Mental health

My 2nd Poetry Slam

I’m continuing to get on the microphone and dramatically read my poems. When I was younger and studying all forms of dance my dream was to dance on Broadway. I do love the thrill and terror that comes from being on a stage.

Last night’s slam was very intimate and cozy. I met some wonderful artists and even made plans to host a book signing with the promoter of this event who was so welcoming and made me feel so valued as an artist. This is called “Nothing But Poetry Live” and it helps showcase artists in and around Dallas, TX. I really love being around other creative people in this performance capacity!! I have found my people! Being seen and heard, my personal feelings landing with my own unique flare is so empowering. I was asked if I have a music accompaniment to go with my poems last night. I will be doing a collaboration with an old dear friend of mine from high school who is one of the most amazing guitar players I have ever heard and have the pleasure to know.

I asked the promoter Sam, to video me since I attended this event solo last night. This poem is called “Losing my best friend” and is inspired by what’s going on with my partner who is my best friend. My fiance played and retired from professional football with both the NFL and Arena football leagues. Watching and witnessing his struggle with mental illness including memory loss, hearing voices and not knowing who he is at times is beyond heartbreaking. Ironically, he wanted to attend with me last evening but had an anxiety attack that kept him from leaving our apartment. He later admitted how hard it is to see me in pain over what’s happening to him. I know he can’t help it and I don’t take any of it personally because I know how much he supports and loves me. My writing has always served as an outlet for me to process my feelings. This entire situation is hard for both of us yet I know he is my biggest fan even if he can’t show it 100% of the time.

I was having a conversation with my oldest son yesterday about how fast time goes by. I believe it passes even quicker as we age. He wasn’t too thrilled to hear that but I said it just makes every moment more precious. I want to stay mindful in each of them as much as possible to fully enjoy my life these days. I’ve squandered so much time in anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. It’s been 9 years since I was in and out of a psychiatric hospital myself with complications from CPTSD. These days, I celebrate my life and am intensely grateful for all of it! This is what “Triumphing over Trauma” looks like…..

“Losing my best friend”

This year is my year for transformation, a metamorphosis. I am going after my dreams by keeping my foot on that gas pedal and making the most out of this momentum energy I’m cultivating by doing it. It’s so exciting and it makes me feel so alive to be up on a stage again. Keep watching as this free spirit spreads her wings and soars high๐Ÿฆ‹

personal development

What’s your impossible?

Every day do something to challenge yourself, a lil reminder that the impossible IS possible. If you are comfortable you’re not growing. Getting comfortable with uncomforbility pushes you to evolve and get closer to your authentic self. It’s all in your mindset. What’s your impossible? Please feel free to start a dialogue with me on the comments section below๐Ÿ˜



Spirituality

I don’t want to

This will be another short post. I want to share with you my dear readers what a blessing it is to write and have the ability to channel my energy into my poems. At times, when emotions are running hot…that’s when my creativity comes alive. I write this one just last night.

Emotional pain yields breakthrough in my creative process

This poem below is a message from my inner child, my little Maria to my adult self. Healing is a process that has taken a deeper dive into all the facets of self. Some people name their alter ego, I have not but lately have been considering it. Just to keep them straight. I know my partner likes to refer to me by a different name when I’m displaying characteristics that are unsavory. I keep pushing myself to uncover, untangle and help my true authentic self emerge more and more often๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’œ

Spirituality

This is me

Spoke with a girlfriend of mine yesterday and she inspired me to show more of my personality in all that I share online especially my theatrical side. Those who know me in real life know how much I love to dance, it’s my deepest passion that started at 2 yrs of age.  At one point in my life I wanted to dance on Broadway. I trained intensely for many years, quit suddenly at 16, throwing it all away. (I will get into why in later posts) I’m pushing myself back into that world since my 2nd dream of being a writer has been realized because I self published my book of poetry last year for Amazon, “Emotional Musings”and I operate this blog. …..now it’s time to get back into dance.

