My dear readers, I have commenced building the manuscript for my fifth book of poetry entitled “My Soul’s Journey”. I’m dedicating this one to my Dad since all of the 87 poems were written after his death and honor the number of years he spent on the Earth in physical form. The number five symbolizes change and while writing this book I have embarked upon the most amazing change and chapter of my own journey! Healing both myself and others through the art of shamanism allows everything I have intuitively known and felt fall into place. My life now after 43 years, finally makes sense! The number forty-three symbolizes success in all areas of life, the kind achieved through hard work, strong will and patience that comes with a great understanding, knowledge and nobility. Life presents us many opportunities to learn and elevate our soul through each moment to see how ALL of it serves for our highest good and greatest healing.This is my time and I am here to claim every ounce of joy, inner peace and tremendous love for life!
This month I have been focusing on my Sacral chakra, healing old wounds left by emotional upheaval and past trauma. Recently I found myself triggered by an assignment for the course in sound healing I was taking. It helped me to realize that I was attempting once again to prove something, validate my worth and feel good enough. After tapping into my intuition and coming to terms with the intention for seeking the certification in the first place, I had an ah-ha moment realizing that continuing with the course was not going to serve my best interest. This was a life lesson shining light upon an mindset that no longer fits who I am today and what I believe. This is an old tape playing an offbeat tune. Hitting eject, I asked myself why was I taking the course in the first place? What was this course going to add to my life?
There are a few factors that contributed to my final decision. My own attention to focus in and stay engaged with an online course for sound was a major challenge because I found the platform itself to be boring. Mainly however it was what the instructor said to me when I told him his course wasn’t for me that proved to me I had made the right decision. He accused me of not being able to provide a therapeutic environment because of my own emotional instability after the assignment was questioned. Whether it was a communication breakdown or misunderstanding, what became apparently clear to me was that questioning his assumed authority triggered his own ego and displayed a character defect that resulted in a judgement of a student. Has no one dropped his course before or not wanted to continue? That’s not how I operate as a teacher. I conduct myself as a guide for each of my student’s journey while learning the art of shamanism. Holistic healing is an intuitive art, whether in sound, art, energy, or crystals etc. It shouldn’t be based on financial gain. My intention is each individuals highest good and healing for their unique journey. It became completely clear we weren’t on the same page and that’s OK. Not everybody is my flavor nor I their cup of tea. Honestly, I felt right away from watching his videos that I couldn’t learn from him. My first thought was to react to his opinion of me and then my higher self, my soul whom I call Serena, stepped forward and reminded me I don’t need to prove my journey to anyone. I’m no longer interested in approval or acceptance from others. Doubting my own gifts is an old mindset pattern and no certification is necessary for me to do what I intuitively do in shamanic sessions. Sound healing is already a part of what I do naturally. I am determined to find another resource for knowledge of what I want to learn. I wrote a reactionary email and then just as quick as I wrote it, deleted it. Moving on.
What became crystal clear is that for all of my life, I wasn’t the one accepting me. I was doubting my own worth, gifts and power which blocked trust, acceptance and love of myself. I blindly believed the opinions and judgments of others. Awakening has created radical shifts that allow me to question what truly is best for me while healing and recognizing my authentic voice over these past two years. This is an ongoing cycle of integration as I forgive, surrender, release and accept, finally I’m celebrating all the pieces of me! I tell my clients that “we can’t outsource love, we must each fill our own cup of happiness, inner peace and love”. My own words rang like a bell in my head!
Living as an open psychic channel for Spirit has created gaps in my life where I felt completely lost for many years. Self medicating through addiction to substances and maladaptive coping behaviors further distanced my soul from my being. It felt like I was on a permanent vacation from life, muted and numb. Existing behind a wall of my own creation. I was an award winning actress at what I thought “normal” looked like and that was the mask I wore for thirty-five years. These t-shirts suit me to a T. This poem sums it all up beautifully.
Nowadays I lean into what allows me to feel free and happy. I express this best through movement, dance, yoga, painting and of course my writing. Here are my latest video shorts to the song “Happy” by Pharrell Williams. I dare you not to smile!
The final thought on this is that this emotional experience has taught me that no one but me needs to accept me! There’s no more hiding, trying to be someone else or denying the rainbow unicorn I am. My purpose is to shine love and light through my soul. Today I feel happy knowing this in my heart. I hope I made you smile!
If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations and other ritualistic services I provide or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below or click the Services tab in the menu on my website.
For a personalized autographed copy of any of my books, please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment.
Maria@emotionalmusings.com
https://linktr.ee/Emotionalmusings
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In light and in shadow, always with love. Namaste.
Emotional Musings 