Spirituality

Brainstorms Award nomination

BrainStorms

I would first love to sincerely thank Tangie T. Woods at Mrs. T’s Corner https://www.tangietwoods for nominating me for the Brainstorms Award! It’s a true honor to interact with so many talented writers and artists on WordPress. I will do the best I can to answer the questions asked of me and then nominate five other awesome bloggers that I follow with five of my own questions. Here it goes…..

Question 1: When did you start blogging?

I have written about this in my early posts and I would like to share my story again now. I’m reminded of a quote by Brene Brown, “Owning your story is the bravest thing you will ever do.” I have kept journals, written poems, short stories and essays my entire life for pleasure and as a way to process my own deeply felt emotions. Writing is how I make sense of the world around me as a highly sensitive person and empath with extra sensory perception. I think in metaphors and analogies. I recently had a dear friend of mine who is a professional astrologer give me my natal chart reading and wasn’t the least bit surprised that writing came up so often. It’s been a dream of mine since I was a child. I told my parents that someday I would write screenplays and who knows, perhaps I will but for now I enjoy authoring this blog and writing my poetry books (the links to which are below and available on Amazon).

In August of 2018 I came across a new movement on social media started by Ms. Jameela Jamil called @i_weigh which is a statement to say we are more than just the number on the scale, our outwards appearance, beliefs, race, sexual orientation etc. I started following her and the movement on Instagram and started liking other people’s posts of their selfies with adjectives and short phrases of who they really are like sister, trauma survivor, home chef, good listener….you get the point. I felt so inspired that I posted my own no make-up selfie with my own words. The response I received was so overwhelmingly positive, it really blew me away! I made fast friends with a soulful woman who lived in Australia and we immediately bonded over how many things we had in common including Complex PTSD, going tlbeing divorced, being empaths, political leaning views, music and writing. She asked me if I had a blog since so many of my messages to her read as lyrics to her. I told her that I enjoyed writing poems but I didn’t share any of it publicly nor did I have any clue how to! She really helped me birth not only this blog but the formatting of my poems. She gave me the confidence I needed to start really producing my writing in a whole new way. I found an app called Mirakee, I highly recommend it to my fellow Android users (it’s not currently in the iTunes store) for creating poetry. In October of 2018 I launched “Emotional Musings” here on WordPress. Here is the picture that launched it all.

@i_weigh on Instagram

Question 2: Why did you start blogging?

I have a motto that I live by and that is “Triumphing over Trauma”. For the past ten years, I have been on a journey, to heal my soul and uncover who I really am. I like to say I have lived a few different lives in my 42 years on this planet. Most of them were under an umbrella of depression, anxiety, intense fear and trauma. The deepest wound is the childhood sexual abuse I finally spoke out loud just one year ago. I have always felt different and not knowing what an empath was, believing I was crazy because I could feel other people’s feelings and know their thoughts without being told scared me and also separated me from my family and friends until I was 35 years old. Once I discovered there are other people who communicate with spirits, are highly intuitive and possess other metaphysical gifts, it changed my life! In the last year I have experienced two big shifts in the form of spiritual awakenings that have not only brought me closer to God but have allowed me to accept myself, embrace selflove, trust and believe in myself. Yes my dear readers, those were qualities I never had before.

When I first really started to heal from my life’s struggles ten years ago, I went the route of our mental health system. After I attempted to take my own life 9 years ago and proceeded to go in and out of a psychiatric hospital for an entire year (I showed up there once a month) I fell down a rabbit hole of misdiagnoses and a slew of psychotropic medications. I was on them prior to my suicide attempt and in total for fifteen years. I attended every support group available, outpatient program including CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy), EMDR (eye movement desensitization reprocessing) and intensive psychotherapy up to three times a week. I have been in some sort of therapy since I was seven years old. I have experienced both catatonic depression and dissociative episodes since I was very young.

