Grief and loss, Healing, relationships, Spirituality

#testimonytuesday, Death and Rebirth

Over this past weekend, with the arrival of Spring 2021 I experienced a major shift that has ushered in a new path on my soul’s journey. The process of allowing death to a part of myself that no longer serves and the the rebirth of a more integrated and whole self. Death to Ladysag77, the pen name I began writing with when I first started sharing my poetry publicly and being reborn Maria Teresa, poet and healer. This has taken 21 months of gestation, the labor of healing myself through the many paths I shared in my last post https://emotionalmusings.com/2021/03/18/many-paths-lead-to-healing-this-is-what-mine-looks-and-feels-like/ A few key events also triggered this next level of my soul awakening journey. This is my testimonial of healing, death and rebirth.

Friday the 19th, I accidentally locked myself out of the poetry app Mirakee and couldn’t log back in. I had been logged in since 2018 ( I know right? 😆) and not being able to get back on right away was quite perplexing for me as a writer being cut off from my body of work with hundreds of my poems that are the many pieces to my soul. At the same time the most difficult decision I have ever had to make was weighing heavily upon me, revealing its truth. This is something that has been sitting on my heart for almost a year now and recent events proved that the best decision I had to make is in choosing myself. I have decided to leave a long term relationship with my partner of almost eight years. This is the worst kind of pain I have ever experienced. Period. I don’t quite have the words yet to fully describe the avalanche of emotions that have been triggered for me. I do know however that this is another layer that is necessary in the healing process. I am detaching with love from my soul mate, my one true love.

“Becoming a Misunderstanding”

More than ever before I feel compelled by my soul to further spread my wings and soar to greater heights as my purpose deepens and reveals the process of awakening and aliveness to me. The fire within me roars strong and bright. At the same time, the wounded inner child within me is begging to be seen and the following videos and poems are how I honor her. Little Maria is now being cared for by Maria Teresa. I have sole ownership over my heart. I have retained its key from my partner who needs to do his own healing. I pray for him to see his way clear to his own soul. Parts of me are dying, I’ve lost my best friend and all I can do is ride the waves of emotion as best as I can. Balancing the ebb and flow as the seas of change bring me closer to where I’m meant to further grow.

Recommitting to myself by continuing to do what scares me. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone fosters change. My path has been so accelerated, at times I want to just quit but I can’t.  I made a promise to my soul to be who I am and express what I’m learning along the way. No more hiding. I am facing the toughest of life challenges with all the tools I’ve learned these past ten years. What I’m experiencing has rocked and shaken me to the very core. I do what I do best, channel them through my creativity. This is a poem about the many faces of transformation that I have been in the last 21 months. I never dreamed becoming me would mean losing you. I pray you find your way. All of my love always. Nothing but love. I know whatever is meant to be, will be.

“The Pain of Letting You Go”

This is the song my Dad sends me when I feel really sad and am desperately missing him. In the midst of heavy change, my heart is open and bleeding right now. Whatever life hands you is yours to use my dear readers. Life is 90% of how you respond to what happens in every experience. Allow the feelings to flow out, use the experience as an opportunity to grow. This is how the roots of transformation are sown. Planting them deeply by using self love as fertile ground. When the pain of staying stuck propels you to do something different. I choose to see the light within the shadows, to rise again and again. Using my love as a superpower that propels me into the next experience. Learning whatever I can to grow within the moments.

“I’ll Stand By You”

Saturday morning I was out for a run, warming up my body and locking into selflove and care. This is a song that always gets me up, movin and groovin. Rebirth for me means that I’m allowing the seeds of newness that were planted in the winter to bloom into life, to be expressed through soul. My soul loves to dance which is my most favorite and true expression. In ancient times, a shaman would ask the members of the tribe that needed care when was the last time they sang or danced. My dear readers, I sing and dance every single day. I’m alive and life is to be celebrated ✨

“Cake by the Ocean” yes please 🙏 🎂

My dear friends nicknamed me “the Sun” because my natural energy is fiery, my attitude is upbeat and matches my bubbly personality. The dancing I do is always improvisational, never choreographed. I spent time at the beach yesterday afternoon gathering myself, soaking up the light rays of the mighty Sun and this energy came through telling me to go LIVE on my Instagram. I have deleted the Ladysag77 account and will be operating from EmotionalMusings on all of the social media platforms, please follow me there my friends.
This is me, this is my soul. I came here to shake shit up, love and be free.

Shout out to my man Mr. Michael Franti “Love Invincible” and his other tunes have been healing my soul for years ❤ Peace, love and so much freaking light my loves.

We are all “Love Invincible”

On my resume in the biography section it says, “I have a special talent for taking lemons and making lemonade”. I have so many blessings to be grateful for right now. Next month I will be embarking upon two awesome adventures. First, I am taking a one year certification course in sound healing to further my knowledge of how music heals the mind, body and spirit. This will add another layer to the shamanic healing sessions I offer my clients. I incorporate the drum, rattles, finger chimes and tuning fork along with my voice to amplify sound energy. At the end of the month I will be surprising my youngest son in Rhode Island for his 16th birthday. I haven’t been back to the state I called home for thirteen years since 2016. This trip is a long time coming and I can’t wait to be reunited with my two sons. My oldest has recently moved into his first apartment and I am so damn proud of him. He is such a kind, generous and gifted young man. I’m also planning to reconnect with my sister friends, some of them for the first time in person because we have only known one another through social media. I will be sure to keep you all posted by writing about these experiences in future posts.

