#selfhealingjourney – Emotional Musings

The pursuit of happiness

March 4, 2021March 4, 2021 MariaTeresa

There are so many analogies that come to mind when I think of the phrase, “the pursuit of happiness”. Our culture breeds this idea that it’s a thing to find that we somehow lost, an item to buy, a type of thing to possess that is outside of ourselves or that another person will be the magic ingredient to solve all of our worries and problems. I believe through the consumerism and entertainment culture we have screaming at us 24/7 that we’re programmed to believe we aren’t happy. What does it mean to be happy?

My dear readers, I believe happiness is 100% an inside job and the truth is that we aren’t going to feel perpetual happiness 100% of the time. Being human means that we have a wide array of feelings and emotions that alert us to what our body needs in each moment. Attending to each is sometimes a challenge, especially in our fast paced society yet taking the time to truly do so has amazing and priceless benefits.

We are coming up on a year since the beginning of the pandemic that changed our entire world. I’m incredibly grateful for the extended time and opportunity to work on myself and heal. Feeling is so very healing yet we must allow ourselves to truly feel all of it, the complete human experience doesn’t come with just the good vibes my dears. Since my Dad has passed and I have been separated from my partner, I am realizing more and more how precious we are to one another. My partner serves as the most clear of mirrors and our connection allows me to see myself fully. Lately, some hard truths rose to the surface that my ego needed to hear but didn’t enjoy hearing. I’ve changed every aspect of my life for the betterment of my own soul. Awesome for me yet he admitted to not knowing who I am anymore, that he needs to get to know and fall in love with me again. I must allow him time and space in which to do this. We are each others one true love and through acceptance of one another, I believe our love will get us through.

Life is like a freshly squeezed glass of orange juice with the juiciest bits all mixed in, not merely on top but sprinkled in throughout. We must dig deep at times to feel the most of what life is teaching us. Using the juice analogy, each container tells us to shake before we pour so we get the best of its offering into each glass. Life shakes us up repeatedly and at times it’s easy to feel all mixed up. The truth is happiness is always available should we choose to feel it. However it’s perfectly normal to not feel happy all the damn time!! Being…..just being, tapping into my skills of observation allows me to investigate all of my feelings through all of my senses. For a women who feels deeply and is acutely sensitive this can be extremely challenging. I sometimes wish I had an off switch and could just feel and process me, not everyone else around me. As an open psychic channel, my soul asked to be reincarnated this way yet it’s hard explaining this fact to others unless they have experience with it.

From the inception of this blog, Emotional Musings has served as a testimony to what life is like for me in recovery from life long dissociation and trauma. I’m an empath, an open psychic channel, a trauma survivor, a suicide survivor, a divorced mother diagnosed with CPTSD who searched for answers to find peace and healing to discover that all of my sensibilities allow me to follow my soul’s purpose and path to becoming a master shaman. God set me with all the sense settings on high and He gifted me with being able to write poems that can articulate the abundance of feelings I feel all the time.

These are my latest lessons in life that are expressed through poetry. This last full moon was a big one for me in terms of looking within the shadows to release what no longer was serving me. Healing hurts my dears and this past week I have felt every feeling and emotion there is. I’m exhausted, elated, sad, grateful and yes, happy. I’m happy to be alive and experience all of life in the skin I’m in! Tomorrow I am going to experience float therapy which I have read rave reviews about. I already know that this therapeutic experience will rejuvenate and refresh my spirit returning me to a place of balance and harmony.

Thank you so much @myjourney_sda for allowing me to share my testimony of survival to “Triumphing over Trauma”. We are all in this together, sharing our journey, challenges and gifts. We rise as one. Much love to you all ❤

“Love is the Medicine”

In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below or click the Services tab in the menu.
For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment. Maria@emotionalmusings.com
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77
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Spirituality

Celebrating my Aliveness

September 12, 2020February 22, 2022 MariaTeresa

I’m so pleased to share with you my dear readers and loved ones here in our little WordPress community the interview I did with my dear soul sister Chrissy-Marie Tucciarone, for her podcast on iTunes and Spotify called “The Art of Aliveness”. I recorded this in early July, before I started the 40 hours of apprenticeship healing sessions and right after the release of my 3rd book of poetry, “My Heart’s Song”. She asked me some great questions allowing me to share my healing journey thus far with a huge concentration on my art.

I describe myself as a creative person because I feel my sensuality and drive come from my love for anything that helps me express myself in an artistic way including writing, dancing, yoga, painting, chanting, singing, music and now the shamanic healing sessions I conduct. I see the world in technicolor orchestrated by a wide array of musical tastes from Classical, Jazz, R&B, The Dead, Reggae, EDM, Classic Rock and everything in between. There’s really no beat I’ve ever met I didn’t like my dears💃 Being able to express myself artistically is like breathing for me. It’s how I roll.