I wear all of these experiences as a badge of honor, not the shame that used to paralyze me. I mainly write this blog to share with others that they too can heal. We aren’t as alone as our ego centered thinking would have us believe at times. Ten years ago when I asked my ex-husband for a divorce, I was a broken and a lost soul. I didn’t want to be a wife and stay at home mother anymore. I didn’t know what I wanted or who I was anymore. I had been trying to fit into the box others wanted of me. I was living two separate lives really, who I was on the inside and who I presented to the outside world. I voluntarily wore the heaviest mask which was invisible to me and I had no clue I was wearing every day. I did what I had to do to survive while separating myself from my own intensely damaged feelings. I felt incredibly alone in this world yet if you asked one person close to me at the time, they would tell you I was a happy woman! That’s how good I was at performing in the starring role of Maria Teresa Pratico. I was an academy award winning actress in my own movie taking “fake it till you make it” to new heights! I loathe that phrase by the way because these days I don’t fake anything. If it doesn’t feel good, I don’t do it. Period. I follow my heart and intuition at all times. After living so long separated from my own soul, I refuse to go back in a closet of darkness.

That’s not to say I don’t sit in my shadow at times and still work to integrate the sides of myself that are sticky and uncomfortable because I definitely do. To know light, we must accept the dark too. I write this blog so that others don’t have to ever feel as alone or crazy as I once did. We humans are made for self healing and unfortunately our society programs us into accepting a belief system that in part teaches us to ignore our emotions. I know better. When you can feel, you can heal and fully embrace who you are in the moment. That’s the key, living in the present by fully feeling instead of dissociating, ignoring or covering up what you feel. It’s the path to true freedom and I hope this blog stands as a beacon for that light to shine while allowing others to do the same. I muse over emotions and like my tagline states, “Getting in touch with your emotional truth, process pain and improving the human condition in the 21st century. Living out loud by my motto “Triumphing over Trauma”.

For all my readers, from my heart to yours….believe in your inner beauty💜

Question 3: How often do you blog?

When I first started this blog I was unemployed and therefore had loads of time on my hands. Since the last major trauma I endured, getting strangled by a disabled client I had while being a direct support staff for a non profit organization, I hadn’t held employment for five years from 2013-2018. In the fall of 2018, shortly after I started this blog I was hired by Starbucks to be a barista and then was quickly promoted to a shift supervisor. In many ways, this blog helped me get my life back in order. I was posting once a week for about one year. Last June, I went on an emotional leave from that position so I could fully concentrate on healing from the childhood sexual trauma because at that time I once again found myself not being able to function. I was leveled at my knees and ultimately I discovered that that trauma was the root of all my pain. My life began to go through a big metamorphosis and I was hired for a new position, managing a dear friend of mine’s boutique inside a luxury hotel in downtown Dallas. That job was and will always be a dream position because it helped me marry all aspects of who I am so perfectly. I started posting every 4 days and that’s the schedule I do my best to adhere to. If you’re a regular reader of my blog here, you know I usually post a poem of mine at the end of each post. My posts here are usually in conjunction with the creation of my poems. Both serve as an artist expression from my heart and of my soul.

Question 4: What are your thoughts about interacting with fellow bloggers?

That’s a big part and a true highlight of operating this blog! At first I was kind of shy and to myself here, as I am in life believe it or not! It takes me a minute to warm up and want to engage with others, I need to feel into it. This past fall I started branching out and reading more from my fellow bloggers and commenting on their posts. I quickly met some great ladies and gentleman that I truly admire for their own writing skills and how they touch my heart. We are fruitfully blessed my dears by our little community here and I must say especially now during this pandemic lockdown, reading and interacting with you all is a highlight of my day. I have met people from all over the world and it is such an honor for me to be able to do that. Each and everyone I follow and read serves to shine a light and bring joy into my life. I want to thank you all for your dedication to writing and your friendship. I’m a hugger and here is a virtual hug from me!

Question 5: Have your blogging expectation(s) been met?

I must admit, I had no idea what to expect coming into this and my one goal has always been to share my heart. I believe if I remain true to that this serves it’s purpose. Some of my friends and family have asked me if I make money from this blog and although I have considered changing my plan as of right now I don’t. My goal is quite simple. To share and connect with others. To put my artistic mark on this world as part of my digital footprint. I enjoy expressing myself in my writing here and I hope to spread some hope, inspiration and joy into the lives of whomever reads it!

