The past two weeks since I last wrote a post have been full of highs and lows, such is life. The best parts have been glorious while the darker ones have definitely served as more life lessons. Now that summer is over and Autumn is upon us, I can look back and really reflect upon how much I have grown since early June.
Since deeply healing from the traumatic events in my past, I have consciously let go of the intense fear that was encompassing my entire life. It felt like a motor, the anxiety constantly coursing through my veins. The self doubt, mistrust of myself and not feeling good enough were beliefs I wore like a shield of armor. It didn’t protect me however, it hindered me and prevented my spiritual growth.
July was an extremely dark time for me while I worked to integrate my shadow self into the lighter side of my personality and spirit. I know now that the pushing away and denying of this part of my psyche caused it only to build and grow stronger. Like it was screaming at me loudly for acceptance all the while I was deaf to it! Refusing to accept these two intricate parts of myself took a lot of deep inner reflection, meditation and letting go. Slowly but surely, as I showed myself grace, while remaining patient with myself all of the pain and anguish disappeared.
Once the clouds had parted I started to see my life transform and take on a whole new direction. Manifesting my intentions and asking the universe to provide me with signs has been life altering. It seems that everyday a new person shows up to validate the truths I am now living! I have an amazing support circle of ladies both on social media and in my own life that uplift my spirits and allow me to soar higher as the free spirit I am!
Let me share with you two recent stories regarding how the universe works itself into my life to provide me with what I need at that moment. I am now managing a cute boutique inside of a popular contemporary hotel in downtown Dallas called The Statler. I absolutely love it because I get to do what I am best at, talking to people and fashion! A woman came in and immediately I could tell she was from Australia. I mention to her that a dear friend of mine lives there and that the two us went to high school togetet over twenty years ago. She then tells me that she and her partner are visiting Dallas for a wine tasting at our hotel. I tell her my friend runs a vineyard near Adelaide. Then she asked me the name of the vineyard to which I couldn’t recall. So then she comes right out and asks for a name. When I told her my friend’s name, she abruptly stopped what she was doing and told me with as much astonishment as enthusiasm that she knows him very well!! Apparantly her and her partner work closely with him on their wine!! There are 23 million people in Australia and this perfect stranger and I know the same person! What’s even more unbelievable is that my friend and I grew up in a small town in Northern New Jersey and here she and I were meeting in Dallas, TX!!! So cool right?
The night just kept getting better from there dear readers. An older couple came in and as soon as they started talking I could tell they were from the Boston area. I lived in Rhode Island for 13 years from 2000-2013. My two sons still live there with my ex-husband. I have a lot of fond memories of the area and the three of us hit it right off! They must’ve spent over an hour in the store shopping and telling me stories! I learned that Rosemary (Rosie) and Bob have been married for over forty years with two sons, one is married and one is close to becoming engaged. They adore their sons partners and even the women’s families which is awesome and rare to find. Such beautiful people, inside and out!
I share these two shining examples of humanity to highlight that we do really live in a small world. We are ALL connected in some way. Love and kindness are easy values to practice if more of us took the time to connect with each other. It’s not hard, takes little effort and patience, add a splash of curiosity and that’s it!! Socializing is becoming a lost art because of our fast paced world and high speed technology. Start making a conscious effort to put your phone down and look away from a screen in order to meet the people who come into your life. Trust me the entire experience is so rewarding!
I also experienced my first phenomenally profound vision. Last Saturday night I came home to a dark sky full of bright stars. One in particular caught my eye as it started to twinkle brilliantly against its black backdrop. I then watched it take on a deep purple hue as it transformed into a rose before turning into angel wings. Big and beautiful while remaining clearly present in this vivid purple color that took my breath away! My mouth hung open as I struggled to come to terms with exactly what was going on. I now believe my guardian angel revealed itself to me as a sign of mercy and transformation.
I started to ask Google in rapid fire succession anything and everything I could to figure out what just happened. I learned that Angel’s are neither male or female but are all knowing entities. This is what Google says:
Abrahamic religions often depict angels as benevolent celestial beings who act as intermediaries between God (or Heaven) and humanity. Other roles of angels include protecting and guiding human beings, and carrying out tasks on behalf of God.
