In the weeks since my last post I have enjoyed a serendipitous retreat from technology. I set out for a run July 4th not knowing how my own personal freedom would be gained by losing my cell somewhere along the path. After searching the area thoroughly, I chose to look at the circumstances as a gift! Writing in a journal and checking emails periodically is how I’ve spent most of this month. I’ve developed new habits with my device like leaving it outside my bedroom and leaving it at home more often. Living life with my face in the world, not in a screen. These poems were born from conscious breathwork sessions and quiet meditation with an intentional focus on my continued healing journey.
The main message I keep receiving is “the more you release, the more you become”. I love the feeling of consistency in my attention while being ablevto enjoy each moment without the distraction of a device. I feel released from continuous checking and mindless scrolling! It’s amazing how much more peaceful I feel. This change is a step towards opening to the new emotional experiences I wrote about in my last post, https://emotionalmusings.com/2022/06/28/traveling-into-new-emotional-experiences-guided-by-soul/
Choosing to put my energy and time into face to face interactions and uninterrupted communing with nature is what my heart desires. “Morning reprise” is a poem I wrote almost one year ago after moving here to the Salt Lake Valley in Utah. God bless second chances! I can feel the gratitude wash over me again as the theme from which I drew inspiration when writing this piece. The morning sunshine always uplifts me and refreshes my entire being. May the new moon (occurring on the 28th) ignite a fresh start to all of the dreams I’ve been weaving as art into my life. May I continue to shine from the inside out. The best of me has yet to be.
If you’re interested in a long distance shamanic healing session via phone, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations and other ritualistic services I provide or to purchase any of my 6 books of poetry please click the link below. See the Services tab in the menu on this website. For a personalized autographed copy of any of my books, please send me an email. Maria@emotionalmusings.com https://linktr.ee/Emotionalmusings
In light and in shadow, always with love. Namaste.
It’s been a little over three months since I’ve written a blog post. The longest stretch of silence for this passionate writer who enjoys sharing her journey with all the world as a testimony of “Triumphing over Trauma”. Since July, I’ve been quietly tending to my own personal healing journey. Some people have swiftly left my life in order for me to move onto relationships that serve my highest alignment. Big changes include endings that were necessary yet bitterly difficult and led to rebirth. I’ve moved (again) twice actually, leaving Florida for good and finding myself settled back in the West, with my big sister and my brother-in-law outside Salt Lake City. I’ve stepped back into the world of working a job outside my home as a vitamin and herbal supplement expert in a local farmer’s market while still growing my healing business and writing many new poems to be included in my 6th book of poetry, “My Soul’s Dance, Accepting the shadows while embracing the Light: poems about death and rebirth”. The things I have felt, processed, experienced and healed required solitude, peace and the priceless sound of silence.
What does listening to the sound of silence mean? I found one writer’s definition on Google stating that “It helps us see the empty, selfless, uncertain, transient nature of all experience and patterns of consciousness. The sound of silence is also helpful in developing attention and continuity of mindfulness. When the mind becomes very calm and focused, the breath can grow quieter and quieter”. In my practices I have developed the ability to attune to my own heartbeat and feel into both the nothingness and all encompassing everythingness. The grand abyss of the unknown. There lies peace and love which brings a joyful curiosity to all of creation surrounding us. After such sessions in silence I can feel how intricate a role we are all invited to play by our interactions with one another. Leading with love or reactive to fear. These vibrations yield choices and play a major role in how we treat ourselves and one another.
Growing up in a chaotic and dysfunctional home, silence meant anger, sadness and an intensity of unease would set in as I awaited the shoe to drop. It felt like a bomb going off as the emotional roller coaster would begin and I, an unwilling passenger was forced upon it, never knowing when it would end or if I could ever get off. Over time I learned how to drown my sensitivities out and abandon my self care needs. It’s required years of introspection to understand how all of my past now serves me today. How to heal myself, take care of myself and create healthy boundaries with others. I use my sensitivities and sensibilities as superpowers to discern the energy all around me. It’s helped me tremendously decipher what’s mine, what’s not and how to transmute the fear I feel back into love for myself first and then others. Many of the life experiences these past thirty-five years could have turned me bitter, angry and resentful. Instead, I choose to allow them to shape and mold my heart into a more loving, kind and empathetically open person who sees the Light in others. Silence has taught me to be compassionate towards the struggles of my fellow sisters and brothers. Listening to my own heartbeat, I hear the rhythm that lies within us all. Beating steadily is a message that we all need love, forgiveness, understanding and acceptance. These are what I choose to shine onto others. It all starts from within. We teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. Be your own hero, best friend and love the crap out of yourself my friends!!
