Spirituality

My creative process is like a diamond

Today I gave an interview for my dear friend Chrissy-Marie’s (@comealivewithchrissymarie on Instagram) podcast, “The Art of Aliveness” on how to express oneself through creativity under pressure.  We have been cultivating a conversation on how despite the pressures of our current world’s situation with the pandemic of COVID-19, the social and racial unrest pushing for much needed change to systems that have been dysfunctional and broken for some time now added to that the disruption of our daily lives. Despite it all I decide to pick up a pen and write, a paintbrush to paint, put on music and dance. Channeling the energy, emotions and thoughts swirling around me to process it all and make sense of my personal experiences. This has been my lifelong journey. At times like the rest of you my dear readers, I don’t know if I’m coming or going! Through it all, my creative juices keep flowing leading me to express myself and further uncover my authentic self. Allowing my true sprit, my voice to shine through.

There are a lot of myths out there on healing like you have to “become something different” by doing XYZ. Nah…..it’s all about letting go, embracing the present moment for what it is and just being. Becoming quiet, being still and giving myself permission to sing my soul’s language (the name of my second poetry book on Amazon) and to dance to my heart’s song (my third book of poetry on Amazon) has brought me inner peace and joy incomparable to anything external. No book has all the answers, no device can deliver this magic and certainly no person can make us truly happy. The answers all lie within 🧘‍♀️

Since my last post the cosmic energy of the full moon and eclipse brought out some more truths that needed to be realized, released and integrated into my being. Isn’t it wild how life brings forth those practical lessons in such an up close and personal way, giving us no choice but to face them?

I admitted to Chrissy that since January I have felt like the Universe has been molding me to shine like a diamond under incredibly intense pressure. God has been working his magic through Divine timing thus cracking me right open to see so many things that I have been detached from for years. Embracing the change and going with the flow is my part. Growing pains are expected because there is no “perfection in healing”, that’s also a myth my dears. Healing hurts at times and it’s within that pain where our truth and beauty lies. I must admit too that at times I feel like my squirrel friend here, hanging on is what is required in the moment😉

Hang in there

Yet despite the pain, we keep going. We reach highs we never dreamed possible. The pressure builds and boils over to reveal more. That’s been my process. Through it all having tbe patience to see it all to fruition. It may not make sense in the moment yet the wisdom is in trusting that whatever comes up is merely a way to another truth. Collecting these truths, pieces of  my soul are what further fuels  life force energy. What I live, breath and strive to maintain in my essence as a creative woman.

I like to include poems in each post and since I haven’t been able to attend a poetry slam in months, I thought I would record myself reciting my latest poems.

“Boiling over”
“Be still”

The episode we recorded today will be up next month and I will be sure to link it here so you can listen to it my dear readers. In the meantime, please check out my books of poetry on Amazon. They make a wonderful gift if I don’t say so myself🙏💜

As always, much love to all💗

Spirituality

Intentions for love and trust

It’s been two weeks since I sat in my shadow, dove deep while consciously and intentionally releasing some deep wounds I have been carrying for years my dear readers. This week in my apprenticeship for my shamanic healing work, we talked about boundaries both ethically and personally. I realized again just how serious the work of energy healing is and how my approach to my own life has shifted in the past few months.

I reread some of my posts from the start of 2020 when I first set my mind to learning the art of shamanism. It truly does suit my spiritual being and my soul’s purpose. I now understand much more about myself and God’s plan for me. It’s created a very freeing yet grounded place simultaneously. It has had me reconsider however how I interact with others both physically and emotionally.

Actions aka boundary setting

As usual I have been sitting in quiet contemplation and asking Spirit how best to proceed. My main channel has always been my writing, the messages come through clearest when I put pen to paper and allow free flow writing to spill out. At times like this my mind screams at me,”I must know” while my heart, which is always the guiding force whispers, “You already do”. The answer is love. Trust what is being presented and surrender the need to control. Just love Maria, yourself first and others will follow🙏

I have spent many years being numb, deaf to my own inner guidance, my soul’s intentions for me. I’ve written before about this concept but it bears repeating now. We are multidimensional spiritual beings having a human experience. At times in this past year my spirit has guided me to places my human side didn’t feel comfortable embodying yet. Then it’s like a game of tag while my human self plays catch up to my spiritual self. Integrating it all to include the voices of my inner child, ego and higher consciousness or highest self has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Just when I’m ready to let go, Universe says “ok, here’s a test” and throws a big life lesson at me to see which direction I choose to go.

This week my partner and I finally booked his plane ticket here. I then bore witness to how he had to proceed with this major life change, getting his personal issues in order. That is a new boundary for me. I have always wanted to protect him, shield him from pain yet I have realized that he has his own journey to live. The issues he has faced, steps he has taken to heal and help himself astound me. Everything truly does unfold in God’s time and only He can mold us in the ways that are best for us, in that Divine timing.

