Today I gave an interview for my dear friend Chrissy-Marie’s (@comealivewithchrissymarie on Instagram) podcast, “The Art of Aliveness” on how to express oneself through creativity under pressure. We have been cultivating a conversation on how despite the pressures of our current world’s situation with the pandemic of COVID-19, the social and racial unrest pushing for much needed change to systems that have been dysfunctional and broken for some time now added to that the disruption of our daily lives. Despite it all I decide to pick up a pen and write, a paintbrush to paint, put on music and dance. Channeling the energy, emotions and thoughts swirling around me to process it all and make sense of my personal experiences. This has been my lifelong journey. At times like the rest of you my dear readers, I don’t know if I’m coming or going! Through it all, my creative juices keep flowing leading me to express myself and further uncover my authentic self. Allowing my true sprit, my voice to shine through.
There are a lot of myths out there on healing like you have to “become something different” by doing XYZ. Nah…..it’s all about letting go, embracing the present moment for what it is and just being. Becoming quiet, being still and giving myself permission to sing my soul’s language (the name of my second poetry book on Amazon) and to dance to my heart’s song (my third book of poetry on Amazon) has brought me inner peace and joy incomparable to anything external. No book has all the answers, no device can deliver this magic and certainly no person can make us truly happy. The answers all lie within 🧘♀️
Since my last post the cosmic energy of the full moon and eclipse brought out some more truths that needed to be realized, released and integrated into my being. Isn’t it wild how life brings forth those practical lessons in such an up close and personal way, giving us no choice but to face them?
I admitted to Chrissy that since January I have felt like the Universe has been molding me to shine like a diamond under incredibly intense pressure. God has been working his magic through Divine timing thus cracking me right open to see so many things that I have been detached from for years. Embracing the change and going with the flow is my part. Growing pains are expected because there is no “perfection in healing”, that’s also a myth my dears. Healing hurts at times and it’s within that pain where our truth and beauty lies. I must admit too that at times I feel like my squirrel friend here, hanging on is what is required in the moment😉
Yet despite the pain, we keep going. We reach highs we never dreamed possible. The pressure builds and boils over to reveal more. That’s been my process. Through it all having tbe patience to see it all to fruition. It may not make sense in the moment yet the wisdom is in trusting that whatever comes up is merely a way to another truth. Collecting these truths, pieces of my soul are what further fuels life force energy. What I live, breath and strive to maintain in my essence as a creative woman.
I like to include poems in each post and since I haven’t been able to attend a poetry slam in months, I thought I would record myself reciting my latest poems.
The episode we recorded today will be up next month and I will be sure to link it here so you can listen to it my dear readers. In the meantime, please check out my books of poetry on Amazon. They make a wonderful gift if I don’t say so myself🙏💜
I love it when the Universe creates a moment to snap me out of a self destructive pattern like overthinking. Unique Soul, I appreciate the tag and the opportunity to write and reflect upon the gratitude I have for the little things in life that make life worth living! This came at a perfect time, getting me out of my own head and into my heart while I process some old wounds that popped up yesterday. These ten things are in no particular order😊
1. Connecting with my soul/yoga/meditation/shamanic journeying🧘♀️
Embracing the multidimensional human being I am. Taking time to be fully present in both my humanity and spirituality is always a highlight to my day. It’s how I start my day, a little check in with myself and the best way to ground into my body and the Earth. Lately, since I have been learning the magic of shamanic healing, getting to journey with my spirit guides and meditating are one and the same. Just being and feeling inner peace is priceless. I also find that I’m happiest when connecting to nature. Here is a picture I snapped today while on my bike ride.
2. Dancing, singing, painting, writing…doing anything creative…freeing my spirit💃
I’m an upbeat, positive and highly energetic person by nature. I love channeling all my energy into being creative. Expressing myself, embracing my inner weirdo, letting my freak flag fly….ALL OF THAT! It’s taken me many years to accept myself for who I am and nowadays I live to be the artistic, highly sensitive empowered empath who owns her power while leaving my mark on this world with art.
Google made a GIF of me
3. Spending time at the beach😎🌊
I’ve written before about how much I adore being at the beach, it’s my happy place. I definitely have saltwater in my veins my dear readers. I have a lot of masculine yang energy and the Sun and I have been best friends forever! Being at the beach excites all my senses. Here in South Florida, the water is warm enough to swim all year round. Floating is one of my favorite pastimes while visiting. I was blessed to have lived on a private beach ten years ago and I know someday I will live near or on the beach again. For now I get to soak up the views on my parent’s lake.
