Mental health, Spirituality

Wherever you go, there you are

I have always liked the idea of wherever you go, you take yourself with you. In other words, you can change your physical location, surroundings or environment and that is all that actually is different because you are still you. The idea surrounding the possibility of instant growth simply because your physical surroundings are different is idealistic. We take ourselves, good, bad or indifferent wherever we go because we are creatures of habit. We don’t naturally like change. Change is scary and it upsets our egos. Ego mindset is there to keep us safe and small. Observing and deciphering the story our egos tell us is the first step in creating the real shift that is necessary for actual change.

Happiness is an inside job my dear readers. You can fly around the world, search the deepest forests, oceans and scour the beach for the meaning of life or buy things in attempt to find happiness and still come up short because no matter what you do or where you go, we must still answer to ourselves. Searching the external world for what makes one happy is never the answer for only we can create joy and peace within our own reality. The ability to think is what makes us uniquely human. The ability to understand we are not our thoughts is what allows us to become creators of our own reality. How empowering is that? Very😊

While I was thinking about writing this post, I read an article about the comparison of attitudes that either empower growth or can hold one back. The following are five attitudes that create confidence in contrast to overconfidence in life.

There is a difference between feeling truly capable of handling something versus thinking that YOU are the only one capable of accomplishing something. Now, I will state that I know and believe that the only thing I think I am the best suitable person for is taking care of myself. That being said, in every other situation, it isn’t very productive to think and definitely act like you are the only one who can do XYZ. When one thinks that way, it’s a set up for failure.

Overconfident people will continually talk without hearing others, I mean really listening to them. Confident and successful people understand that it’s best to always be learning while keeping an open mind to hearing something new. There must be a balance between talking and listening. I tell my boys to always remain open to new ideas and concepts because when one stops learning, growing ceases and spirit starts to die. This is a mindset that is easy to spot in others, usually depressed people who think they have nothing to offer the world. When those thoughts arise, recognizing that that is an ego based story devised to keep us small and free from changing. That thought can impede growth and squash all possibilities if one acts upon it.

The right kind of attitude is necessary for success in everything one sets out to accomplish. When I have an unrealistic belief that I’m too perfect to make any mistakes, I am attempting to act like a God. We are human and only God is perfect. Therefore it’s best to keep yourself in check by putting your best effort into achieving your goals. Thriving for your best, effortly speaking, is a better way of knowing that the only control you have is putting your best foot forward. We humans are fallible and will make mistakes along the way indefinitely.

That idea brings me to my next point which is being able to learn from your mistakes so that you don’t have to repeatedly keep making the same ones over and over again! We can either learn from our many mistakes along the way or we can choose to let our mistakes hold us back from actually acquiring the lesson and instilling it within our souls so the next time we remember that feeling and take steps to avoid that kind of self induced pain again.

Lastly, people who are confident work to gain respect from those around them by showing loyalty and kindness towards others while maintaining a down to Earth attitude. Overconfident people demand to be the main attraction and the center of attention. The latter type of person I try to avoid at all costs because they are extremely draining on my energy reserves. They lack self acceptance and are constantly seeking it from external sources.

Honestly, I have recently noticed that throughout my life as an empath, I have drawn in many narcissists and sociopaths. Those looking to drain my life force energy because they are so unsettled within their own beings and have no regard for human emotions. Since my spiritual growth has taken hold and my vibration has been raised, I only attract other like minded people to me. Mostly other extra sensory people, empaths, lightworkers and metaphysically interested people. It’s very awesome and a gift from Universe💜

Through daily meditation, over the years, I have learned to observe my own at times monkey mind. I can’t control what I think because I know our minds love to link information together and at times, tell us lies that keep me safe ….ego stories again. All that is within my power is the ability to put space between my thoughts and my actions. Meditation helps me grow that much needed space by passively observing. That’s when I can decipher what my thoughts are trying to tell me. I’m able to then break down my thoughts into the category of either rational or irrational.

