Mental health, Spirituality

Wherever you go, there you are

I have always liked the idea of wherever you go, you take yourself with you. In other words, you can change your physical location, surroundings or environment and that is all that actually is different because you are still you. The idea surrounding the possibility of instant growth simply because your physical surroundings are different is idealistic. We take ourselves, good, bad or indifferent wherever we go because we are creatures of habit. We don’t naturally like change. Change is scary and it upsets our egos. Ego mindset is there to keep us safe and small. Observing and deciphering the story our egos tell us is the first step in creating the real shift that is necessary for actual change.

Happiness is an inside job my dear readers. You can fly around the world, search the deepest forests, oceans and scour the beach for the meaning of life or buy things in attempt to find happiness and still come up short because no matter what you do or where you go, we must still answer to ourselves. Searching the external world for what makes one happy is never the answer for only we can create joy and peace within our own reality. The ability to think is what makes us uniquely human. The ability to understand we are not our thoughts is what allows us to become creators of our own reality. How empowering is that? Very😊

While I was thinking about writing this post, I read an article about the comparison of attitudes that either empower growth or can hold one back. The following are five attitudes that create confidence in contrast to overconfidence in life.

There is a difference between feeling truly capable of handling something versus thinking that YOU are the only one capable of accomplishing something. Now, I will state that I know and believe that the only thing I think I am the best suitable person for is taking care of myself. That being said, in every other situation, it isn’t very productive to think and definitely act like you are the only one who can do XYZ. When one thinks that way, it’s a set up for failure.

Overconfident people will continually talk without hearing others, I mean really listening to them. Confident and successful people understand that it’s best to always be learning while keeping an open mind to hearing something new. There must be a balance between talking and listening. I tell my boys to always remain open to new ideas and concepts because when one stops learning, growing ceases and spirit starts to die. This is a mindset that is easy to spot in others, usually depressed people who think they have nothing to offer the world. When those thoughts arise, recognizing that that is an ego based story devised to keep us small and free from changing. That thought can impede growth and squash all possibilities if one acts upon it.

The right kind of attitude is necessary for success in everything one sets out to accomplish. When I have an unrealistic belief that I’m too perfect to make any mistakes, I am attempting to act like a God. We are human and only God is perfect. Therefore it’s best to keep yourself in check by putting your best effort into achieving your goals. Thriving for your best, effortly speaking, is a better way of knowing that the only control you have is putting your best foot forward. We humans are fallible and will make mistakes along the way indefinitely.

That idea brings me to my next point which is being able to learn from your mistakes so that you don’t have to repeatedly keep making the same ones over and over again! We can either learn from our many mistakes along the way or we can choose to let our mistakes hold us back from actually acquiring the lesson and instilling it within our souls so the next time we remember that feeling and take steps to avoid that kind of self induced pain again.

Lastly, people who are confident work to gain respect from those around them by showing loyalty and kindness towards others while maintaining a down to Earth attitude. Overconfident people demand to be the main attraction and the center of attention. The latter type of person I try to avoid at all costs because they are extremely draining on my energy reserves. They lack self acceptance and are constantly seeking it from external sources.

Honestly, I have recently noticed that throughout my life as an empath, I have drawn in many narcissists and sociopaths. Those looking to drain my life force energy because they are so unsettled within their own beings and have no regard for human emotions. Since my spiritual growth has taken hold and my vibration has been raised, I only attract other like minded people to me. Mostly other extra sensory people, empaths, lightworkers and metaphysically interested people. It’s very awesome and a gift from Universe💜

Through daily meditation, over the years, I have learned to observe my own at times monkey mind. I can’t control what I think because I know our minds love to link information together and at times, tell us lies that keep me safe ….ego stories again. All that is within my power is the ability to put space between my thoughts and my actions. Meditation helps me grow that much needed space by passively observing. That’s when I can decipher what my thoughts are trying to tell me. I’m able to then break down my thoughts into the category of either rational or irrational.

I first learned these techniques while attending cognitive behavioral and dialetical behavioral therapyies. These two courses saved my life in many ways because I was allowing my overactive thinking to control my life instead of me being the master. I found myself in a downward spiral trying to escape my life in unhealthy ways and ultimately in permanence when I attempted suicide eight years ago.

