My dear readers this piece may seem rambling yet it’s a peek inside my stream of consciousness journal. When I read it back to myself I often chuckle because I think in such rhyme and metaphor. I amuse myself on days like today when my heart strings are being especially tugged. Today is my eldest son’s 19th birthday. It also marks exactly 3 months since I kissed my partner goodbye, for now, we plan on being reunited here soon once he can get his personal affairs in order. Our current world’s dilemma gave our lives a really good shakeup, as it did everybody else🌍
Don’t get me wrong, this is by no means a negative thing. Change and transformation are necessary in life. I chose to embrace whatever is thrown at me with a “it is what it is” mentality and roll with it. That’s the challenge, life is 10% of what happens and 90% how you react or respond to it. My dear readers, since my mission here with my blog is to be 100% transparent, you can clearly read about my challenges. I absolutely refuse to let anything take me down, out or under…..EVER! It’s the warrior in me to survive, learn and keep pushing forward embracing each moment for what it is💪
Just one year ago I made myself some self care promises to include certain practices that I wanted to instill into my life daily. Reading, journaling, meditating and exercising are the four agreements I keep with myself (I’m a huge fan of Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, “The 4 Agreements”). This routine, along with a few others are non negotiables for me. They are how I survive in this world as a woman who is extremely self aware, an intuitive empath with keen psychic abilities who has a gigantic heart. I must protect myself and love myself first and foremost. Here’s a peek at what I scribbled today✒
“This writer’s soul is a place I often go to hide from the thunderous energies and plunders of all the others. Negativity is such a bummer as it pulls me down in spirals that threaten to darken my upbeat and light morale. Whenever I feel a quivering sickness inside my belly, investigate I will to search out its origin of dwelling. Perpetually it’s another’s hell I’ve uncovered seeing through to their sickness and confusion. It closes in on my light without much warning. Always vigilant and prepared, I mentally construct my light shield and soon I’m covered. A bright white wall of light six feet around and six feet high, I slip inside and now safely occupy. I can take a deep breath now. My mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and cosmic energy is fully intact inside this wall while I never wander away mindlessly far from home without it. I’ve spent years constructing this wall of light, brick by brick so nothing can penetrate it, it’s so thick. Mostly it’s in place to block out other’s fears that threaten to distract my train of heart and love”.
My fellow empaths understand exactly what I’ve just described here because they too use this mental exercise in their bag of coping tricks. I thought I should share it in case anybody else is having a tough time out there dealing with some people who just seem to walk around in a cloud of darkness. There’s nothing wrong with them, it’s just that we empaths can get really thrown off by this vibration and most often it’s best not to absorb it if we can catch it. Then we can continue to shine and spread out our love’s light. I envision empaths as the human version of the Care Bears🌈
Here’s the poem I wrote in honor of Ty’s birthday. I’m regularly blown away by this young man. Lately, people have mistaken him for my brother which I must admit is hilarious 🤣 He takes after his father height wise at almost 6 feet while I’ve remained 5’2 since 7th grade!
Today at the park, I recorded myself reciting it😊
Lastly, this is a poem I wrote describing what this past year has truly felt like, reclaiming my soul and going through this spiritual awakening. I’m more me now than ever. Blessings and love to you all my dears 🙏
Want to contact me for a tarot card reading or a shamanic healing session? Check out my books of poetry available on Amazon. Click this one link for all my information in one place😊
What an exciting time to be alive my dear readers. I’m continuing to embrace all the shifts, the beauty in abundance along with all the challenges these past months have brought me. Sometimes I feel I’m crawling, at times standing completely still yet at other times it’s as though I’m living in fast forward. Boy can transformation be disorienting and confusing but all the way powerful! I’m reminded of a saying my partner uses when he’s feeling good, “I’m all the way live”. I’m definitely feeling that today, all the way🥰
I’m almost halfway to completing the 40 hours of intern hours towards my certification to be a shamanic healer. I’ve finalized my trip to Idaho in early September where I will get to spend time with my teacher/dear sister Lindsey Luna and perform my final ritual ceremony. I’m so excited my dears! I haven’t taken a solo trip like this to that part of the country in over ten years. It’s going to be epic. Especially since for the past few months I’ve spent most of my time in quiet solitude.
Today thankfully the clouds parted and the rain let up. We’ve been experiencing a tropical storm here, they originally predicted a hurricane but thankfully it was downgraded. I love to get out on my bike every day but due to the storms, I’ve been indoors for the past two days. So, having cabin fever, I was itching to get out in the fresh air so I headed to my favorite park. I was absolutely blown away by the swarms of dragonflies I rode through! They were EVERYWHERE. Here’s what Google says about the dragonfly….
“In almost every part of the world, the dragonfly symbolizes change, transformation, adaptability, and self-realization. The change that is often referred to has its source in mental and emotional maturity and understanding the deeper meaning of life”.
This is exactly where I’m at my loves. Allowing God to continue to mold me. As usual, Divine timing is perfect. I made some intentions for the full moon asking God to continue guiding me and strengthen my steps, release any doubts as I lite the paper to burn away what no longer serves me so that I may continue to walk my path without any impediments. I dropped it into my coldron and watched it disintegrate🔥
Friday night as I sat by the lake gazing up the beautifully enchanting fullness of Lady Luna, my heart started to ache for my partner. I know he will join me once the time is right but I miss him dearly. These past three months apart from each other feel like three years because of all the personal growth I’ve done in order to become a healer. I wrote two poems in his honor, one Friday night under the moon and the other indoors while listening to the thunderstorm rage outside. Both environments are equally representative of how I feel internally without him. Some days, I’m at peace and acceptance with what must be and others I’m turned up and twisted with sadness and longing to be held in his arms.
