Tag: #selfforgiveness

Spirituality

Tiny scattered pieces blowing in the wind

MariaTeresa

I’ve been spending my days on the patio a lot more lately because that’s where I hold my healing sessions, close to nature and overlooking the glorious lake I live on. The energy out there is so fabulously grounding mostly due to the wind. Plus the side of our house is a virtual rainforest of plants, trees and flowers. Lots of oxygen being emitted out there and blown around. It’s just awesome. I spend time out there writing, holding healing sessions or listening to music. Plus being outdoors naturally does a body good and creates grounding which ignites the body’s self healing mechanisms.

The lake at Winston Park

I just finished watching the documentary, The Earthing Movie: The Remarkable Science of Grounding all about how walking around barefoot on the Earth grounds our energy and connects us back into the Universe. Doing this stimulates the body to heal itself naturally because we are all energy and electricity. The work that I’m now honored to be a part of is enhancing my understanding of how the exchange of energy works, what creates blocks (unprocessed emotions),chords (specifically the toxic energy kind that need to be cut) and how this all effects our mind body and spirit connection. It’s absolutely awe inspiring and fascinating. A few months ago I started reading about Quantum psychics too and its relation to reality but I won’t write about it here because I’m still processing it. The long and short of it is that everything we do and interact with from watching television, texting, painting, singing, dancing, playing sports, talking etc. is an energy exchange, has a charge to it and a vibration. I can feel the feelings off the energy that is exchanged with me and intuitively know what’s going on within that person even if it’s from the other side of the world. That’s how mysteriously and so scientifically powerful this entire planet is.

God’s masterpiece is this creation specifically made to work harmoniously together, interconnected and feeding off each living thing on our planet. I liken our brains to a computer program that is created and fed by what we interact with and feed it, all of our experiences in life lay down a blueprint which in turn creates our perceived reality. There is no such thing as space and time for that is manmade to give us a semblance of order. Whether we are awake or asleep, we are dreaming. What is reality for me and what is reality for you my dear readers, well they are different and both are an illusion. The only things that are real are our feelings because they are generated from our hearts. Our heart is the organ that communicates with the brain in four distinct ways: neurologically (nervous system), biochemically (hormones), biophysically (pulse waves) and energetically (electromagnetically). In the 60s and 70s there was research done by John and Beatrice Lacey that observed how our heart communicates with the brain in ways that significantly affect how we perceive and react to the world. I’ve been interested in heart math for a few years now, but that’s for another post by a different writer my loves.

I share all of this to tell you this. After holding a week of my shamanic energy healing sessions I have learned so much more about myself and how I respond and react, my own reality and perceptions with others and the world. I believe that I and others like me were sent to Earth to love. We embrace all living creatures with the desire to love wholeheartedly and completely no matter what. It’s my natural default function to see everything as a connection to myself and the rest of the planet so of course I want to understand how to always do less harm and create more love. My heart is big, a vortex that when you get sucked in it’s near impossible to get out of. I stopped interacting with three people who have come into its grasp and one was the other person’s decision to stop talking to me because it was too emotionally painful for him .Unfortunately, that is my ex-husband because he is emotionally immature, has a low EQ and will never move past his anger and resentments. The other was a girlfriend who became a drain upon me and was extremely toxic to my life. The third was the ex-boyfriend who tried to kill me on multiple occasions because he was working out repressed memories of the relationship with his mother on me like I was her. He was very mentally and emotionally disturbed so for obvious reasons I cut ties. I share this to say I love hard and I love deep. My fiancé knows that he shares me with the rest of the world because it’s part of who I am at my core, at a soul level. It’s part of being an empath, having extra sensory perceptions that manifest psychically and what I use now as a healer to heal others on a body, mind and spiritual level. My heart, my love is how I help others clear out their emotional baggage so that their bodies can flow more easily on an energetic level thus making them happier and more free to connect to their own souls as I have.