I’ve entered a point in my life today where I feel an intense gratitude for everything! The people I have met, the lessons I have learned, the mistakes I have made, the opportunities I have been granted, the many experiences I can add to my tool belt by living life with am open mind along with my free flowing spirit. I love where I am. I am so grateful for where I find myself today and yes, I have brought myself here.

Spirituality

“Thou she be but little she is fierce”

This is one of my favorite quotes. It’s one I lean on when the weight of the world is on my shoulders. It’s by William Shakespeare from his play, “Midsummer Night’s Dream” from the third act…..
Hermia won’t hurt Helena even if you try to help her. Oh, when she’s angry, she is keen and shrewd! She was a vixen when she went to school. And thou she be but little she is fierce.

This post is dedicated to all the powerful women, soul sisters, a tribe of females who support, remind and inspire me on a daily basis. I firmly believe that I wouldn’t be where I am without these badass ladies. I am nothing if not a woman who sticks her hand out to my fellow female warriors just trying to make sense out of this wild wild world.

As competitive as I can be, I have always believed in rising up as a collective. Not only me but why not all of us, hand in hand together? It does sincerely take a village. There is true strength in numbers my dear readers. When I am in doubt, I don’t isolate myself only relying upon my own stinking thinking. Nope, not anymore because I know I have a solid counsel of women whom I can reach out to and ask for advice, guidance and to throw me a life preserver when I’m drowning in my ego!

I was raised in a family of strong women starting with my Mom’s mother, my dear Nana. If you have been following me from the beginning of this blog, you know I have looked up to this woman as the matriarch of our family. I also have three sisters and lots of female cousins. My Mom is a petite and feisty woman who has taught me to always speak up for myself. Here is a poem I wrote last year with Nana as my muse. Celebrating her beautiful and generous spirit and recognizing how she served as such an influential role model for me on how to treat others💖

Since I was the age of two studying dance, I have always been around more females than males and I definitely feel more comfortable around girls. This sisterhood in which I am a part of share a camaraderie that is unmatched by any other group of women I am lucky enough to call my friends. We have bonded by sharing our growing pains, as young girls transitioning to our awkwardness as teenagers blossoming into women and mothers. Practicing all styles of dance, seven days a week for hours creates more inside jokes, silly stories and laugh out loud anecdotes than I can count, only these ladies and I know. They know who they are and are forever bonded in my soul.

Expressing my gratitude towards my sisterhood tribe is the focus for this week’s post. As the holiday season looms near and the end of 2019 is close, I want to take this time to tell these ladies how much of an impact you have made upon my heart and soul. Your strength, wise words, laughter, hugs, comfort and advice is priceless to me. Love you ladies forever. I see you, I thank you and I love you all 🙌🙏❤

Spirituality

Marrying my soul

Since my last post I have been flooded with messages from higher consciousness or my higher self. The more I notice the synchronicity within the patterns and messaging from Source, the more aware of my inner spirit I become. Two major ideas have begun sprouting and taking root within me. As painful as this spiritual awakening can be at times, making these important connections is really adding glorious colors to my soul’s spectrum. Hold tight dear readers because this post is about to blow your minds, follow along if you dare….

About a week ago I started thinking about the idea of what elevating to the 5D or 5th Dimension is all about. Sure enough, while going through that same day I was sent information about that very topic in multiple ways. That is how the Universe communicates with me, in the physical world. I ask a question and without fail, I am always sent my answers. I watched an informational video by a YouTube and Instagram star I follow by the name of Ralph Smart, his spirit’s name is Infinite Waters. He calls his followers.like me, deep divers because are seeking answers to that which is below the surface. As you may or may not by know by now my dear readers, that is my favorite place to dwell and where you can most often find me 😉

Anyway, he posted a video about how to know if you have entered the 5D. Let me explain to you my dear readers what the difference is between 3D and 5D and the different levels of awareness within the 5D world.