Resurfacing now from the silence is poignant because October celebrates the milestone of my three year anniversary here on WordPress. In December I will be ringing in my 44th birthday and these are the 44 poems I’ve written since my vow of silence July 4th. I invite you to close your eyes after reading each one and allow whatever emotion is stirred in you to rise and be seen, accepted and loved. We heal together, as one. We rise together in love. Within every season is the cycle of death and rebirth. My dear ones, we are to embrace all the sensations and every feeling for they are the sacred messages life presents us so we can continue this ride through life, to heal with more wisdom and clarity. Change is constant and growth is guaranteed if one can be brave enough to fail and keep trying. Sure the road is bumpy at times, there are detours and new available routes will arise when we trust that where we are being led serves a higher purpose. I urge you dear ones, through these poems to witness each piece of your soul and dream. Life continues to amaze, inspire and teach me. May you see your path illuminate and direct you clearly forwards. In light and in shadow, always with love ❤ Namaste 🙏
If you’re interested in a long distance shamanic healing session via phone, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations and other ritualistic services I provide or to purchase any of my 5 books of poetry please click the link below or see the Services tab in the menu on this website. For a personalized autographed copy of any of my books, please send me an email Maria@emotionalmusings.com https://linktr.ee/Emotionalmusings
This line from the movie “Elf” suits me perfectly. Lately, I can feel myself smiling more often just because it feels good to activate the tiny molecules in the brain that are designed to fend off stress. These molecules, called neuropeptides, facilitate communication between neurons in the brain. Also, when I’m smiling, my brain is releasing dopamine, endorphins and serotonin aka the happy hormones. Spending time out in nature whether walking, running or riding my bike, dancing, listening to music, laughing with friends and family, writing poetry and practicing the art of shamanism is how I heal. Expressing myself in these ways makes me smile!
I was guided recently to rewatch one of my favorite movies, “The Wiz”. This movie is a reflection of how life has felt for me growing up, afraid to be who I am. Learning to express myself by believing that I am worthy and good enough are core wounds from childhood traumas both big T and little t. Three songs on the movie’s soundtrack really spoke to my soul and I would like to share two of them through their lyrics and one video that I urge you my dear readers to watch because I want you to tap into the emotion of Dorothy played by the legendary Diana Ross.
Can I Go On? Sang by Diana Ross
Lose it? Lose it? I don’t even know the first thing About what they’re feeling What am I afraid of? Don’t know what I’m made of Can I go on Not knowing?
Feeling? Feeling? Something tells me That it’s more than I can deal with Though I never knew the song Some words still catch on Like caring and sharing Being together no matter
Can I go on Not knowing? Don’t know what I’m made of Why am I afraid of feeling? Feeling? If I dare to take a chance Would someone lead me?
Believe in Yourself Sang by Lena Horne
If you believe within your heart you’ll know That no one can change The path that you must go Believe what you feel And know you’re rights because The time will come around When you’ll say it’s yours
Believe that you can go home Believe you can float on air Yes, click your heels three times If you believe Oh, then you’ll be there That’s why I want you to Believe in yourself, yes
Right from the start You got to believe, believe in the magic Right there in your heart Go ahead believe all these things Not because I told you to, no
Believe in yourself, oohh yes Believe in yourself Believe in yourself, as I believe in you
Yes indeed, home is within ourselves, in our own hearts.Currently my dear readers, the cosmic planetary alignment is ripe for healing childhood wounds while Venus is conjunct to the Sun. We are being asked to acknowledge and release these past wounds, to close these old chapters once and for all. The objective is to feel comfortable in our own skin. This is soul integration my dears, shadow work that calls the truth in recognizing all aspects of ourselves that furthering the creation of our whole soul self. These are the poems that I have wrote while reflecting on my own truths, using self love as a healing salve through artistic expression.
I take virtual dance classes from time to time with my fellow sister in dance and soul Sophia Sabino creating founder of SopHIIT, a fusion of dance and fitness. I urge you to follow her on Instagram and take her classes. Last Sunday we did a routine to “Fix You” sang by Sam Smith. She suggested we think about the song in the vein of self healing, my favorite topic. So often we feel we need to change or fix the ones we love when really it is us who needs our own attention. This is what our soul is projecting outwards and serves a great lesson. I ask you my dear readers, when you feel triggered to do this, turn the question inwards and ask yourself, “what am I seeing in this person that needs healing within me”? I believe if we follow these breadcrumbs we are led to our own soul and can further the healing process of accepting ourselves fully, loving ourselves without judgement and feeling inner peace and contentment. Let me know how the healing process is progressing for you in the comments below.