I have learned in some intensely dramatic ways that as much as I want to be in control, I most definitely am not. We must be apart for me to fully take on this role and concentrate on opening myself up to all it asks of me. The dragonflies were a sign that I’m right where I’m supposed to be. My spirit guides and my angels are supporting me always. I lean on that everyday and am never disappointed. My blessings are too many to count. Life is so beautiful and I’m embracing every second of it.
My oldest son Ty turns 19 on Wednesday. I told him the other day how blessed I am that God chose me to be his mother and also how blessed I am to have him chose me as his mother. He looked at me kind of funny, like surprised I said that. I laughed and reassured him that since the day he was born, I’ve been his student. Both of my boys have taught me more about myself and life than any other experience I’ve had. That’s who I remain always, a student of life. Staying open to where I am and where I’m heading. Stay blessed😊
Want to contact me for a tarot card reading, shamanic healing or check out my books on Amazon? Click this one link for all of the information in one place😊
Thank you so much Cindy Georgakas of https://uniquelyfitblog.com/ for nominating me for this award!!! I love any opportunity to write and answer questions about myself that help others get to know a bit more about me. Connection with one another, especially with other writers on here brings me so much joy. It takes a village my dears and in times like we are living in currently, I feel very blessed to have such a wonderfully supportive community on here to interact with, share information and a laugh or two😊
Here are the answers to the questions Cindy asked me. I will nominate 10 other bloggers at the bottom of this post. Once again, I appreciate this opportunity Cindy!
If you could do anything you wanted what would it be? I have told my fiancé for the past few years now how much I would love for us to either purchase an RV or mobile tiny home to travel around the country and see what there is to explore. I love car trips and have driven cross country twice along with with many other coastal excursions. Now that I’ve become a shamanic healer, I don’t need to be in one location at all. Emotional Musings incorporates my writing and healing passions, my books of poetry, tarot card readings and shamanic healing sessions. I have always wanted to drive the PCH and explore the west coast. Most of my travels here in the U.S. have been on the east coast where I’m from and the middle of the country. I did go to college in SLC and I love camping in southern Utah, that landscape is my heart. The desert is wild and mysterious to me and inspires my imagination. Travelling in general speaks to my Sagittarius soul, fun loving freedom spirit ♐
2. Who do you admire most and why? Tough question because I admire so many and am influenced by a lot of people both in my world on a daily basis and in the public eye. Currently speaking, I would have to say any artist that puts their heart and soul out there with no apologies or excuses. Some of my favorites currently are Lady Gaga (no relation LOL), Billie Eillish, Bjork and Daft Punk. I chose to mention these creative souls because they can be compared to no one and I love that! I’m all about presenting oneself in the most genuine way that highlights the unique qualities each of us posses as creative artists. Creative expression drives me on a daily basis and I admire that quality in others. For me saying what’s in your heart and standing by it no matter other’s opinions or judgments are is all that matters to me. I’m reminded of Dr. Seuss’s quote, “Why fit in when you were born to stand out”. I admire my parents for doing their best to assimilate in a way more technologically advanced world than the one they grew accustomed to. I admire my oldest son Ty for never letting life get him down and at almost 19 years old, he’s going back into school to continue his education after living on his own for 3 years. My youngest is an emotional warrior at 15 because he and I have been estranged (my ex’s alienation) for over 4 years. Living without your mother must be so difficult for him yet I have complete faith that in time we will be reunited as I have been with his brother. Ultimately I admire any person who is living their dream and expressing themselves authentically. I loathe anything fake or not genuine. As an empath and psychic medium that channels Spirit, I can smell those types of folks a mile away ❤
3. Who has been the biggest influencer in your work? My answer is so similar to the above question. Ultimately my answer is God. Since hitting my rock bottom ten years ago when I attempted to take my own life and woke up in a hospital to learn I was committed, I have been fighting back to learn my soul’s purpose. Finally in this last year I have realigned myself and uncovered that truth. My own soul has been my biggest influencer for sure which only is God powered!! I have a tremendous faith in our creator, hope for tomorrow and enough hootspa and drive to keep me moving forward always. My spirit is strong, it’s my Tephlon shield that protects me against anything life throws my way. Love influences every single thing I do. I chose love over fear always. Never stop loving, myself and others🥰
4. What are you working on in your life? Expanding my brand to reach the masses by writing and healing others. My passions drive me, writing poetry, healing others as a shamanic healer, writing a memoir someday detailing my journey through homelessness, CPTSD, divorce, suicide, job loss and the loss of connection with my own children. Nothing can or will ever break me. I allow my heart to take me where it will and my passion for creative expression is what keeps me going always. The need to express my soul’s deepest desires through writing, music, dance, singing and painting….anything I can do with my own body. Travel is big on my to-do list for the next two years and as long as I keep putting my desires out there, the Universe has my back always. Wherever the wind takes me is where I need to be, I believe in that 🌬
5. What is your favorite saying or affirmation? Again, I have so many, growing up I collected quotes and books of my favorite writers from Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, Maya Angelou, Shel Silverstein, Dr. Seuss and Mark Nepo (eclectic array I know). The two I will share here are one by Shakespeare himself, “Thou she be but little, she is fierce” and my own creation, “I am a strong capable woman and a child of God. God loves me eternally”. Those two quotes get me out of bed on a daily basis! 🤗