I’m reminded of what my dear friend and Divine Interventionist Joel Adifon told me when we first started working together in April. He advised me on how much patience I would need to employ, the staring role it would have in my next steps and healing journey. Today I know exactly what he was referring to. Not only am I to remain patient with myself but I must yield to meddling in other’s paths for them to be able to execute their own journey’s and God’s will for them.

I said, “Yes God, I trust you and I love you for the gifts you’ve bestowed upon me. I’m grateful for the strength and understanding you’ve provided for me in order to survive my darkest days”. Then God conspired with the Universe and said, let’s see how much she really does love and trust. Cue the past four months in my life. Losing my job and place of living yet gaining a much deeper sense of self and purpose while finally being reunited with my son Ty. God has also provided a way to keep me financially afloat during these months so that I could see all these changes to fruition. My grateful heart is overflowing with thanks and praise. Thank you God🙏

As we head into this holiday weekend, full moon AND lunar eclipse…I’m again sitting here in the stillness of my heart ready for the next chapter. I’m thankful for all that I have learned, especially the losses for they have showed how strong I have become. Losing things means it’s time to make room for new things, ones that will serve my alignment going forward. I trust in that. The people in my life who support me and love me no matter what. I love them. Mostly, I bow my head in grace for being present to feel all of these blessings and know that the best is still yet to come😉

Love & trust

Please check out my 3 books of poetry available on Amazon at the links below!

Also visit me on YouTube at Maria Teresa Emotional Musings

Spirituality

Love is a choice

Lately I’ve had a lot of time to think and be with myself. I started reading a book that looks at how we define love in our culture and how we are living in a largely loveless society. Whether you were raised in a functional or dysfunctional home, with one or both parents, not dependent upon financial standing, race or religion so many of us question what the true meaning of love is and many of us have never experienced it. We have a better understanding of care and affection but love takes a different level of unconditional commitment. A kind of “no matter what” place of focus. My dears, we are definitely in search of it. I like the definition that is presented by M. Scott Peck in his classic book “The Road Less Traveled” in it he clearly defines love as “ the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” To go on he says, “Love is as love does. Love is an act of will-namely, both an intention and an action. Will implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.” “I believe in order “to love someone completely, openly and honestly while expressing care, affection, responsibility, respect, commitment and trust” we must truly be ready to willing to openly focus on each of these values with our whole heart. For me love is not a noun but a verb.

I have said it before and I’ll say it again, love is my lane. For me, giving and sharing the love that’s in my heart is akin to The Golden Rule. I have raised my boys by reminding them frequently that they may not like other people but you must always love others. Loving others is something that comes natural for me and the more I look around the more I believe love is needed in all of our interactions with one another for than ever! The pandemic and current long overdue social uprising is begging of us to love one another my dears. Like one of my favorite bands sang, “All you need is love”. Yes, we sure do❤

I was listening to another Beatles song today off “Rubber Soul” on my bike ride. “The Word” really made me think about love in a way that I hadn’t before. Here are the lyrics:

The Word

The Beatles

Say the word and you’ll be free
Say the word and be like me
Say the word I’m thinking of
Have you heard the word is love?

It’s so fine, it’s sunshine
It’s the word, love

In the beginning I misunderstood
But now I’ve got it, the word is good

Spread the word and you’ll be free
Spread the word and be like me
Spread the word I’m thinking of
Have you heard the word is love?

It’s so fine, it’s sunshine
It’s the word, love

Every where I go I hear it said
In the good and bad books that I have read

Say the word and you’ll be free
Say the word and be like me
Say the word I’m thinking of
Have you heard the word is love?

It’s so fine, it’s sunshine
It’s the word, love

Now that I know what I feel must be right
I’m here to show everybody the light

Give the word a chance to say
That the word is just the way
It’s the word I’m thinking of
And the only word is love

It’s so fine, it’s sunshine
It’s the word, love

Say the word love
Say the word love
Say the word love
Say the word love

What sparked all these thoughts about love? After taking part in the ‘Wounded Healer” interview last week and in the post before that one called, “Triumphing over Trauma” where I wrote about releasing shannon a deeper level, forgiving myself and it struck me. I’ve decided to destroy the mask I wore so often completely and forever, once and for all! You know the one we wear for society, for family gatherings at times, the one we put on so we feel “safe” and so others won’t judge us or ridicule us. Imagine if we all said NO to putting that damn mask on? Oh how much lighter I feel even writing that!

This past year I have been hyper focused on my healing from the inside out. I reclaimed practices, did a lot of deep inner soul work that required an extended amount of alone time and quiet contemplation, meditation and intentional detaching from things that were the root cause of my suffering. Today I woke up and decided in order to step forward and accept the Maria I am today, I must decide who I no longer am.

I have decided that in order to be vulnerable, honest and loving towards myself I have to keep strict boundaries with others. Listen closely to my intuition and protect my precious emotional energy at all costs. Say NO when I feel any of these things are being threatened and giving myself permission to allow for grace and gentleness from myself. For so many years I thought I had to kick me own ass in order to be successful and get things done. Now I know that I need to be still in order to hear what my next steps should be. I can move energy in and through my body in a much more gentle flowing way while pumping the brakes on the old balls to the wall mentality. All that did was exhaust and hurt me creating an inevitable burnout. Today, it’s clear, my choice is to love me!