Solo dance party๐Ÿ’ƒ๐ŸŽ‰



This past weekend I took my first ballet class in over 10 years. Last evening I took a jazz/funk class. Both classes were equally amazing, kickin my๐Ÿ‘

I’m determined to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone because I feel alive when I’m dancing and listening to music. I feel the most ME that I have ever felt, since probably high school. Despite my tech blunders and disorganized room (who cares right?) I keep doing it.
I also started a little project. I painted my first mini canvas yesterday with a poem on it. Who knows where it will go but the point is I’M DOING IT!! Live your life out loud and without self consciousness. It feels A-MAZING ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ™Œ

Spirituality

Visions proclaiming my future path

My dear readers, as I write this my heart is swelling with excitement, gratitude and so much joy! This past week has been one of the most incredible and validating as well as amazing experiences I have ever had! Buckle up as I explain just how my journey has elevated, and brought me to a whole new level in my spiritual journey and awakening. We are multidimensional spiritual beings having a human experience here on Earth. There are layers to this thing called life and boy, did I see it front and center this week play out in real time in my own life. This is going to be a long post so hang with me๐Ÿ™

I have been communicating openly with my spirit guides now for some time asking them to show me signs that they are in fact real and have my back. My roots are Italian, Puerto Rican and Venezuelan. My father is 100% Italian and our family is from Calabria. We embody the characteristic of Calabrese meaning hard headed, stubborn. I tell you this because I need to have things banged over my head for me to believe them. Just ask my fiance, he gets quite frustrated with me at times over how many times he has to repeat himself for me to understand certain things. Just the other day while in the boutique I manage, I was speaking out loud and asked, “hey spirits are you here with me”? Some time passed and then all of a sudden a HoneyBun dropped off the shelf from a place that had a secure lip, there was no way this thing could of fallen unless it was knocked off there. Needless to say, this week my spirit guides showed up 4 times in major ways 4 days in a row!

All of my visions so far have happened outside, in nature, in my backyard. To date there have been 7 separate ones. Thursday’s vision started much like the last one. I’m watching the sky and all of a sudden hundreds of twinkling white lights come floating down from the sky. Some of them get so close almost touching my face! The feeling that I immediately get is like a giant warm hug from the Universe. Tears fall from my face like a waterfall. It’s awe inspiring and beautiful and I can’t pull my eyes away. But this vision is just the tip of the iceberg because Friday’s vision blew me away!

I must tell you my dear readers that I have incorporated an app on my phone called SoundHeal into my daily meditation practice and I love it! There are eleven Solfeggio (an ancient 6 tone scale)different frequency settings that help influence healing on the following topics:

174 Hertz reduces pain both emotional and physical

285 Hertz influences energy fields and skincare

295.8 Hertz aids improves metabolism by dissolving fat cells and helping you lose weight

396 Hertz helps in reducing guilt and fear balancing the root chakra

417 Hertz facilitates change in our energy field reducing negativity and balancing the sacral chakra

432 Hertz influences cosmic healing since it is the vibrational frequency of everything in nature, a source of overall health and well being

528 Hertz aids in DNA regeneration by boosting self confidence and is said to be the miracle tone that balances the solar plexus chakra

639 Hertz influences our spiritual connection by opening our heart chakra, aiding with problems in love and relationships

741 Hertz aids in expression and solution by balancing our throat chakra, cleansing cells and detoxification of the body so we can be more connected and lead a more spiritual life

852 Hertz unifies the spiritual order of everything by connecting us to our third eye chakra or our logical mind, intuition to receive more messages from the past or future

963 Hertz awakens and balances us and is said to help reach a state of Nirvana and oneness by putting us into a perfect state to connect and balance our crown chakra which helps us to understand everything around us, raising our own Kundalini, the energy of consciousness

In addition to these tones that help balance the mind, body and spirit placing us in perfect harmony are imedded sounds of nature including AUM (OM chanting), beach, fire,river,rain,wind,thunder,birds and singing bowl.