4. Live music events🎶
In my high school years I was blessed to travel with The Dead and yes my dear readers, I’m a deadhead. It’s ingrained in my hippie soul to twirl to instrumental experimentation groovy music. I have a ziploc bag chock full of ticket stubs from all the music concerts and festivals I have attended since age 15. I love a wide array of bands and musicians. I’ve seen such acts as Harry Connick Jr. Live at Radio City Music Hall, Eric Clapton, Bella Fleck and the Flecktones, Bob Dylan (multiple times), The Rolling Stones, Coldplay and Michael Franti with Spearhead to name but a few. I also enjoy small hip lounge spots with live jazz, blues even classical. I’m a music lover and it soothes my soul. Right now I’m reading a book about how healing sound is. I’ve shared on here the Sound Heal app I use daily to adjust my own vibrations to the 7 different Solfeggio tones. I highly recommend checking it out.
5. Being held by my man, the love of my life and spending quality time together❤
I started this post stating that this list is in no particular order but this is number 1 in my heart. My partner is my best friend, my companion and my favorite human being on the planet! This time apart is very difficult on both of us while he is still in Dallas tying up loose ends. I know once we are reunited it will be spectacular! We will finally be able to start our life together after many years of taking care of family. We recently celebrated 7 years together and we’ve agreed this is our year to finally tie the knot. Stay tuned for that my dears.
6. Sharing ideas and learning new things🦋
It’s no secret that I love people and being a social butterfly. Having stimulating conversations and learning new things from people is something I must admit I miss right now during this lockdown. However, I have been able to participate in some group events via Zoom and I really enjoy interacting with people from all over the world! I tell my boys how important it is to keep an open mind and never stop learning. If you pay attention, you can learn something new every day.
7. Chatting with my lady friends, my soul sisters, my tribe👸
The older I get, the more I cherish and gravitate towards my female tribe. I’m very blessed to have a solid group of lady sister friends that I can laugh with, cry with, share secrets, reminisce with and grab a cup of coffee. My girls are an array of people I have known most of my life with a mix of salt of the Earth sisters that I met online yet we were cut from the same cloth. In this past year I have met a few ladies that I firmly believe I spent a past life or two with. God bless technology, especially right now.
8. Laughing, the good ol belly kind of laugter🤣
Whether it’s kicking back with family or friends, reminiscing over the good ol days or watching a silly movie, I love to laugh. Life is too short not to find the humor in things. Plus, having spent many years stuck in Complex PTSD sticky emotions, fear and depression I relish laughing. Hearing children’s laughter is the purest gift from God.
9. Being a Mom👩👦👦
My children are my best accomplishments in life. I thank God on a daily basis for giving me the best lessons in life through motherhood. I feel like I didn’t fully understand unconditional love and the act of selflessness until I became a mother. My boys are now 18 and 15. The time has definitely gone by too fast. I’m blessed to have been afforded the means in my first marriage to be a stay at home mother for 12 years, during their formative years. They make me so proud. I have put emphasis on raising good human beings. I always told them, it’s great if you can do well in school but I care more about the kind of person you are. Being kind, respectful of others, thoughtfulness, and love goes a long way in my book.
10. Getting into bed at night😴
I’m definitely more of a night owl than an early riser my dear readers. In my last position as a boutique manager, I worked nights so it wouldn’t be unusual for me to go to bed at 2 AM or so. Now that I’ve changed up my life so much, moved to a new place and am shifting careers into healing as an independent contractor my days are my own. I usually get up by 9 or so and I go go GO all day long so by 11, I’m more than ready to get under the covers. While writing this, I’m reflecting upon how much this change has really changed me! I love going to bed now and I have mostly been a person who didn’t get into bed until so late. To me this means, I’m becoming more content with me. Every month, more and more I can see myself becoming who I was always meant to be. I have created a sanctuary in my bedroom here in my parents house. I love my alter next to my bed, I have my crystals all around me, my candles and my aromatherapy essential oils. In true Ladysag77 fashion, here is my latest poem.
Please check out my two books of poetry available on Amazon and keep an eye out for my third book to be released soon! Here are the links:
I am so happy to say good bye to April and welcome in May😊 Last month was one of the hardest of my entire life. More details to come on that subject in future posts but for this post I would like to express my new found love for breathwork. You may be thinking my dear readers, what is breathwork? Here’s Google’s definition: Breathwork defines various breathing practices in which the conscious control of breathing is said to influence a person’s mental, emotional or physical state, with a claimed therapeutic effect. Last evening I participated in my second such course offered and facilitated by my dear friend Christina Tucciarone aka @comealivewithchrissymarie on Instagram.
Chrissy has an amazingly powerful presence as both a leader and a teacher. She and I have worked together a few times and I feel so blessed to call her my friend. I sincerely appreciate her devotion to what she teaches coupled with her insightful guidance during each session. Last night I really appreciated her steady reminders to push through the resistance that can be felt once the body is fully oxygenated. There were three rounds of active breathing for 7 minutes and then a minute each of holding the breath and releasing it at the bottom. During the first round I immediately felt pulled to the wounds from my inner child and an intense sense of fear and sadness. My entire body went completely numb. I knew instinctively that my body was attempting to dissociate. This coping mechanism is something I developed at a young age during the sexual abuse I endured. It served as a survival technique then and I must admit for most of my life over the past 35 years.
