Grief and loss, Healing

In memoriam

Yesterday was a glorious day for my family and I as we bid our final farewell to my Dad. My Mom was especially happy to hold this memorial service in their Catholic church 45 years to the day they had their first date. I was extremely honored to be the representative from the family to give the eulogy which included the poem I wrote “Daddy” just hours before he passed on November 24, 2020. This was the closure we all needed and the homecoming my Dad deserved.

For you Dad
“Daddy”

We continued the celebration of my Dad’s life with an Italian fest fit for the king he is, a luncheon that was held at his favorite restaurant which included family and close friends, about twenty people. My older sister flew in from Utah and my oldest brother drove down from Orlando. It was especially great to all be together again since we have all been separated by the pandemic. We laughed and we shed tears. We all shared our favorite memories of my Dad. I was so comforted by my family yesterday and it felt so good to be with the people I love the most. My partner is here (FINALLY) and he was and is my rock, grounding me through the grieving process. I’m so grateful and blessed to have these people in my life when I need them the most. My gratitude includes my dear friends that are scattered across the country and in other places around the world who have sent condolences with love including so many of you my dear readers. From the bottom of my heart, your love means so much to me. Connection is a key in healing because we all experience loss. This is a time we need to lean on each other.

My sister Tami arranged these beautiful flowers

I took this video of myself dancing hours before my partner’s arrival. I absolutely adore Janis Joplin’s style and fiery vocals. My partner often remarks on how I remind him of her so I felt it fitting to dance in tribute to her and my love for all of humanity. I put a piece of my heart into every creative thing I do. If I don’t feel passionate about it, I simply don’t do it. Life is precious and I intend to make the most of my time here doing what I love to do most which is expressing the depths of my creative soul in light and love!

“Piece of My Heart”

In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below or click the Services tab in the menu.
For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment. Maria@emotionalmusings.com
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77
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Healing, relationships

Surrendering to patience, helping love grow

Cultivating patience has always been a challenge for me. As a highly sensitive individual alive today in a culture of urgency and reaction, being patient takes a mindful approach. Meditation is the best tool I have found, putting me in the passenger seat as an observer to my thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Developing a pause button greatly assists me in behaving in a way that aligns more to my authentic spirit and my nature. It’s a delicate dance and at times I fall down while the flood of emotions can get overwhelming and yet what I have learned on my self healing journey are what the lessons within each mistake serve to help me to grow stronger, becoming a better version of myself. Many refer to this as choosing one’s battles.

As an emotional warrior and someone who reads energy it can be emotionally taxing for me to over exert my own energy and interject myself into situations not meant for me. Therein lies the mastery of what I believe about how we are the masters of our own reality and emotional states. My behavior is mine alone and I am the one who must face the consequences of my actions.

I must admit my dear readers to feeling the aspects of my shadow in a much deeper way upon the arrival of my partner. We have spent so much time apart and my fear was that he wouldn’t like the person I am today. In the past few days I have had many outbursts, said things I later regretted saying yet after contemplation, meditation and re-centering can see how triggered my ego had become putting me on the defense. My personality was really on display in ways that I haven’t felt in months. These experiences are uncomfortable and lead me to become overly critical, overly analytical and I find myself trying to carry the weight of the world upon my shoulders in a perfectionist way. Old coping patterns, mindsets and behaviors resurface giving me a opportunity to observe these shadow parts of myself over again with fresh eyes throughthe transformationalprocess I have undergone. This my dear ones is the cycle of healing. My first response was to feel the fear and disapproval of myself stemming from years of emotional pain and traumatic wounding like they were fresh all over again. Ultimately, acceptance of what is becomes the only viable solution for inner peace, balance, harmony and self love.

Integration of shadow

I may not always like everything that I feel all the time yet I understand these are growing pains and are necessary for my partner and I to go through together while we build a stronger, more sound foundation in this new beginning of our relationship. The deep love and acceptance of one another for the different people we are is what comes to the surface healing all. I believe our soul bond and love will carry us through because that is undeniable. He and I have faced many challenges together and I believe that’s what builds a strong relationship. Finding love within the challenges and changes, rediscovering our flow, accepting one another, surrendering to patience and being mindful of how I respond are the keys to mutual joy, peace and love. It’s not always easy yet nothing is when change is unfolding. This meme I came across the other day expresses this idea perfectly.

