Getting in touch with your emotional truth, by processing feelings to improve the human condition in the 21st century. Living out loud by my motto,"Triumphing over Trauma" 🌈
In light and in shadow, always with ❤
This post has been trying to manifest itself for sometime my dear readers. With this ever changing situation our entire world is in, coupled with the spiritual growth I myself have been experiencing, HOLY MOLY y’all!!!! The messages, downloads actually, come so intensely at times it overwhelms my entire system. This week as I sat in Mother Nature’s excellence, I was finally able to piece together all of what was being revealed to me. I’m so grateful to have been able to finally sit with it all to make sense out of it😊
It is said that we attract what we need in this life and I firmly agree. The relationships I cultivate are exactly what I need to learn and gain wisdom from. For a very long time I brought in others who were broken, narcissistic and displayed deep sociopathic behaviors. Yet after this summer’s breakthrough, I see everything from a new light. I thank our God and creator for that whole heartedly. The perspective of “victim and why me” is now thank God me, what is this meant to be teaching me? I feel like my soul is this giant sponge just soaking up the energy of others to be nurtured into a more acceptable and loveable Maria❤
We are all interconnected and only together do we rise. Plug yourself into a soul tribe, learn from others and in turn gain an inner wisdom that is your own soul’s language. My dear reader’s that is what this down time has taught me. Whenever I am feeling resistance to what, specifically my partner whom I have been forced to be with 24/7 in a very small space is saying (at times shouting at me) I can go outside and say ah-ha!!! The stubborn Itialian girl inside needed to hear that. I needed to see that side of my own ego thinking to be able to accept that there is always another way of looking at the world 🤗
I feel very blessed to have so much quiet time lately. Tuning into my own natural rhythm and parsing out just what I make of the world around me. Going deeper. That is always my destination. As my son Ty would say, wow Mom that’s deep. Yes my dear it is and it’s only there that the truth lies. Whether I’m bouncing off the walls exercising, tap dancing or sun bathing in my backyard…..the Universe is constantly sending me affirmations and synchronization of prior messages as if to say “keep going, you are on the right path my dear.” As a devoted student of this spiritual journey, I bow my head and oblige 🙌
The things that have brought this naturally high vibe, extroverted and upbeat woman an abundance of peace has been maintaining my routine. Like my partner Lincoln asked once, “does spirituality take a day off?” In response I shook my head casually and said “Nope baby.” Everyday I open my eyes and charge forward with a real conviction to meet my soul wherever I am at and in that moment. Here is a small list of what I do before I begin interacting with the world around me:
Open Mark Nepo’s “The Book of Awakening” to read that day’s passage
Putting the chakra balancing crystals upon my chakra points while I turn on the SoundHeal app, sitting quietly for 10-15 minutes in whichever frequency I feel suits me in that moment.
After that I grab my journal and pour out my thoughts without thinking, judging or stopping. I believe in free association writing in the morning so I can get in touch with whatever my soul is connecting with at that moment. My dear readers, I can’t express to you how much these practices have meant to me over the last 9 months and how much inner wisdom I have gained from allowing myself to go in whatever direction is necessary. Working up that spiritual muscle 💪is needed for when I am called into battle as the human vessel I embody in this life. It’s all gravy or a cherry on top, however one chooses to see it🍨
This morning I was served the first test of my patience as I awaited the test results from the Covid19 test I had administered to me on Tuesday. My brother in law drove my partner and I to a drive through testing facility in downtown Dallas where they stuck a q-tip up to my brain space quite literally to retrieve a sample of my mucus membranes. I was then told to wait 2-3 days for a phone call giving me the results. This morning at 8:22 AM I answered that call only to find out that the person who took down my information had made an error in documenting my address (yes, I know what you’re thinking dear readers, why wasn’t my driver’s license scanned digitally) Without being able to verify me properly, even by my driver’s license number (I offered it too) I would have to wait for a call back🙄
I’m not someone who accepts NO for an answer. So I went about calling any official number I could find, even finally speaking to a supervisor at the state of Texas board of health to not only tell them of my story but to ask how I retrieve the result. In the meantime, 5 plus hours of frustration ensued. My partner and I are quarantined in our small apartment with no hot water (that’s another story for another time) his mother and aunt who are elderly and immune deficient are alone in the main house without our help and his brother has been banished to a room in his house all because we don’t know for sure if I have this dreaded virus 🤬
One more avenue I exhausted was registering myself on the website of the lab who administered the test only to find out that there were no known lab results for me. As of 5:45 PM, the time I am writing this post, I still have no answers. At this point, can I trust the result to even be accurate?