In the past year, since acknowledging and healing from this dark secret I have experienced a spiritual awakening that has transformed my life in such a way I view it has the Maria I was before June of 2019 and the Maria I am now. Going in and out of dissociative episodes when I found myself involved in intense emotional situations has been both a subconscious and conscious way for me to escape from reality. Over the years I had become very keenly aware of what was triggering me yet at the height of those experiences I was dumbfounded as to how to stop them from occurring. It felt humiliating afterwards when I would “wake up” and realize how much time I had lost. During the recent Divine Intervention session I had, Mr. Adifon confirmed that I regularly lose hours and still days of myself. Maria feeling Maria 100% of the time is very new still. Last night was a reminder of how going to that detached place no longer serves me.
I began to explore what little Maria was telling me. I listened and began a running dialogue in my mind with her, soothing her fears and reestablishing trust by vowing to not abandon her again. The human brain fascinates me. How such an intense level of fear and panic can create a whole new space for our psyche’s to travel to if just for a visit! My mind created this safe space, like a holding pattern for little Maria to still exist in yet not feel what was happening. Violation of a child is so seriously shameful.
However damaging that experience has been to my life I don’t regret it. I have learned so much about myself and the world around me from every single experience, everyday and in each moment over the past 42 years. Putting all judgements aside, good, bad, ugly and beautiful what I have learned is how vital all of it is to living a full life.
Here are some of the main things I have learned about myself over this past year……but most assuredly had them solidified last month. These were the messages I told little Maria I was proud of her for. Experiencing the pain of long held fear is absolutely terrifying when first felt yet in moment last night I knew I had to take control of my healing and be my own hero.
You are not afraid of change, you welcome it with an open mind and heart.
You have an intense love and trust for others, humanity fascinates you and you never meet a stranger.
Keep wearing your heart on your sleeve and remain proud of your free spiritedness.
You allow your big heart to lead in and through life’s ups and downs. Don’t ever change that Maria.
Empathy and intuition are your superpowers.
You my dear little Maria are extremely resilent.
Keep the people you love whether family or friends close to your heart creating friends for life!
It was an awesomely amazing hour. I cried a lot with becoming so flushed with emotion, sweat and gratitude seeped out of every pore in my body as we finished and wrapped up the session. I quickly composed myself and tucked myself under my trusty weighted blanket. Then I grabbed my journal to document the experience. I then took a separate sheet of paper out and wrote down the things I knew were time to release and let go of. My convictions growing deeper with every step towards the backyard, I read my own words aloud then lit the paper on fire. I closed the ritual with a personal prayer.
I wrote the poem below on Friday, before the breathwork course last evening. I’m so grateful for understanding and accessing my intuition and continuing to heal my inner child wounds. Life never ceases to surprise and amaze me. As always, with an open mind and heart I humbly bow my head and give thanks to God🙏
Ever since my session with Joel Adifon, a Divine Interventionist who refers to himself as a Divine Catalyst and Supernatural Creative, I have felt quite the stirrings of a major shift going on inside me. Believing in the power of Gods, Saints, Annointed Ones, Masters and Angels to restructure my life, with an open mind and heart, I gave verbal permission to Mr. Adifon to work a miracle on me. It’s not something tangible I can even describe but what he told me during the session has been ringing through my mind since Friday.
He explained that I would feel very tired for the next two days and if I so chose I am welcome to call upon the spirits of those who stepped forth. First he asked me if I had a family member I was close to that passed over and immediately I knew my Nana was with us. I could feel her 20 minutes before the session even started! I sat in the backyard and raised my hands to the sky shaking, quivering with energy as I knew Nana would be there, as she always is, to support me and hold me in grace. I sobbed uncontrollably, in a completely non judgemental way. That has been happening ever since actually. All of a sudden throughout the day I fall to my knees in gratitude and wonder, sobbing while thanking God for his mercy and grace. For bringing me this far, through all of the trials an tribulations that have made up the fabric of my life. In awe is a good expression of how absolutely beautiful this experience is for me my dear readers!!
He echoed a lot of information that I already had heard through previous energy clearing sessions yet the work he does is beyond space and time. There are so many levels to our vast Universe, I am still new to understanding it all. I’ve written before about my spiritual awakening 10 months ago and since then I have definitely achieved a higher state of consciousness. It’s remarkable the beauty and synchronicities I experience on a daily basis.
Even as I sit here writing about this, I am taken aback at how my long held need to explain and understand things in the spiritual realm has shifted. I am surrendering the need to do so. I simply surrender. I simply know. Letting go and letting God has taken on a whole new meaning at my core where we are all held in love.