The people around us, what we eat, what we feed our bodies…all of it either allows one’s spirit to glow and grow stronger so that we can live out our soul’s purpose or hinders and disables our evolvement. It’s in our soul contracts. We are put through interactions with others to learn from them. Pain is a great motivator and a hard earned teacher. The path of the shaman teaches this and now that I’m in the field seeing people in this capacity it’s amazing how connected it all really is! Tiny scattered pieces blowing all around by the wind, carried off by the seas touching every single one of us.

“Scattered pieces”

Yesterday was a big day for my son and I because he was accepted into a technical program for heating and air conditioning. The fact that Ty can continue his education is something I have been manifesting for over a year now. I told him he has won the lottery ticket to life if he completes this certification because the world will always need to keep their environments warm and cool. He is a hands on learner and this is the perfect program for his technically inclined mind. I know he will shine. I’m so proud of him. This development really puts my mind at ease for his future because since the pandemic he has been unemployed and wondering how to start over. I expressed to him that he has time on his side and a youthful mind. Plus watching his Mom reinvent herself, move around the country and discover her own calling serves as inspiration to never give up.

“Tiny”

I see us humans so differently now and what we do to each other and Mother Earth. Just look around at our world events. The Universe supports us 100%. We have air to breath, ground to walk upon, water to drink and food to eat. These are constants that are taken for granted too often without questioning or taking time to think about it our impact upon each other and our planet. For the beauty in nature’s continued sake and the wellbeing of one another let’s do better. Love more, judge less. Give more, take less. Raising the collective vibration helps everyone. We are tiny drops of water in the ocean of life my dears. We are here for a short time. We owe it to ourselves and each other to do better.

Namaste 🙏

Here to heal

Please see my contact links to get in touch with me for tarot card readings, healing sessions and my books of poetry at

Linktr.ee/Ladysag77.com

Mental health, Spirituality

Intentions for an open heart

MariaTeresa

When in doubt follow your heart. That mantra has been my focal point all of my life. As the empathetic, passionate and free spirited woman I am following my heart’s desire has always felt right to me. In the years since I have been healing myself from trauma however, there were many times where I would tell my partner that I felt a disconnection between my heart and my mind. I can recall a specific time four years ago when that realization made me so sad and confused. Unraveling trauma, pain stuck in my body has taken time and required me to simply be patient with myself.

I have loads of patience for others yet I tend to be more harshly impatient with my own progress in this area. The integration between my heart and soul while processing my own emotions surrounding trauma has taught me that I can’t force anything to happen. Creating a false sense of security by telling myself that it’s not that upsetting or lying to myself that “I’m ok” only furthered the process. The sentiment of “time takes time” just came to mind. I’m thankful I surrendered to the process and showed myself grace. It’s yielded tremendous growth for my spirituality and awakening journey!

Another opportunity presented itself recently in regards to allowing my heart to remain open, just feeling the feelings, without intellectualizing them and over explaining them. I was made aware of the fact that I tend to do this. It’s an old coping skill I developed in order for me to feel safe in my body, feeling everything and everybody all at once. As an empath, for so long before I realized it was detrimental to my own well being, I have tended more to others feelings while stuffing or numbing my own away. My fast moving energy creates BIG intense feeling sensations in my body and I was fearful of them.

After reflecting on why I have done this throughout my life, understanding that it’s no longer necessary and shifting into open heartedness requires me to evoke that same level of patience with myself. I have noticed that when I start to digress into old behaviors and patterns my posture changes. I cross my arms and hug my body, slouching my shoulders, I don’t stand with my head held as high. Being aware of how this overwhelming and uncomfortable feeling actually feels in my body allows me an opportunity to grow. In the past, I would allow this low vibrational fear to consume me. Now, operating from a place of love which is a higher vibration, I feel more empowered to overcome that fear. Sitting with it, tending to my own emotional response has proven to be so powerful!

I recently learned how to quickly reconnect with my heart and my soul’s power by clearing my central channel. I rub my hands together creating energy and hold then in front of my pelvic/hip region. Then I raise them up over my body slowly while visualizing releasing any stagnant energy that may be blocking me from my power. Once I get to my heart I stop and shake my hands off as though they were wet. I practiced this the other day while staring at myself in the mirror. The intense feelings I got, the rush of self love made me feel happy and warm all over.