6. Where is your happy place? I have mentioned this before on my blog. My happy place is the beach, I have saltwater in my veins. Any place near water really gets me excited! A dear friend of mine recently did my Mayan cross and it was of no surprise to both of us that I have the highest energy on their scale at a 13 (1-13 is the scale). I love being anywhere out in nature. Hiking in the mountains, camping in the desert, on a boat in the ocean or on the lake I live on currently, walking along the coastline, out on my bike or for a long run through the nature preserve near my house. I’m happiest outdoors amongst God’s creations. Add in my boys and my fiancé, now I’m golden! 🏖🏕🏞⛰
7. What do you yearn for? For world peace and for each person on this planet to love each other more. My purpose here to to shine light and love by my words, actions and healing abilities. We are all interconnected and what we do to ourselves we do to one another. It’s time for all of us to wake up to that fact and love. “Simple love” is a poem I wrote recently and is my one wish for our world. To treat each other and every living thing on Mother Earth with love, kindness and respect ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
7. What is your favorite thing to do? I was recently interviewed for a dear friend’s podcast, “The Art of Aliveness” on Spotify and iTunes and asked a similar question, “what makes me feel most alive”. Without question it’s dancing and moving my body! Movement ignites my life force energy and I am in a different zone. Most of my dear readers and followers know I sometimes post my dance videos on here. I’m trained in all forms of dance and in my youth danced competitively and wanted to be on Broadway. Growing up outside NYC, provided many opportunities to audition, be an extra in commercials and movies, perform in showcases with other professional dancers and take classes from world renowned artists. My memories from that time are amazing blessings. I have so many wonderful ones of dancing, travelling, experiences with people I love and am still close to today! 💃👯♀️
8. If you could be anyone in the world who would you be? That’s an easy one for me, ME of course. In the words of Oscar Wilde, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” I spent most of my life dissociated from myself because I was scared of my sensibilities and how I perceived the world. I was labeled “wrong” or “crazy” by many so I detached and did an amazing job of trying to be anyone else BUT me. I have survived a lot of emotional, physical and sexual trauma that also played a role in keeping me away from myself. Living through the past 30 or so years like that was enormously painful on the inside so now I want to spend the rest of my time on Earth here being Maria Teresa 😁
10. You’ll be happy when? I keep myself happy and peaceful everyday by my selfcare routine. Once you know yourself, you know only you can take the best care of you. Again, being realigned with my soul and its purpose has brought me immense happiness and gratefulness. I’m a naturally upbeat, positive and joyful individual so I run with it! 😉
I’ve been spending my days on the patio a lot more lately because that’s where I hold my healing sessions, close to nature and overlooking the glorious lake I live on. The energy out there is so fabulously grounding mostly due to the wind. Plus the side of our house is a virtual rainforest of plants, trees and flowers. Lots of oxygen being emitted out there and blown around. It’s just awesome. I spend time out there writing, holding healing sessions or listening to music. Plus being outdoors naturally does a body good and creates grounding which ignites the body’s self healing mechanisms.
I just finished watching the documentary, The Earthing Movie: The Remarkable Science of Grounding all about how walking around barefoot on the Earth grounds our energy and connects us back into the Universe. Doing this stimulates the body to heal itself naturally because we are all energy and electricity. The work that I’m now honored to be a part of is enhancing my understanding of how the exchange of energy works, what creates blocks (unprocessed emotions),chords (specifically the toxic energy kind that need to be cut) and how this all effects our mind body and spirit connection. It’s absolutely awe inspiring and fascinating. A few months ago I started reading about Quantum psychics too and its relation to reality but I won’t write about it here because I’m still processing it. The long and short of it is that everything we do and interact with from watching television, texting, painting, singing, dancing, playing sports, talking etc. is an energy exchange, has a charge to it and a vibration. I can feel the feelings off the energy that is exchanged with me and intuitively know what’s going on within that person even if it’s from the other side of the world. That’s how mysteriously and so scientifically powerful this entire planet is.
God’s masterpiece is this creation specifically made to work harmoniously together, interconnected and feeding off each living thing on our planet. I liken our brains to a computer program that is created and fed by what we interact with and feed it, all of our experiences in life lay down a blueprint which in turn creates our perceived reality. There is no such thing as space and time for that is manmade to give us a semblance of order. Whether we are awake or asleep, we are dreaming. What is reality for me and what is reality for you my dear readers, well they are different and both are an illusion. The only things that are real are our feelings because they are generated from our hearts. Our heart is the organ that communicates with the brain in four distinct ways: neurologically (nervous system), biochemically (hormones), biophysically (pulse waves) and energetically (electromagnetically). In the 60s and 70s there was research done by John and Beatrice Lacey that observed how our heart communicates with the brain in ways that significantly affect how we perceive and react to the world. I’ve been interested in heart math for a few years now, but that’s for another post by a different writer my loves.