I first learned these techniques while attending cognitive behavioral and dialetical behavioral therapyies. These two courses saved my life in many ways because I was allowing my overactive thinking to control my life instead of me being the master. I found myself in a downward spiral trying to escape my life in unhealthy ways and ultimately in permanence when I attempted suicide eight years ago.

I’ve entered a point in my life today where I feel an intense gratitude for everything! The people I have met, the lessons I have learned, the mistakes I have made, the opportunities I have been granted, the many experiences I can add to my tool belt by living life with am open mind along with my free flowing spirit. I love where I am. I am so grateful for where I find myself today and yes, I have brought myself here.

Spirituality

Channeling my inner goddess of empowerment

Happy New Moon my dear readers. This is the second to last new moon of 2019. Since I’m a Sagittarius and will be turning 42 in two weeks, it’s that time of year when I reflect upon my past year. It’s hard to believe we are at the end of another year but even more astounding is thinking about the end of this decade. I recently got involved in a social media challenge to celebrate saying goodbye to 2010-2019 by posting a picture of myself from 2010 and one from now. It’s the time of year I get uber nostalgic by looking at old pictures, rereading my journals and cleaning out my closet.

Me at my 1st road race 7/4/10 in NJ

Me at the boutique I manage here in downtown, TX last week.

This decade has seen the ending of many important events in my life. I got separated and divorced from my ex-husband which was a huge catalyst for many intense and much needed changes in my life. I moved around more times than I can count or care to acknowledge in this decade, changing my address, even the states I reside in. I started this decade in Rhode Island where my ex-husband’s from, then I moved to Florida where I met my fiance and we relocated three years ago here to Dallas, Texas. Just the change of region within our great country has been quite an adjustment for me to say the least. My fiance’s Mom likes to call me a Damn Yankee. It’s a term of endearment coming from her which means I’m from the North, a Yankee, I moved to the South and stayed becoming a Damn Yankee 🤣

During these past ten years I took a deep dive, plunging head first into my own mental health by beginning my spiritual journey and awakening after a suicide attempt in 2011. Hindsight is always 20/20 and boy oh boy has this been a long, painful, challenging, beautiful and awe inspiring experience. I spent an entire year going from inpatient to outpatient and back again in a private psychiatric hospital where I learned life lessons that taught me so much about myself for an entire year! That hospital became a big support system for me for a few years, 2011 to 2013 exactly, while I began healing from the many traumas I have endured. At times I remember feeling really ashamed about needing to return so often to which my doctor replied, you are learning and require repetition, there is nothing to feel badly about.

Thinking about the woman I was then, very broken and fragmented, a shell of who I have grown into today is like reflecting upon the weather. That time feels like there was always a raging thunderstorm brewing creating hurricanes that at times became blistering winds knocking me to my knee and forcing me to crawl. This last year especially as felt like finally seeing the sun peak out from behind those dark clouds turning my gray skies into a clear and brightly colored blue hue accompanied by a peach colored warm sun.

As a child I loved to lay on the ground and watch the clouds dance across the sky. My sister, our friends and I used to shout out whatever shapes we thought we saw up there in their white puffiness. At times I feel like I am living a dream that I could’ve created out of those clouds.

Recently I have decided to stop apologizing for my inner strength and personal power while I shine brightly like a 1,000 watt bulb. While speaking to a dear girlfriend yesterday, I told her this and added that if others take issue with this, they ought to put on some sunglasses. This is my time. Period. 😎

It’s virtuous to think of others before yourself but for my entire life I did this to the detriment of myself. I held myself back and focused all of my energy on others. I first did this with family members. I’m a middle child and being born the fifth child out of the six my parents share together provided a great opportunity of how to get along with others. Then I got married and had my two boys. Needless to say, their needs took precedence over my own and I was obliging to that.

I believe I did this in search of unconditional love and acceptance that I truly never felt I could ever receive or be worthy of from others as a highly sensitive person, an INFJ personality and an empath. For my entire life, I have always felt different, awkward and not a part of. Some people are called the black sheep of their family. My Mom can tell you I definitely marched to the bear if my own drum! What I have come to discover is that ME and only ME can love myself in that way. I wrote in a previous post that only Maria can take the best care of Maria.

