Spirituality

Moving on

In my last post my dear readers, I disclosed how hard of a month April had been for me. I want to write a bit about why exactly I feel this way. After months of contemplation, an insightful deep dive into my soul and a lot of praying I have decided to move back to South Florida. Florida has been a second home to me after New Jersey. While I was born and raised in the Garden State, most of my family has resided in Florida specifically my dear Nana. It’s a bit of a bittersweet move because I’m doing it separately from my partner of seven years.

June 1 2020 my partner and I plan on being reunited and going snorkeling to celebrate our love. I’m blessed to have such an intimate connection with a man who always has my best interests at heart. He truly is the love of my life and I thank God for him every single day for teaching me not only about myself and the world around me but about love. Giving, sacrificing and receiving everything I need perhaps not what I always want to hear, but always what I need. That is love.

I’m thrilled to be taking this long car trip from Dallas to southern Florida with my son Ty. Finally after ten years of living apart we are going to live together! God has finally answered my prayers. We are currently about ten hours from our final destination and it’s been so magical getting to spend this time with him. I’m so proud of the mature, kind and responsible young man he has become. Getting to take this car trip with him has been a fun adventure. Ty looks out for his Mom and I feel our bonding on and over these past two months has brought us even closer which warms my heart exponentially.

This move is sort of a redemption for him because he attempted it first this past August. Then after only a month he decided to move back to Rhode Island. Nobody said being eighteen was easy. He missed his friends and his girlfriend too. This time around we are moving there together. The possibilities are endless, sky’s the limit!!

I can’t complain, Ty’s done most of the driving too! He’s such a careful and safe traveler. Especially doing this during a pandemic. He had to take two flights here and now this nineteen hour long car trip we’re on. Each step of the way, reminding me to wear my mask and wash my hands.

I won’t go into detail but the timing of this move was sped up due to the current situation I was dealing with at my last living arrangement. No, it’s definitely not ideal to move across state lines during a pandemic but rest assured my dear readers I had no choice in that part of it. Everything happens for a reason and despite the timing, moving without my partner and the pandemic….I haven’t felt this free in years!! It’s amazing how differently you can view a situation from the other side of it.

I’m mostly excited to get back to my beloved happy place, the beach!! I can hardly wait to float in the ocean and dig my feet into the sand. Ahhhhhh, paradise for me. I definitely consider myself a beach girl having been raised and living on the coast all of my life, close to a beach too. I spent thirteen years living in Rhode Island during my first marriage and I shared with you here my dear readers about the glorious beach house I resided in there. Whenever I need to bring myself to my happy place in my mind, I always envision a place that is a combination of a Rhode Island beach and a South Florida one. Visualization has been one of my go to tools for relaxation and reducing anxiety for a long time now.

In recognition of the many feelings and emotions that have bubbled up to the surface, I did what I do best. I wrote this poem on Monday, as I sat on a bench at a favorite park of mine that I love to run too. I usually take a break during my run by sitting at this particular spot where I can see the tall skyscrapers of downtown Dallas against the picturesque backdrop that is White Rock Lake. I enjoy watching the birds swim here too. I believe I was a bird in a past life. Lately, their behavior has touched my soul and resonated within me in a profound way.

White Rock Lake Running trail

I’m blessed and fortunate to have made some great friends, learned a lot about myself and resurrected my love for running while living in Dallas these past three years. I don’t like good byes so instead I say see y’all laterπŸ˜‰

Free as a bird
Spirituality

Thoughts from a recovering perfectionist

The thoughts of a recovering perfectionist need to be parsed out. When the other shoe drops, oh boy can it ever….my mind becomes scrambled eggs. I can’t string one thought to the next while I doubt everything my mind presents me. Hi again, Complex PTSD thinking, nice to see you again, insert sarcasm. Listen, I have been on this awakening ride long enough to realize the healing comes in waves. Never all at once. How would we learn that way. At least I sure don’t.

My soul yearns to be the compass most days. I have understanding enough to know that reality is an illusion because ego predicts 90% of what we see as truth. It takes a deep dive to see that a higher consciousness is needed to integrate all parts of self. When I find self caught up in my head, deciding my next direction becomes complicated. That’s where I have have found myself lately. Too caught up, fighting my own mind. Giving myself permission to feel this as it flows through my body. Telling myself to go with the flow, the less I resist the more easily it is to let go of these moments instead of becoming paralyzed by them.

Thoughts of a recovering perfectionist