First off, the 3D world is the physical world we live in and is fear based and focused around material. The fear around losing the materials we acquire is the ruling force. Think, Madonna’s “Material Girl”. Within this idea comes a concentration for obtaining money and power. We don’t trust others because we fear they might take our material, money and power away. Those existing within this dimension define themselves solely by their position within this power plane and what they do for a living. Believing that basically, the more you have the happier and more fulfilled you will be. Their beliefs are centered around separation from God or Source, the existence of a singular life and death is something painful, all finite and to be feared. This life within the 3d is one big competition with only winners and losers. People existing within the 3D believe there are only certain roles for men and women. Men hold positions of power, nurturing that strength to become the fighters. Woman are seen as the weak caretakers only.

In regards to relationships within the 3D, they believe one cannot be whole without another person. They believe one needs someone else in order to be happy and whole. They are so used to ego centered thinking and there is no questioning of it. Only seeing rare moments of beauty in nature or in an orgasm because these moments bring them into the NOW or present. Otherwise, in my humble opinion, living as drones or robots within this Matrix like society. Their minds play games based around would of, should of and could of which can only focus on the past or they are busy creating future scenarios centering around hypotheticals to prepare themselves for the future. All of this thinking is a futile process and waste of precious energy, in my opinion. Humans living in the 3D crave sex because it’s the only time that both masculine and feminine energies can coexist in a perfect balance within each other.

What’s more is that in the 3D, people are seen as separate from God and that duality doesn’t exist. There are only coincidences and no such thing as destiny. We have amnesia really, we have forgotten the spiritual beings we are within the physical form we occupy. We take on the ego mind and with that adoption, we have egocentric thinking. Nobody questions this and those that do are seen as weird or crazy. Ultimately they must be wrong because there is no upsetting this Matrix.

Upon entering the 5D, one feels more and more comfortable about just who they really are, reclaiming their authentic selves as it relates to who they are truly born to be, original spirit is getting reintegrated into our physical body creating a feeling of oneness with everything within the physical world. An absolute understanding that we are all connected, animals, humans, nature….EVERYTHING! Moving past light and darkness and good and bad, our integration into the 5D allows us to see the necessity of it all. Everything is more than it seems suddenly.

I myself began this journey or quest to discover my authentic self with my voice trembling and shaking. When I started questioning everything I have been told to believe, there was a lot of pushback and pain. I felt I was misunderstood, not worthy and not enough. Those of us raising our awareness and consciousness are seen as weird and crazy. We are remembering our soul’s purpose as our heart begins to open. The scarcity mindset is turned on its head in favor of an abundance one. In the 3D we have to be consumers who strive to own more and more. Consumption upon the material is seen as not only better but necessary for happiness.

In contrast, those of us moving into the 5D have started to understand that everything we need to be whole and happy is already within us. I have begun to feel powerful by understanding that only I have the power to create my own reality. I’m no longer accepting what I have always been told because others have believed what they were told before me and on and on. No thank you, no more. I’m beginning to see myself as a multidimensional being having a human experience. Remembering too what the Budda himself has preached for centuries, attachment creates suffering. Letting go is the only way to obtain a real enlightenment state of being.

My energy centers, or chakra system has been open, balanced and allowed to flow seemingly which allows my authentic story to be told. My throat chakra is no longer blocked. Yes, and too my heart chakra is shifting into a more receiving state to allow what Source is providing me on a daily basis. I see that there is nothing but love inside of me and I can accept love more freely from others without judgement or doubt. Just like an artist, I am painting my world more vibrantly and with broader strokes of color.

The next level I am just beginning to experience is that of an energy alchemist. Being able to transform negative energy into positive energy is called transmuting. I practice this through meditation and visualization. The more attuned i can become into my energetic force, the easier this becomes. By no means is this process supposed to sound easy. On the contrary, it is hard and painful at times anrequires an open mind, body and soul along with tons of patience within this practice. I’m never going to be perfect as my spirit walks this Earth because I’m inhabiting a fallible human body.

I am telling you dear readers that I can actually feel this shift taking place within me. More on some days and less on others depending on what energies I have allowed into my field and what I have taken on. If I could exist in a complete Transcendental meditative state I would! Once there I am actively experiencing nothingness, no thoughts, no feelings….pure nothing. For me it’s like being in outer space where nothings ends and nothing starts, everything just is. A truly conscious state of being.