I’m using my power and gifts of sense mastery to heal myself! It’s incredibly empowering my dear readers. This is new ground for me. Becoming the master of my emotions and the creator of my reality is a shift I had no idea would change how I see everything in my world. Forever, my feelings and other’s have run my life in a negative and harmful way. I didn’t know how to sort it all out and I have gone through forgiving myself for not knowing how best to care for myself.

I believe that the way I was treating myself, misunderstanding how best to care for my spirit left me with a deep sadness that I have carried for a long, long time. When someone would ask me, “what’s wrong” it was often difficult to articulate exactly why but now I know it was this heaviness dragging my down creating sadness and eventually pain. Like a broken heart. I was unaware of how it was affecting my life. Now that I’m on the other side of it I know I have found the key to eternal happiness.

Happiness isn’t something you can get from external sources my dear readers. It must be cultivated from within. God has created us with everything we need for balance and peace within our own amazing bodies! I used to feel my heart was failing me because I felt too much and that my brain was attacking me because my thoughts ran so quickly through my mind. It was a terrible, victim like perception I was inflicting upon myself. I now see that I had the power all along to change and feel better. By taking care of my emotional and spiritual needs on a daily basis I have established a strong bond within myself. I make the promise with myself every day to never go back to my old ways. I release the worry and fear surrounding the entire thought I even would.

This new year 2020 feels like it’s going to be my brightest year yet🌠🌈🎇🙏❤

Mental health, Spirituality

Anniversary reaction and the new moon

MariaTeresa

This October has been very emotionally draining for me. As I realized the date today staring back at me just this morning it dawned on me the fact that every October and November in the past eight years have unfolded that way. Having Complex PTSD is the culprit because there is this little phenomenon that happens called the Anniversary reaction or effect. My body remembers that eight years ago within the months of October and November I endured tremendously intense trauma.

This month also ushered in the Harvest full moon on Oct.13th and in the past two days we have been feeling the affects of the new moon rising in Scorpio. Google defines this new moon as this:

“The 2019 New Moon In Scorpio is about embracing the unknown. It’s rare that life unfolds exactly as you want it to. Often, what results is a mess of both success and failure. Even if you get what you want, it might not feel as fulfilling as you thought it would.”

Boy does THAT resonate with me! Needless to say, the combination of energy forces has proved to be quite tumultuous for me dear readers. It’s required me to put more effort into my self care by closely monitoring the daily reflections I jot down in my journal. My favorite tool in counterbalancing these emotional shifts is journaling. Remaining self aware of my thoughts, feelings and behaviors helps keep me in the moment as much as possible when my ego starts whispering lies and goes into full on protective mode.

Becoming more and more “realized ” as an empath, the rapidly downloaded messages I receive from the universe have also kept me on my toes. Here in Dallas, we expierienced a tornado and lots of thunderstorms that caused severe damage. Thankfully, the area of the city I live in was unaffected but I can definitely attest to feeling the vibrational pressure and sheer force of that kind of destructive power. The only option when faced with such strength is to remain as calm as possible by constantly reminding myself that this too shall pass. These temporary effects in nature and the energy being felt has resulted in an overwhelming amount of heaviness on me. Each day this month I felt a varying degree of extra pressure.

The best defense I have found is sticking to my daily rituals. The more my body can expect the comforting aspects of each self compassion tool I employ the more relaxed my hypervigilance is. Granted, this is time consuming and can definitely put strain on my day if I don’t make the proper allowances. Time management is an extremely important part of planning my day.

Another thing I’ve been reminded of this month is to resist making decisions during this period of intense emotional upheaval. Making decisions based in emotion is something I used to do a lot in my past. Afterwards, I learned that those decisions produced unsuccessful outcomes so I must refrain from those knee jerk reactionary responses. This month I was reminded almost daily to chill out. My best defense is to NOT react.

This month is a good example of growing pains. Nothing changes when life is easy and I don’t challenge myself. In the past six months I have conducted a complete overhaul of my internal story, my core beliefs and reassessment of the painful memories related to the traumas I have survived. My brain pushes back upon the new pathways I have built because our brains don’t accept change easily. My fight, flight or freeze triggers have also been in overdrive as I confront the difficult emotions that have long been cemented into my internal story.