Awakening to a higher level of consciousness recently has taught me to name and recognize where my thoughts are coming from. For instance, when I’m having ego centered thinking, that is my psyche trying to keep me small and protected. When I’m thinking as my wounded inner child, my thoughts are centered around needs that weren’t met as a child. These mindsets are often triggered or tripped like a wire attempting to throw me off my peaceful voyage through life. When I am putting some space between these mindsets I can recognize and acknowledge my true and authentic self, my original spirit. I feel more ME than I ever have before because I’m integrating my fragmented self. The parts of me that I clung to for protection and safety. I truly am a multidimensional spirit having a uniquely human experience!

All of this being explained, I awoke earlier than usual on Monday morning. Mondays are my days off and I was wondering why I was up so early, being so alert and awake, but something was pulling me. I put on one of my guided meditations and started free flow journaling. As my thoughts were coming together and I was feverishly writing, I had a thought to look up the different goddesses of empowerment.

I found myself being drawn to a blog post that described these 7 goddesses in detail. The first one struck me with such an intensity, I reread the passage three times before I decided to write it down. Immediately it made perfect sense to me why I was up before I usually am.

The more I read about the Egyptian goddess Isis, the more I felt myself channeling her spirit. She is known for her ability to transmute bad situations into good ones. According to mythology, Isis is the queen of the sky, Earth and moon by being the most enigmatic of the goddesses who embodies the female psyche as she has for thousands of years. As with any of the female deities, her strengths are motherhood, fertility and nurturing yet her main areas of expertise are in the areas of magic and healing.

Isis has an incredibly intense determination and excels most at alchemy. She is said to have served as the template for all other female deities around the world across cultures and religions. Most importantly she embodies the power of alchemical transformation. As the goddess of magic, she teaches us how to use our own unique gifts to create the life we desire. She also serves as an agent of change. By channeling her through my spirit, I am learning to use my ability to show unconditional kindness and love to others to abolish negative energy.

Her influential energy as been circling within me for some time now I believe. This most recent transformation is due to a Kundalini energy release. Kundalini is your life force energy. It’s believed that in those who are unawakened, their energy remains coiled at the base of their spine. For those who have an awakening event like me, we become conscious and that energy spirals upward, activating each chakra leading me to enlightenment.

That is where I believe I am at right now in my evolvement dear readers. Part of my soul’s purpose is to transmute negative energy into positive by using my powers of kindness, understanding and unconditional love for all who cross my path. This is a task and duty I humbly take on with a gracious commitment to create a life beyond my wildest dreams not only for me but for those around me. This is what I believe we empaths and light workers were sent here to continue to do. We are the seekers, the leaders pointing to the path by example of the way we naturally interact with others. It’s a blessing to be able to go forth with purity of heart and conviction for making this a better world for all to coexist in together. We are all connected. Life is truly a beautiful gift🌍❤✌🌠🌈😊

Spirituality

“Thou she be but little she is fierce”

This is one of my favorite quotes. It’s one I lean on when the weight of the world is on my shoulders. It’s by William Shakespeare from his play, “Midsummer Night’s Dream” from the third act…..
Hermia won’t hurt Helena even if you try to help her. Oh, when she’s angry, she is keen and shrewd! She was a vixen when she went to school. And thou she be but little she is fierce.

This post is dedicated to all the powerful women, soul sisters, a tribe of females who support, remind and inspire me on a daily basis. I firmly believe that I wouldn’t be where I am without these badass ladies. I am nothing if not a woman who sticks her hand out to my fellow female warriors just trying to make sense out of this wild wild world.

As competitive as I can be, I have always believed in rising up as a collective. Not only me but why not all of us, hand in hand together? It does sincerely take a village. There is true strength in numbers my dear readers. When I am in doubt, I don’t isolate myself only relying upon my own stinking thinking. Nope, not anymore because I know I have a solid counsel of women whom I can reach out to and ask for advice, guidance and to throw me a life preserver when I’m drowning in my ego!