I have many of my meditation guru’s and consciousness guide’s words tumbling around in my mind about becoming a human being vs a human doing. In the 3D the only acceptable state is the latter. How much can I do in a day? How much can I achieve, obtain and win…just how much power will that give me? To me dear readers, this isn’t the sort of leveling up I have ever wanted to achieve.

I do however desire to level up within my own consciousness by vibrating at a higher frequency so that my human mind can accept what my spirit’s destiny truly is. I have to let go of what the 3D has drummed into my head which is don’t question anything and fear it all!! I must undue 41 years of brainwashing.

I have started to see myself as the hero in my story, not the victim of pain and suffering that i have felt for for years! That being stated, I am beginning to embrace that fact that the trauma, pain and suffering I have experienced thus far has molded me into a human who is willing and able to take on my soul’s purpose. My 3rd eye chakra, the energy center that contains our innermost knowing and has always been my guiding force is now the only voice I want to listen to. I have begun to actively block all the false messaging within the 3D so that my mind can make room for more awareness and spiritual information.

This process is arduous and exhausting because I am unlearning what my 3D self has accepted a long time ago. My thoughts, feelings and behaviors must ALL transform so that I can remain calm, fearless really in the face of extreme emotion and stress. I have to develop a supreme awareness so that my spirit can weather whatever storm I may find myself facing. This is 100% my own responsibility and no one else’s.

The next level I hope to obtain in time as Universe sees fit is that of a wizard who can truly be one with the Universe. No longer seeing a separation but instead having an unconditional love and complete acceptance of self. I must have already inhabited all three beings of drone, artist and alchemist, growing into a master. In this state I won’t sell out, my soul that is what I’m referring to, not ever. No matter what my choices are. I will only count my riches by my inner growth, understanding and knowing that is what truly matters, not what my bank account says. I will be completely 100% about my purpose void of distraction. Most especially, I will refuse to compare myself to anyone else. I will only sow seeds of positivity through my interactions with all others always.

This new understanding as lead me to the idea of wanting to marry my soul. Everyday I read a passage from a book entitled “The Book of Awakening ” by Mark Nepo. Mr. Nepo is a poet and spiritual adviser who has taught in the fields of poetry and spirituality for over 30 years. He is best known for his New York Times #1 bestseller, “The Book of Awakening”. He is a very respected philosopher who has endured and overcome cancer. I have been allowing him to guide my days by reading and rereading his book for about 5 years now.

Today being November 13th and also our full moon, I read about marrying one’s soul. He writes here that in order to live without silencing or numbing essential parts of who we are, we must make a vow to uphold a special promise to ourselves. Mine sounds something like this and I am paraphrasing Mr. Nepo’s beautiful prose here:

I, Maria Teresa Pratico, make the following promise to myself. I will do my best on a daily basis to stay committed to my inner path, not separating myself from that path when things get tough or confusing. I will always try to accept and embrace my faults and limitations by interweaving my spiritual life with my psychological life. Living my life by allowing my heart and soul to lead my mind where it may wonder. I vow to lead a life of faith and truth by fulfilling these virtues in the place of anxiety and doubt. By keeping this promise to myself I can build a solid foundation and bond my true spirit within this human vessel I now occupy making myself twice as strong. My goal in keeping this promise is to create a life that is doubly strong in this mad mad world I live in today❤

Here is a poem I wrote the other day keeping in this vein. Everyday, more and more I strive to observe more and speak less.

Mental health

Celebrating the small steps

In the last few days an undeniable and solid peace has washed over and is comforting me. My analytical mind wants to call out all of the reasons why I think this is so. Again, even while writing this and essentially downloading my thoughts on the subject of furthering this self healing journey I am on, I can’t help but see how both parts of my brain are working together. Not just the logic seeking, results driven analytical part but also the communicative, creative and empathetic part too working in a kind of see saw effect. I once dwelled so intensely in just the analytical part of my mind. So much so that I would get lost in the whys and feel terribly stuck. Sound familiar to anyone?

In the past as I just mentioned, I felt cut off and deprived at times from my creativeness. I believe that to be the lighter, more carefree and fearless part of me that can show myself compassion and grace. These two sides are no longer at war with each other. They have founded a new partnership and by doing so I am feeling a real sense of freedom.