As I landed in Denver, the city I was connecting through from Idaho before my final destination in Fort Lauderdale, I saw a notification pop up on my cell from Chrissy telling me our episode #27 was live on the podcast platforms! I bought some snacks, found a place to plug in my device and started to listen. I must admit, this is my first ever interview on my own life’s story. I’ve been involved in other interviews with my partner because he’s a Superbowl Champion but this was the first time I would speak from my heart on my own journey from darkness to light. It’s an overwhelming honor and I feel a lump in my throat just writing about it now. Here’s the link. I invite all of you to have a listen….

Here’s a show for you… Turning Your Sensitivities into Superpowers episode of The Art of Aliveness
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2oHlTQSL3FXHlGPSy8w5KS?si=reXlit1USVuEGLMAUQHyjg

Episode #27 “The Art of Aliveness” Turning your Sensitivities into Superpowers

Here’s a show for you… Turning Your Sensitivities into Superpowers episode of The Art of Aliveness
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2oHlTQSL3FXHlGPSy8w5KS?si=reXlit1USVuEGLMAUQHyjg

“All wounds stem from the illusion of separation from Source and of all Creation. The route of healing this wound is through cultivating love and compassion for every being on this planet, including oneself. Not a bland standard of unquestioned acceptance, but a heartfelt sense of profound relatedness to whatever you perceive as apart from yourself. True compassion requires not only a feeling of warmth that emanates when you are in touch with your heart center, but in acts of kindness, even if this means being a fully attentive listener. Respect the fact that your heart is both a giver (putting out electrical energy) and a receiver (drawing in magnetic energy). These energies are best sensed by attending to the steady flow of your breathing while also noticing your heart center. Righteousness, fear, anger and judgement are some common ways to block one’s natural desire to love. Forgiveness is not only letting go of judgement, but also seeing through the illusion that you and All-That-Is are separate. Look about you and inside of you, and do your best to love whatever you see”.

In order to do this, I had to first forgive myself and welcome in many vital values we all require to thrive as human beings. I had been rejecting myself and needed to cultivate self love, trust and belief 15 months ago when I felt I could no longer carry the burden of being sexually abused. I have wanted to get a tattoo of a semicolon for awhile now and I felt that I needed to get it done in Idaho.

In 2011, I found myself in a very dark place my dear readers. I felt so burdened by shame, guilt, unworthiness and hopelessness. I attempted to turn out my light completely. The main mission of my writing and the reason I became a shaman is to let others see we can and do heal. My hope is fully restored and my life-force energy is extremely strong. The motto I live my life by is “Triumphing over Trauma” and today I proudly walk with my head held high. You are never alone my dears. Ever!

September 10th is #worldsuicidepreventionday and I put the ; on my middle finger as an everlasting statement & symbol to myself to remember where I came from and how profoundly impactful this healing journey has been. I got this the day after the final ritual ceremony, a full circle moment 🙏

Semicolon movement, “My story isn’t over yet”

My heart is at peace, I am filled with joy, feeling 100% content with life. It’s a well deserved place to be after the pain and heartache from the many lessons in life I learned the hard way. The pain from the human experience is something we are all continually healing from. It’s never-ending and everlasting while we walk this planet. I believe that each and everyone of us can and does heal in our own ways. It’s hardwired in our DNA to heal. I’m honored and blessed to help others heal as I did in the ways of shamanism. As a shaman, I help others connect to their own natural rhythm, retrieve their soul’s purpose and balance the chakra points in the body, our energy centers that govern our being allowing us the most optimized functionality possible. This is my magic and what I’m meant to do.

If you’re curious about any of my 3 books of poetry or what to contact me for a shamanic healing session or a tarot card reading. Click this link below.

https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77

Spirituality

New Mantra

September 4, 2020 MariaTeresa

Tomorrow I will be traveling to Idaho to perform a final ritual ceremony for my dear sister friend and teacher Lindsey Luna. This will mark the ending of my apprenticeship and the beginning of my role as a shamanic healer. This journey has been my focus over the last fifteen months but more specifically the past five. I’ve learned so much from Lindsey, about myself and healing. I’m bursting with excitement as I feel major shifts happening inside me.

