Spirituality

All about energy

Many of my posts on this blog are about my interpretations of spirituality and energy. I recently wrote a poem entitled, “Energy flows” describing exactly how this phenomenon works. I’m always amazed by how karma occurs and plays out in real life. Recently I have been feeling on top of the world in most areas of my life but yesterday life threw me a curve ball and I’ve been scratching my head about what it means. I bet my dear readers can relate.

I overheard a conversation that I don’t believe I was intended to hear. It caught me off guard because it was very cruel and about me. I’d like to believe this person didn’t know I was there and was talking freely behind my back. The problem is I heard it all, now I know this person’s true feelings about me and I feel awful. I’m unsure what caused this person to say such hateful things about me and in order to avoid a confrontation, I now have to change my routine to stay away from this person. I’m so uncomfortable and upset over this. I know that when somebody reveals their true colors I should believe them but I’m very perplexed over it. It doesn’t make sense and all I have been doing is replaying the hatefulness over and over again in my mind. I know that it changes nothing and keeps me feeling badly.

Hate and cruelty towards people sometimes has its roots in jealousy which is what I suspect in this instance. Women can be so overly competitive with each other and so petty. I have been through too much over these last several years to act in a fake and phony way. Wearing masks was something I did in the past to cope. I can no longer employ that tactic in life because it doesn’t work for me any longer. I believe in myself now and I honor that by always being genuine. Yet this situation is pulling me into a gray area. I live by some standards now in life that I feel very strongly about. In regards to this situation I refuse to treat this person as they have treated me. Hence why I am so uncomfortable today.

Instead I am choosing to be quiet about it, pray and reflect. I don’t wish anybody any harm and I live by my ability to show kindness, ALWAYS. I’m admitting here that however I feel about my previous statement, I am struggling with how to correctly handle this in order to move forward. I want to get to a place of forgiveness but unfortunately, I’m not there yet. Not even a little bit.

One of my favorite books on life is by Don Miguel Ruiz entitled, “The Four Agreements”. In it Mr. Ruiz outlines the four principles to live by in order to have peace within oneself:

  1. Be impeccable with your word.
  2. Don’t take anything personally.
  3. Don’t make assumptions.
  4. Always do your best.

By adhering to these principles, I know I shouldn’t be taking any of what was said about me personally. In this case it is truly challenging because it IS about me. Intellectually, I also understand that this person is probably projecting their own feelings upon me. It is something I used to deal with regularly from my own mother. She was so uncomfortable in her own skin that she would project those unsettling feelings about herself onto myself, my siblings and our father. When I was younger, I would soak it all up and internalize those feelings about myself in a destructive way. I would beat myself up, doubt myself, employing self hatred etc. It was ugly and left me feeling worthless and empty.

The quote that next springs to my mind is by Maya Angelou.
Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” “The question is not how to survive, but how to thrive with passion, compassion, humor and style.” “When people show you who they are, believe them.”

She really hit the nail on the head with those words! I’m also reminded of this quote by Ms. Angelou,
If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude“.

In regards to my situation I know my only choice is to forgive and change my own attitude about dealing with this person.

Upon reflecting about all of this I must admit I’m beginning to feel a bit better. That’s what writing provides me. It allows me a positive way to process and heal emotionally. I’m so grateful for this outlet and I thank you my dear readers for coming along with me on this journey.

Tell me, how do you handle stress caused by other’s opinions about you? Please comment below or send me an email privately at mariaswan1209@yahoo.com

Here is my poem…..

Peace, love and light to you allโœŒ๐Ÿ’–

P.S.

I highly recommend reading “The Four Agreements.” I received it as a gift about fifteen years ago and I reread it often to remind myself of its message. It gave me such a great perspective on life’s struggles in relationships and I gained so much insight.

Mental health, Spirituality

The truth about secrets

Keeping secrets can be destructive to your mental and physical health. It can also be very stressful. Now I’m not talking about ALL secrets, some can be really great because they are meant to boost our loved ones life. This post is about holding in negative secrets and what that does over time to ourselves. Most importantly it’s about learning to truly listen to our bodies by tuning into our authentic selves.

As an empath, I am an extremely honest person and because of that I am a bad liar! I always wear my emotions on my face, sleeve and wherever else one can decern what I’m feeling from. Since studying and learning about human behavior I have also developed ways to decipher truth from fiction through body language. These clues go past my initial gut feelings that stem from being an empath. There have been plenty of times that I feel a situation in someone else’s life is about to go south and yet I must remain quiet until the person wants to admit what their truth is. It is a real struggle for me. I’m referring to a certain scenario happening right now and for confidence and trust reasons I can’t disclose too many details here yet I need to write about it for my own sanity.

I understand that each person I encounter must realize their own truth in their own time. I know what it’s like to live in denial, how that felt and how it feels now to live my truth. Denying who you are is thoroughly exhausting and counter to everything I believe in yet I had to learn from that mistake. It’s a very personal journey that I know I can’t intervene in. Even though I love this person with my whole heart and it hurts to see them in so much emotional pain, I must still observe and remain silent. Here’s where patience comes in because no matter how we advise others on their life choices because we feel we are trying to help them, it is ultimately their choice in the end. It is their lesson to learn and I need to detach myself with love and just listen. I’m sorry for being so vague but I am struggling right now with keeping someone else’s secret. I want to keep their business private and yet I want to scream it from the rooftops at the same time!! My role in life as an empath can feel like a curse at times like this. I wish I didn’t feel or have thoughts about this person’s future. At the same time I must trust the forces that be because I know my purpose is to heal others. It takes on different forms but that is what I am here in this world to do. Sometimes this comes at my own expense healthwise. I’m still learning and working on my boundaries. Granting myself permission to detach with love is a challenge because i cate so much about everything. Emotionally for me it feels like I am abandoning the person I love yet intellectually I know I’m preserving myself. For most of my life I chose to be the one who got hurt instead of the person I loved. I would gladly take on their emotions thinking that I was “saving” them from the pain. In truth I was just suffering and they remained unaware. It’s a work in process.

I have listened, advised, cared for and sacrificed for this person. I have willingly kept many dirty secrets for this person too. I keep reminding myself I can only control myself and my behavior yet the urge to “fix” this person can feel overwhelming at times. Sometimes too I have to remind myself not to expect others to respond the way I do when faced with a challenge. At first I am fearful but lately I have been trying to push myself past that feeling to implement positive change and growth. It is really scary yet I refuse to go backwards or remain locked in negative patterns that don’t serve me.

I know whatever the outcome I will be alright. I must trudge down my life’s path alone because at the end of the day each of us must live with ourselves alone. No amount of love can save anybody we love from themselves.

I wrote this poem a few days ago about what it feels like to be this person’s secrets holder. I entered it into a poetry contest and won honorable mention. It is amazingly humbling and I feel so honored to be recognized for my writing.

As always my friends, I am so happy to have this outlet to share my inner most thoughts. Let me know if you can relate to this one…..