I was raised in a family of strong women starting with my Mom’s mother, my dear Nana. If you have been following me from the beginning of this blog, you know I have looked up to this woman as the matriarch of our family. I also have three sisters and lots of female cousins. My Mom is a petite and feisty woman who has taught me to always speak up for myself. Here is a poem I wrote last year with Nana as my muse. Celebrating her beautiful and generous spirit and recognizing how she served as such an influential role model for me on how to treat others💖

Since I was the age of two studying dance, I have always been around more females than males and I definitely feel more comfortable around girls. This sisterhood in which I am a part of share a camaraderie that is unmatched by any other group of women I am lucky enough to call my friends. We have bonded by sharing our growing pains, as young girls transitioning to our awkwardness as teenagers blossoming into women and mothers. Practicing all styles of dance, seven days a week for hours creates more inside jokes, silly stories and laugh out loud anecdotes than I can count, only these ladies and I know. They know who they are and are forever bonded in my soul.

Expressing my gratitude towards my sisterhood tribe is the focus for this week’s post. As the holiday season looms near and the end of 2019 is close, I want to take this time to tell these ladies how much of an impact you have made upon my heart and soul. Your strength, wise words, laughter, hugs, comfort and advice is priceless to me. Love you ladies forever. I see you, I thank you and I love you all 🙌🙏❤

Mental health, Spirituality

Anniversary reaction and the new moon

This October has been very emotionally draining for me. As I realized the date today staring back at me just this morning it dawned on me the fact that every October and November in the past eight years have unfolded that way. Having Complex PTSD is the culprit because there is this little phenomenon that happens called the Anniversary reaction or effect. My body remembers that eight years ago within the months of October and November I endured tremendously intense trauma.

This month also ushered in the Harvest full moon on Oct.13th and in the past two days we have been feeling the affects of the new moon rising in Scorpio. Google defines this new moon as this:

The 2019 New Moon In Scorpio is about embracing the unknown. It’s rare that life unfolds exactly as you want it to. Often, what results is a mess of both success and failure. Even if you get what you want, it might not feel as fulfilling as you thought it would.”

Boy does THAT resonate with me! Needless to say, the combination of energy forces has proved to be quite tumultuous for me dear readers. It’s required me to put more effort into my self care by closely monitoring the daily reflections I jot down in my journal. My favorite tool in counterbalancing these emotional shifts is journaling. Remaining self aware of my thoughts, feelings and behaviors helps keep me in the moment as much as possible when my ego starts whispering lies and goes into full on protective mode.

Becoming more and more “realized ” as an empath, the rapidly downloaded messages I receive from the universe have also kept me on my toes. Here in Dallas, we expierienced a tornado and lots of thunderstorms that caused severe damage. Thankfully, the area of the city I live in was unaffected but I can definitely attest to feeling the vibrational pressure and sheer force of that kind of destructive power. The only option when faced with such strength is to remain as calm as possible by constantly reminding myself that this too shall pass. These temporary effects in nature and the energy being felt has resulted in an overwhelming amount of heaviness on me. Each day this month I felt a varying degree of extra pressure.

The best defense I have found is sticking to my daily rituals. The more my body can expect the comforting aspects of each self compassion tool I employ the more relaxed my hypervigilance is. Granted, this is time consuming and can definitely put strain on my day if I don’t make the proper allowances. Time management is an extremely important part of planning my day.

Another thing I’ve been reminded of this month is to resist making decisions during this period of intense emotional upheaval. Making decisions based in emotion is something I used to do a lot in my past. Afterwards, I learned that those decisions produced unsuccessful outcomes so I must refrain from those knee jerk reactionary responses. This month I was reminded almost daily to chill out. My best defense is to NOT react.

This month is a good example of growing pains. Nothing changes when life is easy and I don’t challenge myself. In the past six months I have conducted a complete overhaul of my internal story, my core beliefs and reassessment of the painful memories related to the traumas I have survived. My brain pushes back upon the new pathways I have built because our brains don’t accept change easily. My fight, flight or freeze triggers have also been in overdrive as I confront the difficult emotions that have long been cemented into my internal story.