By loving myself, I’m free to love others without resentment or expectations. Like the Beatles sing, “it’s so fine, like sunshine” and now I know that what I feel must be right, I’m here to show everybody the light.” The light that is within me. Once we can discover our light and allow it to shine from the inside out as God intended….OH BOY my dear readers, what a world we could all be enjoying together! I’m reminded of another song, “This little light of mine” that I’m sure most of you have either heard or sung growing up. I just love the playful energy that ignites within my soul and releases my true authentic spirit being reminded of this lesson😉

These three poems are focused on the ideas of love, gratitude and aliveness. I want to share them with you my dear readers. Allow these words to resonate deep within your own heart and then go out and love the heck out of everyone you meet!

“Let love shine in”
“Grateful aliveness”
“Growing pains”

Please check out my 3 books of poetry now available on Amazon at the links below 😊

Spirituality

Grace, humility and patience

I’d say these three values have been tested and strengthened the most over these past two and half months my dear readers. I’ve written here many times that I firmly believe that God brings us to everything He knows we can live through. Period. The less we resist the challenges life presents to us the easier it is to integrate these values into our character. Surrender. Release. Let go. This too has been a focused mantra of mine. Forgive me my dears, for I never want to portray any of this as being easy yet the concept is simple. With daily intentions and practice, we all have the ability to manifest a life beyond our wildest dreams! I am living proof of that my dear readers.

I have been thoroughly enjoying this holiday (in the U.S. we are celebrating Memorial Day) and because it’s been raining off and on ALL weekend, I have spent my time bingeing some Netflix documentaries and mini-series. The one that really grabbed my heart is called, “Unorthodox” about a young women’s life as she grows up in the Hasidic community and ultimately discovers that their world is not for her as she leaves to discover her own true path. The parallels I drew to my own life, healing and self discovery were quite evident in each of the four parts of this series. The main character, Esty, definitely had to learn to show herself some grace while being patient enough with herself to discover her place in this world. I believe the humility she already possesses as a young women in her ultra Orthodox Jewish faith helped her a lot as she forges through the many obstacles of leaving the only place she has ever lived and travels to Berlin, Germany. This is a true story written by a woman who actually did just that in hopes of uncovering her true authentic self. From the very beginning she even tells the man who is to become her husband by means of an arranged marriage that she isn’t like the other girls, she is different.

For those of you who have been reading my blog here, I too have expressed that I have always felt different from my peers. The black sheep of my family. Many of the scenes like the one of her bathing in the kosher bath as a way of purifying her body before her marriage resonated deeply with me. Her attempts at being reborn through becoming sub servant to her new husband in order to birth his children and repopulate the world with more Jewish people in order to make up for the millions lost in Holocaust is both selfless and remarkedly relatable because I believe we all experience some level of dysfunction in our lives. It’s meant to serve a purpose I believe in deciding what we ourselves believe in and are committed to carrying on with or what we decide isn’t part of our belief system and should be left aside. I don’t mean any disrespect to this community, that isn’t my intention with this post. My heart in many ways related to and broke for Esty because she was forced into many situations that were not her own choice. God has given all us free will and we come into this world as sovereign beings yet because of societal conditioning are thrust into certain circumstances and situations not of our own choosing. There in lies the dysfunction.

Coming to terms with own beliefs and forging a life we can truly be ourselves in is crucial to happiness. I myself have lived most of my adult life in an inauthentic way. Doing things to make others happy in hopes of gaining acceptance and love no matter if I was hurting myself in the process. After Esty makes friends with a group of musicians and is finally feeling accepted, one of them tells her some truths that were both necessary yet hard for her to swallow. Again, such is life. Are you my dear readers telling people things just to appease them, be accepted or make them feel happy yet not exposing them to the real truth of a situation in order to spare their feelings? Wow. That one hit close to home. I have often been the bearer of bad news so to speak because I am honest to a fault at times and don’t always sugarcoat my words. I have also been on the receiving end of such harshness and now reflecting back upon those situations, I’m thankful for them. Definitely a shift to how I viewed those situations at the time but isn’t that also another beautiful part of life? The mystery and discovery of what certain things are meant to teach us over our time here on Earth. Our opinions and judgements, perspectives and perceptions can completely shift. I believe just as life itself is, all things are relative and cyclical.

In that part of the story, even though she felt sad she ended up changing her entire approach for her audition in Hope’s of obtaining a scholarship she was yearning to get to a prestigious music academy. That is the very essence of all of life’s choices my dear readers. We can learn from these setbacks, shift and go in a conpletely different direction or we can take on a victim mentality and allow whatever hardship to destroy us, quit which in the long run turns into a resentment. Allowing others to cast judgements that we then use to disempower ourselves is a hard reality to face down the road. Believe me, I have lived through many situations and circumstances that I don’t regret now but at the time wished I had handled differently.