I share all of this to express to you all that we truly have very little control over what happens in our world. Even when we follow the guidelines and do what we are instructed. The only real truth is what lies within our soul. There lies our true North star and whatever I find there is what God wants for me to know and understand. I trust in that. I am guided by love and driven by faith🙏
I will leave you with this my dear readers. After my morning of frustration and aggravation, I put on my favorite music and got my workout on!! Sweating out all the crap I can’t change or control. Dancing to my favorite tunes until I was thoroughly exhausted and expressed💃
A great man who helped to shape the music industry in our world, Mr. Quincy Jones said this and I firmly agree…..”Not one drop of my self worth depends on your acceptance of me”
My dear reader’s I have been having noticing a reoccurring confirmation from friends, mentors along with the messages I receive from the Universe regarding how to obtain lasting happiness. It boils down to this….. it’s definitely an inside job! Nothing external, meaning outside oneself, can make you happy and keep you that way. Boy oh boy has this been a tough lesson to learn for me. There are so many mixed messages out there especially when you are bombarded with advertising promising you that this product or that program will give you all you ever dreamed of along with happiness. It takes going beneath the surface of everything in our society to get the real answer on this one my dears🤔
I firmly believe that a connection to both a higher power, whatever you choose to call that, I chose to call it God and a deep connection with yourself is needed for inner peace and happiness. I myself disconnected from myself many years ago due to trauma and the increasing fear it inflicted upon my life. Over the years, I abandoned belief, trust and love of myself. When I was sexually molested as a child, I internalized that pain and blamed myself. I never told anybody about it so that wound just grew and grew😪
The beliefs I had then were screaming at me everytime something challenging came up like, “you’re not good enough, you don’t deserve that” and “you’re a failure so stop trying.” Either of these beliefs can be destructive to one’s self esteem but both of them wrecked havoc and destroyed my aspirations and dreams. Not to mention the times in my life when I have succumbed to a case of the “fuck its” and chose to be completely self destructive going scorched Earth with my life by quitting everything and everybody with no explanations and running away. I’ve done that too many times during my 42 years that I care to recall here🙄
I tell you dear readers all of this to be able to exclaim that those darker days are officially over! I have faced the pit of my issues, healing from sexual abuse over these past 10 months. I have been able to establish my management position at an amazing boutique downtown. I am about to self publish my second book of poetry. I have gone back into the dance studio and am loving class again. I have attended 2 poetry slams so far this year. I have an interview article coming out soon highlighting my writing career here in Dallas. These are my external accomplishments and achievements but what means more to me on an intimately personal and much deeper level is the acceptance of myself and living authentically every damn day with no apologies. I now know true inner peace😊
It’s a major shift of perspective for me to realize that only I can advance or derail my success in life. The main ingredient for this depends on your level of self love. Since June, I have been treating myself a whole heck of a lot better. I’m my own best friend and caregiver. It will still be a work in progress but the internal dialogue with myself, the many parts of me that clammer for attention like my inner child which is still wounded at times, my ego (thinking mind), my instinctive personality (INFJ) and then my intuition which is my highest self’s voice and my soul has reached a point where I can recognize each of these bits of Maria so that I can make decisions based upon my best interests. This is a humungous difference from the previous years of my adulthood! I can honestly say the more I pause to decide how to respond to life’s ebbs and flows, the more I can differentiate between the many facets of me!
