Today I gave an interview for my dear friend Chrissy-Marie’s (@comealivewithchrissymarie on Instagram) podcast, “The Art of Aliveness” on how to express oneself through creativity under pressure. We have been cultivating a conversation on how despite the pressures of our current world’s situation with the pandemic of COVID-19, the social and racial unrest pushing for much needed change to systems that have been dysfunctional and broken for some time now added to that the disruption of our daily lives. Despite it all I decide to pick up a pen and write, a paintbrush to paint, put on music and dance. Channeling the energy, emotions and thoughts swirling around me to process it all and make sense of my personal experiences. This has been my lifelong journey. At times like the rest of you my dear readers, I don’t know if I’m coming or going! Through it all, my creative juices keep flowing leading me to express myself and further uncover my authentic self. Allowing my true sprit, my voice to shine through.
There are a lot of myths out there on healing like you have to “become something different” by doing XYZ. Nah…..it’s all about letting go, embracing the present moment for what it is and just being. Becoming quiet, being still and giving myself permission to sing my soul’s language (the name of my second poetry book on Amazon) and to dance to my heart’s song (my third book of poetry on Amazon) has brought me inner peace and joy incomparable to anything external. No book has all the answers, no device can deliver this magic and certainly no person can make us truly happy. The answers all lie within 🧘♀️
Since my last post the cosmic energy of the full moon and eclipse brought out some more truths that needed to be realized, released and integrated into my being. Isn’t it wild how life brings forth those practical lessons in such an up close and personal way, giving us no choice but to face them?
I admitted to Chrissy that since January I have felt like the Universe has been molding me to shine like a diamond under incredibly intense pressure. God has been working his magic through Divine timing thus cracking me right open to see so many things that I have been detached from for years. Embracing the change and going with the flow is my part. Growing pains are expected because there is no “perfection in healing”, that’s also a myth my dears. Healing hurts at times and it’s within that pain where our truth and beauty lies. I must admit too that at times I feel like my squirrel friend here, hanging on is what is required in the moment😉
Yet despite the pain, we keep going. We reach highs we never dreamed possible. The pressure builds and boils over to reveal more. That’s been my process. Through it all having tbe patience to see it all to fruition. It may not make sense in the moment yet the wisdom is in trusting that whatever comes up is merely a way to another truth. Collecting these truths, pieces of my soul are what further fuels life force energy. What I live, breath and strive to maintain in my essence as a creative woman.
I like to include poems in each post and since I haven’t been able to attend a poetry slam in months, I thought I would record myself reciting my latest poems.
The episode we recorded today will be up next month and I will be sure to link it here so you can listen to it my dear readers. In the meantime, please check out my books of poetry on Amazon. They make a wonderful gift if I don’t say so myself🙏💜
It’s been two weeks since I sat in my shadow, dove deep while consciously and intentionally releasing some deep wounds I have been carrying for years my dear readers. This week in my apprenticeship for my shamanic healing work, we talked about boundaries both ethically and personally. I realized again just how serious the work of energy healing is and how my approach to my own life has shifted in the past few months.
I reread some of my posts from the start of 2020 when I first set my mind to learning the art of shamanism. It truly does suit my spiritual being and my soul’s purpose. I now understand much more about myself and God’s plan for me. It’s created a very freeing yet grounded place simultaneously. It has had me reconsider however how I interact with others both physically and emotionally.
As usual I have been sitting in quiet contemplation and asking Spirit how best to proceed. My main channel has always been my writing, the messages come through clearest when I put pen to paper and allow free flow writing to spill out. At times like this my mind screams at me,”I must know” while my heart, which is always the guiding force whispers, “You already do”. The answer is love. Trust what is being presented and surrender the need to control. Just love Maria, yourself first and others will follow🙏
I have spent many years being numb, deaf to my own inner guidance, my soul’s intentions for me. I’ve written before about this concept but it bears repeating now. We are multidimensional spiritual beings having a human experience. At times in this past year my spirit has guided me to places my human side didn’t feel comfortable embodying yet. Then it’s like a game of tag while my human self plays catch up to my spiritual self. Integrating it all to include the voices of my inner child, ego and higher consciousness or highest self has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Just when I’m ready to let go, Universe says “ok, here’s a test” and throws a big life lesson at me to see which direction I choose to go.
This week my partner and I finally booked his plane ticket here. I then bore witness to how he had to proceed with this major life change, getting his personal issues in order. That is a new boundary for me. I have always wanted to protect him, shield him from pain yet I have realized that he has his own journey to live. The issues he has faced, steps he has taken to heal and help himself astound me. Everything truly does unfold in God’s time and only He can mold us in the ways that are best for us, in that Divine timing.
I’m reminded of what my dear friend and Divine Interventionist Joel Adifon told me when we first started working together in April. He advised me on how much patience I would need to employ, the staring role it would have in my next steps and healing journey. Today I know exactly what he was referring to. Not only am I to remain patient with myself but I must yield to meddling in other’s paths for them to be able to execute their own journey’s and God’s will for them.