I spend a lot of time these days reading about and exploring levels of consciousness. I believe that I am in the process of teasing out two concepts. One being observing how my ego mediates between superego and the id aspects of my personality. The stories each can spin in order to protect myself and impede the incredible shift that I’m undergoing are challenging my entire thought process while I expand my consciousness. Uncovering my true self, rewriting old and unfounded beliefs, lies really that don’t match my reality is for me just a higher level of awareness.

The second concept is integration of my shadow self and how much awareness I now have whenever I feel myself getting uncomfortable with parts of myself that feel at first shameful and threatening to my sanity. By digging a bit deeper and unconconditionally loving those parts of myself, I have created space for more acceptance of myself.

For example, the beliefs I have surrounding my own sexuality used to feel dirty and wrong. Instinctively I have been both dissoactive and dialectical when it comes to sex in general seeing it as both beautifully pleasurable, necessary as a bodily function while also feeling negatively full of shame. Yes, that is due to the sexual abuse and trauma I have experienced but it’s amazing how many other stories my ego would silently scream at me surrounding other aspects of my personality that aren’t part of my sexual identity as a woman.

I am continuing to tap into my self care rituals and reestablishing my yoga practice, breathwork and meditation has been hugely effective in gaining more mindfulness of both my thoughts and my physical awareness. How my feelings feel in my body. The most recent being a redefined focus of how anger feels. I know anger is born out of fear and while most of my life has been run by fear and anxiety, it makes sense to me that I am now paying closer attention to how anger feels.

I had blocked, stuffed and dissociated myself from these two most uncomfortable and troubling feelings. It sounds silly now to me but fear played a role in my drive that in the past I felt necessary to propel me on in life. Anger was something I completely denied and wouldn’t allow myself to truly feel. When I’m angry I have felt ugly, wrong and unworthy. These were the mixed messages my brain was being sent that only drove me further down sufferings path.

Now integrating these different yet vital pieces of my psyche I can clearly see how each one serves me and allows my resilience to grow. I’m having to have patience with myself which is extremely hard for me. I’m great at holding this space for others but when the focus is on me I immediately become impatient with myself. Meditation allows for and creates space between these conflicting thoughts. Once messages are challenged and the universe sends me signs that tell me to accept, love and care for myself in spite of my shortcomings, peace and contentment can grow and take root in my soul.

It’s so richly rewarding to be taking care of myself in these ways. Reparenting my wounded inner child, loving and accepting the small accomplishments will lead me to succeed. I have always held space for others, putting them before myself being and being the ultimate people pleaser. These days I am reevaluating how I feel in each of my relationships and establishing stronger boundaries. I’m deciding what is and isn’t my responsibility and what I will or won’t allow from others. It’s the ultimate in self love dear readers.

I’m really seeing how much these last 6 months of deep diving into integration of my shadow and reexamining my self acceptance, holding space for grace towards myself has given to my entire outlook on life. I know success is in my near future now. Doing this work has allowed me to open up my ability to tap into my flow state more. Operating from a much more conscious place. Focusing on really learning to love me.

Untangling shame is so empowering and is helping me alter my perceptions which give my creative mind even more to explore. Dwelling in the sticky uncomforbility of it all, challenging difficult emotions and moods is becoming a new superpower. I have accepted that only Maria can take the best care for Maria. This conversation I’m having with myself represents true inner beauty and acceptance because both light and dark must meet in order to be completely authentic ❤️

Mental health, Spirituality

Anniversary reaction and the new moon

This October has been very emotionally draining for me. As I realized the date today staring back at me just this morning it dawned on me the fact that every October and November in the past eight years have unfolded that way. Having Complex PTSD is the culprit because there is this little phenomenon that happens called the Anniversary reaction or effect. My body remembers that eight years ago within the months of October and November I endured tremendously intense trauma.

This month also ushered in the Harvest full moon on Oct.13th and in the past two days we have been feeling the affects of the new moon rising in Scorpio. Google defines this new moon as this:

The 2019 New Moon In Scorpio is about embracing the unknown. It’s rare that life unfolds exactly as you want it to. Often, what results is a mess of both success and failure. Even if you get what you want, it might not feel as fulfilling as you thought it would.”