These challenging feelings include an unrealistic sense of being abandoned, unaccepted and unloved. A constant, nagging reoccurring thought of not being worthy has threatened to cripple my behavior and how I respond to uncomforbility. I want to give up, throw the towel in. Pushing through these moments creates a feeling of accomplishment that raises my self esteem. I’ve been reminded that, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I have leaned on this mantra a lot lately. Incorporating breathwork and meditation is essential for soothing the conflicting messages my brain screams at me. Again, this too shall pass…..if I let it!

Relaxing into the natural flow and unfolding of life by consciously releasing my white knuckle grip on how I think life should be is a daily challenge and one that I meet with head on every morning. Positive self talk sets me straight and gives me permission to accept these difficult emotions. Reminding myself that growth is sometimes painful. Change isn’t easy. It’s natural to have bad days while the process of self healing continues. It’s a never ending journey. Eight years ago I attempted to end it all. Even though this month and next stand as yearly reminders of my painful past, it’s also another opportunity for self forgiveness.

Today, I feel more empowered and I know that I have a choice. That’s a fact I didn’t believe I had eight years ago. I am not my past. I have grown a lot and am continuing to heal. A journey I am grateful to of chosen.

Mental health, Spirituality

Further understanding and integration of my shadow self, getting comfortable with discomfort

MariaTeresa

When I first started this spiritual journey into healing my mental health and searching for just who I am there were two concepts that honestly terrified me. Those two things were the idea of healing my inner child and meeting my shadow self. The latter being the most intriguing yet completely unacceptable to me way back then. November of 2011 was an extremely dark period of my life yet it also marks an important time in my life because I was given the gift of desperation. Once I hit my bottom the only way to go was up and through. Understand that clearly dear readers, the only way to healing is walking through the pain. There are no quick fixes, magic pills that numb your feelings forever because those feelings are sensations in your body that send your brain important messages of what your body needs.

Our society wants to ignore feelings, seeing them as a weakness not a strength. Swallow or stuff them in order to be strong when in essence it is completely the opposite that grows one’s mental strength and fuels the soul. This past weekend’s full moon was a very powerful reminder for me to actively release all that no longer serves me. It also brought up some more darker truths, that being the existence of my shadow self. But what is shadow self?

When we are born we don’t know anything about how our body works and what it needs. As our knowledge about the world around us grows our personality is forming. Based upon what is socially acceptable, some aspects of ourselves are repressed and denied because they are seen as negative. It is the subconscious part that our egos don’t want to identify with, everything of which is unconscious. Basically the unknown. In order to truly become enlightened one must explore, accept and integrate this side of ourselves to achieve true balance and a sense of wholeness. Again, there is no way around this, one must walk through. There are many ways that we can learn more about this mysterious side of ourselves but my favorite is journaling. The kind of writing that is free flowing, not thought out, in order to access those feelings we deem as ugly, the ones we don’t want to admit to having. We all have parts of ourselves that we deny because we naturally seek love and acceptance. Our egos tell us loads of lies to protect ourselves from rejection, abandonment and pain. What’s amazing is that this other side of ourselves is actually incredibly powerful and necessary to our evolvement, by becoming more self aware we grow to accept others too. We can identify and show empathy toward others when we see these sides of their personalities emerge. We become less judgemental of first ourselves, then of others. We can forgive more easily and practice humility. When I consciously made the decision to meet my shadow self, my ego was screaming at me to stop, close that door and bolt it forever. Throw away the imaginary key that I had created in childhood. The energy that I have now restored within myself by ceasing to repress this side is so empowering. All that exhaustively wasted energy was my egos attempt to keep my true spirit covered. I thought I was protecting myself and staying safe. The exact opposite is true as I was a prisoner of my own mind. Stuck really, feeling as though I was fighting my own brain. I repeated this pattern for a couple years. Put my own self healing on a shelf, not ready to deal with it.