Everything that has happened thus far is truly a blessing and being able to admit that fully is real growth. By living with a false sense of reality, we only hurt ourselves. Up until this part in the story, Esty has faced so much rejection. Mostly within herself yet she keeps courageously plugging along trying to make her dreams come true. When her hopes seem lost, she calls her Grandma, her bubby and the woman who raised her and because the fear of being cast out by the community is too great, her bubby hangs up the phone on her. Again, Esty must decide if that setback will crush her and force her back to the only home she has ever known. Ultimately we are shown that she has the bravery it takes to keep going despite it all. Even when all the chips are down, she finds the strength to keep believing in herself. She wants a better future for herself and her unborn child. That part really struck a chord with me as a mother and somebody that has felt like a failure for so long.

This year has been one of complete transformation and rebirth for me on all levels. As a mother, partner, daughter, sister, friend and most importantly as a woman. Rediscovering myself and remembering what my purpose here in life is has been the most beautiful, painful, tedious and challenging experience of my life thus far. I’m grateful to have discovered what I call my soul language and my true authentic voice. I wrote this poem as a way of expressing that.

I have also started my apprenticeship to become a shamanic healer and in doing so I had some “homework” to commit to doing. I did a lot of sitting with myself, talking openly to God and spirit. Communicating with the spirit animals that resonate with me, learning about tree spirits…..stuff like that. I know many of you probably think as my partner does that that’s totally weird and a foreign feeling activity for you personally. It’s all part of my own journey however and I fully embrace it! God has brought me here to a place of learning more about why I have these extra sensory perceptions and gifts. My path is truly my own and in discovering more about myself I have been given this message. The following poem sums everything up quite well. This is where I find myself and I am eternally grateful to be awake, alive and present for the present that God has given me! Peace, love and light my dear readers….love yourself and one another.

Please check out my 2 books of poetry available now on Amazon at the links below.

Spirituality

Every day is a gift

This post is going to be a bit different than my other posts my dear readers. This one a journal entry, a peak into my inner world.

Opening my eyes this morning, I greet the day with enthusiasm and curiosity for what God has in store for me. What lesson will I learn today and what experience will touch my soul. These are my first thoughts as I reach for the book I read every day, Mark Nepo’s “The Book of Awakening.” I like to use whatever he reflects upon in the daily passage for my own journal prompt. A mix of where I find myself in the moment and a pearl of his wisdom. I usually write my entry afterwards. Here’s today’s entry:

Breaking patterns and strengthening bonds is the work at hand. Yesterday went so well with Lindsey, my heart feels so full! Ty and I enjoyed a wonderful afternoon together. He treated me to dinner.  Even my partner surprised me with a sweet present that I wasn’t expecting, the best kind of gift! I know since arriving here at my parent’s house, me energy has been unsettled. Showing myself grace while being gentle, I will figure out what feels best here. Of course I have my lounge chair set up outside by the lake, my happy place. It’s where I can observe nature, speak with God and receive messages from my spirit guides. I told Lindsey that as a “homework” practice this week for my apprenticeship to become a Shamanic healer, I will reestablish my self journeying which plainly means I will be intentional about spending more time solo outdoors, in self reflection. I have to feel my way through because that’s my best asset and my strongest sense as an empath. God, please help me to learn my place here and lead with love in every endeavor, especially as it concerns others. Thank you for bringing me this far along my journey. Thank you for helping me heal by recognizing the truth and knowing the beauty you provide for us here on Earth. I’m grateful for the focus I have in following my soul’s path and purpose. I trust that you have brought me here because I’m ready to learn more and what a gift that is! God and your helpers, the angels surrounding me, are continuing to help me heal. Continuing to walk this path in truth and love isn’t a responsibility I take lightly. It’s only with the courage and love you God provide me that I have gotten through the darkness. For in darkness, I have discovered myself and gathered the strength I needed to walk into the light. It brings tears to my eyes when I can sit in meditation and feel the beauty of everything here you have created in every living thing. Each and every day is a gift!

img_20200519_084658_694

My dear readers, treat each and every day as the gift it is. God will only bring you to and through what you can handle. Trust in Him. Live each day to the fullest my dears for life is precious. From my heart to your heart. So much ❤

Please check out my 2 books of poetry, links below……

Spirituality

Mid-life renaissance

This post is my truth. Raw, real and 100% genuinely me. At 42 years young, I have arrived at a place that is the opposite of a mid-life crisis that I am calling my mid-life renaissance!

I have been writing a lot in this last year of the spiritual awakenings (2 actually, one of Kundalini energy) I experienced in June of 2019 after finally coming to terms with the sexual abuse I encountered as a child. Since I admitted out loud that yes, I was molested at ages 5 and 6, absolutely nothing has been the same! I sought out healing on all levels….energetically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. It’s been full steam ahead towards what feels the best for Maria. My soul is free, my heart is at peace with the amazing people I have met, the moments of pure bliss and joy I have felt but mostly I am eternally grateful to God for bringing through all of it so that I may finally say I am happy with who I am today.

