Consciousness, Healing, Inner child, personal development, relationships, Spirituality

The circle game of healing

“Cyclical nature of life continously echos a resounding rhythm. Reverence of soul teaches me how to begin”. This is a quote from my poem “Peace, love and joy” and it perfectly captures my feelings in this moment. Spring has sprung and a new life has begun as I embark upon a new adventure. It’s an exciting time for me my dear readers so I must admit I was blindsided when triggers of fear and old thought patterns started whispering their lies of my brokenness again.

The experiences of deep healing over the past three years have taught me to closely inspect all aspects of my being, mind, body and soul. I’m currently putting a book promotion together for my latest book of poetry, “My Soul’s Dance, Accepting the shadows while embracing the Light: poems about death and rebirth”. I’m grateful to have these messages at my fingertips to reference, regroup and recenter myself back into the truth. “Corners of Love” is a poem inspired by the conscious breathwork and energy attunement sessions I practice regularly. Laughing at myself for taking all the pressure too seriously! Of course a new environment filled with new people and things to learn would trigger unnecessary fear! Healing myself has taught me to love myself back into balance. I’m not my past failures. I’m always beautifully and divinely whole, it’s my thinking that required a course correction as the mental chatter of ego grew too loud overpowering the voice of my highest self. She has a name my dear ones. I refer to my soul as Serena. Last week it felt like life turned up the volume on ego and the judgements of others I absorbed from the past. Their voices played loudly in a loop telling me the lies that began to plant illusions of insecurities. These weeds needed pulling so I took a break from their static and turned to meditation and breathwork. These self care practices combined with the voices of love coming from my family and friends began to settle me down! Once again, I could see I was putting far too much pressure upon myself and the old coping mechanisms of perfection were threatening my inner peace.

“Believing in receiving”

Life is a continuous cycle of learning from our past experiences and growing within the arms of love. The love I give myself is what awakens me to believing I am absolutely worthy of receiving abundance in my life. Somewhere along the way, after many years of trauma, I began to believe the opposite. That version of myself is no longer the vision I see in the mirror. This new cycle brought in uncomfortability and my first response was to pile on more pressure and beat myself up! “There is a wisdom of head and a wisdom of heart”, one of my favorite poet’s Charles Dickens said that. I believe it’s the discernment of the two that leads to the wisdom from our own souls. Breath and meditation allow me to feel into what is trying to come to the surface. Stagnant energy that’s been awaiting an answer from my body. In the past I would overextend my body by overexercising and distract myself with substances to block out the messages. Healing has provided me the space to listen instead to my intuition and the guidance of my Spirit team. Setting the intention to once again believe in myself and know I am worthy of receiving love. I can feel it in the air and see it in the newly blossoming spring flowers outside my door. So much beauty is coming my way in the form of opportunities and new relationships. I don’t have to be afraid that I’m “too much” or “too weird” or “not ready” for others to see me for me. I don’t have to stay trapped in mind games. Today, I can show myself grace and have patience as I learn the new tasks I’m responsible for. I don’t have to betray myself by self sabotaging the wonderful new opportunity before me with fear!

This experience isn’t mine alone my dear readers, it is for all of us to learn from. Running through life, attempting to catch up in this invisible race and competition with one another, we succumb to the pressures around us by creating unrealistic expectations for ourselves and marrying ourselves to attachments that aren’t serving us. Totally forgetting our intimate connection to one another through our Light and life force. Time and healing has taught me to dance and laugh at these extremes within myself and not act upon impulse. The only person I am trying to be today is a more aligned version of myself than last week or last year. Today, I choose to tune into the songs of Spirit. I hear the voice of my Dad, my grandparents, all the ancestors and angels that have been guiding my soul for centuries. Circling back to the truth I uncovered upon my awakening three years ago. I am whole, I am healthy, I am a beautifully capable child of God. Divinely connected, protected, guided and eternally loved. That is the truth that plays loudly on repeat throughout my entire being, the music I rise and dance to.

