Grief and loss – Emotional Musings

My Soul’s Journey, Part 2

May 24, 2021May 25, 2021 MariaTeresa

Today marks six months since my Dad passed over into the world of spirit. Writing a book is a very cathartic experience. The poems in this collection for my 5th book entitled, “My Soul’s Journey ” were originally written between early November 2020 through March 2021, documenting the time shortly before my Dad’s passing up until the first days of Spring. While I write this manuscript, I’m reliving memories and feelings that are all still so fresh while running through the gamut of emotions. Writing is and always will be where my soul emerges from a place of confusion and then rises to clarity, like the tone of a singing bowl, as I process through all of my senses. My intention is to honor both my Dad and myself by publishing the poems that helped me understand my role as a shaman, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt and a friend through the most amazing yet painful times of my life.

I focus often on how it’s important to allow the lessons life has for us to teach us to embrace ALL aspects, from as many perspectives as can be gleamed from for the wisdom each of them holds. As I transcribe each poem, I’m reminded of the environment from which my words were birthed. What sparked the message to come through and how did writing each poem help me to understand myself in the moment. Often I find myself bursting into tears as I allow the medicine in the message to wash over my soul again, but in a deeper and more profound way having put space between the time it was written until now. This book is different because I took a deliberate pause after writing these poems for almost two months before beginning this manuscript. For the previous four books, I wrote the poems and immediately thereafter the manuscript was constructed and published. This book serves to teach me a bigger lesson, one my soul has been striving to learn for many, many years. Patience.

While following the many steps it requires to build a manuscript, I don’t write a lot of original new works. However, a kindred spirited friendship and sisterhood that began right here on WordPress, evolved from a deep resonance of soul recognition and purity of love thus inspiring me to do a collaboration. Ace of http://fearlessfreesoul.com and I immediately connected at the end of last year because our writing styles are so similar. We both use love with the absence of fear as our medicine and magic. She creates the most amazing videos on empowerment and positivity. Her old soul spirit instantly reminded me of my youngest son Miles and our relationship grew from commenting on one another’s posts to a personal correspondence by text and voice clips. I have never collaborated with another writer before and I am truly honored to do so with such a gifted writer with such a big heart! Our duet is a match made in heaven,, divinely timed and powered! These are two of the poems we wrote together this past week and I’m filled with such joy to share them with you all here.

It’s important to allow myself breaks in between all the work it takes to write a book. You my dear readers know how much I love to spend time dancing and listening to music because it fires up my spirit while setting it free. May these three dance videos bring you joy and laughter as it served my heart good to make them.

Salsa anyone?

Love Foolosophy

I love the way my finger cymbals sound with this song, “Dancing by the River” Manish Vyas

Please check out two new features in the menu tab, one is a gallery of some pictures including my healing crystal grids and a video explaining my healing sessions. The other is a collection of testimonials from my clients on how our sessions have impacted their healing journey. Remember my dear ones, every day do whatever you feel brings your song of self out and sing it loudly for all the world to hear!

If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations and other ritualistic services I provide or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below or click the Services tab in the menu on my website.
For a personalized autographed copy of any of my books, please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment.
Maria@emotionalmusings.com
https://linktr.ee/Emotionalmusings
paypal.me/tinyd9

In light and in shadow, always with love. Namaste.

Grief and loss, Healing, relationships, Spirituality

#testimonytuesday, Death and Rebirth

March 23, 2021March 23, 2021 MariaTeresa

Over this past weekend, with the arrival of Spring 2021 I experienced a major shift that has ushered in a new path on my soul’s journey. The process of allowing death to a part of myself that no longer serves and the the rebirth of a more integrated and whole self. Death to Ladysag77, the pen name I began writing with when I first started sharing my poetry publicly and being reborn Maria Teresa, poet and healer. This has taken 21 months of gestation, the labor of healing myself through the many paths I shared in my last post https://emotionalmusings.com/2021/03/18/many-paths-lead-to-healing-this-is-what-mine-looks-and-feels-like/ A few key events also triggered this next level of my soul awakening journey. This is my testimonial of healing, death and rebirth.