Boy does THAT resonate with me! Needless to say, the combination of energy forces has proved to be quite tumultuous for me dear readers. It’s required me to put more effort into my self care by closely monitoring the daily reflections I jot down in my journal. My favorite tool in counterbalancing these emotional shifts is journaling. Remaining self aware of my thoughts, feelings and behaviors helps keep me in the moment as much as possible when my ego starts whispering lies and goes into full on protective mode.

Becoming more and more “realized ” as an empath, the rapidly downloaded messages I receive from the universe have also kept me on my toes. Here in Dallas, we expierienced a tornado and lots of thunderstorms that caused severe damage. Thankfully, the area of the city I live in was unaffected but I can definitely attest to feeling the vibrational pressure and sheer force of that kind of destructive power. The only option when faced with such strength is to remain as calm as possible by constantly reminding myself that this too shall pass. These temporary effects in nature and the energy being felt has resulted in an overwhelming amount of heaviness on me. Each day this month I felt a varying degree of extra pressure.

The best defense I have found is sticking to my daily rituals. The more my body can expect the comforting aspects of each self compassion tool I employ the more relaxed my hypervigilance is. Granted, this is time consuming and can definitely put strain on my day if I don’t make the proper allowances. Time management is an extremely important part of planning my day.

Another thing I’ve been reminded of this month is to resist making decisions during this period of intense emotional upheaval. Making decisions based in emotion is something I used to do a lot in my past. Afterwards, I learned that those decisions produced unsuccessful outcomes so I must refrain from those knee jerk reactionary responses. This month I was reminded almost daily to chill out. My best defense is to NOT react.

This month is a good example of growing pains. Nothing changes when life is easy and I don’t challenge myself. In the past six months I have conducted a complete overhaul of my internal story, my core beliefs and reassessment of the painful memories related to the traumas I have survived. My brain pushes back upon the new pathways I have built because our brains don’t accept change easily. My fight, flight or freeze triggers have also been in overdrive as I confront the difficult emotions that have long been cemented into my internal story.

These challenging feelings include an unrealistic sense of being abandoned, unaccepted and unloved. A constant, nagging reoccurring thought of not being worthy has threatened to cripple my behavior and how I respond to uncomforbility. I want to give up, throw the towel in. Pushing through these moments creates a feeling of accomplishment that raises my self esteem. I’ve been reminded that, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I have leaned on this mantra a lot lately. Incorporating breathwork and meditation is essential for soothing the conflicting messages my brain screams at me. Again, this too shall pass…..if I let it!

Relaxing into the natural flow and unfolding of life by consciously releasing my white knuckle grip on how I think life should be is a daily challenge and one that I meet with head on every morning. Positive self talk sets me straight and gives me permission to accept these difficult emotions. Reminding myself that growth is sometimes painful. Change isn’t easy. It’s natural to have bad days while the process of self healing continues. It’s a never ending journey. Eight years ago I attempted to end it all. Even though this month and next stand as yearly reminders of my painful past, it’s also another opportunity for self forgiveness.

Today, I feel more empowered and I know that I have a choice. That’s a fact I didn’t believe I had eight years ago. I am not my past. I have grown a lot and am continuing to heal. A journey I am grateful to of chosen.

Mental health, Spirituality

Intentionally releasing and letting go

Where to begin. It seems too much. Thoughts running through seem my mind are sometimes too much. I must get this out is what my soul is yearning to scream. Was all of this for real or is it just a dream? The affects of the full moon are upon me in full force this weekend. I am needing a release of my thoughts and feelings, these words more than ever, to be dumped from my mind.

I took careful preparations Friday because I knew what I would be walking into at my job that night. It was the busiest night I have seen so far in the hotel my boutique is in downtown Dallas. Besides the full moon’s energy ramping up the dial, we have our State Fair going on PLUS the huge rivalry game between Texas and Oklahoma. This game will be played close to where I live, at the Cotton Bowl.

I awoke to my me-time to do list consisting of my grounding meditation, light therapy device session, journaling, tarot card reading and yoga practice. This spiritual warrior and trauma survivor knows the stuff I need to do to prepare myself before I head out into the world but most especially this type of crowd!