Standing in my own power and inner strength by forgiving myself for the times I blamed my soul awakening for ending relationships. The truth is that I was hiding within others, not feeling worthy of my own dreams and aspirations. I became distracted with trying to fix and heal others. Today I know it all starts within me. Circling around the truth again has showed me how to put on my “big girl panties” while loving my inner child who gets frightened by new situations. Today, I hold her close and tell her that nobody will hurt her again. The pain and trauma is over now. Turn up that “Soul music” my friends and dance until your heart’s content!

Dancing to the music of soul, is the resounding rhythm that beats in my heart. Played on my own unique drum.

Intentionally I open to new possibilities for love from a man. This is the soul connection and the kind of love I predicted in January of this year in the post https://emotional411017959.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/2022-is-the-year-for-love/?preview=true It’s coming with grand gusto and adoring gestures that I’ve always dreamed of. I’m a romantic, if you can’t tell by my writing my dear readers. Someday soon, a man will come into my life that will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. This man will be my equal, on my level of awakening awareness and be my true match. A soul partner to journey with and explore the adventures that life gifts us everyday. I’m ready and excited!

Believing in the love I am worthy of

This poem describes the transformation I have undergone and continue to grow within. Healing from the human experience is a condition we are all learning from in this life on Earth. Our souls never die. We will go onto exist in other forms of life after we leave our physical bodies in this one. This is the grand circle of life. Listen to this song by Nightmares on Wax my dear readers. Tap into the higher consciousness within its message. Groove with the rhythm of feelings and the vibration of love. https://youtu.be/Vc-XzhnwpVc

If you’re interested in a long distance shamanic healing session via phone, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations and other ritualistic services I provide or to purchase any of my 6 books of poetry please click the link below. See the Services tab in the menu on this website.
For a personalized autographed copy of any of my books, please send me an email.
Maria@emotionalmusings.com
https://linktr.ee/Emotionalmusings

In light and in shadow, always with love. Namaste.


Mental health, Spirituality

What’s your word for 2020?

This is my close out post for 2020 my dear readers. I want to ask you what word highlights your 2020? This question came to me while I was having a solo dance party in my room. Music and dance is my healing balm, the salve my heart needs to heal my soul. What helps heal your soul my dear? Music electrifies the beat and provides the rhythm that allows me to groove, to feel the most free and 100% ALIVE in my body! I want to leave you with a couple of dance videos because that is my soul. I have studied and practiced dance for most of my life, now I dance for fun and to heal! Today my dear Nana would’ve turned 100 years old. She is my guardian angel now and has been for almost sixteen years. She is dancing through me tonight.

So as we close out this year, I’m curious what word you can tag to 2020? My word is beautiful. I know many don’t see this in its totality when we think about this year. The big picture for me is that no matter what, I have learned from and leaned into the pain. I have embraced the change. I walked through all of it with my heart full of love. I made the absolute most of the situations I found myself in. Losing things and people and also gaining inner wisdom and peace.

Was this year easy? Hell no! Did it hurt like hell, YES! I am much better for it all as this year is at it’s end. I keep saying this and it rings so true for me, the new relationship I have with my Dad now that he’s on the other side is strangely beautiful. His presence grounds me in strength within the invisible world of Spirit. Missing my life partner being in my world daily has proven to me how damn strong I am. My soul’s journey continues. I am so grateful for all the love I have been blessed with.

“Word Up” by Cameo

I am an old and noble soul. I embrace every aspect of life because each part of this journey makes me ALIVE! I AM the hurt, the elation of love, exciting experiences, heartbreak, sadness, innocence, curiosity, failure, pain, wisdom and so much joy and love wrapped up with inner peace. It’s all available, a kaleidoscope of feelings that lies inside each of us. Learning how to bend without breaking is the journey. Remaining a mountain of strength amongst the chaos. You can too my dears, I am living proof that we can and do heal. I believe in each and every one of you. I am grateful for each one of you on this journey with me. I love each and every one of you. You are my teachers and my guides. We are soul’s reflections within each other as we walk together. We can all be birds. My Dad shows up every day as one. Find your inner bird and be free!