Besides my Nana stepping forward to work their magic, Archangel Raphel, saint of healing was present. I have had whispers of his presence around me for months now through the visions I experience. Some Tibetan monks also joined us as well as a saint I feel has resonated within my being for many years. Growing up Catholic, I have always been mesmerized by St. Francis, patron saint of animals and the environment. I’m a huge animal lover and nature enthusiast, believing that I can and do communicate with them on an intimate level. Much like I will be learning to do soon in my apprenticeship to become an energy practitioner as a Shamanic healer.
A quote of St. Francis’s that I deeply resonate with is, “for it is in giving that we receive”. I am a big believer in these words, I receive so much joy in giving. For me, throughout my life I often times believed that I didn’t deserve to receive anything. That I wasn’t good enough. Being sexually abused will do that to a small child’s psyche. During the healing process over the past 10 years I have worked diligently to reframe these thoughts and beliefs. Suddenly I can feel everything just coming together in such a way that I know Universe has my back in all ways.
A big take away for me was his recognizing that I lose myself for hours even days at a time. I developed a knack for disassociating as a coping/survival mechanism early on during the years I was abused. I simply internalized the pain and detached from myself. I have made HUGE strides in piecing myself back together. In the past I could be stuck in a dissociative episode for a month or more. Hearing him acknowledge that I still have a tendency to do that and be reassured that he was stitching me back together gave me this overwhelming feeling of calm.
This morning and every morning since, before I sit in meditation, I speak with St. Raphel and ask for his continued healing presence in my life. Then I usually feel as though I’m being hugged and then I release by crying. Today this poem flowed out of me. I want all of you, my dear readers to know this. God’s grace is attainable when you simply ask for it. We are all His children, created from love and light. That is our one true calling, to live by loving each other as God intended us to. Amen, Amen, Amen😇🙏
If you want more information on working with Joel Adifon, please leave any questions in the comments below.
If you like my poetry you may go to the links below. I have two books of poetry available on Amazon. Your interest is greatly appreciated. Everyday I strive to live my motto, “Triumphing over Trauma”
This post has been on my heart for some time now. All the pain and suffering I am watching out there is for a reason. God and the Universe have put us into a forced reset. We are being made to rebirth ourselves. We are being asked to look deep within, for humanity’s sake. The systems that we were living in were and are broken. How we treat our planet, each other and most especially ourselves. Where are our values and what’s our top priority? These two things have been misguided for sometime now. Time to start anew.
I know it’s incredibly frightening at times. So many of us are out of work, myself included. We’ve been pulled out of our “normal” day to day lives and made to stay home. Left to our own devices. At this point we are all in a grieving process for what once was. I believe that whatever God sends us through, especially on a global scale like this, is because we need to learn something and this pandemic is serving as God’s lesson of love.
We are created out of love, by love, with love about love and for love. Everything we are is love, our entire being sparked into creation from it. Life in the beginning is innocence. Learning from our loved ones how to be, think and act. Then the cruelty of the world gets ahold of us. Conditioning starts and programming begins forcing us to forget about the love. Parents and caregiver’s mean well but the time constraints of allowing for and explaining feelings to a young person gets less and less attention if at all. Carrying on with what society deems important, what success looks like all the while replacing love with stoicism, vanity, greed, capitalism etc. We learn to lose our origins of love while searching for acceptance, validation and worthiness.
I don’t claim to know when or how exactly all of this takes it’s turn but what I do know is that love and feelings…..specifically feelings become messy. We are asked time again to ignore them and “being strong” and told by our parents, “look what you made me do”. Our innocence is tarnished by others judgements and opinions. The choice becomes clear. Either conform or be cast out. I know many whom have chosen to conform. They have just as many problems as those of us who are cast out.
Me……I have always felt different. Weird. Not like the others. My senses operate on an extra sensory perception level. Fun fact and an important piece that will tie this part in later😉 Did you know that we don’t even have tools to fully measure the sights, sounds and colors of our Universe? We have only measured something like 4% of the electromagnetic field which our Universe is made up of. I state this because from a young age I felt, smelled, watched in awe and heard so many things I couldn’t fully process or explain. From a young age I felt misunderstood and on the outside looking in. I did my best to conform, learning from the ones around me how to behave and get by. My parents loved me and raised me the best way they knew how. They weren’t equipped to raise a child like me who was born with all her senses on high like somebody turned the dial to max during my conception. Like all of us growing up I did what I was told so I could be loved and accepted as one of them.
