and the neighbors would invite us in for hot chocolate and cookies. You could run to any neighbor’s house at anytime and feel welcomed. My sister and I went to summer camps, took all kinds of lessons including tennis, swimming, dance, piano, art, and sewing just to name a few, played sports and went on at least one family vacation yearly. We were extremely blessed to have been exposed to so much from an early age.

My sister Gina and I both started dancing soon after we could walk. I know I was around 2 years old. We were always paired in duos once we started dancing in competitions and we were always next to each other in the same line (our director said it made it easier for our Mom to take pictures!) usually front row, in all of our dance numbers. Thinking back, dancing was the highlight of my childhood and into my teenage years, creating my passion for dance and movement today 💃❤

Jazz sisters
“Dreamgirls” opening recital dance

Since G lives in Florida and I live in Texas, we are far away from each other. I can’t just get in my car and meet her to get our nails done or grab some coffee. When I was married and lived in Rhode Island while she was living in New Jersey, we used to meet at a half way point on I95 a lot so our children could see each other. Many times I would take her daughter and son back up with me to RI so the cousins could spend quality time together. I also used to drive down to NJ at least once a month to stay at my parent’s house for the weekend so everybody could visit together. Lately I have been thinking about her and missing those times we spent together a lot! So much time has passed since the sweet days of our youth and early adulthood. I’ve been experiencing a lot of inner child wounds that keep bubbling up to the surface. That’s what happens after you stuff a dark secret away for thirty-five years. It’s like holding a balloon under water, eventually it will find it’s way to the surface.

So I have spent much of the past two days in my head and in my shadow. All of the old beliefs about myself, old thinking patterns, nightmares and memories are back in full force. It feels sticky and honestly very awful. I must console myself by myself because that is the job of reparenting. It’s bittersweet because as much as I love these pictures, I can’t really remember any of the specific details that go along with them. My memories are really hazy and clouded by fear, anxiety, stress and an overwhelming sense of panic. I have often said my body felt like it ran on a motor of all of these fore mentioned feelings. Healing comes in waves. I’m weary and I feel weak. Time to retire this heavy head and ❤ of mine.

I wrote this poem before I fell asleep last night…