As soon as I stepped foot into the hotel, I was smacked in the face by a strange, frenetic and unpleasant feeling. The energy this empath was picking up on was over the top. I kept whispering to myself to stay steady, find my center and be mindful of my breath. You see, when I feel this kind of uncomfortable energy, it actually makes my heart race and my hands shake. I braced myself for what I knew the inevitable was.

The first part of the night was wonderful actually. Getting the opportunity to chat with others while helping them find what they need is truly my dream position! I get to meet and greet others from all over the world! It’s humbling to be asked if the boutique is my own, to which I blush and admit to the manager. I am truly invested into it for a few reasons. Number one is I absolutely adore the couple who own it! They have become such dear and kind friends to both my fiance and I. I feel like and treat their boutique like my second home. I feel genuinely honored mostly to host hotel guests and customers into their vision of a fun retail experience. The boutique has a little bit of everything, we hit every price point and have very unique items!

Second is I get to employ my natural talent for helping people while listening to their stories. As an empath and for my entire life, people just have always talked to me and told me their “stuff”. I definitely have the gift of gab and as my fiance’s Mom tells me, I never meet a stranger.

Thirdly, the hotel our boutique is in is just really very cool. It’s an older hotel that was actually closed down for many years. The Statler, was originally called The Grand. It has since been renovated and bought by a private owner. Like the boutique, The Studio Store, the hotel welcomes all types of people from all walks of life. There are different things to do, see and experience all over the entire property as well as the nightly events that take place in its bars and restraunts. I get such a kick out of people watching there! Contemporary modern mixed with an older more classic vibe dresses the setting for an anything can happen atmosphere!

I seem to be drawing lots of new friends into my world who I find out are empaths too! Tonight was no exception. I met two really down to Earth ladies that told me they too are empaths after I spilled the beans about being one 😉 Even after that, the fun, witty banter and usual interactions with the many employees and residents that come in and out of the boutique seemed to quickly evaporate as the night drained on.

It really wasn’t until the last hour and a half before I closed up that it sucked me in. That super heavy and drained of all energy, deeply troubling and conflicted feeling hit me like a mack truck. Boom and now I felt like I was dragging myself to the finish line after a marathon! My head started to hurt and spin as I kept checking the time. I must admit it has been a minute since I felt this overwhelmingly bogged down. Right as I was piecing my emotions together, a hotel employee started literally speaking my thoughts out loud. His validation of feeling exactly as I did was weirdly comforting.

I even stayed open later than usual because I still had a few people lookingaround and purchasing items. It took every fiber in my being to hold it together until I clocked out and locked the door. Then unfortunately, I got into another terrible Lyft experience(in the past few weeks there have been entirely too many)

By the time I arrived home, I was dragging myself and willing my feet to take each step. I sat down on my couch and bowed my head and immediately begin to cry. Soft tears at frst led to sobbing while I heaved and hoed my sorrows out. I felt reduced to a puddle on the floor feeling like a dried up orange, drained from all its fruit.

Then it dawned on me. This is a Hunter full moon. A time for letting go, releasing and expelling that which no longer serves us. I asked myself if tonight was Divine Source’s way of showing me how NOT to be? Stop giving away all of my energy so freely? Nah, that’s not it. Then I read a post by a truly gifted and talented writer on here, The Typewriter.

It wasn’t even a recent post but one from June of last year that expressed why she writes. Sharing her many thoughts and philosophies. Just getting the words that tumble around our ever thinking minds out is a gift and a blessing. I believe it is the chosen few who can have the shifted perception to believe it’s when I am down, I am the strongest. For it’s my hurt and pain that I transmute into positive and sustainable life energy.

Reflecting back, tonight was a manifestation of what I set out for my intentions this AM in my journal. Deciding to let go of all that no longer has purpose in my life. No more squandered and wasted energy and brain power. Bloom and blossom into the flower I am meant to be. Show others my authentic self by being honest, open and giving. Speading kindness to all whom I encounter along the way.

Writing this post was helpful because now all of those thoughts, feelings and emotions that aren’t mine can be released and let go. No poem attached to this post. Just this…..

I call this my bubble mantra an I say it out loud after practicing my grounding meditation.

“I am surrounded by healing light. It protects my spirit from negativity and that which isn’t mine. I will not rescue others emotionally. I am safe. I am grounded. Nothing can infest and infect my spirit”.