These challenging feelings include an unrealistic sense of being abandoned, unaccepted and unloved. A constant, nagging reoccurring thought of not being worthy has threatened to cripple my behavior and how I respond to uncomforbility. I want to give up, throw the towel in. Pushing through these moments creates a feeling of accomplishment that raises my self esteem. I’ve been reminded that, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I have leaned on this mantra a lot lately. Incorporating breathwork and meditation is essential for soothing the conflicting messages my brain screams at me. Again, this too shall pass…..if I let it!

Relaxing into the natural flow and unfolding of life by consciously releasing my white knuckle grip on how I think life should be is a daily challenge and one that I meet with head on every morning. Positive self talk sets me straight and gives me permission to accept these difficult emotions. Reminding myself that growth is sometimes painful. Change isn’t easy. It’s natural to have bad days while the process of self healing continues. It’s a never ending journey. Eight years ago I attempted to end it all. Even though this month and next stand as yearly reminders of my painful past, it’s also another opportunity for self forgiveness.

Today, I feel more empowered and I know that I have a choice. That’s a fact I didn’t believe I had eight years ago. I am not my past. I have grown a lot and am continuing to heal. A journey I am grateful to of chosen.

Mental health, Spirituality

Intentionally releasing and letting go

Where to begin. It seems too much. Thoughts running through seem my mind are sometimes too much. I must get this out is what my soul is yearning to scream. Was all of this for real or is it just a dream? The affects of the full moon are upon me in full force this weekend. I am needing a release of my thoughts and feelings, these words more than ever, to be dumped from my mind.

I took careful preparations Friday because I knew what I would be walking into at my job that night. It was the busiest night I have seen so far in the hotel my boutique is in downtown Dallas. Besides the full moon’s energy ramping up the dial, we have our State Fair going on PLUS the huge rivalry game between Texas and Oklahoma. This game will be played close to where I live, at the Cotton Bowl.

I awoke to my me-time to do list consisting of my grounding meditation, light therapy device session, journaling, tarot card reading and yoga practice. This spiritual warrior and trauma survivor knows the stuff I need to do to prepare myself before I head out into the world but most especially this type of crowd!

As soon as I stepped foot into the hotel, I was smacked in the face by a strange, frenetic and unpleasant feeling. The energy this empath was picking up on was over the top. I kept whispering to myself to stay steady, find my center and be mindful of my breath. You see, when I feel this kind of uncomfortable energy, it actually makes my heart race and my hands shake. I braced myself for what I knew the inevitable was.

The first part of the night was wonderful actually. Getting the opportunity to chat with others while helping them find what they need is truly my dream position! I get to meet and greet others from all over the world! It’s humbling to be asked if the boutique is my own, to which I blush and admit to the manager. I am truly invested into it for a few reasons. Number one is I absolutely adore the couple who own it! They have become such dear and kind friends to both my fiance and I. I feel like and treat their boutique like my second home. I feel genuinely honored mostly to host hotel guests and customers into their vision of a fun retail experience. The boutique has a little bit of everything, we hit every price point and have very unique items!

Second is I get to employ my natural talent for helping people while listening to their stories. As an empath and for my entire life, people just have always talked to me and told me their “stuff”. I definitely have the gift of gab and as my fiance’s Mom tells me, I never meet a stranger.

Thirdly, the hotel our boutique is in is just really very cool. It’s an older hotel that was actually closed down for many years. The Statler, was originally called The Grand. It has since been renovated and bought by a private owner. Like the boutique, The Studio Store, the hotel welcomes all types of people from all walks of life. There are different things to do, see and experience all over the entire property as well as the nightly events that take place in its bars and restraunts. I get such a kick out of people watching there! Contemporary modern mixed with an older more classic vibe dresses the setting for an anything can happen atmosphere!

I seem to be drawing lots of new friends into my world who I find out are empaths too! Tonight was no exception. I met two really down to Earth ladies that told me they too are empaths after I spilled the beans about being one 😉 Even after that, the fun, witty banter and usual interactions with the many employees and residents that come in and out of the boutique seemed to quickly evaporate as the night drained on.