I said, “Yes God, I trust you and I love you for the gifts you’ve bestowed upon me. I’m grateful for the strength and understanding you’ve provided for me in order to survive my darkest days”. Then God conspired with the Universe and said, let’s see how much she really does love and trust. Cue the past four months in my life. Losing my job and place of living yet gaining a much deeper sense of self and purpose while finally being reunited with my son Ty. God has also provided a way to keep me financially afloat during these months so that I could see all these changes to fruition. My grateful heart is overflowing with thanks and praise. Thank you God🙏
As we head into this holiday weekend, full moon AND lunar eclipse…I’m again sitting here in the stillness of my heart ready for the next chapter. I’m thankful for all that I have learned, especially the losses for they have showed how strong I have become. Losing things means it’s time to make room for new things, ones that will serve my alignment going forward. I trust in that. The people in my life who support me and love me no matter what. I love them. Mostly, I bow my head in grace for being present to feel all of these blessings and know that the best is still yet to come😉
Please check out my 3 books of poetry available on Amazon at the links below!
Also visit me on YouTube at Maria Teresa Emotional Musings
Lately I’ve had a lot of time to think and be with myself. I started reading a book that looks at how we define love in our culture and how we are living in a largely loveless society. Whether you were raised in a functional or dysfunctional home, with one or both parents, not dependent upon financial standing, race or religion so many of us question what the true meaning of love is and many of us have never experienced it. We have a better understanding of care and affection but love takes a different level of unconditional commitment. A kind of “no matter what” place of focus. My dears, we are definitely in search of it. I like the definition that is presented by M. Scott Peck in his classic book “The Road Less Traveled” in it he clearly defines love as “ the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” To go on he says, “Love is as love does. Love is an act of will-namely, both an intention and an action. Will implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.” “I believe in order “to love someone completely, openly and honestly while expressing care, affection, responsibility, respect, commitment and trust” we must truly be ready to willing to openly focus on each of these values with our whole heart. For me love is not a noun but a verb.
I have said it before and I’ll say it again, love is my lane. For me, giving and sharing the love that’s in my heart is akin to The Golden Rule. I have raised my boys by reminding them frequently that they may not like other people but you must always love others. Loving others is something that comes natural for me and the more I look around the more I believe love is needed in all of our interactions with one another for than ever! The pandemic and current long overdue social uprising is begging of us to love one another my dears. Like one of my favorite bands sang, “All you need is love”. Yes, we sure do❤
I was listening to another Beatles song today off “Rubber Soul” on my bike ride. “The Word” really made me think about love in a way that I hadn’t before. Here are the lyrics:
Say the word and you’ll be free Say the word and be like me Say the word I’m thinking of Have you heard the word is love?
It’s so fine, it’s sunshine It’s the word, love
In the beginning I misunderstood But now I’ve got it, the word is good
Spread the word and you’ll be free Spread the word and be like me Spread the word I’m thinking of Have you heard the word is love?
It’s so fine, it’s sunshine It’s the word, love
Every where I go I hear it said In the good and bad books that I have read
Say the word and you’ll be free Say the word and be like me Say the word I’m thinking of Have you heard the word is love?
It’s so fine, it’s sunshine It’s the word, love
Now that I know what I feel must be right I’m here to show everybody the light
Give the word a chance to say That the word is just the way It’s the word I’m thinking of And the only word is love
It’s so fine, it’s sunshine It’s the word, love
Say the word love Say the word love Say the word love Say the word love
What sparked all these thoughts about love? After taking part in the ‘Wounded Healer” interview last week and in the post before that one called, “Triumphing over Trauma” where I wrote about releasing shannon a deeper level, forgiving myself and it struck me. I’ve decided to destroy the mask I wore so often completely and forever, once and for all! You know the one we wear for society, for family gatherings at times, the one we put on so we feel “safe” and so others won’t judge us or ridicule us. Imagine if we all said NO to putting that damn mask on? Oh how much lighter I feel even writing that!
This past year I have been hyper focused on my healing from the inside out. I reclaimed practices, did a lot of deep inner soul work that required an extended amount of alone time and quiet contemplation, meditation and intentional detaching from things that were the root cause of my suffering. Today I woke up and decided in order to step forward and accept the Maria I am today, I must decide who I no longer am.
I have decided that in order to be vulnerable, honest and loving towards myself I have to keep strict boundaries with others. Listen closely to my intuition and protect my precious emotional energy at all costs. Say NO when I feel any of these things are being threatened and giving myself permission to allow for grace and gentleness from myself. For so many years I thought I had to kick me own ass in order to be successful and get things done. Now I know that I need to be still in order to hear what my next steps should be. I can move energy in and through my body in a much more gentle flowing way while pumping the brakes on the old balls to the wall mentality. All that did was exhaust and hurt me creating an inevitable burnout. Today, it’s clear, my choice is to love me!