Friday the 19th, I accidentally locked myself out of the poetry app Mirakee and couldn’t log back in. I had been logged in since 2018 ( I know right? 😆) and not being able to get back on right away was quite perplexing for me as a writer being cut off from my body of work with hundreds of my poems that are the many pieces to my soul. At the same time the most difficult decision I have ever had to make was weighing heavily upon me, revealing its truth. This is something that has been sitting on my heart for almost a year now and recent events proved that the best decision I had to make is in choosing myself. I have decided to leave a long term relationship with my partner of almost eight years. This is the worst kind of pain I have ever experienced. Period. I don’t quite have the words yet to fully describe the avalanche of emotions that have been triggered for me. I do know however that this is another layer that is necessary in the healing process. I am detaching with love from my soul mate, my one true love.

“Becoming a Misunderstanding”

More than ever before I feel compelled by my soul to further spread my wings and soar to greater heights as my purpose deepens and reveals the process of awakening and aliveness to me. The fire within me roars strong and bright. At the same time, the wounded inner child within me is begging to be seen and the following videos and poems are how I honor her. Little Maria is now being cared for by Maria Teresa. I have sole ownership over my heart. I have retained its key from my partner who needs to do his own healing. I pray for him to see his way clear to his own soul. Parts of me are dying, I’ve lost my best friend and all I can do is ride the waves of emotion as best as I can. Balancing the ebb and flow as the seas of change bring me closer to where I’m meant to further grow.

Recommitting to myself by continuing to do what scares me. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone fosters change. My path has been so accelerated, at times I want to just quit but I can’t. I made a promise to my soul to be who I am and express what I’m learning along the way. No more hiding. I am facing the toughest of life challenges with all the tools I’ve learned these past ten years. What I’m experiencing has rocked and shaken me to the very core. I do what I do best, channel them through my creativity. This is a poem about the many faces of transformation that I have been in the last 21 months. I never dreamed becoming me would mean losing you. I pray you find your way. All of my love always. Nothing but love. I know whatever is meant to be, will be.

“The Pain of Letting You Go”

This is the song my Dad sends me when I feel really sad and am desperately missing him. In the midst of heavy change, my heart is open and bleeding right now. Whatever life hands you is yours to use my dear readers. Life is 90% of how you respond to what happens in every experience. Allow the feelings to flow out, use the experience as an opportunity to grow. This is how the roots of transformation are sown. Planting them deeply by using self love as fertile ground. When the pain of staying stuck propels you to do something different. I choose to see the light within the shadows, to rise again and again. Using my love as a superpower that propels me into the next experience. Learning whatever I can to grow within the moments.

“I’ll Stand By You”

Saturday morning I was out for a run, warming up my body and locking into selflove and care. This is a song that always gets me up, movin and groovin. Rebirth for me means that I’m allowing the seeds of newness that were planted in the winter to bloom into life, to be expressed through soul. My soul loves to dance which is my most favorite and true expression. In ancient times, a shaman would ask the members of the tribe that needed care when was the last time they sang or danced. My dear readers, I sing and dance every single day. I’m alive and life is to be celebrated ✨

“Cake by the Ocean” yes please 🙏 🎂

My dear friends nicknamed me “the Sun” because my natural energy is fiery, my attitude is upbeat and matches my bubbly personality. The dancing I do is always improvisational, never choreographed. I spent time at the beach yesterday afternoon gathering myself, soaking up the light rays of the mighty Sun and this energy came through telling me to go LIVE on my Instagram. I have deleted the Ladysag77 account and will be operating from EmotionalMusings on all of the social media platforms, please follow me there my friends.
This is me, this is my soul. I came here to shake shit up, love and be free.

Shout out to my man Mr. Michael Franti “Love Invincible” and his other tunes have been healing my soul for years ❤ Peace, love and so much freaking light my loves.

We are all “Love Invincible”

On my resume in the biography section it says, “I have a special talent for taking lemons and making lemonade”. I have so many blessings to be grateful for right now. Next month I will be embarking upon two awesome adventures. First, I am taking a one year certification course in sound healing to further my knowledge of how music heals the mind, body and spirit. This will add another layer to the shamanic healing sessions I offer my clients. I incorporate the drum, rattles, finger chimes and tuning fork along with my voice to amplify sound energy. At the end of the month I will be surprising my youngest son in Rhode Island for his 16th birthday. I haven’t been back to the state I called home for thirteen years since 2016. This trip is a long time coming and I can’t wait to be reunited with my two sons. My oldest has recently moved into his first apartment and I am so damn proud of him. He is such a kind, generous and gifted young man. I’m also planning to reconnect with my sister friends, some of them for the first time in person because we have only known one another through social media. I will be sure to keep you all posted by writing about these experiences in future posts.