This feeling is the opposite of a lot of clichés we hear in our society today. No more “fake it till you make it.” Forget having a bad case of “the fuck its.” Good bye and good riddance to all of it as I usher in a feeling of rebirth, renewal and rejuvenation! I can’t even put into words what it feels like to leave all expectations, judgements and opinions of not only my own making but especially those of anybody else around me! The only “fuck that” I feel is towards what anybody else thinks of me. This ephiany has taken ten long years to come to fruition and I know it’s never finished or ever over for this is just the beginning my dear readers…..and I say BRING IT ON LIFE!!!

It hasn’t been easy for the ones closest to me and for that I’m sorry. Spiritual awakenings don’t come with instruction booklets or how-to guides. I know I have been confused and bewildered by some of my own thoughts and behaviors at times. Like a butterfly during it’s metamorphosis, there has been loads of goo to wade through to be able to say, I have finally broken through the cocoon. Spreading my wings and flying bolding out of my shell has made some doubt their place in my world. Rest assured, I will not name names here because the ones I love know who they are.

I have no apologies and definitely no regrets. I view everything differently, as though through a newborn’s eyes. I now have what can best be described as a deep sense of knowing what is right for me and a carefree attitude in achieving it. As an intuitive empath, I am now empowered and realized. As my partner once commented, spirituality doesn’t take a day off. I remain 100% committed to my selfcare routines because I know how to maintain this feeling of self love by practicing what I need to for my wellbeing. I have decided that absolutely nothing can take it’s place.

In our society and culture, especially for women, what I am describing is seen as selfishness. I couldn’t disagree more! Nobody else is responsible for my happiness, no external material possession can even compare to this feeling of inner peace and self acceptance. Nothing.

I believe everything happens for a reason and unfolds in God’s Divine time and never before He decides we are ready. All I did was devote my life to Him, believe in Him and trust. Making my mind up to always keep a tight grip on hope while maintaining faith that no matter what was happening, I would be ok. Over the past ten years, I have stumbled, cried, screamed, clawed my way through every situation life can throw at a person. Divorce, losing contact with my boys, mental breakdowns, multiple hospitalizations, joblessness, homelessness, bankruptcy on all levels physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I literally had to have it all stripped away from me. The pain I endured was deep enough for me to finally want to change it all. It was only then that I became open enough to face what I call the pit of my issues which was the sexual trauma I dissociated from and buried for the past thirty-five years.

Slowly and surely I began to open up more and more. Little by slowly, time taking time as it does, my life took on a new feel. Moody moments brimming with self harming behavior gave way to the moments where I sit in meditation crying tears of joy for the immense love I feel towards God, my spirit guides, angels, saints, and never the least my dear Nana who has been my closest confidant. I have felt her with me since she passed over March 17, 2006. She visits me in my dreams, sends me messages, shares her bliss as a spirit through the visions I experience. Whenever I ask her for a sign, she delivers one. When I’m feeling lonely, I can feel her hugging me.

I have written before about feeling like a late bloomer all of my life. I believe that this new direction I am heading in is no different. I don’t regret a single day of heartache, traumatizing experience or even emotional breakdown. All of it has led me here. Releasing myself from that which I feared has helped bring me here. Every tear has helped create this smile I wear proudly on my face everyday. Every doubt I put upon myself has allowed me now to think, why not? I’m gonna do it!! If I can think it, feel it, believe it then it will be!

Patiently awaiting for my intentions to manifest is where I find myself today. Moving through life at my own desired pace. If it doesn’t feel right, I don’t do it. I am through with betraying myself to please anyone else. Change occurs when the pain of existing in the same patterns becomes too great to carry on. Being sick and tired of being sick and tired!

There is no magic formula. There are no short cuts. There is definitely no right way to achieve the place I find myself in now. Every morning I say please God and every night I say thank you for everything in my life. Sprinkled in throughout each day are the moments of silence and deep gratitude for making it this far.

For the first time in a long time, I’m excited about where life is taking me as I begin a new career path to become a shamanic healer. A few days ago, I laid out all of my tools and blessed them by burning sage while setting my intentions aloud. I remain hopeful and optimistic about tomorrow. I relish each moment for I know that is all that is real. I love you all. Amen🙌

Spirituality

Settling in

Ah, my dear readers my heart is at peace. Moving back here to Florida allows my spirit such freedom. The energy here is 100% delightful. Being a fiery super Sagittarius, I need to live by the water. Living at my parent’s house temporarily affords me the luxury of living on the lake where there is always a calming breeze. It fills my lungs with the sweet smell of the different flowers in the garden. There are so many different birds that swim here in and hang out around the lake. I feel my senses are delighted at all times!