I share all of this to tell you this. After holding a week of my shamanic energy healing sessions I have learned so much more about myself and how I respond and react, my own reality and perceptions with others and the world. I believe that I and others like me were sent to Earth to love. We embrace all living creatures with the desire to love wholeheartedly and completely no matter what. It’s my natural default function to see everything as a connection to myself and the rest of the planet so of course I want to understand how to always do less harm and create more love. My heart is big, a vortex that when you get sucked in it’s near impossible to get out of. I stopped interacting with three people who have come into its grasp and one was the other person’s decision to stop talking to me because it was too emotionally painful for him .Unfortunately, that is my ex-husband because he is emotionally immature, has a low EQ and will never move past his anger and resentments. The other was a girlfriend who became a drain upon me and was extremely toxic to my life. The third was the ex-boyfriend who tried to kill me on multiple occasions because he was working out repressed memories of the relationship with his mother on me like I was her. He was very mentally and emotionally disturbed so for obvious reasons I cut ties. I share this to say I love hard and I love deep. My fiancé knows that he shares me with the rest of the world because it’s part of who I am at my core, at a soul level. It’s part of being an empath, having extra sensory perceptions that manifest psychically and what I use now as a healer to heal others on a body, mind and spiritual level. My heart, my love is how I help others clear out their emotional baggage so that their bodies can flow more easily on an energetic level thus making them happier and more free to connect to their own souls as I have.
The people around us, what we eat, what we feed our bodies…all of it either allows one’s spirit to glow and grow stronger so that we can live out our soul’s purpose or hinders and disables our evolvement. It’s in our soul contracts. We are put through interactions with others to learn from them. Pain is a great motivator and a hard earned teacher. The path of the shaman teaches this and now that I’m in the field seeing people in this capacity it’s amazing how connected it all really is! Tiny scattered pieces blowing all around by the wind, carried off by the seas touching every single one of us.
Yesterday was a big day for my son and I because he was accepted into a technical program for heating and air conditioning. The fact that Ty can continue his education is something I have been manifesting for over a year now. I told him he has won the lottery ticket to life if he completes this certification because the world will always need to keep their environments warm and cool. He is a hands on learner and this is the perfect program for his technically inclined mind. I know he will shine. I’m so proud of him. This development really puts my mind at ease for his future because since the pandemic he has been unemployed and wondering how to start over. I expressed to him that he has time on his side and a youthful mind. Plus watching his Mom reinvent herself, move around the country and discover her own calling serves as inspiration to never give up.
I see us humans so differently now and what we do to each other and Mother Earth. Just look around at our world events. The Universe supports us 100%. We have air to breath, ground to walk upon, water to drink and food to eat. These are constants that are taken for granted too often without questioning or taking time to think about it our impact upon each other and our planet. For the beauty in nature’s continued sake and the wellbeing of one another let’s do better. Love more, judge less. Give more, take less. Raising the collective vibration helps everyone. We are tiny drops of water in the ocean of life my dears. We are here for a short time. We owe it to ourselves and each other to do better.
Please see my contact links to get in touch with me for tarot card readings, healing sessions and my books of poetry at
This has been a very monumental week for me my dear readers. I completed the coursework for my role as a shamanic healer and energy practitioner to an abundance of blessings from the great Divine itself. I have completed two of my healing sessions, one for my teacher Lindsey Luna aka @soul.healing.with.luna and one for my son Ty. Each one felt so familiar yet different because Lindsey’s was conducted virtually over Instagram video chat and Ty’s was in person. I now can say with certainty that I was a shaman in a past life and that I worked with Lindsey in one of them. We have reunited in this life for great things, a purpose that is ever unfolding and so intimately beautiful. I get emotional just thinking about how much she means to me on so many levels, a sister, a mentor, a teacher and a dear kindred spirit friend.
This week for me is what defines a full circle moment. Just one year ago I felt so profoundly lost in my own emotional trauma while reliving the past I thought I had buried when I discovered Lindsey on Instagram and reached out to her for healing. Little did I know how deeply impactful that action would reflect upon my life today! We have completed many sessions together for my own healing and now she has taught me about the art of shamanism in a one on one course each week for the past 2 months that she herself admitted to taking years to grasp and understand because she developed herself, solo. Believe me my dear readers, these past few months have been a whirlwind of change, all necessary and quite painful at times. Since I committed to learn from her, I made a promise to myself to never give up knowing that I deserved to do this for myself. I took the first real and definitive step to create something that I can’t truly define by words only feelings. This process has meant so much to me and to my spirituality my dear readers, a homecoming. A return to oneness and to myself.
It all makes sense now, why I know the things that I know, see and feel so differently from other people. Especially why I cut myself off from these messages and gifts for most of my life. It was out of an overwhelming fear. God sent me on a journey in which I have learned from and now see beauty in. All of the pain, struggle and heartache was for this reason. The path of the wounded healer. Shamans are anointed and initiated in this way, forged in the fire. Embracing the I AM mantra and believing that I can overcome what is holding me back took years of diligence, practice and loss as well as hope, faith and of course a strong reliance upon God. Nothing is possible without my ultimate belief in Him, the creator of all. Our Universe and everything within is intricately dependent and created by God.
Recently I took part in a a fun word prompt challenge on the app that I use to create my poems, Mirakee. Happy 4 years in creation to them by the way! The challenge asked to write a poem on how we would like to be remembered after we have passed. Death is inevitable my dears even though I can admit to once feeling scared of it because it brought such devastating sadness along with it for the ones left in its wake. I now understand that we are all part of God’s master plan, the circle of life. I believe one’s spirit never dies and is reincarnated through human existence itself following the purpose that God chose in it’s creation. Remembering mine has brought me so much happiness, joy, inner peace and harmony. Here is the poem I created for the challenge.
I use different tarot decks for daily guidance and this is the card I pulled today which I greeted with a knowing smile.