It started last weekend with an overall sense of calm, a more feminine yin vibe that I wrote about in my last post. Everything feels slowed down, natural, not forced or requiring me to exert much energy. I’m an extremely energetic person yet this past week feels like I’m moving through a pool of jello. It’s hard to really describe but this poem is my attempt at articulating my internal story💙

I haven’t been publishing a lot of my writing on any of my online platforms because I’ve been focused on writing for my ceremony and also spending more time with my personal journaling. It’s extremely important for me to process and express myself right now. I’ve spent this week with myself, in solitude and silence with nature as my backdrop. The lake I live on provides so much stimulation for my spirit to thrive in. A new mantra came to me the other day in meditation and I want to share it here.

“I receive light, I give love”❤

This is what I recite to myself during my own personal healing sessions and the ones I hold for clients. It’s simple yet powerful as I envision myself as the conduit for both declarations. I think it’ll serve as a muse for my next painting😉

When we can slow down and go inside ourselves, our truth is revealed. We connect with our own spirit and soul essense ever guided through God. The feeling both during and afterwards is so relaxing and freeing. Even if you do this for 5 minutes everyday my dear readers, I urge you to go there. Give yourself to yourself and to your higher power, whomever that is for you. I don’t subscribe to any one religion. I prefer to acknowledge all the ascended masters who walked this Earth from every established religion and interpretation of God. I read all literary offerings from the Bible to the Koran. I’m blessed to have been gifted my dear Nana’s leather-bound Bible after she passed, complete with her writings and observations on each chapter and the verses she liked. It still smells like her too which I love❤

I’ve been rewatching “The Power of Myth” which is a series of interviews Bill Moyers had with Joseph Campbell. I was first turned onto his teachings while I was a sophomore in high school and my Humanities teacher assigned us his book to read. I have always felt drawn to mythology and its teachings. As Mr. Campbell says, “the absolute mystery of life, what he called transcendent reality, cannot be captured directly in words or images. Symbols and mythic metaphors on the other hand point outside themselves and into that reality”. Myths point us in the direction towards our own truths. I love to explore different cultures and myths weaving my own beliefs to the surface.

I took this picture in my favorite park the other day and attached one of Campbell’s great quotes to it 💚🌱

These are two other poems I’ve written this week that reflect where I’m at in my journey. I feel these are very representative of my inner world and my soul. I won’t be posting next week so I can be fully present on my trip. I will definitely fill you in my dear readers once I return and have processed everything 😊

In the meantime, click on this link for everything “Emotional Musings” my books and contact information to book a healing session with me

❤🙌

https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77

Spirituality

Oneness of love

August 31, 2020August 31, 2020 MariaTeresa

I’m back from my hiatus dear readers feeling rested and refreshed! It was important for me to listen to the messages I was receiving internally that were guiding me to take this much needed break from my usual routines of writing and posting online. I established a new writing ritual in a workbook I purchased called, “The Goddess Journaling Workbook” by Beatrix Minerva Linden. Each day there are two questions to focus on highlighting a different goddess divided into 6 cycles for the entire year. I have found this exercise to be highly stimulating for my imagination. I also keep a daily journal and have done so for many many years. This workbook is a welcome addition to my writing practice.

I’ve also recommitted to my self care routine this past month. I like to visualize myself as water, filling each moment with my entire being. Maintaining an “all in” mentality, holding nothing back and giving all of my open heart to wherever my focus is. Leaning into the connectedness of God and the beautiful creations found in our world. Choosing to reject the illusion of separateness is something I meditate on daily asking for the strength I need to thrive in our current human condition. This practice is vital to my self healing routine and my role as a shamanic healer to stay in touch with my most vital relationship to self and the environment. I took some day trips to the beach and to my favorite parks to perform Earth blessings. Each one helped me gain more appreciation of God’s unconditional love for us and how available that feeling is inside of each and everyone of us at all times! It’s truly awe inspiring and can be called upon, accessed by setting the intention for it. Vowing to live a more heart centered life, where I intend to live my daily life in true alignment with my personal values, purpose, inner mortality, personal experiences and intuition. The fullness I feel, the inspiration that has grown within me giving my creativity a boost was exactly what I needed. Here are the poems I wrote during my time away from the laptop, writing exclusively with pen and paper for the past few weeks was so freeing!

Reading these here, I can see the progression of my internal story within these poems. Since March, the energy driving me was very yang in nature and powerful. This month I’ve noticed I’ve shifted into a more yin energy which feels much more serene and calm. The ending of an 10 year chapter of self healing, reconnection to soul and a personal renaissance serving as a time of transformative change. This is a change that included my attitude, behavior, habits, health and spirit. A tune up for my heart and soul to realign myself in a way that feels much more authentic inside and out. For me this meant major changes in the ways I eat, dress, analyze, prioritize and engage with the world around me. It also showed me the relationships I wanted to deepen and the ones I was ready to let go of. My partner has undergone his own awakening in light of mine which commenced fifteen months ago. In this past month, I feel much more connected to him because of his own inner growth and healing.