Seeing the angel represented in the color purple means:
The purple angel light ray represents mercy and transformation. This ray is part of the metaphysical system of angel colors based on seven different light rays: Some people believe that the light waves for the seven angel colors, blue, yellow, pink, white, green, red, and purple, vibrate at different electromagnetic energy frequencies and attract the angels that have similar kinds of energy.
This information comes from an article entitled, “Angel Colors: The Purple Light Ray, Led by Archangel Zadkiel” written by Whitney Hopler. She goes to to explain this:
I haven’t always believed in angels specifically the guardian kind. Growing up and trying to navigate through life as the emotional being I am was very challenging for me because of my family of origin. I didn’t have the guidance from either of my parents, neither one of them ever came to me when I was sad in my room to talk to me or seemed to even care about my feelings. It always seemed like a burden, an after thought, something that fell by the wayside. My battered soul was the by product and result from their lack of communication regarding emotions. Instilling fear and guilt were perfectly excuted by both my mother and father yet how to cope with sadness and anger were void from existence. I wasn’t aware then that there were angels around me guarding and protecting me. In fact, at that time if somebody had told me so I wouldn’t have believed them anyways.
Books became my best friends. I especially enjoy biographies and memoirs. I used to day dream about what my life would be like if Mother Teresa (my middle name coincidentally) or even Maya Angelou were my mother. I have always admired these two women for their thoughtful insights about spreading love and kindness. I am however eternally grateful that I did have one selfless and generously loving woman in my life growing up, my Nana.
Ellie was always the life of the party, the matriarch of our family. Growing up we were always closer to my mother’s side of the family, to this day I’m unsure why. My mother’s mother, my grandma, my Nana was an extraordinary woman. I always remember her being so cheerful and happy to visit with us. She taught me how to sew and make Russian nutballs around Christmas time. She was our biggest cheerleader and I always looked forward to her letters. Her swirly expressionist handwriting was sometimes difficult to read but looking back it was so her. Upbeat and animated, like she lived her life. Unfortunately she and my Pop-Pop lived in Florida and I was raised in New Jersey so we didn’t have the luxury of seeing her whenever we wanted to. They retired there permantly when I was about six or seven I think so most of my memories are of our visits to Florida or when they would come up to stay for the holidays. Nana lived to sing and dance. In fact I remember her getting up on the table, or threatening to after have one to many Black Russians at a restraunt for dinner once. She sure was a lively character! We would go caroling at Christmas around the neighborhood with Nana as our leader. Ellie had a huge and generous heart. I believe it stemmed from her growing up in an orphanage. Her personality shown through in her style, her hair, jewelry and outfits were always impeccable.
Today, had she lived Nana would be 97. Fifteen years ago she was diagnoised with ovarian cancer. It was unbelievable to all of us because she was always so healthy and took no medications even into her 80s! The doctors put her on chemotherapy and I believed that’s what did her in. She passed away thirteen years ago on St.Patrick’s day. My 4’11 Polish and Irish Nana went to sing with the angels. I was utterly devastated and heart broken. At the time, I couldn’t foresee the devastating consequences her death would have on me. Her passing was the beginning of all of my major losses including my house, my marriage and my mind.
Along my journey to recovery, one of my therapists who I attribute so much of my success to, guided me in visualizing my guardian angel. We were talking about who in my life whether alive or dead would want to take all my burdens away. Who in my life loved me so much that they wouldn’t want me to feel so sad and depressed about my life as I was at the time. It didn’t take long for me to answer her, it was undeniably my Nana. She helped me understand that Nana was in fact my guardian angel and that all I needed to do was talk to her. Call upon her for advice, protection, warmth and a sense of peace. In return I would receive signs of her existence working on my behalf here on Earth.
I wrote this poem and it’s dedicated to my Nana. She sends me signs from the beyond in the form of butterflies and birds. Just the very thought of her makes me smile. I love you Nana, this one’s for you.