Spirituality

Oneness of love

I’m back from my hiatus dear readers feeling rested and refreshed! It was important for me to listen to the messages I was receiving internally that were guiding me to take this much needed break from my usual routines of writing and posting online. I established a new writing ritual in a workbook I purchased called, “The Goddess Journaling Workbook” by Beatrix Minerva Linden. Each day there are two questions to focus on highlighting a different goddess divided into 6 cycles for the entire year. I have found this exercise to be highly stimulating for my imagination. I also keep a daily journal and have done so for many many years. This workbook is a welcome addition to my writing practice.

Reflections of goddess energy

I’ve also recommitted to my self care routine this past month. I like to visualize myself as water, filling each moment with my entire being. Maintaining an “all in” mentality, holding nothing back and giving all of my open heart to wherever my focus is. Leaning into the connectedness of God and the beautiful creations found in our world. Choosing to reject the illusion of separateness is something I meditate on daily asking for the strength I need to thrive in our current human condition. This practice is vital to my self healing routine and my role as a shamanic healer to stay in touch with my most vital relationship to self and the environment. I took some day trips to the beach and to my favorite parks to perform Earth blessings. Each one helped me gain more appreciation of God’s unconditional love for us and how available that feeling is inside of each and everyone of us at all times! It’s truly awe inspiring and can be called upon, accessed by setting the intention for it. Vowing to live a more heart centered life, where I intend to live my daily life in true alignment with my personal values, purpose, inner mortality, personal experiences and intuition. The fullness I feel, the inspiration that has grown within me giving my creativity a boost was exactly what I needed. Here are the poems I wrote during my time away from the laptop, writing exclusively with pen and paper for the past few weeks was so freeing!

I am love mantra
Lessons learned observing nature 🦆
My day at the beach, a poem 🏖
Listening to life’s harmony
Heart 1st and open 💗
Seeking reconnection 💙
Back to basics, heart centered ❤
Seeking refuge inside
Strong spirited

Reading these here, I can see the progression of my internal story within these poems. Since March, the energy driving me was very yang in nature and powerful. This month I’ve noticed I’ve shifted into a more yin energy which feels much more serene and calm. The ending of an 10 year chapter of self healing, reconnection to soul and a personal renaissance serving as a time of transformative change. This is a change that included my attitude, behavior, habits, health and spirit. A tune up for my heart and soul to realign myself in a way that feels much more authentic inside and out. For me this meant major changes in the ways I eat, dress, analyze, prioritize and engage with the world around me. It also showed me the relationships I wanted to deepen and the ones I was ready to let go of. My partner has undergone his own awakening in light of mine which commenced fifteen months ago. In this past month, I feel much more connected to him because of his own inner growth and healing.

There is no growth without pain my dears and these past months have highlighted areas of my life that required brutal honesty that at times was excruciatingly painful to look at. Some days, it took everything in me to keep going, exercising my resilient nature by not allowing anything to ever hold me back from expressing my true self.. I made this promise while in the psychiatric hospital in 2011 after my suicide attempt. I’m grateful beyond words for the challenges I have faced, learned from and conquered. This is a quote that comes to mind when I think about my journey thus far,

“It’s sometimes the prettiest of smiles that hold the deepest secrets, the prettiest eyes have cried the most tears and the kindest of hearts that have felt the most pain”.

I can relate so much to these words and they resonate deeply within my soul.

I also updated my business cards and created a hat I can wear to promote myself. I’ve never met a hat I didn’t love and this one is no different. I strive each day to live my motto of, “Triumphing over Trauma” proving that when you set your heart to change, anything is possible. Greatness of spirit is achievable and powered by love.