It really wasn’t until the last hour and a half before I closed up that it sucked me in. That super heavy and drained of all energy, deeply troubling and conflicted feeling hit me like a mack truck. Boom and now I felt like I was dragging myself to the finish line after a marathon! My head started to hurt and spin as I kept checking the time. I must admit it has been a minute since I felt this overwhelmingly bogged down. Right as I was piecing my emotions together, a hotel employee started literally speaking my thoughts out loud. His validation of feeling exactly as I did was weirdly comforting.

I even stayed open later than usual because I still had a few people lookingaround and purchasing items. It took every fiber in my being to hold it together until I clocked out and locked the door. Then unfortunately, I got into another terrible Lyft experience(in the past few weeks there have been entirely too many)

By the time I arrived home, I was dragging myself and willing my feet to take each step. I sat down on my couch and bowed my head and immediately begin to cry. Soft tears at frst led to sobbing while I heaved and hoed my sorrows out. I felt reduced to a puddle on the floor feeling like a dried up orange, drained from all its fruit.

Then it dawned on me. This is a Hunter full moon. A time for letting go, releasing and expelling that which no longer serves us. I asked myself if tonight was Divine Source’s way of showing me how NOT to be? Stop giving away all of my energy so freely? Nah, that’s not it. Then I read a post by a truly gifted and talented writer on here, The Typewriter.

It wasn’t even a recent post but one from June of last year that expressed why she writes. Sharing her many thoughts and philosophies. Just getting the words that tumble around our ever thinking minds out is a gift and a blessing. I believe it is the chosen few who can have the shifted perception to believe it’s when I am down, I am the strongest. For it’s my hurt and pain that I transmute into positive and sustainable life energy.

Reflecting back, tonight was a manifestation of what I set out for my intentions this AM in my journal. Deciding to let go of all that no longer has purpose in my life. No more squandered and wasted energy and brain power. Bloom and blossom into the flower I am meant to be. Show others my authentic self by being honest, open and giving. Speading kindness to all whom I encounter along the way.

Writing this post was helpful because now all of those thoughts, feelings and emotions that aren’t mine can be released and let go. No poem attached to this post. Just this…..

I call this my bubble mantra an I say it out loud after practicing my grounding meditation.

“I am surrounded by healing light. It protects my spirit from negativity and that which isn’t mine. I will not rescue others emotionally. I am safe. I am grounded. Nothing can infest and infect my spirit”.

It can feel quite scary to pick up on and feel other’s pain. It is then that I remind d myself that m duty is to show compassion towards others but nt to take responsibility for their emotions. We are all healing from something. My journey here, is mine and mine alone.

What about you dear readers, how are you intentionally letting go? What are you resisting and holding onto that may be creating undue suffering in your life?

Spirituality

Signs of transformation

The past two weeks since I last wrote a post have been full of highs and lows, such is life. The best parts have been glorious while the darker ones have definitely served as more life lessons. Now that summer is over and Autumn is upon us, I can look back and really reflect upon how much I have grown since early June.

Since deeply healing from the traumatic events in my past, I have consciously let go of the intense fear that was encompassing my entire life. It felt like a motor, the anxiety constantly coursing through my veins. The self doubt, mistrust of myself and not feeling good enough were beliefs I wore like a shield of armor. It didn’t protect me however, it hindered me and prevented my spiritual growth.

July was an extremely dark time for me while I worked to integrate my shadow self into the lighter side of my personality and spirit. I know now that the pushing away and denying of this part of my psyche caused it only to build and grow stronger. Like it was screaming at me loudly for acceptance all the while I was deaf to it! Refusing to accept these two intricate parts of myself took a lot of deep inner reflection, meditation and letting go. Slowly but surely, as I showed myself grace, while remaining patient with myself all of the pain and anguish disappeared.