Well, that’s it my dear readers! My nominees, if they should choose to participate are the following:

Erika Kind at https://erikakind.me/

Luna pen to paper at https://lunatheblog.com/

V at https://millenniallifecrisis.org/

Meg at https://wheregoodadvicehappens.water.blog/

Unique Soul at https://coronadayslockdown.wordpress.com/

Here are my five questions:

1. Why did you start writing and what led you to start a blog here on WordPress?

2. If you could go anywhere in this world, where would it be and why?

3. If you could have one superpower what would you choose and why?

4. What are some of your favorite hobbies besides writing?

5. If you could sit down and have a conversation with anybody living or passed, who would it be and why?

Please check out my two books of poetry available on Amazon at the following links below:

Spirituality

My grateful heart

This post is bursting with love and gratitude for all of the wonderful things taking place in my life. My heart is so full and happy my dear readers and I just want to share this wonderful news with you all🥰

I finally got a new laptop, WooHoo, which is making writing so much easier and much less tedious. I had been using my midgrade Android cell phone with a stylus to tap out each post, one letter at a time. That’s how dedicated and determined I am to write. As you can imagine, typing on a laptop is a breeze in comparison! I have started to assemble the manuscript for the 2nd book of poetry I will soon be self publishing on Amazon. This is something I have been planning for months and I’m so excited to release it, I’m calling it, “My Soul’s Language”. Stay tuned for the official release information my dear readers.

In a few previous posts I shared that I have decided to learn to become a Shamanic healer under the tutelage of my dear friend, Reiki master and Shamanic healer Lindsey Luna aka @soul.healing.with.luna (her Instagram handle) and yesterday we made plans to officially begin my apprenticeship early next month! Lindsey has been so I instrumental in my healing process for the last 10 months and I consider her a soul sister, kindred spirit. Her magic has successfully retrieved my soul and aligned my chakras so that I can step into my power. Realizing my soul’s purpose is something I struggle to put into words that can express fully the immense feelings of love and gratitude that I feel. The entire experience has changed my life and to know that once I learn how to do this myself, I will have the opportunity to help heal others is so life affirming! The only words that keep running through my head, like on an electronic banner, are thank you God🙏

It’s no coincidence that I find myself being able to see my path through at this point in my life. We are all in the Great Awakening process and these seeds were planted months back. I can feel myself on the verge of something great, I am not sure what it is but I can feel it in my bones and believe that wonderful things are about to happen for me in my life. I have been patiently following the bread crumbs Universe and Divine spirit provide. I keep in close communication with God and I can feel the support, love and protection all around holding me up in grace. Again, thank you God for bringing me here to this understanding of myself and your mission for me.

Last week I listened to my dear friend Chrissy Marie’s podcast, “The Art of Aliveness” (on Spotify, see below for the link) and I shared with you dear readers what magic she is able to facilitate with her own energetic healing practices. She interviewed an incredibly intriguing gentleman named Joel Adofin who is considered a Divine Catalyst and Supernatural Creative. While listening to their chat I felt goose bumps, chills and heard myself saying YES, outloud because he was confirming everything I have been experiencing in my own life for the past 10 months! I knew immediately that I was to work with him so I reached out and booked a session for Friday. Here is a brief description of how the session will go:

This session gives us the chance to work with multiple aspects of the Divine – channeled messages & Divine Grace. I am able to deliver messages if they come through. There is space to ask for clarification and time for discussion at the end.

For the next two days, while quietly sitting in meditation, I will prepare the questions I have for Joel to help answer. I am confident that I will hear exactly what I need to because I know the Universe has my back and is preparing me for that something great I feel coming.

For so many years I have read about what hope and faith are but only now do I truly feel this way and can see how holding these two values so dearly has been working in my life. I have devouted myself to caring for my spirit and have strengthened my love for God and all of the blessings he makes available in my life. It brings me to tears of joy and love. I just now my head and whisper “Thank you God” and Namaste. This is my latest poem expressing my gratitude for it all. Nothing but peace, love and light my dear readers ✌❤🌠

Namaste

Please check out my 1st book of poetry entitled, “Emotional Musings” available now on Amazon The 2nd offering of poetry is now available entitled, “My Soul’s Language” also on Amazon.