Right now I’m sitting on the patio that is enclosed to keep the bugs out. I have a front row seat to Mother Nature’s glorious landscape and her living creatures that are native to this part of Florida. I believe I was a bird in one of my past lives because I have always been so captivated by them and lately I can sit and watch them for hours. Building their nests, cleaning their feathers and swimming. I have always enjoyed watching animals in nature. I believe one can learn a lot about themselves from watching other living creatures in their habitat.

The best part about this transition for me is the slowed down pace. Since this global pandemic began, that has been something I view as a blessing. First and foremost, I am grateful for my own good health despite the many people who are sick and suffering. Yes, many places are shut down. Yes, I can’t go to the beach right now or to the movies. Those are two of my favorite things to do with my Mom when I’m in Florida. I choose to see what I can control and that is more internal work on myself. Next week I will begin an apprenticeship to become a Shamanic healer and energy practioner. I am so excited to be following my soul’s purpose and learning how to heal others on an energetic level. For many years I contemplated becoming a nurse yet our Western culture’s view of medicine doesn’t suit my beliefs at all.

This profession aligns much more with my values and desire to care for others in a spiritual way. I have been caring for and working with people all of my life in some capacity. As an intuitive empath and woman with extra sensory perceptions, I have always been extremely fascinated by the human condition and how to best be of service to others around me. When I began this blog and published my first book of poetry, my mission was to shed light upon living with mental health issues, emotional and physical trauma and how to survive it all while empowering and healing oneself. Today, I view life as a series of learning lessons. Everything serves a purpose and through meditation I have been able to shift my perspective in order to better understand the meaning of life.

I have written before about how many years I spent paralyzed by fear and living my life as a victim of the circumstances I found myself in. Since June of 2019, having experienced two spiritual awakenings, I see everything differently. I believe we are here to love one another. Everyday and in all situations I try to ask myself the following questions before making a decision:

“What would be the next loving action”

“What would serve me and the people in my life in the best ways?”

“How would I like to be treated?”

My dear ones, God created us in his image of pure unconditional love. Over the centuries, I believe humanity has found itself so far off course and has begun to turn away from our original purposes. We are all intricately interconnected. Meaning what happens to one of us affects all of us. After experiencing such darkness, anxiety and fear throughout so much of my life, all I want to do now is show my love and gratitude for God by loving each person I encounter. Releasing judgments and opinions and living life by the motto of “be the change you wish to see in the world.” I’m by no means perfect nor do I attempt to live my life any longer with unrealistic expectations of perfection. I do however want to enjoy and celebrate life after overcoming so much that didn’t serve me or held me back and away from the light and love of God.

Getting to live my life with my son by my side makes my heart sing! I find myself crying tears of gratitude and joy each morning and every night while I pray, thanking God for our long awaited reunion. Everything is provided and happens in His Divine time. All I have to do is trust that when the time is right, all I need will be provided for. My son deserves to be with a mother that can guide and teach him about life. I had to learn a lot about myself and get to a place where I was ready to do that. It has taken ten long years.

Yesterday was the first Mother’s Day we have spent together in eight years! Waking up to see his beautiful face, spend time with him and share a meal is the best gift this mother could ever ask for. I intend to enjoy each and every second with him because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed and life is precious!

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Please check out my two books of poetry, both available on Amazon!

Spirituality

Moving on

In my last post my dear readers, I disclosed how hard of a month April had been for me. I want to write a bit about why exactly I feel this way. After months of contemplation, an insightful deep dive into my soul and a lot of praying I have decided to move back to South Florida. Florida has been a second home to me after New Jersey. While I was born and raised in the Garden State, most of my family has resided in Florida specifically my dear Nana. It’s a bit of a bittersweet move because I’m doing it separately from my partner of seven years.

June 1 2020 my partner and I plan on being reunited and going snorkeling to celebrate our love. I’m blessed to have such an intimate connection with a man who always has my best interests at heart. He truly is the love of my life and I thank God for him every single day for teaching me not only about myself and the world around me but about love. Giving, sacrificing and receiving everything I need perhaps not what I always want to hear, but always what I need. That is love.

I’m thrilled to be taking this long car trip from Dallas to southern Florida with my son Ty. Finally after ten years of living apart we are going to live together! God has finally answered my prayers. We are currently about ten hours from our final destination and it’s been so magical getting to spend this time with him. I’m so proud of the mature, kind and responsible young man he has become. Getting to take this car trip with him has been a fun adventure. Ty looks out for his Mom and I feel our bonding on and over these past two months has brought us even closer which warms my heart exponentially.

This move is sort of a redemption for him because he attempted it first this past August. Then after only a month he decided to move back to Rhode Island. Nobody said being eighteen was easy. He missed his friends and his girlfriend too. This time around we are moving there together. The possibilities are endless, sky’s the limit!!

I can’t complain, Ty’s done most of the driving too! He’s such a careful and safe traveler. Especially doing this during a pandemic. He had to take two flights here and now this nineteen hour long car trip we’re on. Each step of the way, reminding me to wear my mask and wash my hands.