Writing has been a tool I have leaned on for personal development and understanding my entire life. In this past year, the poems I write are channeled messages from the archangels, most specifically Michael, Raphael and Gabriel. The holy trinity of messengers as all three are my spiritual guides that I feel in my life daily. They in tandem with my spirit animals tug at my soul strings and show me in the most intimate of ways messages from Divine. While I was in session with Lindsey, I felt as though Maria stepped aside and Serena (what I call my soul) stepped forward to provide the healing. Ultimate acceptance and internal permission to be a conduit in this way is the main idea and the theme of this poem.
I’ve awakened from a deep slumber of dissociation and detachment from my authentic spirit my dear readers. Healing isn’t always pretty and nice but the rewards are priceless and the love I feel within my own being combined with the love I have for all of humanity paints my world in technicolor! I’ve often referred to being an empath in this way, feeling and seeing the world in a deeply vibrant hue at all times. It once kept me locked in the jaws of fear, fear of myself which caused utter and complete confusion. Now I understand it.
I have 40 hours of apprenticeship hours to complete before my final certification. Besides having my children and becoming a mother, I have never wanted something more for myself. I’ve written before on here how I have never held a career in the traditional sense besides that of a caregiver. This role of a healer is the ultimate in care giving with the greatest level of responsibility that I could ever have imagined. I’m simultaneously humbled and honored to heal others through the art of shamanism. My journey has reached a new road, one that I take with a pep in my step and a grace I have practiced my whole life. Thank you God for seeing me worthy. I’m eternally grateful.
On days like today, I don’t avoid the rain but purposely go out into it, with my bike or on foot. Today I chose my bike. I like to go for long rides up to 20 miles on some days. The last time I rode in the rain I was annoyed, frustrated and just wanted to get it over. Today’s ride was born from those feelings, they are what drove me out into the storm. The rain holds the magic in which I cleanse my soul while drenching my entire being and allows for clarity. Often in these past two weeks, I have felt utterly lost in emotion.
I have been running from myself for years. Avoiding, dissociating, distracting myself with many different things like abusing alcohol, over exercising, excessive talking and other people’s troubles. Anything to not feel me. Lately I have discovered the wisdom in stillness and quiet. Emotional dysfunction whispers lies yet my soul knows there is always hope. I no longer have the luxury of doing the types of activities and maladaptive behaviors that keep me separated from myself, they have officially run their course. As I write this post, the two songs that have played from my playlist were Phil Collins, “In the Air Tonight” and Bill Withers “Lean on Me”. Both are appropriate for this post because their lyrics shine light on exactly how I have been feeling these past couple of weeks. My feelings have brought me to another layer of shedding what no longer serves, letting go of attachments to allow for my authentic self to come through. Thank you God for showing me in practical, real life instances to lean on you. I certainly have felt this coming for some time, especially at night.
Learning to become a shamanic healer has taught me that I must first face the challenges in my life, the very ones that I’ve avoided in order to fully help others in their own healing. I must first heal my own soul as a requirement for this role. It’s been whispering to me, “it’s time Maria” and “you can do this”. All the while I have felt so utterly alone. Despite living with both my parents and my son. This minus my partner has made my heart feel so blue without him. He’s my best friend and companion, the person who nudges me out of my seriousness and all the pressure I put upon myself. He accepts me fully no questions asked. We made arrangements for his arrival this week that have been unfortunately postponed for the time being due to circumstances beyond both of our control. That question of “what is in my control” has been popping up a lot lately and I have been taking a lot of what’s been going on personally, which does me no good. I learn so much about myself through our relationship which a big reason I respect, admire and love him as I do. This time apart has presented another opportunity for me to fully accept myself, on my own. I feel so different since we were last together and fear started creeping in again. Would he still love me?
My ride today solidified that the way I was going about this situation isn’t serving me best. I can’t look to anyone or anything to give me these answers. During these long wet rides, I talk to myself and God. That’s when it hit me, I have to rely on God who aids my own inner strength for these realizations. I’m meant to be alone for a bit longer and really I’m never truly alone. That’s an illusion my mind has been telling myself forever, since my confusing childhood years that were loud and scary. As a middle child, I have always had others around me. I have lived alone for very short amount of time in my life. In the total of my 42 years I’ve probably spent less than one year on my own. The light that shines brightly within can’t be denied and I love myself for knowing that, for feeling that again.
Since May, moving and starting this apprenticeship I have seen the different aspects of my being that I have avoided, tried to erase, betrayed and denied. If one is to be whole, ALL of these parts must be integrated into an I AM mantra and belief. There is no separation, no duality, no personality that owns my whole. For I AM all of them which today gives me comfort, no longer fear or shame.
I keep writing throughout all of these realizations and ah-ha moments. This morning after meditation, the message I kept hearing was, “Maria, bloom where you grow”. Then I wrote this poem. While I’m writing this paragraph, Dolly Parton’s “Wildflowers” is playing. This song is exactly how I have felt my entire life. Listen my dear readers…..
Lao Tzu said, “Trying to understand is like straining through muddy water. Have the patience to wait! Be still and allow the mud to settle.” Patience is a virtue I have been cultivating in my garden of growth for years now. After my bike ride arriving home, I feel at peace and I can say the water is running clear my dear readers.
Please check out my three books of poetry available now on Amazon at the links below
Today I gave an interview for my dear friend Chrissy-Marie’s (@comealivewithchrissymarie on Instagram) podcast, “The Art of Aliveness” on how to express oneself through creativity under pressure. We have been cultivating a conversation on how despite the pressures of our current world’s situation with the pandemic of COVID-19, the social and racial unrest pushing for much needed change to systems that have been dysfunctional and broken for some time now added to that the disruption of our daily lives. Despite it all I decide to pick up a pen and write, a paintbrush to paint, put on music and dance. Channeling the energy, emotions and thoughts swirling around me to process it all and make sense of my personal experiences. This has been my lifelong journey. At times like the rest of you my dear readers, I don’t know if I’m coming or going! Through it all, my creative juices keep flowing leading me to express myself and further uncover my authentic self. Allowing my true sprit, my voice to shine through.
There are a lot of myths out there on healing like you have to “become something different” by doing XYZ. Nah…..it’s all about letting go, embracing the present moment for what it is and just being. Becoming quiet, being still and giving myself permission to sing my soul’s language (the name of my second poetry book on Amazon) and to dance to my heart’s song (my third book of poetry on Amazon) has brought me inner peace and joy incomparable to anything external. No book has all the answers, no device can deliver this magic and certainly no person can make us truly happy. The answers all lie within 🧘♀️
Since my last post the cosmic energy of the full moon and eclipse brought out some more truths that needed to be realized, released and integrated into my being. Isn’t it wild how life brings forth those practical lessons in such an up close and personal way, giving us no choice but to face them?
I admitted to Chrissy that since January I have felt like the Universe has been molding me to shine like a diamond under incredibly intense pressure. God has been working his magic through Divine timing thus cracking me right open to see so many things that I have been detached from for years. Embracing the change and going with the flow is my part. Growing pains are expected because there is no “perfection in healing”, that’s also a myth my dears. Healing hurts at times and it’s within that pain where our truth and beauty lies. I must admit too that at times I feel like my squirrel friend here, hanging on is what is required in the moment😉
Yet despite the pain, we keep going. We reach highs we never dreamed possible. The pressure builds and boils over to reveal more. That’s been my process. Through it all having tbe patience to see it all to fruition. It may not make sense in the moment yet the wisdom is in trusting that whatever comes up is merely a way to another truth. Collecting these truths, pieces of my soul are what further fuels life force energy. What I live, breath and strive to maintain in my essence as a creative woman.
I like to include poems in each post and since I haven’t been able to attend a poetry slam in months, I thought I would record myself reciting my latest poems.
The episode we recorded today will be up next month and I will be sure to link it here so you can listen to it my dear readers. In the meantime, please check out my books of poetry on Amazon. They make a wonderful gift if I don’t say so myself🙏💜
It’s been two weeks since I sat in my shadow, dove deep while consciously and intentionally releasing some deep wounds I have been carrying for years my dear readers. This week in my apprenticeship for my shamanic healing work, we talked about boundaries both ethically and personally. I realized again just how serious the work of energy healing is and how my approach to my own life has shifted in the past few months.
I reread some of my posts from the start of 2020 when I first set my mind to learning the art of shamanism. It truly does suit my spiritual being and my soul’s purpose. I now understand much more about myself and God’s plan for me. It’s created a very freeing yet grounded place simultaneously. It has had me reconsider however how I interact with others both physically and emotionally.
As usual I have been sitting in quiet contemplation and asking Spirit how best to proceed. My main channel has always been my writing, the messages come through clearest when I put pen to paper and allow free flow writing to spill out. At times like this my mind screams at me,”I must know” while my heart, which is always the guiding force whispers, “You already do”. The answer is love. Trust what is being presented and surrender the need to control. Just love Maria, yourself first and others will follow🙏
I have spent many years being numb, deaf to my own inner guidance, my soul’s intentions for me. I’ve written before about this concept but it bears repeating now. We are multidimensional spiritual beings having a human experience. At times in this past year my spirit has guided me to places my human side didn’t feel comfortable embodying yet. Then it’s like a game of tag while my human self plays catch up to my spiritual self. Integrating it all to include the voices of my inner child, ego and higher consciousness or highest self has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Just when I’m ready to let go, Universe says “ok, here’s a test” and throws a big life lesson at me to see which direction I choose to go.
This week my partner and I finally booked his plane ticket here. I then bore witness to how he had to proceed with this major life change, getting his personal issues in order. That is a new boundary for me. I have always wanted to protect him, shield him from pain yet I have realized that he has his own journey to live. The issues he has faced, steps he has taken to heal and help himself astound me. Everything truly does unfold in God’s time and only He can mold us in the ways that are best for us, in that Divine timing.
I’m reminded of what my dear friend and Divine Interventionist Joel Adifon told me when we first started working together in April. He advised me on how much patience I would need to employ, the staring role it would have in my next steps and healing journey. Today I know exactly what he was referring to. Not only am I to remain patient with myself but I must yield to meddling in other’s paths for them to be able to execute their own journey’s and God’s will for them.
I said, “Yes God, I trust you and I love you for the gifts you’ve bestowed upon me. I’m grateful for the strength and understanding you’ve provided for me in order to survive my darkest days”. Then God conspired with the Universe and said, let’s see how much she really does love and trust. Cue the past four months in my life. Losing my job and place of living yet gaining a much deeper sense of self and purpose while finally being reunited with my son Ty. God has also provided a way to keep me financially afloat during these months so that I could see all these changes to fruition. My grateful heart is overflowing with thanks and praise. Thank you God🙏
As we head into this holiday weekend, full moon AND lunar eclipse…I’m again sitting here in the stillness of my heart ready for the next chapter. I’m thankful for all that I have learned, especially the losses for they have showed how strong I have become. Losing things means it’s time to make room for new things, ones that will serve my alignment going forward. I trust in that. The people in my life who support me and love me no matter what. I love them. Mostly, I bow my head in grace for being present to feel all of these blessings and know that the best is still yet to come😉
Please check out my 3 books of poetry available on Amazon at the links below!
Also visit me on YouTube at Maria Teresa Emotional Musings
Lately I’ve had a lot of time to think and be with myself. I started reading a book that looks at how we define love in our culture and how we are living in a largely loveless society. Whether you were raised in a functional or dysfunctional home, with one or both parents, not dependent upon financial standing, race or religion so many of us question what the true meaning of love is and many of us have never experienced it. We have a better understanding of care and affection but love takes a different level of unconditional commitment. A kind of “no matter what” place of focus. My dears, we are definitely in search of it. I like the definition that is presented by M. Scott Peck in his classic book “The Road Less Traveled” in it he clearly defines love as “ the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” To go on he says, “Love is as love does. Love is an act of will-namely, both an intention and an action. Will implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.” “I believe in order “to love someone completely, openly and honestly while expressing care, affection, responsibility, respect, commitment and trust” we must truly be ready to willing to openly focus on each of these values with our whole heart. For me love is not a noun but a verb.
I have said it before and I’ll say it again, love is my lane. For me, giving and sharing the love that’s in my heart is akin to The Golden Rule. I have raised my boys by reminding them frequently that they may not like other people but you must always love others. Loving others is something that comes natural for me and the more I look around the more I believe love is needed in all of our interactions with one another for than ever! The pandemic and current long overdue social uprising is begging of us to love one another my dears. Like one of my favorite bands sang, “All you need is love”. Yes, we sure do❤
I was listening to another Beatles song today off “Rubber Soul” on my bike ride. “The Word” really made me think about love in a way that I hadn’t before. Here are the lyrics:
Say the word and you’ll be free Say the word and be like me Say the word I’m thinking of Have you heard the word is love?
It’s so fine, it’s sunshine It’s the word, love
In the beginning I misunderstood But now I’ve got it, the word is good
Spread the word and you’ll be free Spread the word and be like me Spread the word I’m thinking of Have you heard the word is love?
It’s so fine, it’s sunshine It’s the word, love
Every where I go I hear it said In the good and bad books that I have read
Say the word and you’ll be free Say the word and be like me Say the word I’m thinking of Have you heard the word is love?
It’s so fine, it’s sunshine It’s the word, love
Now that I know what I feel must be right I’m here to show everybody the light
Give the word a chance to say That the word is just the way It’s the word I’m thinking of And the only word is love
It’s so fine, it’s sunshine It’s the word, love
Say the word love Say the word love Say the word love Say the word love
What sparked all these thoughts about love? After taking part in the ‘Wounded Healer” interview last week and in the post before that one called, “Triumphing over Trauma” where I wrote about releasing shannon a deeper level, forgiving myself and it struck me. I’ve decided to destroy the mask I wore so often completely and forever, once and for all! You know the one we wear for society, for family gatherings at times, the one we put on so we feel “safe” and so others won’t judge us or ridicule us. Imagine if we all said NO to putting that damn mask on? Oh how much lighter I feel even writing that!
This past year I have been hyper focused on my healing from the inside out. I reclaimed practices, did a lot of deep inner soul work that required an extended amount of alone time and quiet contemplation, meditation and intentional detaching from things that were the root cause of my suffering. Today I woke up and decided in order to step forward and accept the Maria I am today, I must decide who I no longer am.
I have decided that in order to be vulnerable, honest and loving towards myself I have to keep strict boundaries with others. Listen closely to my intuition and protect my precious emotional energy at all costs. Say NO when I feel any of these things are being threatened and giving myself permission to allow for grace and gentleness from myself. For so many years I thought I had to kick me own ass in order to be successful and get things done. Now I know that I need to be still in order to hear what my next steps should be. I can move energy in and through my body in a much more gentle flowing way while pumping the brakes on the old balls to the wall mentality. All that did was exhaust and hurt me creating an inevitable burnout. Today, it’s clear, my choice is to love me!
By loving myself, I’m free to love others without resentment or expectations. Like the Beatles sing, “it’s so fine, like sunshine” and now I know that what I feel must be right, I’m here to show everybody the light.” The light that is within me. Once we can discover our light and allow it to shine from the inside out as God intended….OH BOY my dear readers, what a world we could all be enjoying together! I’m reminded of another song, “This little light of mine” that I’m sure most of you have either heard or sung growing up. I just love the playful energy that ignites within my soul and releases my true authentic spirit being reminded of this lesson😉
These three poems are focused on the ideas of love, gratitude and aliveness. I want to share them with you my dear readers. Allow these words to resonate deep within your own heart and then go out and love the heck out of everyone you meet!
Please check out my 3 books of poetry now available on Amazon at the links below 😊
I’d say these three values have been tested and strengthened the most over these past two and half months my dear readers. I’ve written here many times that I firmly believe that God brings us to everything He knows we can live through. Period. The less we resist the challenges life presents to us the easier it is to integrate these values into our character. Surrender. Release. Let go. This too has been a focused mantra of mine. Forgive me my dears, for I never want to portray any of this as being easy yet the concept is simple. With daily intentions and practice, we all have the ability to manifest a life beyond our wildest dreams! I am living proof of that my dear readers.