I mix them all up depending on how I’m feeling and what I want to tweak. Mostly I stick to cosmic healing adding AUM, rain and singing bowl. Lately too I have been adding in birds because I find their tweets and calls very calming and peaceful. It is suggested to listen daily for at least 3 to 7 minutes to observe changes and I don’t do more than 15 at a sitting. After I’m finished, a friend of mine suggested that I go out into nature and put my back against something solid like a rock or tree to ground the tones into my body.

If you understand that our entire world is made up of energy you can see how tuning your body to different frequencies helps it heal. I recently watched the entire first season of “The Goop Lab with Gwyneth Paltrow” on Netflix. Since 2008, her company Goop has been exploring alternative and holistic treatments to enhance and extend life in healthy ways. There are two episodes that I found fascinating and really enjoyed because they are based on energy field body work and psychic abilities. I highly recommend watching, “The energy experience” and “Are you Intuit”. I would love to discuss these topics with you my dear readers so please feel free to leave your comments belowโฌ‡๏ธ

https://www.netflix.com/title/80244690?s=a&trkid=13747225&t=cp

Onto Friday….Friday was the first day I was able to try this new grounding technique because our weather had finally cleared up from rain to sunshine and I believe this tip changed the game for me! There are benches made of cement in my backyard so I wrapped my wolf howling at the moon blanket around me (my Mom bought it for my oldest son and he gave it to me because it is quite small for him) which I now refer to as my vision cloak, and laid upon the bench. At first just my spirit guides appeared, floating around me dancing in the air. Then I turned my gaze towards the sun and OMG I saw dark shadows that morphed into a bird like creature, they switched positions around the sun creating a propeller type of motion. Then that vanished and an eruption like a volcano came shooting out of the sun forming a heart in deep purple colors that then turned to bright white beams and flashes. I felt my mouth hang open as I couldn’t take my eyes off of the Sun. Finally after an hour of being out there just staring I walked back into my apartment. I quickly did a Google search on visions out of the Sun and this is what I learned.

According to ancient Indian medicine, there are these vein like threads called Nadis that carry Prana or life force energy throughout our bodies and connect directly to our chakras. Nadis weave through these channels or pathways to our physical nerves as well as the circuitry of the mind, of self and our consciousness matrix that supports our physical presence from invisible dimensions of existence. I learned that the Sun-solar energy is distinctly male energy while our Moon-lunar energy is female. So, Sushumna (chakra system)which is the central channel of energy in the human body that runs from the base of our spine to the crown of our head carrying Kundalini energy can only flow freely once Ida and Pingala Nadis are balanced and clear creating an increase in spiritual growth thus shifting my being from my mind’s thinking to my heart…to me this means I have now entered into a state of love and abundance leaving my thinking or fear based mind behind.

This combination of placing my chakra crystals upon my chakra points while using the sound healing tones have awakened these areas of my body thus raising my self awareness and helping me reach a higher level of consciousness, like another spiritual awakening. This makes two major shifts and elevations in my journey in just eight months! I have now leveled up! I have done the work and continue to stick to my rituals and practices. Now I’m reaping the rewards!

I also learned that gazing at the sun is called fractal enlightenment and stimulates the pineal gland. Using the sun’s energy I have charged my hypothalamus tract through my eyes which is the pathway to the rear of the retina leading to my brain. This practice also powers my brain by boosting serotonin and melatonin levels which are the happy hormones, relieves stress and tension, activates my third eye so that I can perceive higher dimensions, increases my energy levels, has been proved to actually increase the size of the pineal gland, reduces hunger pangs since body is being essentially nourished by the sun, improves eyesight and finally opens these Nadis energy channels!!