By loving myself, I’m free to love others without resentment or expectations. Like the Beatles sing, “it’s so fine, like sunshine” and now I know that what I feel must be right, I’m here to show everybody the light.” The light that is within me. Once we can discover our light and allow it to shine from the inside out as God intended….OH BOY my dear readers, what a world we could all be enjoying together! I’m reminded of another song, “This little light of mine” that I’m sure most of you have either heard or sung growing up. I just love the playful energy that ignites within my soul and releases my true authentic spirit being reminded of this lesson😉
These three poems are focused on the ideas of love, gratitude and aliveness. I want to share them with you my dear readers. Allow these words to resonate deep within your own heart and then go out and love the heck out of everyone you meet!
Please check out my 3 books of poetry now available on Amazon at the links below 😊
During these uncertain and rapidly changing times, it’s important to allow our feelings to flow as they will. It’s normal to feel the fear and panic that is swirling through the planetary energy because of the affects from the Coronavirus. However, it’s just as important to not get stuck in a negative downward spiral of anxiety and worry.
I speak from experience my dear readers because for the majority of my life I was frozen by fear, paralyzed by it actually. I found myself in these terribly painful dissociative episodes and debilitating panic attacks not to mention the routines I created to soothe my OCD. There was a period of time when my oldest son Ty was a baby that I didn’t even leave my house. My anxiety and overthinking ruled my days as I found myself repetitively washing not only my hands but my home and beyond. Those were dark days my friends and I’m grateful to be past them now!
Yesterday I woke up with a vision for a new painting. I have always enjoyed using paints but have mostly used oils. This past holiday season while scrolling mindlessly on Amazon, I discovered these fantastic watercolor pens. They are refillable too and make using this medium so easy with virtually no mess! Not that making a mess bothers me these days however clean up is a breeze with these pens. My creative juices flow quite quickly and at times my time management is lacking in between my daily chores, practices and work schedule. Sometimes I feel the urge to paint when time doesn’t always allow for it. Lately I feel there are just not enough hours in my day, I bet many of you can relate to that!
My dear friends and the owners of the boutique I manage decided to close down for at least this week and had me shut down a lot earlier this past Saturday night. It’s out of our control my dear readers and we all must abide by what our governments are advising for our own safety and health. I am choosing to look on the bright side of this unexpected time off. I have many creative projects to explore and execute this week. My mother found very reasonable airfare to South Florida from Texas and I will be leaving for there tomorrow morning until Friday night.
I am really looking forward to spending quality time with both my parents because they are elderly and time is so precious. Our weather here is calling for rain all week and being out in the sunshine of Florida feels much more positive for my spirits! My parents live on a glorious lake with a wonderful nature path nearby within walking distance and I’m really looking forward to spending time in nature too. Getting to float in the ocean and in the pool is also top on my list. Creating these serene moments of calm and serenity allow me to take mental photographs in which I can then utilize for meditative imagery when I feel stress mounting. Being able to visualize an oasis in my mind has helped me tremendously during my healing journey and one of the best practices I was taught ten years ago when I began down the path to self.
I want to remind you my dear readers that our minds can create the best and worst scenarios for our reality. It is a choice which way one wants to travel through thought and feelings. By practicing yoga and meditation I have allowed for space to be able to observe these choices so that I can best choose how my day will unfold. I chose to follow my heart and listen closely to my intuition. Deciphering between ego stories and my soul’s voice is a gift I have worked really hard at obtaining and one that I don’t take for granted by impulsive actions. I enjoy where I am in life today, the inner peace I feel and the love I feel radiating from the inside out. I have served my time feeling depressed and anxious. Those dark days and years have led me here to become the master of my own emotions and realize how much I actually do control my own reality. I’m no longer a victim but the hero of my own life’s story. This is the epitome of my motto for living, “Triumphing over Trauma”. Walking out of the shadows and into the bright light🌠
When we chose to radiate love towards ourselves, even through times of conflict, we provide healing for our soul. When we are radiating love towards others, we reciprocate the love and kindness that they give us in such an abundance that it helps in their own healing creating joy for both the other person and for ourselves. It’s a transmuting force of energy and my wish for our world right now. Sending you all love, light & peace ❤🌠✌
Ahhhhhh dear reader’s I can tell I’m neck deep in my own “stuff” when I wake up and immediately feel left over anxiety and frustration from the night before. Any little irritation sets me spinning off and yes I have been feeling quite heavy for the past 2 days as I reminisce about the good ol days of my youth. Since my last post I have been stuck on memory lane💭
Sadly, on Sunday my Mom called me to tell me that my step sister Liz’s husband passed away. My parents are both not well enough to travel from Florida to New Jersey for the service. I immediately thought of my nephews and niece who are now without their Dad. He was a great father and he and my sister were married for over thirty years. There are six of us siblings all together and I fall second to the last in age order. Here is a picture of all of us at their wedding sometime in the early 80’s…..
