This is my close out post for 2020 my dear readers. I want to ask you what word highlights your 2020? This question came to me while I was having a solo dance party in my room. Music and dance is my healing balm, the salve my heart needs to heal my soul. What helps heal your soul my dear? Music electrifies the beat and provides the rhythm that allows me to groove, to feel the most free and 100% ALIVE in my body! I want to leave you with a couple of dance videos because that is my soul. I have studied and practiced dance for most of my life, now I dance for fun and to heal! Today my dear Nana would’ve turned 100 years old. She is my guardian angel now and has been for almost sixteen years. She is dancing through me tonight.
So as we close out this year, I’m curious what word you can tag to 2020? My word is beautiful. I know many don’t see this in its totality when we think about this year. The big picture for me is that no matter what, I have learned from and leaned into the pain. I have embraced the change. I walked through all of it with my heart full of love. I made the absolute most of the situations I found myself in. Losing things and people and also gaining inner wisdom and peace.
Was this year easy? Hell no! Did it hurt like hell, YES! I am much better for it all as this year is at it’s end. I keep saying this and it rings so true for me, the new relationship I have with my Dad now that he’s on the other side is strangely beautiful. His presence grounds me in strength within the invisible world of Spirit. Missing my life partner being in my world daily has proven to me how damn strong I am. My soul’s journey continues. I am so grateful for all the love I have been blessed with.
I am an old and noble soul. I embrace every aspect of life because each part of this journey makes me ALIVE! I AM the hurt, the elation of love, exciting experiences, heartbreak, sadness, innocence, curiosity, failure, pain, wisdom and so much joy and love wrapped up with inner peace. It’s all available, a kaleidoscope of feelings that lies inside each of us. Learning how to bend without breaking is the journey. Remaining a mountain of strength amongst the chaos. You can too my dears, I am living proof that we can and do heal. I believe in each and every one of you. I am grateful for each one of you on this journey with me. I love each and every one of you. You are my teachers and my guides. We are soul’s reflections within each other as we walk together. We can all be birds. My Dad shows up every day as one. Find your inner bird and be free!
In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below. For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment. https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77 paypal.me/tinyd9
This post has been trying to manifest itself for sometime my dear readers. With this ever changing situation our entire world is in, coupled with the spiritual growth I myself have been experiencing, HOLY MOLY y’all!!!! The messages, downloads actually, come so intensely at times it overwhelms my entire system. This week as I sat in Mother Nature’s excellence, I was finally able to piece together all of what was being revealed to me. I’m so grateful to have been able to finally sit with it all to make sense out of it😊
It is said that we attract what we need in this life and I firmly agree. The relationships I cultivate are exactly what I need to learn and gain wisdom from. For a very long time I brought in others who were broken, narcissistic and displayed deep sociopathic behaviors. Yet after this summer’s breakthrough, I see everything from a new light. I thank our God and creator for that whole heartedly. The perspective of “victim and why me” is now thank God me, what is this meant to be teaching me? I feel like my soul is this giant sponge just soaking up the energy of others to be nurtured into a more acceptable and loveable Maria❤
We are all interconnected and only together do we rise. Plug yourself into a soul tribe, learn from others and in turn gain an inner wisdom that is your own soul’s language. My dear reader’s that is what this down time has taught me. Whenever I am feeling resistance to what, specifically my partner whom I have been forced to be with 24/7 in a very small space is saying (at times shouting at me) I can go outside and say ah-ha!!! The stubborn Itialian girl inside needed to hear that. I needed to see that side of my own ego thinking to be able to accept that there is always another way of looking at the world 🤗
I feel very blessed to have so much quiet time lately. Tuning into my own natural rhythm and parsing out just what I make of the world around me. Going deeper. That is always my destination. As my son Ty would say, wow Mom that’s deep. Yes my dear it is and it’s only there that the truth lies. Whether I’m bouncing off the walls exercising, tap dancing or sun bathing in my backyard…..the Universe is constantly sending me affirmations and synchronization of prior messages as if to say “keep going, you are on the right path my dear.” As a devoted student of this spiritual journey, I bow my head and oblige 🙌
The things that have brought this naturally high vibe, extroverted and upbeat woman an abundance of peace has been maintaining my routine. Like my partner Lincoln asked once, “does spirituality take a day off?” In response I shook my head casually and said “Nope baby.” Everyday I open my eyes and charge forward with a real conviction to meet my soul wherever I am at and in that moment. Here is a small list of what I do before I begin interacting with the world around me:
Open Mark Nepo’s “The Book of Awakening” to read that day’s passage
Putting the chakra balancing crystals upon my chakra points while I turn on the SoundHeal app, sitting quietly for 10-15 minutes in whichever frequency I feel suits me in that moment.