There is no growth without pain my dears and these past months have highlighted areas of my life that required brutal honesty that at times was excruciatingly painful to look at. Some days, it took everything in me to keep going, exercising my resilient nature by not allowing anything to ever hold me back from expressing my true self.. I made this promise while in the psychiatric hospital in 2011 after my suicide attempt. I’m grateful beyond words for the challenges I have faced, learned from and conquered. This is a quote that comes to mind when I think about my journey thus far,

“It’s sometimes the prettiest of smiles that hold the deepest secrets, the prettiest eyes have cried the most tears and the kindest of hearts that have felt the most pain”.

I can relate so much to these words and they resonate deeply within my soul.

I also updated my business cards and created a hat I can wear to promote myself. I’ve never met a hat I didn’t love and this one is no different. I strive each day to live my motto of, “Triumphing over Trauma” proving that when you set your heart to change, anything is possible. Greatness of spirit is achievable and powered by love.

Please click on this link for everything Emotional Musings included my contact information for healing sessions, my books and social media

https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77

Spirituality

Writing from my soul

August 5, 2020August 5, 2020 MariaTeresa

My dear readers this piece may seem rambling yet it’s a peek inside my stream of consciousness journal. When I read it back to myself I often chuckle because I think in such rhyme and metaphor. I amuse myself on days like today when my heart strings are being especially tugged. Today is my eldest son’s 19th birthday. It also marks exactly 3 months since I kissed my partner goodbye, for now, we plan on being reunited here soon once he can get his personal affairs in order. Our current world’s dilemma gave our lives a really good shakeup, as it did everybody else🌍

Don’t get me wrong, this is by no means a negative thing. Change and transformation are necessary in life. I chose to embrace whatever is thrown at me with a “it is what it is” mentality and roll with it. That’s the challenge, life is 10% of what happens and 90% how you react or respond to it. My dear readers, since my mission here with my blog is to be 100% transparent, you can clearly read about my challenges. I absolutely refuse to let anything take me down, out or under…..EVER! It’s the warrior in me to survive, learn and keep pushing forward embracing each moment for what it is💪

Just one year ago I made myself some self care promises to include certain practices that I wanted to instill into my life daily. Reading, journaling, meditating and exercising are the four agreements I keep with myself (I’m a huge fan of Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, “The 4 Agreements”). This routine, along with a few others are non negotiables for me. They are how I survive in this world as a woman who is extremely self aware, an intuitive empath with keen psychic abilities who has a gigantic heart. I must protect myself and love myself first and foremost. Here’s a peek at what I scribbled today✒

“This writer’s soul is a place I often go to hide from the thunderous energies and plunders of all the others. Negativity is such a bummer as it pulls me down in spirals that threaten to darken my upbeat and light morale. Whenever I feel a quivering sickness inside my belly, investigate I will to search out its origin of dwelling. Perpetually it’s another’s hell I’ve uncovered seeing through to their sickness and confusion. It closes in on my light without much warning. Always vigilant and prepared, I mentally construct my light shield and soon I’m covered. A bright white wall of light six feet around and six feet high, I slip inside and now safely occupy. I can take a deep breath now. My mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and cosmic energy is fully intact inside this wall while I never wander away mindlessly far from home without it. I’ve spent years constructing this wall of light, brick by brick so nothing can penetrate it, it’s so thick. Mostly it’s in place to block out other’s fears that threaten to distract my train of heart and love”.

My fellow empaths understand exactly what I’ve just described here because they too use this mental exercise in their bag of coping tricks. I thought I should share it in case anybody else is having a tough time out there dealing with some people who just seem to walk around in a cloud of darkness. There’s nothing wrong with them, it’s just that we empaths can get really thrown off by this vibration and most often it’s best not to absorb it if we can catch it. Then we can continue to shine and spread out our love’s light. I envision empaths as the human version of the Care Bears🌈

Here’s the poem I wrote in honor of Ty’s birthday. I’m regularly blown away by this young man. Lately, people have mistaken him for my brother which I must admit is hilarious 🤣 He takes after his father height wise at almost 6 feet while I’ve remained 5’2 since 7th grade!

Today at the park, I recorded myself reciting it😊

For my Ty💗

Lastly, this is a poem I wrote describing what this past year has truly felt like, reclaiming my soul and going through this spiritual awakening. I’m more me now than ever. Blessings and love to you all my dears 🙏

Want to contact me for a tarot card reading or a shamanic healing session? Check out my books of poetry available on Amazon. Click this one link for all my information in one place😊

https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77

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