In two days I will celebrate my 43rd birthday and in light of where we are in this pandemic, it’s looking like I will be ringing in this one without the love of my life. I’m not going to sugarcoat my feelings, after everything I have experienced this year, I have hit my breaking point with patience. I’m incredibly sad and disappointed that we can’t be together. I also thought this was an opportunity to share with you my dear ones the mixture of emotions I’m experiencing right now. I always say,”if you can feel it, you can heal it”. Currently, as I revealed in my last post, I’m surfing the waves of intense emotions impacted by heartache and loss. I know intuitively that this time in my life will teach me more about my journey and I will be ok. Right at this moment however, I am not ok. If you all know me by now, I wear my heart’s vulnerability out loud and on my sleeve. This post is me. Present moment. Rainbow of feelings.
I woke up Saturday morning with a spring in my step and a feeling of exuberance. The weather here was gloriously sunny and I headed out for a run. As I listened to my playlist featuring some favorite tunes from my teenage years, I was hit with a strong sense of nostalgia and soul. I stopped off at a coffee shop to write this poem that was bursting from my heart to be heard.
A few hours later, as the darkness of night approached, I felt the pangs of sorrow over the loss both my Mom and I are experiencing. Being an intuitive empath can be tricky when I’m surrounded by energy I know isn’t solely my own. Obviously, my Mom is heartbroken by the loss of my Dad, her life partner for 44 years. She has also been dealing with having contracted COVID-19 herself and has been bed ridden. I am safe and have thankfully tested negative. The past two weeks have truly been a challenge for both of us. Before I fell asleep Saturday night, I penned this poem which articulates the grief both of us are feeling.
Yesterday, I checked out by calling a mental health day for myself and didn’t get out of bed. Since the beginning of 2020, I haven’t taken many days off. More specifically, since becoming a shaman in September, I have taken exactly 0 days off. Yesterday, I binged Netflix and ate some of my favorite snack foods. I napped for hours. I kept to myself. It was awesome. This morning I awoke to rain here in South Florida. I decided to share this video of myself on all my social media platforms which is featured in the introduction of my latest book, “My Soul’s Light”. This is me, Maria Teresa, aka Ladysag77. I am a survivor who is thriving after facing many challenges throughout my life. I view the world in an unique way. I’m living my soul’s purpose and feeling my authentic spirit for the 1st time. Life is a gift. It’s never easy yet I choose to see the extreme beauty and be grateful for the many blessings I have. When you walk where I’ve been my dears, you learn to appreciate the gift of presence. I’m here and I’m alive. I make no apologies for who I am. I love myself and I hope to inspire others by my life’s testimony of healing.
In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below.
https://linktr.ee/Emotionalmusings
Emotional Musings 