I won’t go into detail but the timing of this move was sped up due to the current situation I was dealing with at my last living arrangement. No, it’s definitely not ideal to move across state lines during a pandemic but rest assured my dear readers I had no choice in that part of it. Everything happens for a reason and despite the timing, moving without my partner and the pandemic….I haven’t felt this free in years!! It’s amazing how differently you can view a situation from the other side of it.

I’m mostly excited to get back to my beloved happy place, the beach!! I can hardly wait to float in the ocean and dig my feet into the sand. Ahhhhhh, paradise for me. I definitely consider myself a beach girl having been raised and living on the coast all of my life, close to a beach too. I spent thirteen years living in Rhode Island during my first marriage and I shared with you here my dear readers about the glorious beach house I resided in there. Whenever I need to bring myself to my happy place in my mind, I always envision a place that is a combination of a Rhode Island beach and a South Florida one. Visualization has been one of my go to tools for relaxation and reducing anxiety for a long time now.

In recognition of the many feelings and emotions that have bubbled up to the surface, I did what I do best. I wrote this poem on Monday, as I sat on a bench at a favorite park of mine that I love to run too. I usually take a break during my run by sitting at this particular spot where I can see the tall skyscrapers of downtown Dallas against the picturesque backdrop that is White Rock Lake. I enjoy watching the birds swim here too. I believe I was a bird in a past life. Lately, their behavior has touched my soul and resonated within me in a profound way.

White Rock Lake Running trail

I’m blessed and fortunate to have made some great friends, learned a lot about myself and resurrected my love for running while living in Dallas these past three years. I don’t like good byes so instead I say see y’all later😉

Free as a bird
Spirituality

Breath is life

I am so happy to say good bye to April and welcome in May😊 Last month was one of the hardest of my entire life. More details to come on that subject in future posts but for this post I would like to express my new found love for breathwork. You may be thinking my dear readers, what is breathwork? Here’s Google’s definition: Breathwork defines various breathing practices in which the conscious control of breathing is said to influence a person’s mental, emotional or physical state, with a claimed therapeutic effect. Last evening I participated in my second such course offered and facilitated by my dear friend Christina Tucciarone aka @comealivewithchrissymarie on Instagram.

Chrissy has an amazingly powerful presence as both a leader and a teacher. She and I have worked together a few times and I feel so blessed to call her my friend. I sincerely appreciate her devotion to what she teaches coupled with her insightful guidance during each session. Last night I really appreciated her steady reminders to push through the resistance that can be felt once the body is fully oxygenated. There were three rounds of active breathing for 7 minutes and then a minute each of holding the breath and releasing it at the bottom. During the first round I immediately felt pulled to the wounds from my inner child and an intense sense of fear and sadness. My entire body went completely numb. I knew instinctively that my body was attempting to dissociate. This coping mechanism is something I developed at a young age during the sexual abuse I endured. It served as a survival technique then and I must admit for most of my life over the past 35 years.

In the past year, since acknowledging and healing from this dark secret I have experienced a spiritual awakening that has transformed my life in such a way I view it has the Maria I was before June of 2019 and the Maria I am now. Going in and out of dissociative episodes when I found myself involved in intense emotional situations has been both a subconscious and conscious way for me to escape from reality. Over the years I had become very keenly aware of what was triggering me yet at the height of those experiences I was dumbfounded as to how to stop them from occurring. It felt humiliating afterwards when I would “wake up” and realize how much time I had lost. During the recent Divine Intervention session I had, Mr. Adifon confirmed that I regularly lose hours and still days of myself. Maria feeling Maria 100% of the time is very new still. Last night was a reminder of how going to that detached place no longer serves me.

I began to explore what little Maria was telling me. I listened and began a running dialogue in my mind with her, soothing her fears and reestablishing trust by vowing to not abandon her again. The human brain fascinates me. How such an intense level of fear and panic can create a whole new space for our psyche’s to travel to if just for a visit! My mind created this safe space, like a holding pattern for little Maria to still exist in yet not feel what was happening. Violation of a child is so seriously shameful.

However damaging that experience has been to my life I don’t regret it. I have learned so much about myself and the world around me from every single experience, everyday and in each moment over the past 42 years. Putting all judgements aside, good, bad, ugly and beautiful what I have learned is how vital all of it is to living a full life.

Here are some of the main things I have learned about myself over this past year……but most assuredly had them solidified last month. These were the messages I told little Maria I was proud of her for. Experiencing the pain of long held fear is absolutely terrifying when first felt yet in moment last night I knew I had to take control of my healing and be my own hero.

You are not afraid of change, you welcome it with an open mind and heart.

You have an intense love and trust for others, humanity fascinates you and you never meet a stranger.

Keep wearing your heart on your sleeve and remain proud of your free spiritedness.

You allow your big heart to lead in and through life’s ups and downs. Don’t ever change that Maria.

Empathy and intuition are your superpowers.