It’s taken me years and years of self introspection to know what makes me unique is my soul. Getting into touch with this inherently free part of myself is the best gift I could have ever given to myself. It’s taken this slowed down pace our world is in recently for me to truly embrace and understand these qualities about myself on an entirely new level. I love living out every bit of my quirky weirdness, walking through life leading with my big heart first and using the innate ability to understand our world on a deeper level that keeps me curious about others along my path. I have always been fascinated by the human condition and what makes us tick🤔
We are all in this thing called life together. Why not allow ourselves to love each other unconditionally? No matter what we look like, what gender we identify as, what our beliefs are, the balance in our bank accounts, one thread is constant and that is we all have struggles. That’s what this virus is teaching me as it affects anyone no matter of these aforementioned reasons. Some of us have learned to hide it better than others. I wonder, does that make them better than the ones that wear their hearts on their sleeve? As I see it, it’s our feelings that make us human and sets us apart from other animals. Our ability to express them. There is strength in crying and a hugely powerful releasing quality. Scientists even study different kinds of tears under microscopes to determine their chemicals. All play an important role. I’m reminded here of one of my favorite quotes by one of my favorite actors, Johnny Depp.
By now my dear readers you should know that I consider myself in that latter group. I have always walked to the beat of my own drum. Since my senses are heightened putting me into the extra sensory perception category, there was always something that was too loud, too bright, smelled too strong, felt too deeply etc. I was often told to betray what I was picking up on because I was too much, at least that’s the message I received. My Mom has told me how she and my Dad knew I was different from birth because of how I reacted to the world in an extra sensitive way. I was born fully encased in the vernix, the doctors call it vernix caseosa.
In many spiritual circles it is seen as magic, only 1 in 80,000 births are babies born en caul birth which is also called a “veiled birth.” Most often occurring during a cesarean birth. My mother delivered me vaginally which is even more rare to witness. She likes to tell me how all the nurses were in awe of me and told her how immediately special I was because I was born in an unbroken sac of white jelly like substance.
I can’t tell you for sure whether or not being born this way has impacted my life today in scientific terms. All I know is what my Mom has told me and has continued to be in awe of regarding this fact of when I was born. My Mom is and has always been my biggest cheerleader. I love you dearly Mom❤
I have been receiving many messages, none of which are veiled about what this time is meant to teach us. That my dears is love. Lead with love first in all your interactions and you can never go wrong. In times of doubt, ask yourself, “what would love do next”. The poem I wrote below , “Rhythm,” is my ode to the people in this world who have felt just like me. The weirdos, the freaks, the misunderstood and the loners. The sensitive ones. We have experienced the dark side of humanity and therefore know how beautiful and awe inspiring the light is. This shift is going to make it possible, I can feel it. We can hold each others hands while we ALL dance in a circle around the light. I can feel it my dears, can you?
I have been pushing myself outside the box by attending poetry slams. This has been one of my goals in this new year and since I haven’t attended one for a few months, here’s a video of myself reciting “Rhythm”.
Please check out my first book of poetry available now on Amazon entitled “Emotional Musings” and stay tuned for my 2nd book to be released soon entitled, “My Soul’s Language” by Maria Teresa Pratico 😊
Yesterday when I awoke my dear readers I felt like a major shift had taken place in my body overnight. I stepped into the backyard and the sun was shining so brightly, not a cloud in the sky. The air felt crisp and clean with no humidity at all. I stretched out on my lounge chair to first meditate and then read the daily passage out of Mark Nepo’s “The Book of Awakening”. I can’t express enough the warm feelings of happiness and joy that started to spread throughout my body from my feet to the top of my head. An overall sense of hope for the better days that lay ahead is rooted, anchored in my soul and after I was finished meditating tears came streaming down my face.
I have been conferring with a few of my other friends who are also empaths and they too feel this shift. We are becoming more grounded into this new paradigm and our gifts for everything extra sensory and higher consciousness are becoming more and more enhanced and realized. I feel we are leading the way for the rest of humanity to enter into a more caring and cooperative system. In a word, it’s pretty damn cool.
The energy was flowing steady and in such a way I felt inclined to practice a ballet routine I haven’t danced in many years! Afterwards, I put my bathing suit on and soaked up as much glorious sunshine as I could take😎
I have had so much creativity coarsing through my veins lately. I ventured back into the much warmer late afternoon sun 🌞 with my journal, sketch book and paints. Yesterday’s weather was most definitely a perfect 10, Mother Nature was showing off her beauty and all creatures in nature were a buzz in it too! I have been jokingly calling the backyard “Wild Kingdom” because there are multiple species of birds in the many trees back there. Oh those magnificent trees caught my eye and my heart today becoming my muse🎨
After I finished my painting, I took a dear friend of mine’s suggestion to put on some 90s music and dance it out!! I credit R.E.M. for the inspiration to last night’s dance party and their song, “Shiny Happy People” was most befitting to my mood😉 I just love how much dancing frees my soul and makes my ❤ so happy! I’m so grateful to be able to see my own soul’s purpose and have all of this time to sit with myself to strengthen the bond I have with myself. It’s days like this that allow me to look in the mirror and honestly tell myself, “Maria….I love you” and my dear readers that is a marvelous feeling. Something really good is on the way, I just know it!