Word

In the meantime we are being gentle with one another and recognizing that time takes time, a phrase I’ve relied upon often in the past ten years during my self healing journey. I look forward to more walks on the beach, listening to live music, singing together, dancing with one another and lots of laughter. This is the beginning of a beautiful new phase of our relationship. I love you baby, always and forever!

In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below. For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment.
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77
paypal.me/tinyd9

Consciousness, Healing, Mental health, personal development, Spirituality

I AM Love Eternal

Over this past year, we all as a collective have faced many challenges. They say character is shaped by how we each handle the challenges we face in life. My own life experiences deliver the greatest lessons. The people I encounter and engage with serve as my best teachers. I believe in the power we each hold inside our hearts to be the best instrument for direction in life. Steven D. Farmer, a shaman that I admire highly, writes about love in this way:

“All wounds stem from the illusion of separation from Source and all of Creation. The route of healing this wound is through cultivating love and compassion for every being on this planet, including yourself. Not a bland standard of unquestioned acceptance, but a heartfelt sense of profound relatedness to whatever you perceive as apart from yourself. True compassion requires not only the feeling of warmth that emanates when you are in touch with your heart center, but in acts of kindness even if this simply means being a fully attentive listener. Respect the fact that your heart is a giver, putting out electrical energy and a receiver, drawing in magnetic energy. These energies are best sensed by attending to the steady flow of your breathing while also noticing your heart area. Righteousness, fear, anger and judgement are some common ways that block your natural desire to love. Forgiveness is not only letting go of judgement, but also seeing through the illusion that you and All-That-Is are separate. Look about you and inside you, and do your best to love whatever you see”.

WOW, I just love that and when I first read it in his book entitled, “Earth Magic” I could feel soul shivers throughout my entire body! We are all interconnected in this web of energy that runs throughout the entire Universe. What I do unto others, I do to myself. All living things require love to exist in harmony and balance. As a shaman, this is a passage I share during my healing sessions. I believe in the power of our hearts, minds and souls interacting with the energy of love for the most profound healing. I write often that I believe love to be the greatest untapped superpower there is. We all have the ability to love, we are made from and of it. We are the Light. My prayer is that each and everyone of us begins to investigate our own soul, engage in loving ourselves for this is what will create change in our world.

Light of Love

Each and everyone of you my dear readers is the I AM of love eternal. Discovering this within myself has changed my life and is what drives me to write, heal and teach others about the beauty life holds for all of us. No matter what you look like, believe in, how much money you have, who you love or any other label this world can slap upon you, you are first and foremost LOVE.

Today my heart is so happy and filled with immense peace because my partner of seven years is arriving here in Florida after a long 6 months of living apart! I have learned so many lessons, uncovered many revelations about myself and experienced innumerable ah-ha moments during his absense in my daily life. I noticed this week while I was preparing for his arrival that there is still an amount of emotion locked inside that I have reserved, not allowing myself to feel fully from my Dad’s passing, until I am in his arms. As an intuitive empath, my own emotions are so deep. Fully feeling them is still a scary proposition for me. There’s definitely a part of me that needs to collapse in his arms and sob.

My mind, body and soul are rejoicing in celebration for his upcoming arrival tonight! I honor his heart and our love bond in these poems. He is my best friend, my greatest companion and the man I love most in the world. I have never felt this way about another human being and I believe I never will again. They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone and in many ways that has become a fact for me. I have embraced so many aspects of self in his absence, becoming a master shaman and losing my Dad, I feel like a completely different woman today. My heart sings loudly feeling his presence is nearing.

Music of my soul

I calculated that over 4,000 hours have passed since I last saw his handsome face in August for his birthday when I surprised him in Dallas. Each moment has served so many feelings, so many colors painted, songs I both laughed and cried to while dancing….each little bit.

Every. Minute. Every. Hour. Every. Day.

His love enraptures my entire being, crashing into me like a tidal wave. I fell hard and fast upon our first encounter when a mutual friend introduced us. I was just one year into my divorce then and wasn’t looking to get into a relationship. I have always believed that’s when love hits you, crashes into you, when you are least expecting it. We became friends first which was important to me. I remember the day I told him that I loved him like it was yesterday. He didn’t say it back, not at first. He was so overwhelmed by the fact that he had never truly known the kind of love we share and didn’t know what to do with me. He admitted to not being good at love. It has taken us years of healing, as individuals and as a couple to fully embrace our special bond that has lasted lifetimes. I have experienced many visions of our souls past lives together. In many of them he was my master, my teacher and I his apprentice. In this lifetime, I am the master and he my apprentice.