Once the clouds had parted I started to see my life transform and take on a whole new direction. Manifesting my intentions and asking the universe to provide me with signs has been life altering. It seems that everyday a new person shows up to validate the truths I am now living! I have an amazing support circle of ladies both on social media and in my own life that uplift my spirits and allow me to soar higher as the free spirit I am!

Let me share with you two recent stories regarding how the universe works itself into my life to provide me with what I need at that moment. I am now managing a cute boutique inside of a popular contemporary hotel in downtown Dallas called The Statler. I absolutely love it because I get to do what I am best at, talking to people and fashion! A woman came in and immediately I could tell she was from Australia. I mention to her that a dear friend of mine lives there and that the two us went to high school togetet over twenty years ago. She then tells me that she and her partner are visiting Dallas for a wine tasting at our hotel. I tell her my friend runs a vineyard near Adelaide. Then she asked me the name of the vineyard to which I couldn’t recall. So then she comes right out and asks for a name. When I told her my friend’s name, she abruptly stopped what she was doing and told me with as much astonishment as enthusiasm that she knows him very well!! Apparantly her and her partner work closely with him on their wine!! There are 23 million people in Australia and this perfect stranger and I know the same person! What’s even more unbelievable is that my friend and I grew up in a small town in Northern New Jersey and here she and I were meeting in Dallas, TX!!! So cool right?

The night just kept getting better from there dear readers. An older couple came in and as soon as they started talking I could tell they were from the Boston area. I lived in Rhode Island for 13 years from 2000-2013. My two sons still live there with my ex-husband. I have a lot of fond memories of the area and the three of us hit it right off! They must’ve spent over an hour in the store shopping and telling me stories! I learned that Rosemary (Rosie) and Bob have been married for over forty years with two sons, one is married and one is close to becoming engaged. They adore their sons partners and even the women’s families which is awesome and rare to find. Such beautiful people, inside and out!

I share these two shining examples of humanity to highlight that we do really live in a small world. We are ALL connected in some way. Love and kindness are easy values to practice if more of us took the time to connect with each other. It’s not hard, takes little effort and patience, add a splash of curiosity and that’s it!! Socializing is becoming a lost art because of our fast paced world and high speed technology. Start making a conscious effort to put your phone down and look away from a screen in order to meet the people who come into your life. Trust me the entire experience is so rewarding!

I also experienced my first phenomenally profound vision. Last Saturday night I came home to a dark sky full of bright stars. One in particular caught my eye as it started to twinkle brilliantly against its black backdrop. I then watched it take on a deep purple hue as it transformed into a rose before turning into angel wings. Big and beautiful while remaining clearly present in this vivid purple color that took my breath away! My mouth hung open as I struggled to come to terms with exactly what was going on. I now believe my guardian angel revealed itself to me as a sign of mercy and transformation.

I started to ask Google in rapid fire succession anything and everything I could to figure out what just happened. I learned that Angel’s are neither male or female but are all knowing entities. This is what Google says:
Abrahamic religions often depict angels as benevolent celestial beings who act as intermediaries between God (or Heaven) and humanity. Other roles of angels include protecting and guiding human beings, and carrying out tasks on behalf of God.

Seeing the angel represented in the color purple means:
The purple angel light ray represents mercy and transformation. This ray is part of the metaphysical system of angel colors based on seven different light rays: Some people believe that the light waves for the seven angel colors, blue, yellow, pink, white, green, red, and purple, vibrate at different electromagnetic energy frequencies and attract the angels that have similar kinds of energy.

This information comes from an article entitled, “Angel Colors: The Purple Light Ray, Led by Archangel Zadkiel” written by Whitney Hopler. She goes to to explain this:

Purple Light Ray and Archangel Zadkiel

Zadkiel, the archangel of mercy, is in charge of the purple light ray. Zadkiel helps people approach God for mercy when they’ve done something wrong, encouraging them that God cares and will be merciful to them when they confess and repent of their sins, and motivating them to pray. Just as Zadkiel encourages people to seek the forgiveness that God offers them, he also encourages people to forgive others who have hurt them and helps deliver divine power that people can tap into to enable them to choose forgiveness, despite their hurt feelings.