For the past two days, I have had the pleasure of being off work and enjoying some much needed free time. I have been listening to 963 Hz tone frequency on the SoundHeal app during my meditation time. At this frequency I’m stimulating and balancing the Sahasrara, thousand petaled or crown chakra. This is generally considered the 7th primary chakra which is the energy center for understanding according to most tantric yoga traditions. It can be used to attain a state of Nivana-oneness. This frequency returns the system to its original state. It is said that when a yogi is able to raise his or her kundalini, the energy of consciousness, to this chakra the state of Nirvikalpa Samodhi is experienced. Ah….yessssss🧘♀️
Well all I can tell you is due to my sensitivity I have been experiencing some amazing benefits from using this frequency. Today, I felt filled with energy. So much so that I went for a long run/walk that amounted to my own personal marathon! I used my MapRun app to track my time/distance/pace and honestly, I didn’t turn it on from the beginning so add another 3 miles to this total…..I completed 27 1/2 miles today 🏃♀️
Along the way I was singing out loud to my favorite female 90s pop icons like Madonna and Janet Jackson. I even took a detour to the swings and satisfied little Maria’s love for swinging! It was a welcome break from the path and I must admit felt so fantastic🥰 I just love the exhilarating feeling I get from pumping my legs in order to get as high as I can reach on a swing! This particular swing set is located around mile 8 or so on the running trail that circles White Rock Lake. I observed some very picturesque moments that I captured like these birds sitting in the trees over the lake.
I just adore the feeling I get being out in nature by myself. I feel so alive and whole as is evident in this selfie I took 😎
I saw this sentiment near the elevators on a floor of the hotel I work inside a few days ago and quickly snapped a picture of it as inspiration for this post. I agree with Ms. Turner 100%
Lastly, this one sums it up quite honestly and definitely reflects where I am today on my journey. Love, light & peace ❤🌠✌
My dear readers, as I write this my heart is swelling with excitement, gratitude and so much joy! This past week has been one of the most incredible and validating as well as amazing experiences I have ever had! Buckle up as I explain just how my journey has elevated, and brought me to a whole new level in my spiritual journey and awakening. We are multidimensional spiritual beings having a human experience here on Earth. There are layers to this thing called life and boy, did I see it front and center this week play out in real time in my own life. This is going to be a long post so hang with me🙏
I have been communicating openly with my spirit guides now for some time asking them to show me signs that they are in fact real and have my back. My roots are Italian, Puerto Rican and Venezuelan. My father is 100% Italian and our family is from Calabria. We embody the characteristic of Calabrese meaning hard headed, stubborn. I tell you this because I need to have things banged over my head for me to believe them. Just ask my fiance, he gets quite frustrated with me at times over how many times he has to repeat himself for me to understand certain things. Just the other day while in the boutique I manage, I was speaking out loud and asked, “hey spirits are you here with me”? Some time passed and then all of a sudden a HoneyBun dropped off the shelf from a place that had a secure lip, there was no way this thing could of fallen unless it was knocked off there. Needless to say, this week my spirit guides showed up 4 times in major ways 4 days in a row!
All of my visions so far have happened outside, in nature, in my backyard. To date there have been 7 separate ones. Thursday’s vision started much like the last one. I’m watching the sky and all of a sudden hundreds of twinkling white lights come floating down from the sky. Some of them get so close almost touching my face! The feeling that I immediately get is like a giant warm hug from the Universe. Tears fall from my face like a waterfall. It’s awe inspiring and beautiful and I can’t pull my eyes away. But this vision is just the tip of the iceberg because Friday’s vision blew me away!
I must tell you my dear readers that I have incorporated an app on my phone called SoundHeal into my daily meditation practice and I love it! There are eleven Solfeggio (an ancient 6 tone scale)different frequency settings that help influence healing on the following topics:
174 Hertz reduces pain both emotional and physical
285 Hertz influences energy fields and skincare
295.8 Hertz aids improves metabolism by dissolving fat cells and helping you lose weight
396 Hertz helps in reducing guilt and fear balancing the root chakra
417 Hertz facilitates change in our energy field reducing negativity and balancing the sacral chakra
432 Hertz influences cosmic healing since it is the vibrational frequency of everything in nature, a source of overall health and well being
528 Hertz aids in DNA regeneration by boosting self confidence and is said to be the miracle tone that balances the solar plexus chakra
639 Hertz influences our spiritual connection by opening our heart chakra, aiding with problems in love and relationships
741 Hertz aids in expression and solution by balancing our throat chakra, cleansing cells and detoxification of the body so we can be more connected and lead a more spiritual life
852 Hertz unifies the spiritual order of everything by connecting us to our third eye chakra or our logical mind, intuition to receive more messages from the past or future
963 Hertz awakens and balances us and is said to help reach a state of Nirvana and oneness by putting us into a perfect state to connect and balance our crown chakra which helps us to understand everything around us, raising our own Kundalini, the energy of consciousness
In addition to these tones that help balance the mind, body and spirit placing us in perfect harmony are imedded sounds of nature including AUM (OM chanting), beach, fire,river,rain,wind,thunder,birds and singing bowl.