Truth bomb
“Birds” by Coldplay

In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below. For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment.
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77
paypal.me/tinyd9

Mental health, Spirituality

What’s your word for 2020?

This is my close out post for 2020 my dear readers. I want to ask you what word highlights your 2020? This question came to me while I was having a solo dance party in my room. Music and dance is my healing balm, the salve my heart needs to heal my soul. What helps heal your soul my dear? Music electrifies the beat and provides the rhythm that allows me to groove, to feel the most free and 100% ALIVE in my body! I want to leave you with a couple of dance videos because that is my soul. I have studied and practiced dance for most of my life, now I dance for fun and to heal! Today my dear Nana would’ve turned 100 years old. She is my guardian angel now and has been for almost sixteen years. She is dancing through me tonight.

So as we close out this year, I’m curious what word you can tag to 2020? My word is beautiful. I know many don’t see this in its totality when we think about this year. The big picture for me is that no matter what, I have learned from and leaned into the pain. I have embraced the change. I walked through all of it with my heart full of love. I made the absolute most of the situations I found myself in. Losing things and people and also gaining inner wisdom and peace.

Was this year easy? Hell no! Did it hurt like hell, YES! I am much better for it all as this year is at it’s end. I keep saying this and it rings so true for me, the new relationship I have with my Dad now that he’s on the other side is strangely beautiful. His presence grounds me in strength within the invisible world of Spirit. Missing my life partner being in my world daily has proven to me how damn strong I am. My soul’s journey continues. I am so grateful for all the love I have been blessed with.

“Word Up” by Cameo

I am an old and noble soul. I embrace every aspect of life because each part of this journey makes me ALIVE! I AM the hurt, the elation of love, exciting experiences, heartbreak, sadness, innocence, curiosity, failure, pain, wisdom and so much joy and love wrapped up with inner peace. It’s all available, a kaleidoscope of feelings that lies inside each of us. Learning how to bend without breaking is the journey. Remaining a mountain of strength amongst the chaos. You can too my dears, I am living proof that we can and do heal. I believe in each and every one of you. I am grateful for each one of you on this journey with me. I love each and every one of you. You are my teachers and my guides. We are soul’s reflections within each other as we walk together. We can all be birds. My Dad shows up every day as one. Find your inner bird and be free!

Truth bomb
“Birds” by Coldplay

In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below. For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment.
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77
paypal.me/tinyd9

Spirituality

Arriving at peace, joy and love

A few months back I took part in a powerful workshop my dear friend Chrissy was offering on recognizing the key values that drive each of us. It’s no surprise to me that mine overlap with those in my natal chart, the houses in which they reside in have a direct relationship with my soul embodiment. My happiness and contentment rely upon the three core values of peace, joy and most especially love❤

I’ve been in Idaho for exactly one week and my heart is so happy my dear readers! Today marks the beginning of a new month. We aren’t starting slow this month either while we have a powerful Harvest Full Moon to kick things off in combination with Mars in retrograde squared with Saturn. Energy levels are sluggish yet as with every moon cycle, we are being asked to release what no longer serves us. For those of us healing and doing the inner work to evolve into more loving beings this time is a celebration! Some us however are really struggling with what we’ve been resistant to let our white knuckle grip off of. For me, I’m basking in the glow of the rapid and transformational changes I was able to make (with the tremendous support of my mentor, teacher and soul sister Lindsey) that have freed my soul and allowed me to expand, embrace and fully step into my power in the most empowering of ways.

Tonight, she and I along with a dear friend of hers will hold a full moon ritual. This ceremony will set an intention to release and burn away what we no longer need to keep in our lives that doesn’t serve our highest good. We will also create new intentions to manifest over the new cycle we’re welcoming in. Taking part in these types of rituals feels amazing on many levels and is an honor to celebrate our sisterhood connection. The Universe offers us this gift once a month my dears and this one in particular is divinely timed with my move here to Idaho.