I am choosing to learn from these endless seeming days we have in quarantine. As long as I have my morning routine locked down as tightly as the city I live in….I am going to be A OK😊
Feeling this big heart of mine expand as of late into an even more compassionate, understanding and deeper well. Sending so much love out to the world today. Feeling called to spread my inner light wide and steady so it may reach whomever needs a bit of unconditional ❤ today. Be good to one another, we are entering into a whole New Earth my dear ones😉
This poem was originally written a year ago but I feel compelled to share it in this post because it’s exactly how I feel.
I wrote this poem two days ago after morning meditation and journaling. Keeping in constant communication with myself about what my true intentions are allows my love to radiate from the inside out my dears🥰
After I wrote this poem, I painted this. My Mom fell in love with it so much I decided to send it to her so she can frame it. We both love the sun so much and because she lives in Florida, it’s perfect for her home on the lake 🌅
Wishing all of my dear readers a wonderful holiday weekend with an abundance of love, good health and peace ❤✌🙏
During these uncertain and rapidly changing times, it’s important to allow our feelings to flow as they will. It’s normal to feel the fear and panic that is swirling through the planetary energy because of the affects from the Coronavirus. However, it’s just as important to not get stuck in a negative downward spiral of anxiety and worry.
I speak from experience my dear readers because for the majority of my life I was frozen by fear, paralyzed by it actually. I found myself in these terribly painful dissociative episodes and debilitating panic attacks not to mention the routines I created to soothe my OCD. There was a period of time when my oldest son Ty was a baby that I didn’t even leave my house. My anxiety and overthinking ruled my days as I found myself repetitively washing not only my hands but my home and beyond. Those were dark days my friends and I’m grateful to be past them now!
Yesterday I woke up with a vision for a new painting. I have always enjoyed using paints but have mostly used oils. This past holiday season while scrolling mindlessly on Amazon, I discovered these fantastic watercolor pens. They are refillable too and make using this medium so easy with virtually no mess! Not that making a mess bothers me these days however clean up is a breeze with these pens. My creative juices flow quite quickly and at times my time management is lacking in between my daily chores, practices and work schedule. Sometimes I feel the urge to paint when time doesn’t always allow for it. Lately I feel there are just not enough hours in my day, I bet many of you can relate to that!
My dear friends and the owners of the boutique I manage decided to close down for at least this week and had me shut down a lot earlier this past Saturday night. It’s out of our control my dear readers and we all must abide by what our governments are advising for our own safety and health. I am choosing to look on the bright side of this unexpected time off. I have many creative projects to explore and execute this week. My mother found very reasonable airfare to South Florida from Texas and I will be leaving for there tomorrow morning until Friday night.
I am really looking forward to spending quality time with both my parents because they are elderly and time is so precious. Our weather here is calling for rain all week and being out in the sunshine of Florida feels much more positive for my spirits! My parents live on a glorious lake with a wonderful nature path nearby within walking distance and I’m really looking forward to spending time in nature too. Getting to float in the ocean and in the pool is also top on my list. Creating these serene moments of calm and serenity allow me to take mental photographs in which I can then utilize for meditative imagery when I feel stress mounting. Being able to visualize an oasis in my mind has helped me tremendously during my healing journey and one of the best practices I was taught ten years ago when I began down the path to self.
I want to remind you my dear readers that our minds can create the best and worst scenarios for our reality. It is a choice which way one wants to travel through thought and feelings. By practicing yoga and meditation I have allowed for space to be able to observe these choices so that I can best choose how my day will unfold. I chose to follow my heart and listen closely to my intuition. Deciphering between ego stories and my soul’s voice is a gift I have worked really hard at obtaining and one that I don’t take for granted by impulsive actions. I enjoy where I am in life today, the inner peace I feel and the love I feel radiating from the inside out. I have served my time feeling depressed and anxious. Those dark days and years have led me here to become the master of my own emotions and realize how much I actually do control my own reality. I’m no longer a victim but the hero of my own life’s story. This is the epitome of my motto for living, “Triumphing over Trauma”. Walking out of the shadows and into the bright light🌠
When we chose to radiate love towards ourselves, even through times of conflict, we provide healing for our soul. When we are radiating love towards others, we reciprocate the love and kindness that they give us in such an abundance that it helps in their own healing creating joy for both the other person and for ourselves. It’s a transmuting force of energy and my wish for our world right now. Sending you all love, light & peace ❤🌠✌
Not matter the current circumstances my dear readers, I am choosing to reject all of the fear being pumped into our society currently. Despite the fact that it is Friday the 13th and the Coronavirus is threatening the health of millions, billions throughout all of humanity……keep in the love vibe. Please. Love is the highest and most powerful of all energy vibrations ❤
Here are eight helpful tips you can practice to keep love running through your mind, body and spirit 🥰
Become conscious of your thoughts. Everything you think, say or feel becomes your reality. We truly are our thoughts💭
Find something beautiful and appreciate it. I do this through meditation and visualization.