That’s me on the left😊 I was probably 7 or 8 years old.
My parents came into their marriage together with two children each. Back in the late 70s they did the best they could to create a blended family, which was extremely difficult because of our wide age gaps. My step brother Jay is twenty years older than me, my step sister Liz is eighteen, then comes my sister Tami (my Mom’s oldest daughter) who is twelve years older, then my brother Billy is ten years my senior. My parents had me in 1977 and lastly the baby of our family, my sister Gina was born in 1979. Thinking back I remember us all always spending holidays together.
When someone passes it always makes me think of the past and how fast time has gone by. I remember the little girl I was so wide eyed with wonder, curious about everything and super shy. I really didn’t break out of that phase until I started dancing competitively at around age 10. With all I have unearthed surrounding my sexual abuse at age 5 and 6, I have been slowly going back in my memory bank. That expierience taught me how to dissociate and being numb to my own feelings began there. Eventually I developed Complex PTSD, but that diagnosis took many years to come about.
For this post however I’m choosing to focus on how my youngest sister Gina and I had the best of everything provided to us. She and I are just twenty-two months apart. I call her G, she was my first best friend, we did absolutely everything together and my Mom dressed us alike for too many years I think🤣 Looking back at these pictures however, I must admit how darn cute the two of us were (are)❤
We grew up in a very idyllic neighborhood, nowadays I would compare it to Mr. Rogers’s. Our small town, Wyckoff, NJ is located just 15 minutes from NYC. Everybody knew everyone, all the kids in the neighborhood rode our bikes together, played on each other’s front lawns and swan in each other’s pools in the summer. Our neighbor directly across the street became my first friend outside of family because our mother’s were pregnant with us at the same time and I like to say we were bonded in the womb 😄 Around Christmas time, we would dress up and go caroling. Even my grandparents joined us and the neighbors would invite us in for hot chocolate and cookies. You could run to any neighbor’s house at anytime and feel welcomed. My sister and I went to summer camps, took all kinds of lessons including tennis, swimming, dance, piano, art, and sewing just to name a few, played sports and went on at least one family vacation yearly. We were extremely blessed to have been exposed to so much from an early age.
My sister Gina and I both started dancing soon after we could walk. I know I was around 2 years old. We were always paired in duos once we started dancing in competitions and we were always next to each other in the same line (our director said it made it easier for our Mom to take pictures!) usually front row, in all of our dance numbers. Thinking back, dancing was the highlight of my childhood and into my teenage years, creating my passion for dance and movement today 💃❤
Since G lives in Florida and I live in Texas, we are far away from each other. I can’t just get in my car and meet her to get our nails done or grab some coffee. When I was married and lived in Rhode Island while she was living in New Jersey, we used to meet at a half way point on I95 a lot so our children could see each other. Many times I would take her daughter and son back up with me to RI so the cousins could spend quality time together. I also used to drive down to NJ at least once a month to stay at my parent’s house for the weekend so everybody could visit together. Lately I have been thinking about her and missing those times we spent together a lot! So much time has passed since the sweet days of our youth and early adulthood. I’ve been experiencing a lot of inner child wounds that keep bubbling up to the surface. That’s what happens after you stuff a dark secret away for thirty-five years. It’s like holding a balloon under water, eventually it will find it’s way to the surface.
So I have spent much of the past two days in my head and in my shadow. All of the old beliefs about myself, old thinking patterns, nightmares and memories are back in full force. It feels sticky and honestly very awful. I must console myself by myself because that is the job of reparenting. It’s bittersweet because as much as I love these pictures, I can’t really remember any of the specific details that go along with them. My memories are really hazy and clouded by fear, anxiety, stress and an overwhelming sense of panic. I have often said my body felt like it ran on a motor of all of these fore mentioned feelings. Healing comes in waves. I’m weary and I feel weak. Time to retire this heavy head and ❤ of mine.
I wrote this poem before I fell asleep last night…
I’m continuing to get on the microphone and dramatically read my poems. When I was younger and studying all forms of dance my dream was to dance on Broadway. I do love the thrill and terror that comes from being on a stage.
Last night’s slam was very intimate and cozy. I met some wonderful artists and even made plans to host a book signing with the promoter of this event who was so welcoming and made me feel so valued as an artist. This is called “Nothing But Poetry Live” and it helps showcase artists in and around Dallas, TX. I really love being around other creative people in this performance capacity!! I have found my people! Being seen and heard, my personal feelings landing with my own unique flare is so empowering. I was asked if I have a music accompaniment to go with my poems last night. I will be doing a collaboration with an old dear friend of mine from high school who is one of the most amazing guitar players I have ever heard and have the pleasure to know.