Emotional Musings 🥰

Please click on this link for everything Emotional Musings included my contact information for healing sessions, my books and social media

https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77

   

Spirituality

Breath is life

I am so happy to say good bye to April and welcome in May😊 Last month was one of the hardest of my entire life. More details to come on that subject in future posts but for this post I would like to express my new found love for breathwork. You may be thinking my dear readers, what is breathwork? Here’s Google’s definition: Breathwork defines various breathing practices in which the conscious control of breathing is said to influence a person’s mental, emotional or physical state, with a claimed therapeutic effect. Last evening I participated in my second such course offered and facilitated by my dear friend Christina Tucciarone aka @comealivewithchrissymarie on Instagram.

Chrissy has an amazingly powerful presence as both a leader and a teacher. She and I have worked together a few times and I feel so blessed to call her my friend. I sincerely appreciate her devotion to what she teaches coupled with her insightful guidance during each session. Last night I really appreciated her steady reminders to push through the resistance that can be felt once the body is fully oxygenated. There were three rounds of active breathing for 7 minutes and then a minute each of holding the breath and releasing it at the bottom. During the first round I immediately felt pulled to the wounds from my inner child and an intense sense of fear and sadness. My entire body went completely numb. I knew instinctively that my body was attempting to dissociate. This coping mechanism is something I developed at a young age during the sexual abuse I endured. It served as a survival technique then and I must admit for most of my life over the past 35 years.

In the past year, since acknowledging and healing from this dark secret I have experienced a spiritual awakening that has transformed my life in such a way I view it has the Maria I was before June of 2019 and the Maria I am now. Going in and out of dissociative episodes when I found myself involved in intense emotional situations has been both a subconscious and conscious way for me to escape from reality. Over the years I had become very keenly aware of what was triggering me yet at the height of those experiences I was dumbfounded as to how to stop them from occurring. It felt humiliating afterwards when I would “wake up” and realize how much time I had lost. During the recent Divine Intervention session I had, Mr. Adifon confirmed that I regularly lose hours and still days of myself. Maria feeling Maria 100% of the time is very new still. Last night was a reminder of how going to that detached place no longer serves me.

I began to explore what little Maria was telling me. I listened and began a running dialogue in my mind with her, soothing her fears and reestablishing trust by vowing to not abandon her again. The human brain fascinates me. How such an intense level of fear and panic can create a whole new space for our psyche’s to travel to if just for a visit! My mind created this safe space, like a holding pattern for little Maria to still exist in yet not feel what was happening. Violation of a child is so seriously shameful.

However damaging that experience has been to my life I don’t regret it. I have learned so much about myself and the world around me from every single experience, everyday and in each moment over the past 42 years. Putting all judgements aside, good, bad, ugly and beautiful what I have learned is how vital all of it is to living a full life.

Here are some of the main things I have learned about myself over this past year……but most assuredly had them solidified last month. These were the messages I told little Maria I was proud of her for. Experiencing the pain of long held fear is absolutely terrifying when first felt yet in moment last night I knew I had to take control of my healing and be my own hero.

You are not afraid of change, you welcome it with an open mind and heart.

You have an intense love and trust for others, humanity fascinates you and you never meet a stranger.

Keep wearing your heart on your sleeve and remain proud of your free spiritedness.

You allow your big heart to lead in and through life’s ups and downs. Don’t ever change that Maria.

Empathy and intuition are your superpowers.

You my dear little Maria are extremely resilent.

Keep the people you love whether family or friends close to your heart creating friends for life!

It was an awesomely amazing hour. I cried a lot with becoming so flushed with emotion, sweat and gratitude seeped out of every pore in my body as we finished and wrapped up the session. I quickly composed myself and tucked myself under my trusty weighted blanket. Then I grabbed my journal to document the experience. I then took a separate sheet of paper out and wrote down the things I knew were time to release and let go of. My convictions growing deeper with every step towards the backyard, I read my own words aloud then lit the paper on fire. I closed the ritual with a personal prayer.

I wrote the poem below on Friday, before the breathwork course last evening. I’m so grateful for understanding and accessing my intuition and continuing to heal my inner child wounds. Life never ceases to surprise and amaze me. As always, with an open mind and heart I humbly bow my head and give thanks to God🙏

Intuition