It’s been a little over three months since I’ve written a blog post. The longest stretch of silence for this passionate writer who enjoys sharing her journey with all the world as a testimony of “Triumphing over Trauma”. Since July, I’ve been quietly tending to my own personal healing journey. Some people have swiftly left my life in order for me to move onto relationships that serve my highest alignment. Big changes include endings that were necessary yet bitterly difficult and led to rebirth. I’ve moved (again) twice actually, leaving Florida for good and finding myself settled back in the West, with my big sister and my brother-in-law outside Salt Lake City. I’ve stepped back into the world of working a job outside my home as a vitamin and herbal supplement expert in a local farmer’s market while still growing my healing business and writing many new poems to be included in my 6th book of poetry, “My Soul’s Dance, Accepting the shadows while embracing the Light: poems about death and rebirth”. The things I have felt, processed, experienced and healed required solitude, peace and the priceless sound of silence.
What does listening to the sound of silence mean? I found one writer’s definition on Google stating that “It helps us see the empty, selfless, uncertain, transient nature of all experience and patterns of consciousness. The sound of silence is also helpful in developing attention and continuity of mindfulness. When the mind becomes very calm and focused, the breath can grow quieter and quieter”. In my practices I have developed the ability to attune to my own heartbeat and feel into both the nothingness and all encompassing everythingness. The grand abyss of the unknown. There lies peace and love which brings a joyful curiosity to all of creation surrounding us. After such sessions in silence I can feel how intricate a role we are all invited to play by our interactions with one another. Leading with love or reactive to fear. These vibrations yield choices and play a major role in how we treat ourselves and one another.
Growing up in a chaotic and dysfunctional home, silence meant anger, sadness and an intensity of unease would set in as I awaited the shoe to drop. It felt like a bomb going off as the emotional roller coaster would begin and I, an unwilling passenger was forced upon it, never knowing when it would end or if I could ever get off. Over time I learned how to drown my sensitivities out and abandon my self care needs. It’s required years of introspection to understand how all of my past now serves me today. How to heal myself, take care of myself and create healthy boundaries with others. I use my sensitivities and sensibilities as superpowers to discern the energy all around me. It’s helped me tremendously decipher what’s mine, what’s not and how to transmute the fear I feel back into love for myself first and then others. Many of the life experiences these past thirty-five years could have turned me bitter, angry and resentful. Instead, I choose to allow them to shape and mold my heart into a more loving, kind and empathetically open person who sees the Light in others. Silence has taught me to be compassionate towards the struggles of my fellow sisters and brothers. Listening to my own heartbeat, I hear the rhythm that lies within us all. Beating steadily is a message that we all need love, forgiveness, understanding and acceptance. These are what I choose to shine onto others. It all starts from within. We teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. Be your own hero, best friend and love the crap out of yourself my friends!!
Resurfacing now from the silence is poignant because October celebrates the milestone of my three year anniversary here on WordPress. In December I will be ringing in my 44th birthday and these are the 44 poems I’ve written since my vow of silence July 4th. I invite you to close your eyes after reading each one and allow whatever emotion is stirred in you to rise and be seen, accepted and loved. We heal together, as one. We rise together in love. Within every season is the cycle of death and rebirth. My dear ones, we are to embrace all the sensations and every feeling for they are the sacred messages life presents us so we can continue this ride through life, to heal with more wisdom and clarity. Change is constant and growth is guaranteed if one can be brave enough to fail and keep trying. Sure the road is bumpy at times, there are detours and new available routes will arise when we trust that where we are being led serves a higher purpose. I urge you dear ones, through these poems to witness each piece of your soul and dream. Life continues to amaze, inspire and teach me. May you see your path illuminate and direct you clearly forwards. In light and in shadow, always with love ❤ Namaste 🙏
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