I asked the promoter Sam, to video me since I attended this event solo last night. This poem is called “Losing my best friend” and is inspired by what’s going on with my partner who is my best friend. My fiance played and retired from professional football with both the NFL and Arena football leagues. Watching and witnessing his struggle with mental illness including memory loss, hearing voices and not knowing who he is at times is beyond heartbreaking. Ironically, he wanted to attend with me last evening but had an anxiety attack that kept him from leaving our apartment. He later admitted how hard it is to see me in pain over what’s happening to him. I know he can’t help it and I don’t take any of it personally because I know how much he supports and loves me. My writing has always served as an outlet for me to process my feelings. This entire situation is hard for both of us yet I know he is my biggest fan even if he can’t show it 100% of the time.
I was having a conversation with my oldest son yesterday about how fast time goes by. I believe it passes even quicker as we age. He wasn’t too thrilled to hear that but I said it just makes every moment more precious. I want to stay mindful in each of them as much as possible to fully enjoy my life these days. I’ve squandered so much time in anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. It’s been 9 years since I was in and out of a psychiatric hospital myself with complications from CPTSD. These days, I celebrate my life and am intensely grateful for all of it! This is what “Triumphing over Trauma” looks like…..
This year is my year for transformation, a metamorphosis. I am going after my dreams by keeping my foot on that gas pedal and making the most out of this momentum energy I’m cultivating by doing it. It’s so exciting and it makes me feel so alive to be up on a stage again. Keep watching as this free spirit spreads her wings and soars high🦋
Every day do something to challenge yourself, a lil reminder that the impossible IS possible. If you are comfortable you’re not growing. Getting comfortable with uncomforbility pushes you to evolve and get closer to your authentic self. It’s all in your mindset. What’s your impossible? Please feel free to start a dialogue with me on the comments section below😁
This will be another short post. I want to share with you my dear readers what a blessing it is to write and have the ability to channel my energy into my poems. At times, when emotions are running hot…that’s when my creativity comes alive. I write this one just last night.
This poem below is a message from my inner child, my little Maria to my adult self. Healing is a process that has taken a deeper dive into all the facets of self. Some people name their alter ego, I have not but lately have been considering it. Just to keep them straight. I know my partner likes to refer to me by a different name when I’m displaying characteristics that are unsavory. I keep pushing myself to uncover, untangle and help my true authentic self emerge more and more often😁💜
My dear readers, as I write this my heart is swelling with excitement, gratitude and so much joy! This past week has been one of the most incredible and validating as well as amazing experiences I have ever had! Buckle up as I explain just how my journey has elevated, and brought me to a whole new level in my spiritual journey and awakening. We are multidimensional spiritual beings having a human experience here on Earth. There are layers to this thing called life and boy, did I see it front and center this week play out in real time in my own life. This is going to be a long post so hang with me🙏
I have been communicating openly with my spirit guides now for some time asking them to show me signs that they are in fact real and have my back. My roots are Italian, Puerto Rican and Venezuelan. My father is 100% Italian and our family is from Calabria. We embody the characteristic of Calabrese meaning hard headed, stubborn. I tell you this because I need to have things banged over my head for me to believe them. Just ask my fiance, he gets quite frustrated with me at times over how many times he has to repeat himself for me to understand certain things. Just the other day while in the boutique I manage, I was speaking out loud and asked, “hey spirits are you here with me”? Some time passed and then all of a sudden a HoneyBun dropped off the shelf from a place that had a secure lip, there was no way this thing could of fallen unless it was knocked off there. Needless to say, this week my spirit guides showed up 4 times in major ways 4 days in a row!
All of my visions so far have happened outside, in nature, in my backyard. To date there have been 7 separate ones. Thursday’s vision started much like the last one. I’m watching the sky and all of a sudden hundreds of twinkling white lights come floating down from the sky. Some of them get so close almost touching my face! The feeling that I immediately get is like a giant warm hug from the Universe. Tears fall from my face like a waterfall. It’s awe inspiring and beautiful and I can’t pull my eyes away. But this vision is just the tip of the iceberg because Friday’s vision blew me away!
I must tell you my dear readers that I have incorporated an app on my phone called SoundHeal into my daily meditation practice and I love it! There are eleven Solfeggio (an ancient 6 tone scale)different frequency settings that help influence healing on the following topics:
174 Hertz reduces pain both emotional and physical
285 Hertz influences energy fields and skincare
295.8 Hertz aids improves metabolism by dissolving fat cells and helping you lose weight
396 Hertz helps in reducing guilt and fear balancing the root chakra
417 Hertz facilitates change in our energy field reducing negativity and balancing the sacral chakra
432 Hertz influences cosmic healing since it is the vibrational frequency of everything in nature, a source of overall health and well being
528 Hertz aids in DNA regeneration by boosting self confidence and is said to be the miracle tone that balances the solar plexus chakra
639 Hertz influences our spiritual connection by opening our heart chakra, aiding with problems in love and relationships
741 Hertz aids in expression and solution by balancing our throat chakra, cleansing cells and detoxification of the body so we can be more connected and lead a more spiritual life
852 Hertz unifies the spiritual order of everything by connecting us to our third eye chakra or our logical mind, intuition to receive more messages from the past or future
963 Hertz awakens and balances us and is said to help reach a state of Nirvana and oneness by putting us into a perfect state to connect and balance our crown chakra which helps us to understand everything around us, raising our own Kundalini, the energy of consciousness
In addition to these tones that help balance the mind, body and spirit placing us in perfect harmony are imedded sounds of nature including AUM (OM chanting), beach, fire,river,rain,wind,thunder,birds and singing bowl.