Be conscious of the foods you eat. Again, you are what you eat.
Drink water and plenty of it. It’s the best way to rid the body of toxins
Meditate. For at least 5 to 15 minutes every day. It’s a muscle that can be built over time, repetition and practice. I have been incorporating meditation into my daily routine for 10 years now and practicing yoga for 20. It’s never perfect but is progress in keeping myself balanced and centered 🧘♀️
Be grateful. Especially with yourself. Show others kindness and practice the Golden Rule: Treat others as you would want to be treated🙌
Practice acts of kindness. Both random and intentional, our world needs this now more than ever✌
Get your blood pumping by moving your body for at least 20 minutes daily. Why not smile while doing it too….studies show that smiling while exercising has an even more beneficial impact on your overall health in the long term 😁
No matter what, reject all fear. Stay in the love vibration ❤🙌
This morning my creative mind wanted to play around with different types of poetry formats. Tapping into my passionate heart and my ability to empathize, using compassion to understand humanity. My message here is to love one another now more than ever❤
My dear reader’s I have been having noticing a reoccurring confirmation from friends, mentors along with the messages I receive from the Universe regarding how to obtain lasting happiness. It boils down to this….. it’s definitely an inside job! Nothing external, meaning outside oneself, can make you happy and keep you that way. Boy oh boy has this been a tough lesson to learn for me. There are so many mixed messages out there especially when you are bombarded with advertising promising you that this product or that program will give you all you ever dreamed of along with happiness. It takes going beneath the surface of everything in our society to get the real answer on this one my dears🤔
I firmly believe that a connection to both a higher power, whatever you choose to call that, I chose to call it God and a deep connection with yourself is needed for inner peace and happiness. I myself disconnected from myself many years ago due to trauma and the increasing fear it inflicted upon my life. Over the years, I abandoned belief, trust and love of myself. When I was sexually molested as a child, I internalized that pain and blamed myself. I never told anybody about it so that wound just grew and grew😪
The beliefs I had then were screaming at me everytime something challenging came up like, “you’re not good enough, you don’t deserve that” and “you’re a failure so stop trying.” Either of these beliefs can be destructive to one’s self esteem but both of them wrecked havoc and destroyed my aspirations and dreams. Not to mention the times in my life when I have succumbed to a case of the “fuck its” and chose to be completely self destructive going scorched Earth with my life by quitting everything and everybody with no explanations and running away. I’ve done that too many times during my 42 years that I care to recall here🙄
I tell you dear readers all of this to be able to exclaim that those darker days are officially over! I have faced the pit of my issues, healing from sexual abuse over these past 10 months. I have been able to establish my management position at an amazing boutique downtown. I am about to self publish my second book of poetry. I have gone back into the dance studio and am loving class again. I have attended 2 poetry slams so far this year. I have an interview article coming out soon highlighting my writing career here in Dallas. These are my external accomplishments and achievements but what means more to me on an intimately personal and much deeper level is the acceptance of myself and living authentically every damn day with no apologies. I now know true inner peace😊
It’s a major shift of perspective for me to realize that only I can advance or derail my success in life. The main ingredient for this depends on your level of self love. Since June, I have been treating myself a whole heck of a lot better. I’m my own best friend and caregiver. It will still be a work in progress but the internal dialogue with myself, the many parts of me that clammer for attention like my inner child which is still wounded at times, my ego (thinking mind), my instinctive personality (INFJ) and then my intuition which is my highest self’s voice and my soul has reached a point where I can recognize each of these bits of Maria so that I can make decisions based upon my best interests. This is a humungous difference from the previous years of my adulthood! I can honestly say the more I pause to decide how to respond to life’s ebbs and flows, the more I can differentiate between the many facets of me!
For the past two days, I have had the pleasure of being off work and enjoying some much needed free time. I have been listening to 963 Hz tone frequency on the SoundHeal app during my meditation time. At this frequency I’m stimulating and balancing the Sahasrara, thousand petaled or crown chakra. This is generally considered the 7th primary chakra which is the energy center for understanding according to most tantric yoga traditions. It can be used to attain a state of Nivana-oneness. This frequency returns the system to its original state. It is said that when a yogi is able to raise his or her kundalini, the energy of consciousness, to this chakra the state of Nirvikalpa Samodhi is experienced. Ah….yessssss🧘♀️
Well all I can tell you is due to my sensitivity I have been experiencing some amazing benefits from using this frequency. Today, I felt filled with energy. So much so that I went for a long run/walk that amounted to my own personal marathon! I used my MapRun app to track my time/distance/pace and honestly, I didn’t turn it on from the beginning so add another 3 miles to this total…..I completed 27 1/2 miles today 🏃♀️
Along the way I was singing out loud to my favorite female 90s pop icons like Madonna and Janet Jackson. I even took a detour to the swings and satisfied little Maria’s love for swinging! It was a welcome break from the path and I must admit felt so fantastic🥰 I just love the exhilarating feeling I get from pumping my legs in order to get as high as I can reach on a swing! This particular swing set is located around mile 8 or so on the running trail that circles White Rock Lake. I observed some very picturesque moments that I captured like these birds sitting in the trees over the lake.