In the meantime, life is a combo of positive and negative vibrations that we swim through everyday in what I call an energy soup. It’s up to each one of us to transmute the negatives into positives using love, acceptance and understanding. Dr. Nicole LaPera says,”when we witness and accept all emotions without judgment we allow space for healing. Practice accepting whatever comes up without trying to change it.” I believe that’s how we grow and evolve. I vow to keep doing my part to heal myself and help heal others, one heart at a time.

If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below or click the Services tab in the menu.
For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment. Maria@emotionalmusings.com
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77
paypal.me/tinyd9
In light and in shadow, always with love. Namaste.

Grief and loss, Healing

In memoriam

February 28, 2021February 28, 2021 MariaTeresa

Yesterday was a glorious day for my family and I as we bid our final farewell to my Dad. My Mom was especially happy to hold this memorial service in their Catholic church 45 years to the day they had their first date. I was extremely honored to be the representative from the family to give the eulogy which included the poem I wrote “Daddy” just hours before he passed on November 24, 2020. This was the closure we all needed and the homecoming my Dad deserved.

For you Dad

We continued the celebration of my Dad’s life with an Italian fest fit for the king he is, a luncheon that was held at his favorite restaurant which included family and close friends, about twenty people. My older sister flew in from Utah and my oldest brother drove down from Orlando. It was especially great to all be together again since we have all been separated by the pandemic. We laughed and we shed tears. We all shared our favorite memories of my Dad. I was so comforted by my family yesterday and it felt so good to be with the people I love the most. My partner is here (FINALLY) and he was and is my rock, grounding me through the grieving process. I’m so grateful and blessed to have these people in my life when I need them the most. My gratitude includes my dear friends that are scattered across the country and in other places around the world who have sent condolences with love including so many of you my dear readers. From the bottom of my heart, your love means so much to me. Connection is a key in healing because we all experience loss. This is a time we need to lean on each other.

My sister Tami arranged these beautiful flowers

I took this video of myself dancing hours before my partner’s arrival. I absolutely adore Janis Joplin’s style and fiery vocals. My partner often remarks on how I remind him of her so I felt it fitting to dance in tribute to her and my love for all of humanity. I put a piece of my heart into every creative thing I do. If I don’t feel passionate about it, I simply don’t do it. Life is precious and I intend to make the most of my time here doing what I love to do most which is expressing the depths of my creative soul in light and love!

“Piece of My Heart”

In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below or click the Services tab in the menu.
For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment. Maria@emotionalmusings.com
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77
paypal.me/tinyd9

Grief and loss, Healing

Feeling is healing

February 22, 2021 MariaTeresa

Often times we do whatever we can to mute, disconnect and halt our feelings. I know this process well my dear readers. Through the trauma, abuse and self destructive ways I attempted to stifle my feelings in the hopes of erasing what was going on, I came to understand there is no way to escape the pain. What I have learned my friends is the only way to truly live is by feeling, for that is healing. Listening to the notes of each heart song, brings me closer to my authentic self and creates a bridge to my soul. To feel is to heal which in turn elevates the soul.

This Saturday my family and I will bid an official farewell to my Dad. My Mom chose to hold the memorial on the same date as their first meeting which was a blind date, 45 years ago. It’s very special for her. I’m honored to be giving a reading during the Catholic mass that will be held in his honor and reciting my poem “Daddy” while the choir director plays “How Great Art Thou” my Dad’s favorite hymn. It’s also three months to the day he breathed his final breath, crossing over to the spirit realm, to be with God and the angels. I’ve been feeling lots of different emotions as you can imagine my dear ones. The difference of focus for me now is that I don’t judge my feelings. I surrender, I accept and I feel them. However they surface, with anger, with tears or with laughter. All of it serves.

Curiously investigating feelings to heal

This poem, “Inner Landscape” was recently named post of the day on the app I use, Mirakee, to create my poems. I have been using this app for over two years and this is the first time I have been recognized by this honor. I must tell you the sheer joy I felt receiving so much love, kindness and support from the writing community on the app and on the social media platforms I shared it on. My hope and prayer is that by sharing my journey of healing, of learning to live by my motto of “Triumphing over Trauma”, I can inspire others to do the same. This is another poem about healing, based upon chakra health which leads to a richness and wealth of well-being.