I mix them all up depending on how I’m feeling and what I want to tweak. Mostly I stick to cosmic healing adding AUM, rain and singing bowl. Lately too I have been adding in birds because I find their tweets and calls very calming and peaceful. It is suggested to listen daily for at least 3 to 7 minutes to observe changes and I don’t do more than 15 at a sitting. After I’m finished, a friend of mine suggested that I go out into nature and put my back against something solid like a rock or tree to ground the tones into my body.
If you understand that our entire world is made up of energy you can see how tuning your body to different frequencies helps it heal. I recently watched the entire first season of “The Goop Lab with Gwyneth Paltrow” on Netflix. Since 2008, her company Goop has been exploring alternative and holistic treatments to enhance and extend life in healthy ways. There are two episodes that I found fascinating and really enjoyed because they are based on energy field body work and psychic abilities. I highly recommend watching, “The energy experience” and “Are you Intuit”. I would love to discuss these topics with you my dear readers so please feel free to leave your comments below⬇️
Onto Friday….Friday was the first day I was able to try this new grounding technique because our weather had finally cleared up from rain to sunshine and I believe this tip changed the game for me! There are benches made of cement in my backyard so I wrapped my wolf howling at the moon blanket around me (my Mom bought it for my oldest son and he gave it to me because it is quite small for him) which I now refer to as my vision cloak, and laid upon the bench. At first just my spirit guides appeared, floating around me dancing in the air. Then I turned my gaze towards the sun and OMG I saw dark shadows that morphed into a bird like creature, they switched positions around the sun creating a propeller type of motion. Then that vanished and an eruption like a volcano came shooting out of the sun forming a heart in deep purple colors that then turned to bright white beams and flashes. I felt my mouth hang open as I couldn’t take my eyes off of the Sun. Finally after an hour of being out there just staring I walked back into my apartment. I quickly did a Google search on visions out of the Sun and this is what I learned.
According to ancient Indian medicine, there are these vein like threads called Nadis that carry Prana or life force energy throughout our bodies and connect directly to our chakras. Nadis weave through these channels or pathways to our physical nerves as well as the circuitry of the mind, of self and our consciousness matrix that supports our physical presence from invisible dimensions of existence. I learned that the Sun-solar energy is distinctly male energy while our Moon-lunar energy is female. So, Sushumna (chakra system)which is the central channel of energy in the human body that runs from the base of our spine to the crown of our head carrying Kundalini energy can only flow freely once Ida and Pingala Nadis are balanced and clear creating an increase in spiritual growth thus shifting my being from my mind’s thinking to my heart…to me this means I have now entered into a state of love and abundance leaving my thinking or fear based mind behind.
This combination of placing my chakra crystals upon my chakra points while using the sound healing tones have awakened these areas of my body thus raising my self awareness and helping me reach a higher level of consciousness, like another spiritual awakening. This makes two major shifts and elevations in my journey in just eight months! I have now leveled up! I have done the work and continue to stick to my rituals and practices. Now I’m reaping the rewards!
I also learned that gazing at the sun is called fractal enlightenment and stimulates the pineal gland. Using the sun’s energy I have charged my hypothalamus tract through my eyes which is the pathway to the rear of the retina leading to my brain. This practice also powers my brain by boosting serotonin and melatonin levels which are the happy hormones, relieves stress and tension, activates my third eye so that I can perceive higher dimensions, increases my energy levels, has been proved to actually increase the size of the pineal gland, reduces hunger pangs since body is being essentially nourished by the sun, improves eyesight and finally opens these Nadis energy channels!!