Burn baby burn 🔥

In the past week, my creative juices have begun flowing again and my heart has connected to its home. I can feel myself in a much more powerful way my dears. It’s thrilling to be able to finally be released from the toxic relationships that were holding me back and became nothing but a huge distraction over this year. 2020 is often referred to as a return to perfect vision and I can clearly see how hard my heart and soul have been struggling for many, many years being held back by people that didn’t have my best interests in mind. I’ve often written here that my mindset has shifted away from intellectualism into a much more authentic space which allows my heart to be the driving force in every decision. My arms are open wide to all the new possibilities my new home offers🙌

Universal hug

In order to make deep and lasting shifts take hold, in our life we must forgive. This is an intentional practice that not only includes extending forgiveness to others my dears but most especially with ourselves. We simply don’t know the harm we cause in our own relationship with self until we wake up to see the destructive patterns that have developed within our being that have taken us away from our purpose until we do. Our life here is centered in love, for ourselves first and then pours directly into the lives we touch. It’s a huge interconnected web that includes ALL living things. People, animals and nature. Once the pain which caused the fear in the first place can be recognized and healed, love can and does flow strongly and abundantly 💗

Forgiveness is the key

Ahhhhh, deep breath in my dears…..hold….exhale fear and replace it with love. I now call in my highest self which operates in accordance with the love vibration and Universal flow. If you’re curious about how to create these shifts in your own life, hit the link below to schedule a shamanic healing session with me or a tarot card reading. I hold both in person and long distance sessions over the phone. This link will also connect you to my three books of poetry. Until next time my lovely dear readers, heal yourself with love and then love others freely🌈

Flow state

https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77

Spirituality

My big day off

Phew, I have been on a roll lately my dear readers that has time moving at light speed! I’ve been so busy in the best ways. First of all, my oldest son Tyler, who had never visited me here in Dallas, came here last week for four days. Now he has my heart singing because he told me he wants to relocate here! His father, my ex-husband and I have been divorced for almost ten years now. I relocated out of state of Rhode Island seven years ago so needless to say, I haven’t lived in the same state as my children for a long time.

I have written before about how messy my divorce was but it stands to emphasize that my ex is quite ignorant. He has refused to speak to me for going on five years now. We share joint custody but I granted him primary placement because he is the more stable one in both finances and emotions between the two of us. He has successfully alienated my younger son Miles, who will be 15 in April, from me. I understand why things have unfolded as they have and I have faith that once he has more real life experience plus a few more years of maturity, he will come around as Ty has.

Ty and I out and about in the big city

I have never, and I am proud of this fact, spoken a negative word about their father to either of my boys. That is their Dad, part of who they are and their idol even hero in many ways. I know all too well how when one parent is always negative about the other, the incredible damage it does to not only the parent child relationship but the child’s self esteem. This being said, my oldest will be 19 in August and is well aware of how both of his parents differ in personality. I have become more free to explain my side of things now.

Having Ty here was wonderful. I was a stay at home mother for twelve years and my greatest role in life will always be Mom. Getting to inhabit that role again is just the best feeling!! Ty and I are very alike and we vibe so well off each other naturally,  it’s so cool😊 He loves to tell me how when he thinks about me, while he’s home in RI, all of a sudden I call and vice versa for me! I tell him that’s because we are so connected plus we are both empaths. We finish each other’s sentences and I can recognize how strong his intuition is, especially for his age. Ty is light years ahead of me when I was his age! He makes me so damn proud😁

This post is entitled “My big day off” though so let’s get to that😉

New purchase of a Himalayan salt lamp

I love it when I get a day off during the week. I had a few errands to run downtown which took up most of my afternoon. I don’t own a car, so I use ride share, Uber specifically, everywhere I go. Today however, my destinations were close enough that I could walk to each of them. I don’t know what was in the air today but I found myself bumbling around from each place to the next. I’m talking about walking the wrong route more than once, forgetting my bag at a stop and having to search desperately for a public restroom! I couldn’t get out of my own way🤪

In the late afternoon, I had Uber bring my partner to our favorite hole in the wall pub so we could have a stiff drink and an early dinner or late lunch depending on how you want to look at it😉 I simply walked there and met him. It’s so important to me that we have at least one “date” a week where we can be ourselves, no distractions and be the fun loving couple we are. Letting go of life’s stressors.