We are in a New Moon phase in Aries my dear readers. This is forcing change, much needed changes upon us. I’ve noticed many of my fellow bloggers are stepping back from writing to take time for themselves, reassessing where their energy is best served. I too will be doing this as I travel in these last two weeks of April. First, a chance for a reconnection with my former partner to North Carolina and then to visit my boys and dear friends in R. I. As I prepare for these adventures my heart chakra is expanding, my solar plexus is healing within these most important relationships with people I love dearly. I am incredibly grateful for these opportunities. This is the crystal healing grid I constructed last weekend to orchestrate healing both myself and my relationships. The song is “Ave Maria” sang by the incomparable Josh Groban.
If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below or click the Services tab in the menu. For a personalized autographed copy of any of my books, please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment. Maria@emotionalmusings.com https://linktr.ee/Emotionalmusings paypal.me/tinyd9
In light and in shadow, always with love. Namaste.
Even though the beach is closed, my son and I ventured down here so we could soak up some sun and salt air. Our Universe is in a major retrograde season, six ruling planets are in different positions and boy oh boy have I been feeling the affects! Yesterday in particular was a ride on the ol emotional roller coaster. One I haven’t taken in quite some time.
As with everything, I find myself looking below the surface for the life lesson in every situation. My life has taken another step forward recently, big changes have taken place that are bound to happen when we move to a new environment. Not all of it is awesome and I would be lying if I said there haven’t been some struggles adjusting to things. Mostly I miss my partner and the comfort our companionship provides me. He is my person, my touchstone and the love of my life so living here without him is a huge adjustment. There are times, especially when I am still in meditation that I just burst out in tears.
Yesterday I experienced every feeling under the rainbow and had to force myself to take care of myself by practicing my rituals and selfcare routines of reading, journaling and meditation. My anger hasn’t bubbled up like that in quite sometime. My son and I went for a seven and a half mile trek to the park where they board horses. He rode his bike and I ran. They recently reopened the city parks yet there was nobody there. Unfortunately, the horses weren’t out in the meadows as I had hoped. Being out in nature and observing these beautiful creatures brings me such joy and peace.
I want to let you know my dear readers that we are extremely cautious and safe, wearing masks and social distancing when appropriate. Mostly we haven’t come across any other people while we are out and about. Right now while there is caution tape everywhere here at the beach, there are under ten people spread out either walking along the sidewalk or sitting on benches, like us across the street from the beach. Ty and I both love being outdoors and since the beach is my happy place, I came here to enjoy the energy of being near the ocean.
On a day like this I would normally running into the waves and floating in that gorgeous blue-green water. That is one of my favorite soothing activities and right now my senses could really use a good soak🌊
In the meantime, I’m taking deep breaths and doing what I can to keep calm while the ups and downs of the astral energy have me wanting to pull my hair out at times😜 God is guiding me to focus, breathe, surrender, release and let go of that which I want to instinctively hold onto. Like anything beautiful, we mustn’t hold on too tightly for then its beauty can’t be enjoyed to the fullest. Choosing what to engage my energy and attention in becomes more confusing right now. The best I can do is try to remain as non-judgmental as I can, accept whatever feelings and emotions arise so that I can go with the flow.
I’m highly aware of my own energy these days and I don’t want to do anything to become blocked or stagnant therefore I must allow for space to keep everything copacetic. Practicing yoga, freestyle ballet routines and running are my go to activities. Listening to my favorite music helps me connect to my joy. Keeping little Maria engaged in playful activities like riding my new bike reminds me that being playful helps fuel not only my curiosity for life but my creativity. Spending time with my son is amazingly healing too😁
I had a hard time sleeping last night and I found myself wide awake at 3:30 AM so I wrote this poem highlighting what ghosts retrograde season resurrects for me. Writing always helps me process the most difficult and challenging emotions I feel.
Take good care of yourselves my dear readers, peace, good health, light and lots of love 🥰
I intended to write this post about the Divine Intervention session I had on Friday but today has been an up and down roller coaster of emotions that I feel needs to be processed properly and takes precedence over that. In short, it was amazing and I can really feel a major shift going on which is probably in part the reason why I feel so emotional today.
Today April 26th is my youngest son Miles’s 15th birthday. Unfortunately I haven’t gotten to see him in almost 4 years. Parent alienation is a real and terrible thing. I have a very close and awesome relationship with my oldest son Tyler, Ty we affectionately call him. Ty lives with his grandparents, my ex-husband’s parents and they are very good to him. Ty moved out when he was 16 because he couldn’t stand living under my ex-husband’s thumb any longer. They always butted heads and he was actually very mean to Ty, like cruel even. I could never understand it being our firstborn why he treated him so poorly. I observed a jealousy he harbored against him early on even. I was a stay at home mother and Ty and I have always been super close.