After that I grab my journal and pour out my thoughts without thinking, judging or stopping. I believe in free association writing in the morning so I can get in touch with whatever my soul is connecting with at that moment. My dear readers, I can’t express to you how much these practices have meant to me over the last 9 months and how much inner wisdom I have gained from allowing myself to go in whatever direction is necessary. Working up that spiritual muscle 💪is needed for when I am called into battle as the human vessel I embody in this life. It’s all gravy or a cherry on top, however one chooses to see it🍨
This morning I was served the first test of my patience as I awaited the test results from the Covid19 test I had administered to me on Tuesday. My brother in law drove my partner and I to a drive through testing facility in downtown Dallas where they stuck a q-tip up to my brain space quite literally to retrieve a sample of my mucus membranes. I was then told to wait 2-3 days for a phone call giving me the results. This morning at 8:22 AM I answered that call only to find out that the person who took down my information had made an error in documenting my address (yes, I know what you’re thinking dear readers, why wasn’t my driver’s license scanned digitally) Without being able to verify me properly, even by my driver’s license number (I offered it too) I would have to wait for a call back🙄
I’m not someone who accepts NO for an answer. So I went about calling any official number I could find, even finally speaking to a supervisor at the state of Texas board of health to not only tell them of my story but to ask how I retrieve the result. In the meantime, 5 plus hours of frustration ensued. My partner and I are quarantined in our small apartment with no hot water (that’s another story for another time) his mother and aunt who are elderly and immune deficient are alone in the main house without our help and his brother has been banished to a room in his house all because we don’t know for sure if I have this dreaded virus 🤬
One more avenue I exhausted was registering myself on the website of the lab who administered the test only to find out that there were no known lab results for me. As of 5:45 PM, the time I am writing this post, I still have no answers. At this point, can I trust the result to even be accurate?
I share all of this to express to you all that we truly have very little control over what happens in our world. Even when we follow the guidelines and do what we are instructed. The only real truth is what lies within our soul. There lies our true North star and whatever I find there is what God wants for me to know and understand. I trust in that. I am guided by love and driven by faith🙏
I will leave you with this my dear readers. After my morning of frustration and aggravation, I put on my favorite music and got my workout on!! Sweating out all the crap I can’t change or control. Dancing to my favorite tunes until I was thoroughly exhausted and expressed💃
A great man who helped to shape the music industry in our world, Mr. Quincy Jones said this and I firmly agree…..”Not one drop of my self worth depends on your acceptance of me”
Just finished watching “The trial of Gabriel Fernandez” on Netflix which is a horrific account of child abuse, torture and murder at the hands of his own mother and her boyfriend. It got me thinking about how much I love people. Life is so precious and short so I want to tell you all, I love you❤ Let’s make an effort to show each other more love and kindness because it’s so needed in this world today!
In other news, I am really excited to be taking an adult tap class tonight! It’s been a good ten years, probably more since I have taken a proper tap class! It’s definitely honoring my inner child so little Maria is thrilled to get her tap shoes laced up again💃
I need to carve out some writing time so I can share with you my dear readers all about my son’s visit here. Spoiler alert** he wants to move here!!
Spoke with a girlfriend of mine yesterday and she inspired me to show more of my personality in all that I share online especially my theatrical side. Those who know me in real life know how much I love to dance, it’s my deepest passion that started at 2 yrs of age. At one point in my life I wanted to dance on Broadway. I trained intensely for many years, quit suddenly at 16, throwing it all away. (I will get into why in later posts) I’m pushing myself back into that world since my 2nd dream of being a writer has been realized because I self published my book of poetry last year for Amazon, “Emotional Musings”and I operate this blog. …..now it’s time to get back into dance.
This past weekend I took my first ballet class in over 10 years. Last evening I took a jazz/funk class. Both classes were equally amazing, kickin my🍑
I’m determined to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone because I feel alive when I’m dancing and listening to music. I feel the most ME that I have ever felt, since probably high school. Despite my tech blunders and disorganized room (who cares right?) I keep doing it. I also started a little project. I painted my first mini canvas yesterday with a poem on it. Who knows where it will go but the point is I’M DOING IT!! Live your life out loud and without self consciousness. It feels A-MAZING 🥰💜🙌