I just adore the feeling I get being out in nature by myself. I feel so alive and whole as is evident in this selfie I took 😎
I saw this sentiment near the elevators on a floor of the hotel I work inside a few days ago and quickly snapped a picture of it as inspiration for this post. I agree with Ms. Turner 100%
Lastly, this one sums it up quite honestly and definitely reflects where I am today on my journey. Love, light & peace ❤🌠✌
I was born under a new moon and have both Sun & Moon in Sagittarius. Plus Venus, which governs our value system, pleasures and influences my charm, gracefulness and beauty…..mostly my heart’s desires😉 I also have Neptune in Sagittarius which is where I get my optimism and generosity from😉
I am considered a Super Sagittarius 💜♐ Thank you #earthboundtrading for this gorgeous constellation of Sagittarius barrette! Also this sweet aura bead meant to amplify my energy💜♐
Right now I’m going to give you a bit more information on the project I teased about in my last post about my professional photoshoot. I am so pleased my the response to my pictures and really damn happy I was taking them. I’m celebrating me🎉🥰
I told you my dear readers that I had them done for multiple reasons and the first upcoming project I just sent off, thankfully, was a real doozy!! I was asked to give an interview for a local magazine here in Dallas, TX that features upcoming people to watch in and around the city. When I first read the email I was so taken aback that I thought somebody was punking me🤣
What you may not know dear readers is that I unfortunately don’t own a laptop. I punch out this blog and my first book’s manuscript from my crappy Android cell phone. Where there’s a will there’s a way I always say💪😉 So on Monday night when I first received the final prints I was so excited to jump on this link and start answering the interview questions. Now, I have commented on some of my fellow blogger’s posts how I am not super tech savvy having to figure out things myself is hard and it is very time consuming but I will never let that stop me…..just a lil venting session is ok, right🤪 you know what I mean V at https://millenniallifecrisis.org/
There were 12 sections to complete, the first 5 were direct questions about my story, how I started and got to where I am today, was the path to success clear (if you’ve been reading my blog from the beginning you know my struggles and all about my uphill battles) if I think good luck or bad luck influences me, what sets me apart from other people, what am I most proud of accomplishing so far….damn it I just remembered I forgot to incorporate the poetry slams I have attended so far this year. Opps!!
Well, the reason for my absentmindedness is because I shouldn’t have started working so late at night while my mind was too tired. I became distracted by a notification, one of the frustrating reasons that pop up because I work from my phone, dragged down the screen without saving anything first and BAM….2 hours of writing gone.
Thankfully, Tuesday I was off from work so I woke up excited to start again except this time I thought I would try using the laptop inside my partner’s Mother’s house. We live in an in law suite in the back. She has an older laptop that I unfortunately spilled coffee on last year while I was babysitting our little nephew😐 so it tends to have a mind of it’s own. The WiFi signal in it has always been weak, when Mama came walking through the back room I was in she made a comment on how she was surprised it was working. I believe she inadvertently jinxed me because soon after that, the computer just died! It kept going through this annoying self repair feature and it wouldn’t allow me to log back onto the internet because the WiFi signal was completely dead. This time I had invested 6 hours of work so needless to say I was pretty upset. I told my partner that I would resume work on it today, Thursday and we walked to the local corner store for a beer to calm my nerves🍺
I should add in here that I always get extra emotional a week before my time of the month. I have PMDD, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which makes my mind loopy, I misunderstand things and tend to process information differently. I am already a HSP yet I become even more so during this time because light, sounds and my internal temperature thermometer is up and down…..making me feel hot and then cold….yes and no…..Katy Perry in my head now 🙄
Last night I came home frustrated from work and I used that slow burning anger to keep me up all night until I finished and submitted the entire interview. I banged out another 6 hours!! I must say however, I feel relieved. Like a monkey is off my back. I am not of fan of deadlines, time management and the like. I live my life in a spontaneous do what I feel like kinda way most of the time if I can help it however of course I do have to adhere to a schedule because I understand that there is only so much time in the day. My conditioning and ego try to pull me back and keep me safe but I am determined to keep growing, evolving, recognizing, shifting where neccessary and always radically accepting. I am flawed, I am human and I love me despite it all🥰
The article should be published in a few weeks and I will definitely share it with you my dear readers. Peace out✌