I would also like to share with you my dear readers a clip from a show I have been binging on Netflix called “The Magicians”. This clip is of the cast singing in remembrance of one of the lead characters, their dear friend who passes away tragically after a magic spell that leads to an unexpected outcome. It really impacted me as I watched it, tears spontaneously fell from my eyes and poured down my face. I’ve heard this song so many times ,yet not in this tempo, which allowed the meaning to shine light upon my own grief. We get such a short amount of time in this life for the people we connect with to leave an indelible mark upon our hearts that we may not recognize until they are gone. We are presented with that choice, to “Take on Me” when we love someone. These special relationships teach us so much. My Dad is the strongest and most humble person I have ever been blessed to know and love. He was a man of few words, the strong and silent type, so when he spoke he commanded attention and you listened. I’m so very honored to be his daughter, getting the opportunity to “take on him”.

Lastly, I will close this post with two other poems that reflect my heart and healing at this time along my journey. I urge each one of you my dear friends, tap into your heart, feel your feelings, heal and continue to discover your authentic self, which is your truth. It’s beautiful. It’s you!

Grief and loss, Healing, Spirituality

The light of love shines like a mirror

February 12, 2021February 13, 2021 MariaTeresa

Imagine your being as a mirror, what are you reflecting out into the world? Are you living authentically, heart centered and open or are you closed, in fear and driven by the chaos. Finding a balance in between the two is where peace lies. Living by my soul’s purpose shows me the ways in which I can adjust my mirror on a daily basis so that I can be the best me possible and shine my bright light of love, my mirror upon others.

Humans were built for community, we need one another to grow and learn from. Some lessons are more challenging than others. This week has been a particularly emotional one for me as the waves of grief wash over me, processing the loss of my Dad was my main focus again. We heal in cycles my dear ones, being forever brought back to the places we need to go deeper into acceptance of. It all serves and healing never ceases. While riding my bike back and forth to the beach twice this week, about thirty miles or so altogether, I found myself repeating this mantra:

“I acknowledge, I surrender, I release, I accept”

There are no mute or pause buttons that are helpful for processing deep emotions. The best choice is to practice what these words mean, to heed their lesson. Awareness is the name of the game. I am all of what I feel by accepting whatever is coming up, leaning into it and dancing with its message. The medicine I choose is always love. The person who is responsible for loving all of me, is me. I retreat to the beach and allow the healing light of the Sun to work his magic. I also brought along some tiger’s eye crystals that are great for helping to release fear and anxiety and aids in achieving harmony and balance within. It stimulates taking action, and helps you to make decisions with discernment and understanding, becoming unclouded by your emotions. Practicing patience by surrendering to and allowing whatever shows up to wash through until a clear decision is reached.

The app I use to create my poems is called Mirakee. Every day they ask the members to participate in creating a poem from a word prompt. It’s a fun way of writing and I am usually surprised at what flows out. The word that prompted this poem was”to write a poem based on our zodiac sign”. This poem “Firefly” is a celebration of those like me who are born under the zodiac sign of Sagittarius. Here’s to the wild, adventurous and freedom loving fellow Sagittarians!

In times like this I find it’s important to be extra gentle with myself and I practice this by breathing consciously and scheduling time for extra meditation. This week I was guided to focus on my heart chakra a bit more. This is the area of our body where most of us neglect and is the root cause for conditions like heart disease to manifest. Slowing down and paying closer attention to our hearts, while quieting the mind is essential to our well-being my dear readers. I invite you to tap into your heart and heal whatever comes up. This is where our truth lies.

Finally, as the God centered being I am, I turn to His lessons of love for all of creation, unity, harmony and balance. His grace and mercy are readily available to each and every one of us, believers and non believers alike. When we can tap into a power greater than ourselves it’s amazing what we can find. Call it the Universe, Mother Nature or God (I see them all as one force) When I can become still within this vibration, the great I AM comes forth and heals my soul. It is within each of us, supporting us, existing in all of nature that surrounds us. This belief soothes me most of all. And so it is. Amen. Amen. Amen.

In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below. For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment.
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77
paypal.me/tinyd9

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