I mix them all up depending on how I’m feeling and what I want to tweak. Mostly I stick to cosmic healing adding AUM, rain and singing bowl. Lately too I have been adding in birds because I find their tweets and calls very calming and peaceful. It is suggested to listen daily for at least 3 to 7 minutes to observe changes and I don’t do more than 15 at a sitting. After I’m finished, a friend of mine suggested that I go out into nature and put my back against something solid like a rock or tree to ground the tones into my body.
If you understand that our entire world is made up of energy you can see how tuning your body to different frequencies helps it heal. I recently watched the entire first season of “The Goop Lab with Gwyneth Paltrow” on Netflix. Since 2008, her company Goop has been exploring alternative and holistic treatments to enhance and extend life in healthy ways. There are two episodes that I found fascinating and really enjoyed because they are based on energy field body work and psychic abilities. I highly recommend watching, “The energy experience” and “Are you Intuit”. I would love to discuss these topics with you my dear readers so please feel free to leave your comments below⬇️
Onto Friday….Friday was the first day I was able to try this new grounding technique because our weather had finally cleared up from rain to sunshine and I believe this tip changed the game for me! There are benches made of cement in my backyard so I wrapped my wolf howling at the moon blanket around me (my Mom bought it for my oldest son and he gave it to me because it is quite small for him) which I now refer to as my vision cloak, and laid upon the bench. At first just my spirit guides appeared, floating around me dancing in the air. Then I turned my gaze towards the sun and OMG I saw dark shadows that morphed into a bird like creature, they switched positions around the sun creating a propeller type of motion. Then that vanished and an eruption like a volcano came shooting out of the sun forming a heart in deep purple colors that then turned to bright white beams and flashes. I felt my mouth hang open as I couldn’t take my eyes off of the Sun. Finally after an hour of being out there just staring I walked back into my apartment. I quickly did a Google search on visions out of the Sun and this is what I learned.
According to ancient Indian medicine, there are these vein like threads called Nadis that carry Prana or life force energy throughout our bodies and connect directly to our chakras. Nadis weave through these channels or pathways to our physical nerves as well as the circuitry of the mind, of self and our consciousness matrix that supports our physical presence from invisible dimensions of existence. I learned that the Sun-solar energy is distinctly male energy while our Moon-lunar energy is female. So, Sushumna (chakra system)which is the central channel of energy in the human body that runs from the base of our spine to the crown of our head carrying Kundalini energy can only flow freely once Ida and Pingala Nadis are balanced and clear creating an increase in spiritual growth thus shifting my being from my mind’s thinking to my heart…to me this means I have now entered into a state of love and abundance leaving my thinking or fear based mind behind.
This combination of placing my chakra crystals upon my chakra points while using the sound healing tones have awakened these areas of my body thus raising my self awareness and helping me reach a higher level of consciousness, like another spiritual awakening. This makes two major shifts and elevations in my journey in just eight months! I have now leveled up! I have done the work and continue to stick to my rituals and practices. Now I’m reaping the rewards!
I also learned that gazing at the sun is called fractal enlightenment and stimulates the pineal gland. Using the sun’s energy I have charged my hypothalamus tract through my eyes which is the pathway to the rear of the retina leading to my brain. This practice also powers my brain by boosting serotonin and melatonin levels which are the happy hormones, relieves stress and tension, activates my third eye so that I can perceive higher dimensions, increases my energy levels, has been proved to actually increase the size of the pineal gland, reduces hunger pangs since body is being essentially nourished by the sun, improves eyesight and finally opens these Nadis energy channels!!