On Saturday I did the same thing as Friday morning. This time, as I gazed lovingly into the Sun all of a sudden I saw these weird geometric shapes with roses and flowers attached to them. I began to cry, sob really as I took a mental photograph of this vision. I attended a free yoga class at a new studio here in Dallas called NAMA fitness, which I highly reccomend. Before my class I was chatting with the instructor from the previous class and she was discussing the discomfort she was experiencing from her new tattoo that she had just gotten on the inside of her arm. Our chat sparked my curiosity so I asked to see it. Low and behold, it was those same geometric shapes and flowers that I saw not an hour earlier!! Holy crap my dear readers, this revelation floored me๐Ÿ˜ฏ

Sunday was an overcast day for us here in Dallas when I ventured back to the bench. I lay there for a few minutes before getting called to sit on a large log behind our greenhouse. I turned my head to the right and was immediately struck by a cloud formation that quickly morphed into an angel, then a butterfly and finally a huge shamrock. I spoke aloud without hesitation and said, “Hi Nana”!! I have written here before about how my dear Nana, my mother’s mother is my guardian angel. She passed away almost fifteen years ago on St. Patrick’s Day. She has always appeared to me as a butterfly whenever I need a bit of cheering up. Without fail, I will ask for her and sure enough every single time, even when I’m not in a garden setting or a place where it’s common to see a butterfly, there she is within arms reach. She has even appeared when I have been out walking with my fiance and landed upon his arm for a bit. I remember saying to him that Nana wanted to meet you and say hello.

Sunday afternoon I attended my first ballet class in over ten years. It was glorious and terrifying, challenging and triggering all at the same time. There were times within that hour and a half class that I wanted to run out the door but little inner child Maria, the one who was pushing me to get back into the dance studio to begin with, refused to quit and walk out. It was invigorating and gave me such a sense of accomplishment when it was over. I floated out of class on the same clouds that I saw Nana emerge from. I treated myself to a coffee and did a bit of grocery shopping before I called a Lyft to take me home.

When I got into my car, the driver asked how my day was and then asked if I knew what was going on. I was immediately struck with a pang of fear and I said that I didn’t. I make it a point to not look at my phone when I’m on these excursions with myself so that I can stay in and enjoy the moment. He broke the news that Kobe Bryant was just killed in a helicopter accident along with eight other people including his 13 year old daughter. Immediately, my mind went to my vision on Saturday of the bird, propeller type shadows with the heart shaped volcano explosion. My heart sank and I started to cry as I realized how absolutely tragic and sad this news is while also realizing these visions are premonitions of future events.

I must tell you dear readers that I have always been very intuitive but lately my intuition has been extremely active and on point! I gave advice to a friend of mine, a fellow empath, over a social media message the other day and she admitted that what I said was verbatim the exact same message she received from a medium she sees! I predicted my son’s day at work for him recently. He was injured and I told him the kind of day he could expect. Later that day he was so shocked when he told me that my predictions were 100% correct. He then asked me if I am a wizard!! Aren’t all mothers anyways ๐Ÿคฃ

Lastly dear readers I want to leave you with where I believe all of these visions and heightened states of awareness are bringing me and why. I recently watched a webinar on Shamanic healing and my dear friend, Lindsey Luna aka @soul.healing.with.luna on Instagram is one. She is also a Reiki master. She is willing to let me start an apprenticeship under her as she teaches and guides me into learning how to become a Shamanic healer!! Since watching the webinar, I have been consulting with my guides and it’s been confirmed that this is where my path is bringing me. In the future, I want to do both writing and healing full time. It’s my calling. My purpose. It is why I have survived all the trauma that threatened to kill me at many stages throughout my life. I now live to heal others through my testimony and my gifts. The amount of gratitude that is pouring out from my heart as I write this is bringing tears to my eyes. My soul’s purpose has been revealed and I’m more than ready to answer the call. Lead the way spirit as I trust the Universe to always have my back. This self healing life is abundantly beautiful

๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ™๐ŸŒˆ๐ŸŒ ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿ˜