Grief and loss, Healing, Spirituality

This is me, I am Ladysag77

In two days I will celebrate my 43rd birthday and in light of where we are in this pandemic, it’s looking like I will be ringing in this one without the love of my life. I’m not going to sugarcoat my feelings, after everything I have experienced this year, I have hit my breaking point with patience. I’m incredibly sad and disappointed that we can’t be together. I also thought this was an opportunity to share with you my dear ones theย  mixture of emotions I’m experiencing right now. I always say,”if you can feel it, you can heal it”. Currently, as I revealed in my last post,ย  I’m surfing the waves of intense emotions impacted by heartache and loss. I know intuitively that this time in my life will teach me more about my journey and I will be ok. Right at this moment however, I am not ok. If you all know me by now, I wear my heart’s vulnerability out loud and on my sleeve. This post is me. Present moment. Rainbow of feelings.

I woke up Saturday morning with a spring in my step and a feeling of exuberance. The weather here was gloriously sunny and I headed out for a run. As I listened to my playlist featuring some favorite tunes from my teenage years, I was hit with a strong sense of nostalgia and soul. I stopped off at a coffee shop to write this poem that was bursting from my heart to be heard.

Being soulful is the only way to live

A few hours later, as the darkness of night approached, I felt the pangs of sorrow over the loss both my Mom and I are experiencing. Being an intuitive empath can be tricky when I’m surrounded by energy I know isn’t solely my own. Obviously, my Mom is heartbroken by the loss of my Dad, her life partner for 44 years. She has also been dealing with having contracted COVID-19 herself and has been bed ridden. I am safe and have thankfully tested negative. The past two weeks have truly been a challenge for both of us. Before I fell asleep Saturday night, I penned this poem which articulates the grief both of us are feeling.

Grief

Yesterday, I checked out by calling a mental health day for myself and didn’t get out of bed. Since the beginning of 2020, I haven’t taken many days off. More specifically, since becoming a shaman in September, I have taken exactly 0 days off. Yesterday, I binged Netflix and ate some of my favorite snack foods. I napped for hours. I kept to myself. It was awesome. This morning I awoke to rain here in South Florida. I decided to share this video of myself on all my social media platforms which is featured in the introduction of my latest book, “My Soul’s Light”. This is me, Maria Teresa, aka Ladysag77. I am a survivor who is thriving after facing many challenges throughout my life. I view the world in an unique way. I’m living my soul’s purpose and feeling my authentic spirit for the 1st time. Life is a gift. It’s never easy yet I choose to see the extreme beauty and be grateful for the many blessings I have. When you walk where I’ve been my dears, you learn to appreciate the gift of presence. I’m here and I’m alive. I make no apologies for who I am. I love myself and I hope to inspire others by my life’s testimony of healing.

This is me

In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below.
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77

31 thoughts on “This is me, I am Ladysag77”

  1. So your birthday is Dec 9th? My psychic Tarot friend Ash’s birthday is December 10th!! Must be a Sagitarrius thing!! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Wow. And you’ll be my age!!

    I’m devastated for you that you can’t be with your significant other!! Heartbreaking. And God, I hope your mom is okay.

    It’s okay to be upset!! Jesus got upset, and He was very spiritual indeed!! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ You’re amazing!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the laugh Meg, yes I believe this too shall pass. I show up in this space as myself, no matter what. It’s authentic and honest. It’s ok to not be ok and I love that I have a friend in youโค

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    1. I absolutely believe this. I have learned well over my 10 years of concentrated healing that I must tend to my feelings in an honest way to truly heal. No faking it. I loathe that phrase btw, “fake it to you make it”…that’s why I wrote about “feeling it and healing it”. This is where I am and one day the sun will rise and shine brightly again. Thank you dear Jane๐Ÿ™โค

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  2. Beautiful raw feelings Maria and I’m so sorry you won’t be with your beloved for your birthday, especially this year.. The good news is, a covid birthday doesn’t count since you barely used it. Your great poetry is a gift birthed from challenging times. Love to you and your mom. Sending birthday blessings and love! โค๏ธ๐Ÿ™ Cindy

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  3. Living in the bittersweet by accepting what is means living with my emotional structure and allowing it so sing spontaneously at whatever intensity it there. I believe that’s the only way for me. Somehow in someway everything has to be the way it is. Thank you for sharing you.

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    1. I applaud this, agree and am smiling with resonance my friend โค I live my life as an example of what true heart centered living looks and feels like. It’s a conscious choice, every day. I know no other way. It’s very humbling to be seen, felt and heard by others I connect to like yourself. I believe it gives others courage to live their truth. When more of us can embrace our power that’s when real and lasting change in humanity can exist๐Ÿ™

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  4. I applaud your honesty and recognizing when you need to take a break! You carry so much of others’ emotions on your shoulders, as an empath, and that is so heavy! Don’t deny any of your feelings, feel them all fully! You already know it is all part of the process, just take it one day at a time, and keep writing these beautiful and inspiring poems, they will help you, and others! Much love my friend! ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ’•

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    1. I feel this is all a blessing. In previous years this kind of situation would have been handled completely differently. Nowadays, the allow the flow. I don’t detach, dissociate or deny. Feeling is healing. It’s my superpower which fuels my magic as a shaman and a spiritual being on this journey. I love that you recognize this dear Tiffany. So much love to you โค

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  5. I love how open and honest you are with your feelings. It teaches all of us to do the same. I know it’s a very difficult time for you yet I also know you have the strength to pull through. Take as much time as you need for yourself…we will wait. I love how the poetry falls out of you effortlessly. Such a great way to channel your feelings…a true superpower!! ๐Ÿ’œ Much love to you and your Mom!! And do something fun for yourself on your day. Happy Birthday sister!! ๐Ÿค—๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŽ‰

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    1. You get me in the most real of ways sister, soulfully๐Ÿฅฐ These days I wear no masks and have nothing to hide. It’s a humbling honor to celebrate our vulnerability I think๐Ÿ˜˜ This is me. After a lifetime, up until this year I hid. Now, I am alive, making no apologies or excuses for being 100% authentically me. It makes me smile to know you can feel the poems, it seriously does my lovely ๐Ÿ˜ I thought of you today while I took in some cool breezy weather here basking in the sun’s rays…..under a blanket lol ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ’—๐ŸŽ‰
      My Mom says hey and wants you to know she’s cooking me a homemade breakfast tomorrow. I love her soft boil eggs. We’ll order in some sushi for dinner and round out my favorites. Stream some of my favorite movies ๐ŸŽฅ โœจ

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  6. Happy Birthday!!! Hugs!! Take care of you. I have understand your heartbreak and missing your love. This pandemic is throwing us all away from people and things we so desperately want to be close to. It hurts. But for now take the time enjoy the quiet. โค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜˜

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    1. The quiet here has turned deafening lol….thank you for my birthday wishes, it was the strangest one on record. My writing has really been focused on how much my heart now hurts. Allowing what is coming up to flow through.

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