Crashing into my soul with love

I pulled a bunch of very prolific tarot cards this morning all pointing to completion, dreams becoming reality and trust. I have worked really hard on myself in these 6 months. I will continue to do the inner work necessary because I am compelled by soul. I’m an deep, old and noble soul. For me, this is the most humbling way to be seen in the world and an honor. I value the lessons, the steps taken through both pain and bliss, because each and every moment serves as another thread to the tapestry my life is. I told a dear soul sister of mine this today and then wrote this poem.

Soul shining love and light for all

In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below. For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment.
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77
paypal.me/tinyd9

Spirituality

My creative process is like a diamond

Today I gave an interview for my dear friend Chrissy-Marie’s (@comealivewithchrissymarie on Instagram) podcast, “The Art of Aliveness” on how to express oneself through creativity under pressure.  We have been cultivating a conversation on how despite the pressures of our current world’s situation with the pandemic of COVID-19, the social and racial unrest pushing for much needed change to systems that have been dysfunctional and broken for some time now added to that the disruption of our daily lives. Despite it all I decide to pick up a pen and write, a paintbrush to paint, put on music and dance. Channeling the energy, emotions and thoughts swirling around me to process it all and make sense of my personal experiences. This has been my lifelong journey. At times like the rest of you my dear readers, I don’t know if I’m coming or going! Through it all, my creative juices keep flowing leading me to express myself and further uncover my authentic self. Allowing my true sprit, my voice to shine through.

There are a lot of myths out there on healing like you have to “become something different” by doing XYZ. Nah…..it’s all about letting go, embracing the present moment for what it is and just being. Becoming quiet, being still and giving myself permission to sing my soul’s language (the name of my second poetry book on Amazon) and to dance to my heart’s song (my third book of poetry on Amazon) has brought me inner peace and joy incomparable to anything external. No book has all the answers, no device can deliver this magic and certainly no person can make us truly happy. The answers all lie within 🧘‍♀️

Since my last post the cosmic energy of the full moon and eclipse brought out some more truths that needed to be realized, released and integrated into my being. Isn’t it wild how life brings forth those practical lessons in such an up close and personal way, giving us no choice but to face them?

I admitted to Chrissy that since January I have felt like the Universe has been molding me to shine like a diamond under incredibly intense pressure. God has been working his magic through Divine timing thus cracking me right open to see so many things that I have been detached from for years. Embracing the change and going with the flow is my part. Growing pains are expected because there is no “perfection in healing”, that’s also a myth my dears. Healing hurts at times and it’s within that pain where our truth and beauty lies. I must admit too that at times I feel like my squirrel friend here, hanging on is what is required in the moment😉

Hang in there

Yet despite the pain, we keep going. We reach highs we never dreamed possible. The pressure builds and boils over to reveal more. That’s been my process. Through it all having tbe patience to see it all to fruition. It may not make sense in the moment yet the wisdom is in trusting that whatever comes up is merely a way to another truth. Collecting these truths, pieces of  my soul are what further fuels  life force energy. What I live, breath and strive to maintain in my essence as a creative woman.

I like to include poems in each post and since I haven’t been able to attend a poetry slam in months, I thought I would record myself reciting my latest poems.

“Boiling over”
“Be still”

The episode we recorded today will be up next month and I will be sure to link it here so you can listen to it my dear readers. In the meantime, please check out my books of poetry on Amazon. They make a wonderful gift if I don’t say so myself🙏💜

As always, much love to all💗

Spirituality

Love is a choice

Lately I’ve had a lot of time to think and be with myself. I started reading a book that looks at how we define love in our culture and how we are living in a largely loveless society. Whether you were raised in a functional or dysfunctional home, with one or both parents, not dependent upon financial standing, race or religion so many of us question what the true meaning of love is and many of us have never experienced it. We have a better understanding of care and affection but love takes a different level of unconditional commitment. A kind of “no matter what” place of focus. My dears, we are definitely in search of it. I like the definition that is presented by M. Scott Peck in his classic book “The Road Less Traveled” in it he clearly defines love as “ the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” To go on he says, “Love is as love does. Love is an act of will-namely, both an intention and an action. Will implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.” “I believe in order “to love someone completely, openly and honestly while expressing care, affection, responsibility, respect, commitment and trust” we must truly be ready to willing to openly focus on each of these values with our whole heart. For me love is not a noun but a verb.

I have said it before and I’ll say it again, love is my lane. For me, giving and sharing the love that’s in my heart is akin to The Golden Rule. I have raised my boys by reminding them frequently that they may not like other people but you must always love others. Loving others is something that comes natural for me and the more I look around the more I believe love is needed in all of our interactions with one another for than ever! The pandemic and current long overdue social uprising is begging of us to love one another my dears. Like one of my favorite bands sang, “All you need is love”. Yes, we sure do❤

I was listening to another Beatles song today off “Rubber Soul” on my bike ride. “The Word” really made me think about love in a way that I hadn’t before. Here are the lyrics:

The Word

The Beatles

Say the word and you’ll be free
Say the word and be like me
Say the word I’m thinking of
Have you heard the word is love?

It’s so fine, it’s sunshine
It’s the word, love

In the beginning I misunderstood
But now I’ve got it, the word is good

Spread the word and you’ll be free
Spread the word and be like me
Spread the word I’m thinking of
Have you heard the word is love?

It’s so fine, it’s sunshine
It’s the word, love

Every where I go I hear it said
In the good and bad books that I have read

Say the word and you’ll be free
Say the word and be like me
Say the word I’m thinking of
Have you heard the word is love?

It’s so fine, it’s sunshine
It’s the word, love

Now that I know what I feel must be right
I’m here to show everybody the light

Give the word a chance to say
That the word is just the way
It’s the word I’m thinking of
And the only word is love

It’s so fine, it’s sunshine
It’s the word, love

Say the word love
Say the word love
Say the word love
Say the word love

What sparked all these thoughts about love? After taking part in the ‘Wounded Healer” interview last week and in the post before that one called, “Triumphing over Trauma” where I wrote about releasing shannon a deeper level, forgiving myself and it struck me. I’ve decided to destroy the mask I wore so often completely and forever, once and for all! You know the one we wear for society, for family gatherings at times, the one we put on so we feel “safe” and so others won’t judge us or ridicule us. Imagine if we all said NO to putting that damn mask on? Oh how much lighter I feel even writing that!

This past year I have been hyper focused on my healing from the inside out. I reclaimed practices, did a lot of deep inner soul work that required an extended amount of alone time and quiet contemplation, meditation and intentional detaching from things that were the root cause of my suffering. Today I woke up and decided in order to step forward and accept the Maria I am today, I must decide who I no longer am.

I have decided that in order to be vulnerable, honest and loving towards myself I have to keep strict boundaries with others. Listen closely to my intuition and protect my precious emotional energy at all costs. Say NO when I feel any of these things are being threatened and giving myself permission to allow for grace and gentleness from myself. For so many years I thought I had to kick me own ass in order to be successful and get things done. Now I know that I need to be still in order to hear what my next steps should be. I can move energy in and through my body in a much more gentle flowing way while pumping the brakes on the old balls to the wall mentality. All that did was exhaust and hurt me creating an inevitable burnout. Today, it’s clear, my choice is to love me!

By loving myself, I’m free to love others without resentment or expectations. Like the Beatles sing, “it’s so fine, like sunshine” and now I know that what I feel must be right, I’m here to show everybody the light.” The light that is within me. Once we can discover our light and allow it to shine from the inside out as God intended….OH BOY my dear readers, what a world we could all be enjoying together! I’m reminded of another song, “This little light of mine” that I’m sure most of you have either heard or sung growing up. I just love the playful energy that ignites within my soul and releases my true authentic spirit being reminded of this lesson😉

These three poems are focused on the ideas of love, gratitude and aliveness. I want to share them with you my dear readers. Allow these words to resonate deep within your own heart and then go out and love the heck out of everyone you meet!

“Let love shine in”
“Grateful aliveness”
“Growing pains”

Please check out my 3 books of poetry now available on Amazon at the links below 😊