It can feel quite scary to pick up on and feel other’s pain. It is then that I remind d myself that m duty is to show compassion towards others but nt to take responsibility for their emotions. We are all healing from something. My journey here, is mine and mine alone.

What about you dear readers, how are you intentionally letting go? What are you resisting and holding onto that may be creating undue suffering in your life?

Mental health, Spirituality

Happy 1 year anniversary to me

Just one year ago, I started this blog called “Emotional Musings”. I have been journaling, writing poems and short stories my entire life but always kept them private. Sometimes, I have written poems as gifts for my loved ones. This blog has started a new adventure for me. I have been able to connect with almost 1,400 readers from 30 different countries around the world.

I really didn’t know how writing these posts would affect me. Basically, I use the poems I write as my muse for what each post is centered around. My poems come to me as visions and take little effort to write. Each of the blog posts on my page discuss in depth, the meaning behind each poem. It’s a very introspective thing on my part to delve into what I was thinking and feeling each time a new poem comes to mind. I believe this process to be very cathartic and quite helpful to my overall healing from Complex PTSD.

In total I have written 62 posts on this blog. Most of them are centered around my experience as an empath in this fast paced and often confusing world that we live in today. Our culture focuses mostly on the analytical mind paying little attention to our emotional health and wellbeing. A few of my posts can be considered social commentary on how I view our culture, humanity as a whole and how spirituality plays a role in our society.

This blog has also been a vehicle for me to even consider myself a writer. Earlier this year I self published my very own book of poetry which is available on Amazon in both paperback and digital form. It means a lot to me to have all of my work titled “Emotional Musings ” because that’s the truth, each word is a reflection of my emotional state. I have been gathering my latest poems for the second book, “Emotional Musings2” which I plan to release before the end of this year. Stay tuned!

A huge thank you to my current 24 followers. I didn’t expect anybody to actually read this and I’m so grateful these posts resonate with others. It’s a real labor of love for me to write these posts as I view each one as an opportunity to not only reveal more about my personal journey but to allow others the space to consider theirs.

My mission here is to provide a space where others can relate to and find connection with their own emotional journey. It has been almost 10 years since I set out to discover just who I really am, what my purpose is and to heal from the traumatic events of my past. November will mark eight years since I first attempted suicide. That act of desperation as led me on a beautiful, painful yet ultimately rewarding expedition that has allowed me to constantly peel back the layers of my life’s onion. Uncovering and understanding my authentic self as a result of writing is absolutely priceless. I highly recommend this process to anyone who is searching for their own truth.

My wish for this next year to is be able to interact more with you readers. Please share my blog with others whom you believe it will resonate with, comment below and tell me more about yourselves. I hope to make this a more interactive space where I can lead open discussions on both whole body health and wellness along with spirituality. Mostly, I want each person who takes the time to read this blog to feel less alone in their emotions.

For so many years, I felt like I couldn’t discuss what was going on inside of me. Why did I know what others were going to say before they said it, why did I feel their feelings without first being told and where were these phantom pains coming from? Aside from my empath experiences, I know many of my experiences aren’t unique either. There are many of us out there who have spent time in psychiatric hospitals, inpatient and outpatient programs and weekly sessions of psychotherapy yet still feel lost even discouraged about their mental health.

This is Mental Health Awareness week in the United States. I hope my blog can serve as a safe space for others to not only recognize their own struggles but to gather information regarding the important role our emotions play and what our body’s are trying to tell us. I feel there needs to be more public education about how important it is to recognize one’s feelings and the sensations in the body. It’s essential for whole body health to be able to do a body scan and recognize where we hold emotion in our bodies. This is especially true for those of us healing from trauma. It’s true, the body holds onto trauma and we will continue to hurt until the root of the pain can be discovered and released. I highly recommend reading, “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Van der Kolk M.D., Bessel.

On Monday I woke to a much less humid day here in Dallas, TX. I decided to spend the afternoon running along the path at my favorite park. The path stretches around a huge lake for approximately ten miles. I took in scenic views of sailboats, canoes, fishermen and wildlife. Mostly I rejoiced in feeling the wind on my face. It was a beautiful day that produced the poem below, “Wind”. Autumn is my favorite season. Hopefully, I will get many more days just like this one.