The same patterns emerged around facing my inner child. That wounded little girl that was conditoned to betray herself and her needs in order to be accepted by others. Over time that progamming made me feel unworthy of love and attention cementing within me that I was unimportant. That is where real suffering begins and lies start to multiply. I had ignored my childhood pain for long enough because these mixed up messages were creating chaos within my relationships. I was constantly being triggered into a trauma response morphing me into this extremely hypervigilant, nervous and fearful individual who had an over abundance of anxiety.

By following me and reading this blog of mine, you should be able to tell by now that I have made a lot of progress in investigating, facing and accepting both my shadow self and healing my inner child. I believe it is a lifelong conscious decision and isn’t something that happens overnight. I am actively reparenting myself by tending to that part of my wounded self. It demands my patience, requires self compassion and asks for me to allow space for showing myself grace. This concept is especially challenging for me because I want to deny myself, blame myself and hurt myself when I feel certain of my needs aren’t being met. Repeating the past and the way my caregivers ignored my needs. Today it’s up to me and only me to fulfill these needs and tell myself new stories, creating a new tape to play in my mind when I am triggered.

Monday morning I awoke feeling so powerful and confident but by that evening I found myself triggered, acting out and all those parts of my shadow self were alive and acting out in my behavior. I created chaos within the partnership with my fiance because I was relying too heavily on him to mke everything better. He was so confused and alarmed by my words and actions. In hindsight he had every right to question the woman in front of him. In the past I would deny any of this was even happening because I wasn’t ready to acknowledge the darkness within me and the pain inside me that had been laying dormant for years. That is the old Maria, now I am choosing to heal by accepting this new path. I spent yesterday giving myself permission to show myself some love. I practiced self care, rested my overworked body and mind by spending some extra time practicing meditation. Inner peace is only achieved when I can slow down my thoughts, observe them without judgement and become mindful of my breath. This is where the power of choice comes in. Making the conscious decision to understand mysef more fully AND accept whatever comes up is like a new superpower.

Making friends with the darkest of my emotions has sparked a tremendous surge in my creativity. Realizing my shadow self is a reflection of my power, honesty and passion. I can laugh at myself with ease and relinquish the perfectionist in me that tells me to hate myself when I make a mistake. I can take myself less seriously. I use my meditation practice to focus on self compassion when I feel like I want to start beating myself up again. Squashing old patterns and forming new pathways takes mental, emotional and spiritual awareness. The mental strength and courage to be my best and most whole self. It’s like meeting myself for the 1st time. It’s the most gratifying and profoundly powerful experience to date on my self healing journey.

Sending love, compassion and understanding to al the other self healers out there, we got this💪🙏✌💖

Spirituality

Signs of transformation

MariaTeresa

The past two weeks since I last wrote a post have been full of highs and lows, such is life. The best parts have been glorious while the darker ones have definitely served as more life lessons. Now that summer is over and Autumn is upon us, I can look back and really reflect upon how much I have grown since early June.

Since deeply healing from the traumatic events in my past, I have consciously let go of the intense fear that was encompassing my entire life. It felt like a motor, the anxiety constantly coursing through my veins. The self doubt, mistrust of myself and not feeling good enough were beliefs I wore like a shield of armor. It didn’t protect me however, it hindered me and prevented my spiritual growth.

July was an extremely dark time for me while I worked to integrate my shadow self into the lighter side of my personality and spirit. I know now that the pushing away and denying of this part of my psyche caused it only to build and grow stronger. Like it was screaming at me loudly for acceptance all the while I was deaf to it! Refusing to accept these two intricate parts of myself took a lot of deep inner reflection, meditation and letting go. Slowly but surely, as I showed myself grace, while remaining patient with myself all of the pain and anguish disappeared.

Once the clouds had parted I started to see my life transform and take on a whole new direction. Manifesting my intentions and asking the universe to provide me with signs has been life altering. It seems that everyday a new person shows up to validate the truths I am now living! I have an amazing support circle of ladies both on social media and in my own life that uplift my spirits and allow me to soar higher as the free spirit I am!