Zadkiel helps heal emotional wounds by comforting people and healing their painful memories. He helps repair broken relationships by motivating estranged people to show mercy to each other.

I firmly believe in this explanation Ms. Hopler writes about because I saw it with own two eyes while under no mental stress or chemical impairment. My senses are heightened, my gifts are growing more powerful while my spirituality is always evolving.

Look for signs from the universe my dear readers, they are all around us in abundance just waiting to be acknowledged. Enjoy your weekend. I wish you peace, love and light ✌❤🌠

Mental health

Continuing to peel the onion

It’s taken me a little over two weeks to get back to my writing and posting here on my blog. If you read my previous post dear reader, you understand that I am in the process of healing some deeply rooted emotional trauma from the sexual abuse I suffered as a child. I have been experiencing emotional flashbacks from that time that are quite disturbing to my daily functioning. I have had some really dark days but I feel I am turning a corner. I can now see a light at the end of this tunnel of feelings I tucked so neatly and carefully away man years ago.

I’ve returned to what works best for me which is a combination of psychotherapy and EMDR. I even had an energy unblocking reiki session with a newly discovered master shamanic healer. All three methods of healing have served as a powerful tool in guiding me forward down the path of healing and helping me return to my most powerful self.

This was the third reiki session I have had over the span of almost twenty years. I was educated about energy chords and how empaths develop both positive and negative ones. These chords become tied to our seven chakras and can literally block the flow of energy in our bodies trapping and holding negativity in. I can’t express enough how powerful and freeing this session was for me. I was able to dig deep and release that energy which was no longer serving me and holding me back like a hostage of sorts. I cried, I tingled and shivered internally in a way only those whom have experienced the transformative power of reiki can understand. I highly recommend utilizing this ancient practice for anyone that is interested in peeling their own emotional onion!

I’m so grateful that my job has not only approved a medical leave for me during this crucial time of healing, but they also set me up with a wonderful psychologist with over thirty years of expierience. I have been engaged in some sort of therapy since I was seven years old. I liken the process now to a blind date. I meet with a total stranger and tell them the most intimate details of my life. Again I am thankful that my new therapist and I clicked and were able to quickly develop a connection. He and I mostly discuss my personality type of being an INFJ and how it has affected my relationships and behaviors throughout my life. We keep on the surface really because the details and more of a deep dive into the emotional trauma is for my EMDR sessions.

My latest EMDR session was rough. At first I was able to visually transport myself back in time to the trauma and recover those feelings of intense fear and shame. Suddenly though, I became unable to allow myself to become vulnerable and I started actively blocking myself from feeling and reprocessing the memory of being sexually abused. It’s so frustrating and I couldn’t help feeling disappointed in myself at first still sitting there in her office. Afterwards, I opened my eyes and admitted to visualizing my adult self rescuing my inner child hurting self which is couterproductive to what needs to happen.

I need to gather all the courage I can to face these feelings without fear of disassociating. I am only holding myself back and therefore stunting my own healing. Fear is a real motherfucker for me. It has been the driving emotion that is so deeply rooted in my life experiences. Like a fire burning inside of me threatening to swallow me whole.

I’m grateful to have another intensive week of therapy ahead of me to continue to dive deeper, peeling more layers of and letting go of this trauma I have been carrying for over thirtysomething years.

A dear girlfriend of mine asked me to step outside of my own pain to write a poem for our Women Vetrans here in Texas on June 12. It was like a shot in the arm, giving me the boost I needed by practicing gratitude. It’s hard to feel upset when we are thanking others for their fearless efforts defending and protecting our country. I am honored to have taken part in this event and look forward to many more like it in the future.

On this Sunday night, I think it is important for me to reflect upon my progress and set an intention for my near future. I am walking through the pain and accepting the feelings I thought would kill me to survive. I’m not running away or stuffing them. I am looking at them straight on and I know just like my fellow female warriors, I am not invisible. I will keep going. I will survive❤

Check out Spiritual Metamorphosis’s page at https://www.spiritmetamorphosis.com/
Lindsey Luna is an amazing woman and healer!!