This post is about Miles however. My boys are almost 4 years apart and I always refer to him as my sunshine🌞 and my snuggle bunny! He came into this world so happy, full of life with dimples highlighting his big smile and a great giggling laugh😂 Lately and because of our separation unfortunately Ty is the only person who gives me updates on his brother’s wellbeing. My ex has refused to speak to me for over 6 years now. It’s so ignorant and petty, trying to erase me because he’s hurt still that I wanted a divorce. He must be because to have moved on and having two new children with his current partner still has him apparently bitter towards me. He still thinks having nothing to do with me is the best option. He is oblivious to the fact he is actively hurting my boys, our boys. Ty has told me he can’t understand why his father had two more children and that they were the exact reason he moved out at 16.
Ty has told me Miles is becoming more and more angry. Especially now with our current lockdown and quarantine situation, he has to participate in long distance schooling and doesn’t see his friends. He is stuck in a house with a two year old and a 10 month old daily. His father hardly pays him any attention because the little ones demand so much of his time and because his mind has been poisoned to believe lies about his mother. Miles hasn’t spoken to me on his own in over three years. He will only talk to me when he’s with Ty at their grandparents house. I write hand written letters to him all the time because I have been blocked from social media and he has asked Ty to not give me his cell number.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t completely see and understand why he is so angry. His father and I divorced when he was only 6. I needed to recreate my life after all the trauma I endured in the state we were living in and I made the hardest decision of my life to move very far away to another region of the country to do it. In the beginning we would talk all the time, video chat and I would make yearly trips back to visit. In the last four years my finances have been terrible and I can’t afford the trip. I get it he feels abandoned. He blames me because that’s what he hears from his father. At 15, he lacks the emotional maturity and life experiences that Ty has at almost 19 and living on his own for almost 3 years. Living with his grandparents just started 7 months ago. Before that his girlfriend’s mother let him live with them. The lack of communication on my ex-husband’s side towards me has had me in the dark and unaware if most of these details until recently.
I should mention too that from 2017 up until Christmas of 2019 I had zero communication with either of my sons. That was a very dark and depressing time for me. I finally reached out to my ex brother in-law and begged him to give me my ex-husband’s phone number. I called but he refused to answer. I asked my sister to reach out and get a message to Ty. As soon as Ty knew I cared and was looking for him, he reached out via social media. It was the best Christmas present I could ever get!
Since Ty and I have reconnected, I have been patiently waiting for Miles to come around but from what Ty tells me poor Miles’s is getting more and more angry. He doesn’t want to interact with Ty even much anymore and they were so incredibly close during and after the divorce. I know it hurts Ty and today everything came to a boiling point .
It was pouring raining there today. Ty rode 6 miles on his bike to his father’s house with the birthday card I sent, a gift card from me, a letter I had written a month ago (I’m not allowed(according to him, not court appointed to have my ex-husband’s address , therefore everything must be mailed to his parents house. Let me state here too that I share 50% custody of my boys as is stated in our divorce decree) and $40 in cash he was giving to his brother for his birthday. Miles refused to come outside and told Ty he didn’t want anything from me. When Ty called he was really upset. He told me, “Mom, I have to move Miles out of Dad’s.” We spoke at length about what I believe Miles is going through at 15, taking into account his current living situation and being shutoff from his mother. I told Ty how proud I am of him for attempting to deliver the gifts. I told him he is being the bigger person, with so much emotional intelligence for a young man and being the man I raised him to always be…. kind, considerate and compassionate towards others, especially family.
I went for a twelve mile run after hearing all of this. The first long distance run I’ve taken since before the shutdown. I love the park near my house because it has a huge lake and a beautiful ten mile path looping around it just south east of Dallas. Running in general clears my head and is how I processed my divorce 10 years ago. Running near water soothes my soul💙
When I run I usually talk with God. Sometimes out loud depending on if I’m alone on the path but mostly in my head. This afternoon I asked God to touch Miles’s heart and allow him to feel my love for him and his brother’s love too. Ty was really upset and thought for sure he wouldn’t change his mind when I told him I had a feeling he would. I definitely didn’t expect him to do a 180 turn around today, but that’s exactly what happened! Thank you God🙏 Miles agreed to meet him halfway so he could get his gifts.
Here’s a picture from the very last birthday we actually spent together, 9 years ago when he was turning 6🎉
Here’s a picture Ty took and shared with me from over the summer. This shot showcases Miles’s goofball personality 😂
To sum up today I will share a painting and a poem I finished yesterday. It’s interesting how both were started on Friday night before any of this happened. I think my mind must have been channeling it and trying to process it beforehand. I am so grateful for my creative outlets that help me make sense of my big giant heart💖