Let me share with you two recent stories regarding how the universe works itself into my life to provide me with what I need at that moment. I am now managing a cute boutique inside of a popular contemporary hotel in downtown Dallas called The Statler. I absolutely love it because I get to do what I am best at, talking to people and fashion! A woman came in and immediately I could tell she was from Australia. I mention to her that a dear friend of mine lives there and that the two us went to high school togetet over twenty years ago. She then tells me that she and her partner are visiting Dallas for a wine tasting at our hotel. I tell her my friend runs a vineyard near Adelaide. Then she asked me the name of the vineyard to which I couldn’t recall. So then she comes right out and asks for a name. When I told her my friend’s name, she abruptly stopped what she was doing and told me with as much astonishment as enthusiasm that she knows him very well!! Apparantly her and her partner work closely with him on their wine!! There are 23 million people in Australia and this perfect stranger and I know the same person! What’s even more unbelievable is that my friend and I grew up in a small town in Northern New Jersey and here she and I were meeting in Dallas, TX!!! So cool right?

The night just kept getting better from there dear readers. An older couple came in and as soon as they started talking I could tell they were from the Boston area. I lived in Rhode Island for 13 years from 2000-2013. My two sons still live there with my ex-husband. I have a lot of fond memories of the area and the three of us hit it right off! They must’ve spent over an hour in the store shopping and telling me stories! I learned that Rosemary (Rosie) and Bob have been married for over forty years with two sons, one is married and one is close to becoming engaged. They adore their sons partners and even the women’s families which is awesome and rare to find. Such beautiful people, inside and out!

I share these two shining examples of humanity to highlight that we do really live in a small world. We are ALL connected in some way. Love and kindness are easy values to practice if more of us took the time to connect with each other. It’s not hard, takes little effort and patience, add a splash of curiosity and that’s it!! Socializing is becoming a lost art because of our fast paced world and high speed technology. Start making a conscious effort to put your phone down and look away from a screen in order to meet the people who come into your life. Trust me the entire experience is so rewarding!

I also experienced my first phenomenally profound vision. Last Saturday night I came home to a dark sky full of bright stars. One in particular caught my eye as it started to twinkle brilliantly against its black backdrop. I then watched it take on a deep purple hue as it transformed into a rose before turning into angel wings. Big and beautiful while remaining clearly present in this vivid purple color that took my breath away! My mouth hung open as I struggled to come to terms with exactly what was going on. I now believe my guardian angel revealed itself to me as a sign of mercy and transformation.

I started to ask Google in rapid fire succession anything and everything I could to figure out what just happened. I learned that Angel’s are neither male or female but are all knowing entities. This is what Google says:
Abrahamic religions often depict angels as benevolent celestial beings who act as intermediaries between God (or Heaven) and humanity. Other roles of angels include protecting and guiding human beings, and carrying out tasks on behalf of God.

Seeing the angel represented in the color purple means:
The purple angel light ray represents mercy and transformation. This ray is part of the metaphysical system of angel colors based on seven different light rays: Some people believe that the light waves for the seven angel colors, blue, yellow, pink, white, green, red, and purple, vibrate at different electromagnetic energy frequencies and attract the angels that have similar kinds of energy.

This information comes from an article entitled, “Angel Colors: The Purple Light Ray, Led by Archangel Zadkiel” written by Whitney Hopler. She goes to to explain this:

Purple Light Ray and Archangel Zadkiel

Zadkiel, the archangel of mercy, is in charge of the purple light ray. Zadkiel helps people approach God for mercy when they’ve done something wrong, encouraging them that God cares and will be merciful to them when they confess and repent of their sins, and motivating them to pray. Just as Zadkiel encourages people to seek the forgiveness that God offers them, he also encourages people to forgive others who have hurt them and helps deliver divine power that people can tap into to enable them to choose forgiveness, despite their hurt feelings.

Zadkiel helps heal emotional wounds by comforting people and healing their painful memories. He helps repair broken relationships by motivating estranged people to show mercy to each other.

I firmly believe in this explanation Ms. Hopler writes about because I saw it with own two eyes while under no mental stress or chemical impairment. My senses are heightened, my gifts are growing more powerful while my spirituality is always evolving.

Look for signs from the universe my dear readers, they are all around us in abundance just waiting to be acknowledged. Enjoy your weekend. I wish you peace, love and light ✌❤🌠