On Saturday I did the same thing as Friday morning. This time, as I gazed lovingly into the Sun all of a sudden I saw these weird geometric shapes with roses and flowers attached to them. I began to cry, sob really as I took a mental photograph of this vision. I attended a free yoga class at a new studio here in Dallas called NAMA fitness, which I highly reccomend. Before my class I was chatting with the instructor from the previous class and she was discussing the discomfort she was experiencing from her new tattoo that she had just gotten on the inside of her arm. Our chat sparked my curiosity so I asked to see it. Low and behold, it was those same geometric shapes and flowers that I saw not an hour earlier!! Holy crap my dear readers, this revelation floored me😯
Sunday was an overcast day for us here in Dallas when I ventured back to the bench. I lay there for a few minutes before getting called to sit on a large log behind our greenhouse. I turned my head to the right and was immediately struck by a cloud formation that quickly morphed into an angel, then a butterfly and finally a huge shamrock. I spoke aloud without hesitation and said, “Hi Nana”!! I have written here before about how my dear Nana, my mother’s mother is my guardian angel. She passed away almost fifteen years ago on St. Patrick’s Day. She has always appeared to me as a butterfly whenever I need a bit of cheering up. Without fail, I will ask for her and sure enough every single time, even when I’m not in a garden setting or a place where it’s common to see a butterfly, there she is within arms reach. She has even appeared when I have been out walking with my fiance and landed upon his arm for a bit. I remember saying to him that Nana wanted to meet you and say hello.
Sunday afternoon I attended my first ballet class in over ten years. It was glorious and terrifying, challenging and triggering all at the same time. There were times within that hour and a half class that I wanted to run out the door but little inner child Maria, the one who was pushing me to get back into the dance studio to begin with, refused to quit and walk out. It was invigorating and gave me such a sense of accomplishment when it was over. I floated out of class on the same clouds that I saw Nana emerge from. I treated myself to a coffee and did a bit of grocery shopping before I called a Lyft to take me home.
When I got into my car, the driver asked how my day was and then asked if I knew what was going on. I was immediately struck with a pang of fear and I said that I didn’t. I make it a point to not look at my phone when I’m on these excursions with myself so that I can stay in and enjoy the moment. He broke the news that Kobe Bryant was just killed in a helicopter accident along with eight other people including his 13 year old daughter. Immediately, my mind went to my vision on Saturday of the bird, propeller type shadows with the heart shaped volcano explosion. My heart sank and I started to cry as I realized how absolutely tragic and sad this news is while also realizing these visions are premonitions of future events.
I must tell you dear readers that I have always been very intuitive but lately my intuition has been extremely active and on point! I gave advice to a friend of mine, a fellow empath, over a social media message the other day and she admitted that what I said was verbatim the exact same message she received from a medium she sees! I predicted my son’s day at work for him recently. He was injured and I told him the kind of day he could expect. Later that day he was so shocked when he told me that my predictions were 100% correct. He then asked me if I am a wizard!! Aren’t all mothers anyways 🤣
Lastly dear readers I want to leave you with where I believe all of these visions and heightened states of awareness are bringing me and why. I recently watched a webinar on Shamanic healing and my dear friend, Lindsey Luna aka @soul.healing.with.luna on Instagram is one. She is also a Reiki master. She is willing to let me start an apprenticeship under her as she teaches and guides me into learning how to become a Shamanic healer!! Since watching the webinar, I have been consulting with my guides and it’s been confirmed that this is where my path is bringing me. In the future, I want to do both writing and healing full time. It’s my calling. My purpose. It is why I have survived all the trauma that threatened to kill me at many stages throughout my life. I now live to heal others through my testimony and my gifts. The amount of gratitude that is pouring out from my heart as I write this is bringing tears to my eyes. My soul’s purpose has been revealed and I’m more than ready to answer the call. Lead the way spirit as I trust the Universe to always have my back. This self healing life is abundantly beautiful
Oh love, what a complicated and fickle pursuit it can be! My dear readers I have come into such an abundance of love’s pure energy flow lately and so far my new year is as bright and shiny as my spirit is. Last Monday I expierenced my third vision, out in nature, which I just love. Awe inspiring and breathtakingly beautiful! Looking up at the sky now holds more meaning for me than ever before. As I continue to heal and push through obstacles, one solution remains constant and true and that is love. When we allow love to flow freely throughout our entire being it frees us from our problems and allows us to be closer to Source and Divine power.
In keeping with my daily rituals while always setting the intention to allow a steady stream of unconditional love to flow through I am reminded to surrender. Love presents a polarity between weakness and strength. When we are in love we are vulnerable because we are putting our heart out there and there’s always a possibility we might be hurt or let down. Yet when we do this, we are showing strength in our belief that we deserve and want love. Accessing superior energy, which is God (or whatever higher power you believe in) we are able to look inward and feel that essence inside of us. It’s there in abundance dear readers. I know this to be true because I kept myself closed off from it for years. My intuition was quiet almost inaudible, barely being listened to. Now, ten years into this spiritual and self healing journey, it is loud and clear.