We kissed goodbye and I sent him off home while I went over to the dance studio that I have been taking dance classes at. Tonight I returned to tap after many years of attending a proper class! I think the last time I was in a class was when I was sixteen years old! I taught the standard half hour ballet, half hour tap to little ones for years but that is a different beast all together!

Laced up the ol tap shoes💃

I was quickly reacquainted with how mathematical tap is and how often the steps fall on the “and” count. Our teacher was old school and super Southern. A real character and I loved her immediately! She kept remarking on how good I was doing and adding, “just jump in once you get it!”

I know I am so hard, too hard on myself from being trained in such a serious fashion plus dancing at a competitive level that it altered my entire outlook on dance. Returning as an adult, a mother, someone who has been on a 10 year odyssey of spirituality and healing and a yogi for 20 years I can now fully embrace not only myself but my sheer passion for dance! I really honored little Maria tonight. I thoroughly entertained myself and was able to laugh a lot as I untangled the stickiness of remembering the steps! The phrase that kept running through my head was, “you can do it Maria…it’s just like riding a bike!” Plus, I was taught to never walk out of a class, no matter what. I still stick that that rule🙌

This is a 180 degree difference to the Maria I was when I abruptly quit my dancing career at 16. That young lady was extremely hard on herself, self harmed with an eating disorder and was entirely too serious about everything. Nowadays, I enjoy laughing at myself, being silly and actively intending on not taking life too seriously. I make it a point to remind myself throughout my day to relax, will _____ matter a year even a month from now? It’s a mindset and a real shift from where I used to be. Welcome abundance mindset 👏

It felt really good to have the awesome ladies I tapped with tonight tell me they enjoyed my upbeat energy, personality and tap skills. They each asked if I would return to which I responded with a resounding HELL YEAH!

I must give myself credit here for acknowledging just how much I have grown in a short amount of time. My partner and I discussed it during our meal together. Since unearthing repressed memories of sexual abuse in June that occurred when I was 5 and 6, I have expierienced two back to back spiritual awakenings that have significantly raised my internal vibration. I acquired a new job that I absolutely love, my dream job in so many ways. I am healing my inner child wounds and in doing so have reconnected and solidified my authentic self. The Maria I am today is the most comfortable I have ever been in life. 100%

23 year old me

Ty even told my dear friend and the owner of the boutique I manage that he never thought he would see his Mom this happy. She remarked on how evident my influence was on him during his formative years because of what a great young man he has grown into being. That is definitely the greatest compliment I could ever receive. Deciding to move to Florida, push the reboot button in life after the divorce was extremely painful and difficult for all three of us, my boys and I. Being a Mom and raising my sons is my hands down greatest accomplishment in life. The separation alienated me from not only them but some of my family and friends. Many people had harsh comments and opinions for a mother, who in their words, chose to abandon her children. Entrusting them selflessly to their father. I knew he was the better parent at the time. I recognized that and I acted accordingly. Period.

This is the cold hard truth my dear readers. I was so lost, numb to my life at age 33 that I really wanted to die. I attempted taking my own life more than once. I was presented with the toughest choice I have ever had to make but one that was also absolutely necessary. It was my boys or me and I had to choose me which was counter to how I had lived my life up until then all along. Focusing solely on myself was scary as hell (still is at times)and felt so foreign, downright wrong at first. Ten years later, I can say that I love myself, I believe in myself by being my own best cheerleader. Two values I could never own before.

Ty & I ❤❤

I feel this poem really hits on the vein of letting go, recovering perfectionism and obtaining real self love. It’ll always be a work in progress and I’m ok with that. Keeping my mind open, willing to always learn, laugh at myself and embrace all that life has to offer is where I’m at today😊

Control….or release of it😉