Spirituality

Super Sagittarius and my upcoming project

I was born under a new moon and have both Sun & Moon in Sagittarius. Plus Venus, which governs our value system, pleasures and influences my charm, gracefulness and beauty…..mostly my heart’s desires😉
I also have Neptune in Sagittarius which is where I get my optimism and generosity from😉

I am considered a Super Sagittarius 💜♐
Thank you #earthboundtrading for this gorgeous constellation of Sagittarius barrette! Also this sweet aura bead meant to amplify my energy💜♐

Sagittarius constellation

Right now I’m going to give you a bit more information on the project I teased about in my last post about my professional photoshoot. I am so pleased my the response to my pictures and really damn happy I was taking them. I’m celebrating me🎉🥰

I told you my dear readers that I had them done for multiple reasons and the first upcoming project I just sent off, thankfully, was a real doozy!! I was asked to give an interview for a local magazine here in Dallas, TX that features upcoming people to watch in and around the city. When I first read the email I was so taken aback that I thought somebody was punking me🤣

Recognition in my inbox😊

What you may not know dear readers is that I unfortunately don’t own a laptop. I punch out this blog and my first book’s manuscript from my crappy Android cell phone. Where there’s a will there’s a way I always say💪😉 So on Monday night when I first received the final prints I was so excited to jump on this link and start answering the interview questions. Now, I have commented on some of my fellow blogger’s posts how I am not super tech savvy having to figure out things myself is hard and it is very time consuming but I will never let that stop me…..just a lil venting session is ok, right🤪 you know what I mean V at https://millenniallifecrisis.org/

There were 12 sections to complete, the first 5 were direct questions about my story, how I started and got to where I am today, was the path to success clear (if you’ve been reading my blog from the beginning you know my struggles and all about my uphill battles) if I think good luck or bad luck influences me, what sets me apart from other people, what am I most proud of accomplishing so far….damn it I just remembered I forgot to incorporate the poetry slams I have attended so far this year. Opps!!

Well, the reason for my absentmindedness is because I shouldn’t have started working so late at night while my mind was too tired. I became distracted by a notification, one of the frustrating reasons that pop up because I work from my phone, dragged down the screen without saving anything first and BAM….2 hours of writing gone.

Thankfully, Tuesday I was off from work so I woke up excited to start again except this time I thought I would try using the laptop inside my partner’s Mother’s house. We live in an in law suite in the back. She has an older laptop that I unfortunately spilled coffee on last year while I was babysitting our little nephew😐 so it tends to have a mind of it’s own. The WiFi signal in it has always been weak, when Mama came walking through the back room I was in she made a comment on how she was surprised it was working. I believe she inadvertently jinxed me because soon after that, the computer just died! It kept going through this annoying self repair feature and it wouldn’t allow me to log back onto the internet because the WiFi signal was completely dead. This time I had invested 6 hours of work so needless to say I was pretty upset. I told my partner that I would resume work on it today, Thursday and we walked to the local corner store for a beer to calm my nerves🍺

I should add in here that I always get extra emotional a week before my time of the month. I have PMDD, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which makes my mind loopy, I misunderstand things and tend to process information differently. I am already a HSP yet I become even more so during this time because light, sounds and my internal temperature thermometer is up and down…..making me feel hot and then cold….yes and no…..Katy Perry in my head now 🙄

Last night I came home frustrated from work and I used that slow burning anger to keep me up all night until I finished and submitted the entire interview. I banged out another 6 hours!! I must say however, I feel relieved. Like a monkey is off my back. I am not of fan of deadlines, time management and the like. I live my life in a spontaneous do what I feel like kinda way most of the time if I can help it however of course I do have to adhere to a schedule because I understand that there is only so much time in the day. My conditioning and ego try to pull me back and keep me safe but I am determined to keep growing, evolving, recognizing, shifting where neccessary and always radically accepting. I am flawed, I am human and I love me despite it all🥰

The article should be published in a few weeks and I will definitely share it with you my dear readers. Peace out✌

Spirituality

The most ridiculous thing I have bought

A fellow blogger friend of mine, Trina at https://itsgoodtobecrazysometimes.wordpress.com/about/ posted a question the other day and asked “what is the most ridiculous thing you have ever bought?” I thought about it while staring at my alter. A small table where I keep the knick knacks and stuff I cherish, hold a deeper meaning for me and relax me. Immediately, the little statue of a magenta ballon animal shaped as a dog silently barked! I purchased it last year in an art gallery in Miami when my son, Tyler and I were there on vacation. It was a very memorable time because my son and I hadn’t seen each other in over 2 1/2 years! Yes, divorce sucks! That particular day, we rented a car and drove from my parents home 45 minutes to Miami for the day. I had the best time just talking with him, sitting on the beach together and showing him my favorite spots to hang out, eat and shop. Ty is my oldest, my first born and the light of my life. We have so much in common. I was a stay at home Mom in the first part of my adulthood.

Continue reading “The most ridiculous thing I have bought”