“Fly Away”
“Just love”

In the meantime, life is a combo of positive and negative vibrations that we swim through everyday in what I call an energy soup. It’s up to each one of us to transmute the negatives into positives using love, acceptance and understanding. Dr. Nicole LaPera says,”when we witness and accept all emotions without judgment we allow space for healing. Practice accepting whatever comes up without trying to change it.” I believe that’s how we grow and evolve. I vow to keep doing my part to heal myself and help heal others, one heart at a time.

If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below or click the Services tab in the menu.
For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment. Maria@emotionalmusings.com
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77
paypal.me/tinyd9
In light and in shadow, always with love. Namaste.

Mental health, Spirituality

What’s your word for 2020?

This is my close out post for 2020 my dear readers. I want to ask you what word highlights your 2020? This question came to me while I was having a solo dance party in my room. Music and dance is my healing balm, the salve my heart needs to heal my soul. What helps heal your soul my dear? Music electrifies the beat and provides the rhythm that allows me to groove, to feel the most free and 100% ALIVE in my body! I want to leave you with a couple of dance videos because that is my soul. I have studied and practiced dance for most of my life, now I dance for fun and to heal! Today my dear Nana would’ve turned 100 years old. She is my guardian angel now and has been for almost sixteen years. She is dancing through me tonight.

So as we close out this year, I’m curious what word you can tag to 2020? My word is beautiful. I know many don’t see this in its totality when we think about this year. The big picture for me is that no matter what, I have learned from and leaned into the pain. I have embraced the change. I walked through all of it with my heart full of love. I made the absolute most of the situations I found myself in. Losing things and people and also gaining inner wisdom and peace.

Was this year easy? Hell no! Did it hurt like hell, YES! I am much better for it all as this year is at it’s end. I keep saying this and it rings so true for me, the new relationship I have with my Dad now that he’s on the other side is strangely beautiful. His presence grounds me in strength within the invisible world of Spirit. Missing my life partner being in my world daily has proven to me how damn strong I am. My soul’s journey continues. I am so grateful for all the love I have been blessed with.

“Word Up” by Cameo

I am an old and noble soul. I embrace every aspect of life because each part of this journey makes me ALIVE! I AM the hurt, the elation of love, exciting experiences, heartbreak, sadness, innocence, curiosity, failure, pain, wisdom and so much joy and love wrapped up with inner peace. It’s all available, a kaleidoscope of feelings that lies inside each of us. Learning how to bend without breaking is the journey. Remaining a mountain of strength amongst the chaos. You can too my dears, I am living proof that we can and do heal. I believe in each and every one of you. I am grateful for each one of you on this journey with me. I love each and every one of you. You are my teachers and my guides. We are soul’s reflections within each other as we walk together. We can all be birds. My Dad shows up every day as one. Find your inner bird and be free!

Truth bomb
“Birds” by Coldplay

In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below. For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment.
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77
paypal.me/tinyd9

Mental health, Spirituality

What’s your word for 2020?

This is my close out post for 2020 my dear readers. I want to ask you what word highlights your 2020? This question came to me while I was having a solo dance party in my room. Music and dance is my healing balm, the salve my heart needs to heal my soul. What helps heal your soul my dear? Music electrifies the beat and provides the rhythm that allows me to groove, to feel the most free and 100% ALIVE in my body! I want to leave you with a couple of dance videos because that is my soul. I have studied and practiced dance for most of my life, now I dance for fun and to heal! Today my dear Nana would’ve turned 100 years old. She is my guardian angel now and has been for almost sixteen years. She is dancing through me tonight.

So as we close out this year, I’m curious what word you can tag to 2020? My word is beautiful. I know many don’t see this in its totality when we think about this year. The big picture for me is that no matter what, I have learned from and leaned into the pain. I have embraced the change. I walked through all of it with my heart full of love. I made the absolute most of the situations I found myself in. Losing things and people and also gaining inner wisdom and peace.

Was this year easy? Hell no! Did it hurt like hell, YES! I am much better for it all as this year is at it’s end. I keep saying this and it rings so true for me, the new relationship I have with my Dad now that he’s on the other side is strangely beautiful. His presence grounds me in strength within the invisible world of Spirit. Missing my life partner being in my world daily has proven to me how damn strong I am. My soul’s journey continues. I am so grateful for all the love I have been blessed with.

“Word Up” by Cameo

I am an old and noble soul. I embrace every aspect of life because each part of this journey makes me ALIVE! I AM the hurt, the elation of love, exciting experiences, heartbreak, sadness, innocence, curiosity, failure, pain, wisdom and so much joy and love wrapped up with inner peace. It’s all available, a kaleidoscope of feelings that lies inside each of us. Learning how to bend without breaking is the journey. Remaining a mountain of strength amongst the chaos. You can too my dears, I am living proof that we can and do heal. I believe in each and every one of you. I am grateful for each one of you on this journey with me. I love each and every one of you. You are my teachers and my guides. We are soul’s reflections within each other as we walk together. We can all be birds. My Dad shows up every day as one. Find your inner bird and be free!

Truth bomb
“Birds” by Coldplay

In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below. For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment.
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77
paypal.me/tinyd9