You my dear little Maria are extremely resilent.

Keep the people you love whether family or friends close to your heart creating friends for life!

It was an awesomely amazing hour. I cried a lot with becoming so flushed with emotion, sweat and gratitude seeped out of every pore in my body as we finished and wrapped up the session. I quickly composed myself and tucked myself under my trusty weighted blanket. Then I grabbed my journal to document the experience. I then took a separate sheet of paper out and wrote down the things I knew were time to release and let go of. My convictions growing deeper with every step towards the backyard, I read my own words aloud then lit the paper on fire. I closed the ritual with a personal prayer.

I wrote the poem below on Friday, before the breathwork course last evening. I’m so grateful for understanding and accessing my intuition and continuing to heal my inner child wounds. Life never ceases to surprise and amaze me. As always, with an open mind and heart I humbly bow my head and give thanks to God🙏

Intuition

Spirituality

Held in God’s grace

Ever since my session with Joel Adifon, a Divine Interventionist who refers to himself as a Divine Catalyst and Supernatural Creative, I have felt quite the stirrings of a major shift going on inside me. Believing in the power of Gods, Saints, Annointed Ones, Masters and Angels to restructure my life, with an open mind and heart, I gave verbal permission to Mr. Adifon to work a miracle on me. It’s not something tangible I can even describe but what he told me during the session has been ringing through my mind since Friday.

He explained that I would feel very tired for the next two days and if I so chose I am welcome to call upon the spirits of those who stepped forth. First he asked me if I had a family member I was close to that passed over and immediately I knew my Nana was with us. I could feel her 20 minutes before the session even started! I sat in the backyard and raised my hands to the sky shaking, quivering with energy as I knew Nana would be there, as she always is, to support me and hold me in grace. I sobbed uncontrollably, in a completely non judgemental way. That has been happening ever since actually. All of a sudden throughout the day I fall to my knees in gratitude and wonder, sobbing while thanking God for his mercy and grace. For bringing me this far, through all of the trials an tribulations that have made up the fabric of my life. In awe is a good expression of how absolutely beautiful this experience is for me my dear readers!!

He echoed a lot of information that I already had heard through previous energy clearing sessions yet the work he does is beyond space and time. There are so many levels to our vast Universe, I am still new to understanding it all. I’ve written before about my spiritual awakening 10 months ago and since then I have definitely achieved a higher state of consciousness. It’s remarkable the beauty and synchronicities I experience on a daily basis.

Even as I sit here writing about this, I am taken aback at how my long held need to explain and understand things in the spiritual realm has shifted. I am surrendering the need to do so. I simply surrender. I simply know. Letting go and letting God has taken on a whole new meaning at my core where we are all held in love.

Besides my Nana stepping forward to work their magic, Archangel Raphel, saint of healing was present. I have had whispers of his presence around me for months now through the visions I experience. Some Tibetan monks also joined us as well as a saint I feel has resonated within my being for many years. Growing up Catholic, I have always been mesmerized by St. Francis, patron saint of animals and the environment. I’m a huge animal lover and nature enthusiast, believing that I can and do communicate with them on an intimate level. Much like I will be learning to do soon in my apprenticeship to become an energy practitioner as a Shamanic healer.

A quote of St. Francis’s that I deeply resonate with is, “for it is in giving that we receive”. I am a big believer in these words, I receive so much joy in giving. For me, throughout my life I often times believed that I didn’t deserve to receive anything. That I wasn’t good enough. Being sexually abused will do that to a small child’s psyche. During the healing process over the past 10 years I have worked diligently to reframe these thoughts and beliefs. Suddenly I can feel everything just coming together in such a way that I know Universe has my back in all ways.

A big take away for me was his recognizing that I lose myself for hours even days at a time. I developed a knack for disassociating as a coping/survival mechanism early on during the years I was abused. I simply internalized the pain and detached from myself. I have made HUGE strides in piecing myself back together. In the past I could be stuck in a dissociative episode for a month or more. Hearing him acknowledge that I still have a tendency to do that and be reassured that he was stitching me back together gave me this overwhelming feeling of calm.

This morning and every morning since, before I sit in meditation, I speak with St. Raphel and ask for his continued healing presence in my life. Then I usually feel as though I’m being hugged and then I release by crying. Today this poem flowed out of me. I want all of you, my dear readers to know this. God’s grace is attainable when you simply ask for it. We are all His children, created from love and light. That is our one true calling, to live by loving each other as God intended us to. Amen, Amen, Amen😇🙏

“Being held in Grace”

If you want more information on working with Joel Adifon, please leave any questions in the comments below.

If you like my poetry you may go to the links below. I have two books of poetry available on Amazon. Your interest is greatly appreciated. Everyday I strive to live my motto, “Triumphing over Trauma”

https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Musings-Maria-Pratico/dp/1798567504/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=%22emotional+musings%22&qid=1587010926&sr=8-1

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087H7D1VS/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=Emotional+Musings&qid=1587663034&sr=8-3