The first step was learning to love myself and to do that I had to figure a few things out. Understanding where I had been, why I was here and what was my soul’s purpose became goals that had me reading anything in the spiritual realm I could get my hands on. Seeking out therapists, taking medications for a time (15 years to be exact) to heal from the severe traumas I had experienced, attending outpatient therapies like CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). Getting my mind right as the kids say, was a painstaking process that has instilled patience with myself into my core. None of this happens overnight 🤯
Along this journey I learned some powerful tools that I incorporate into my daily self care practices. Meditation is hugely vital to my well being and allows me quiet reflection and observation space to my rapidly shifting thoughts. Listening to binaural sounds at varying frequencies allows me to hear my spirit guides better and receive messages from them. We all have these angels all around us and last week Universe gifted me an angel orchestra of them during my vision. I have been asking for a sign to show me they were here and as I gazed up into the big blue sky while the moon was showing herself, all of a sudden I saw hundreds of twinkling white lights! Immediately I knew that they were my guides saying hello. I was filled with an indescribable sense of comfort and warmth while tears streamed down my face, it was one of the most beautiful sights to behold.
After that, my week continued to unfold in both positive and painful ways. I have come to a point in my life where I can see the beauty and purpose within pain. It’s my body’s signal and way of teaching me what I need to heal from, let go, accept and turn into strength. It’s like magic when you think about it that way. I’m no masochist, I no longer engage in self denial and I don’t seek out pain on purpose. I do however believe pain is one of our greatest teachers. Over my 42 years, I have experienced an incredible amount of pain and heartache that I know now served its purpose in instilling a deep love and kindness for my fellow humans and all living things for that matter.
I was drawn to do some inner child healing too last week which used to scare me because it was painful to look at. Now that I feel more in tune with my own emotions, loving myself in this way allows me to reparent the little me inside. Planning for and scheduling activities that bring out my childhood essence is really important for my continued growth, self integration and evolvement. These include talking to myself, dancing, going out in nature, painting, listening to music and singing along. Playing around with sounds like chanting, even swinging on a swing! That was my favorite activity as a child, I always felt like I was flying so high and free.
Remembering this part of me allows me to be my own hero and rescue myself which is hugely empowering. I write letters to my younger self at different ages reminding her she is no longer alone and is seen, heard and loved. It’s again, a kind of magic when those old stories that ran through my head telling me I’m not good enough or I am too much, too sensitive get triggered to start playing and now this new more calming and comforting voice is heard in their absence. Reparenting myself is a huge gift to not only me but those who love me and are in my life can see a big shift in my outlook and self confidence. Isn’t it amazing how music can fill the shallow parts of our souls allowing us this wonderful connection with who we are?
As an empath, I have lived most of my life distracted and focused upon other’s feelings and thoughts while neglecting my own. Honestly, my own were scary to me and overwhelming so I neglected them in favor of trying to save or rescue another. I can also admit that even during my current relationship with my fiance, there have been many many times that I looked to him to save me. Finally, I understand that only I can save me. I am responsible for my own happiness and the inner joy I feel is fueled by such self love and gratitude for the lessons I’ve learned. I have no regrets and I wouldn’t change a minute of my life thus far.
My main goal for this year has been to put myself out there more by releasing my inhibitions once and for all. I have forced myself to do more video confessionals that I post on my social media @emotionalmusings on both Instagram and Facebook. I hoped to attend my first poetry slam where I would perform one of my most personal poems, “Glimpses”this past Friday. My words are like my children and it both terrifies and excites me to share them on a stage. Unfortunately the weather here in Dallas kept me from attending but it turns out Universe is granting me another opportunity to do it this Friday because I have the night off from work!! YAY😊
I also reached out to a dear fellow empath friend @emilyrainbowglo on Instagram to ask her if she would want to do a collaboration with me, a live chat for our fellow empaths to feel empowered by and learn from. I was thrilled with the outcome of our conversation yesterday, it was seamless! It’s still available for a few more hours if you dear readers would like to hear what we had to talk about. It’s based around love and surrendering to it, allowing in self love and care so that we can protect our precious spirit and gifts while being open to receiving messages from the Universe. I have also asked another healer and dear friend of mine if I could join her on her new podcast. I will keep you dear readers in the loop of when that happens but for now you can follow her on Instagram @comealivewithchrissymarie and her podcast on Spotify is called, “The Art of Aliveness”. I will post the link below so you can check her out too.
I have made up my mind that this year, 2020 is the year I stop holding myself back. I have done just that for one reason or another for the last 40 years and finally, FINALLY I feel strong enough to put my hand ✋ up to anything or anybody that tries to have me go back into a box or wants to label me, stifle my spirit….no thank you!! I am determined to let my free spirit soar as high as I can fly! I also did a confessional for a company I represent by sharing my story. I have it published here as a post under, “My journey with BodHD,” but I will also drop the link below so it can be accessed here too.
I wrote this poem last night that really expresses my love and gratitude to the elements, the Universe that has held me in its loving arms, nurturing my spirit even when I was neglecting it and continued to show to love and acceptance. That little voice has always been there giving me the strength to never give up. Whatever pushes you along my dear readers, keep doing it. Don’t let anything stop you, ever. Shine and allow the world your gifts. Never give up. I am a forever friend to all and I appreciate your support, follows and likes. You can always reach out to me, I love to listen. You too can “Triumph over Trauma “😊💪💜