On Saturday I did the same thing as Friday morning. This time, as I gazed lovingly into the Sun all of a sudden I saw these weird geometric shapes with roses and flowers attached to them. I began to cry, sob really as I took a mental photograph of this vision. I attended a free yoga class at a new studio here in Dallas called NAMA fitness, which I highly reccomend. Before my class I was chatting with the instructor from the previous class and she was discussing the discomfort she was experiencing from her new tattoo that she had just gotten on the inside of her arm. Our chat sparked my curiosity so I asked to see it. Low and behold, it was those same geometric shapes and flowers that I saw not an hour earlier!! Holy crap my dear readers, this revelation floored me😯
Sunday was an overcast day for us here in Dallas when I ventured back to the bench. I lay there for a few minutes before getting called to sit on a large log behind our greenhouse. I turned my head to the right and was immediately struck by a cloud formation that quickly morphed into an angel, then a butterfly and finally a huge shamrock. I spoke aloud without hesitation and said, “Hi Nana”!! I have written here before about how my dear Nana, my mother’s mother is my guardian angel. She passed away almost fifteen years ago on St. Patrick’s Day. She has always appeared to me as a butterfly whenever I need a bit of cheering up. Without fail, I will ask for her and sure enough every single time, even when I’m not in a garden setting or a place where it’s common to see a butterfly, there she is within arms reach. She has even appeared when I have been out walking with my fiance and landed upon his arm for a bit. I remember saying to him that Nana wanted to meet you and say hello.
Sunday afternoon I attended my first ballet class in over ten years. It was glorious and terrifying, challenging and triggering all at the same time. There were times within that hour and a half class that I wanted to run out the door but little inner child Maria, the one who was pushing me to get back into the dance studio to begin with, refused to quit and walk out. It was invigorating and gave me such a sense of accomplishment when it was over. I floated out of class on the same clouds that I saw Nana emerge from. I treated myself to a coffee and did a bit of grocery shopping before I called a Lyft to take me home.
When I got into my car, the driver asked how my day was and then asked if I knew what was going on. I was immediately struck with a pang of fear and I said that I didn’t. I make it a point to not look at my phone when I’m on these excursions with myself so that I can stay in and enjoy the moment. He broke the news that Kobe Bryant was just killed in a helicopter accident along with eight other people including his 13 year old daughter. Immediately, my mind went to my vision on Saturday of the bird, propeller type shadows with the heart shaped volcano explosion. My heart sank and I started to cry as I realized how absolutely tragic and sad this news is while also realizing these visions are premonitions of future events.
I must tell you dear readers that I have always been very intuitive but lately my intuition has been extremely active and on point! I gave advice to a friend of mine, a fellow empath, over a social media message the other day and she admitted that what I said was verbatim the exact same message she received from a medium she sees! I predicted my son’s day at work for him recently. He was injured and I told him the kind of day he could expect. Later that day he was so shocked when he told me that my predictions were 100% correct. He then asked me if I am a wizard!! Aren’t all mothers anyways 🤣
Lastly dear readers I want to leave you with where I believe all of these visions and heightened states of awareness are bringing me and why. I recently watched a webinar on Shamanic healing and my dear friend, Lindsey Luna aka @soul.healing.with.luna on Instagram is one. She is also a Reiki master. She is willing to let me start an apprenticeship under her as she teaches and guides me into learning how to become a Shamanic healer!! Since watching the webinar, I have been consulting with my guides and it’s been confirmed that this is where my path is bringing me. In the future, I want to do both writing and healing full time. It’s my calling. My purpose. It is why I have survived all the trauma that threatened to kill me at many stages throughout my life. I now live to heal others through my testimony and my gifts. The amount of gratitude that is pouring out from my heart as I write this is bringing tears to my eyes. My soul’s purpose has been revealed and I’m more than ready to answer the call. Lead the way spirit as I trust the Universe to always have my back. This self healing life is abundantly beautiful.
In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below. https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77