I have been thoroughly enjoying this holiday (in the U.S. we are celebrating Memorial Day) and because it’s been raining off and on ALL weekend, I have spent my time bingeing some Netflix documentaries and mini-series. The one that really grabbed my heart is called, “Unorthodox” about a young women’s life as she grows up in the Hasidic community and ultimately discovers that their world is not for her as she leaves to discover her own true path. The parallels I drew to my own life, healing and self discovery were quite evident in each of the four parts of this series. The main character, Esty, definitely had to learn to show herself some grace while being patient enough with herself to discover her place in this world. I believe the humility she already possesses as a young women in her ultra Orthodox Jewish faith helped her a lot as she forges through the many obstacles of leaving the only place she has ever lived and travels to Berlin, Germany. This is a true story written by a woman who actually did just that in hopes of uncovering her true authentic self. From the very beginning she even tells the man who is to become her husband by means of an arranged marriage that she isn’t like the other girls, she is different.
For those of you who have been reading my blog here, I too have expressed that I have always felt different from my peers. The black sheep of my family. Many of the scenes like the one of her bathing in the kosher bath as a way of purifying her body before her marriage resonated deeply with me. Her attempts at being reborn through becoming sub servant to her new husband in order to birth his children and repopulate the world with more Jewish people in order to make up for the millions lost in Holocaust is both selfless and remarkedly relatable because I believe we all experience some level of dysfunction in our lives. It’s meant to serve a purpose I believe in deciding what we ourselves believe in and are committed to carrying on with or what we decide isn’t part of our belief system and should be left aside. I don’t mean any disrespect to this community, that isn’t my intention with this post. My heart in many ways related to and broke for Esty because she was forced into many situations that were not her own choice. God has given all us free will and we come into this world as sovereign beings yet because of societal conditioning are thrust into certain circumstances and situations not of our own choosing. There in lies the dysfunction.
Coming to terms with own beliefs and forging a life we can truly be ourselves in is crucial to happiness. I myself have lived most of my adult life in an inauthentic way. Doing things to make others happy in hopes of gaining acceptance and love no matter if I was hurting myself in the process. After Esty makes friends with a group of musicians and is finally feeling accepted, one of them tells her some truths that were both necessary yet hard for her to swallow. Again, such is life. Are you my dear readers telling people things just to appease them, be accepted or make them feel happy yet not exposing them to the real truth of a situation in order to spare their feelings? Wow. That one hit close to home. I have often been the bearer of bad news so to speak because I am honest to a fault at times and don’t always sugarcoat my words. I have also been on the receiving end of such harshness and now reflecting back upon those situations, I’m thankful for them. Definitely a shift to how I viewed those situations at the time but isn’t that also another beautiful part of life? The mystery and discovery of what certain things are meant to teach us over our time here on Earth. Our opinions and judgements, perspectives and perceptions can completely shift. I believe just as life itself is, all things are relative and cyclical.
In that part of the story, even though she felt sad she ended up changing her entire approach for her audition in Hope’s of obtaining a scholarship she was yearning to get to a prestigious music academy. That is the very essence of all of life’s choices my dear readers. We can learn from these setbacks, shift and go in a conpletely different direction or we can take on a victim mentality and allow whatever hardship to destroy us, quit which in the long run turns into a resentment. Allowing others to cast judgements that we then use to disempower ourselves is a hard reality to face down the road. Believe me, I have lived through many situations and circumstances that I don’t regret now but at the time wished I had handled differently.
Everything that has happened thus far is truly a blessing and being able to admit that fully is real growth. By living with a false sense of reality, we only hurt ourselves. Up until this part in the story, Esty has faced so much rejection. Mostly within herself yet she keeps courageously plugging along trying to make her dreams come true. When her hopes seem lost, she calls her Grandma, her bubby and the woman who raised her and because the fear of being cast out by the community is too great, her bubby hangs up the phone on her. Again, Esty must decide if that setback will crush her and force her back to the only home she has ever known. Ultimately we are shown that she has the bravery it takes to keep going despite it all. Even when all the chips are down, she finds the strength to keep believing in herself. She wants a better future for herself and her unborn child. That part really struck a chord with me as a mother and somebody that has felt like a failure for so long.
This year has been one of complete transformation and rebirth for me on all levels. As a mother, partner, daughter, sister, friend and most importantly as a woman. Rediscovering myself and remembering what my purpose here in life is has been the most beautiful, painful, tedious and challenging experience of my life thus far. I’m grateful to have discovered what I call my soul language and my true authentic voice. I wrote this poem as a way of expressing that.
I have also started my apprenticeship to become a shamanic healer and in doing so I had some “homework” to commit to doing. I did a lot of sitting with myself, talking openly to God and spirit. Communicating with the spirit animals that resonate with me, learning about tree spirits…..stuff like that. I know many of you probably think as my partner does that that’s totally weird and a foreign feeling activity for you personally. It’s all part of my own journey however and I fully embrace it! God has brought me here to a place of learning more about why I have these extra sensory perceptions and gifts. My path is truly my own and in discovering more about myself I have been given this message. The following poem sums everything up quite well. This is where I find myself and I am eternally grateful to be awake, alive and present for the present that God has given me! Peace, love and light my dear readers….love yourself and one another.
Please check out my 2 books of poetry available now on Amazon at the links below.