Grief and loss, Healing, relationships, Spirituality

#testimonytuesday, Death and Rebirth

Over this past weekend, with the arrival of Spring 2021 I experienced a major shift that has ushered in a new path on my soul’s journey. The process of allowing death to a part of myself that no longer serves and the the rebirth of a more integrated and whole self. Death to Ladysag77, the pen name I began writing with when I first started sharing my poetry publicly and being reborn Maria Teresa, poet and healer. This has taken 21 months of gestation, the labor of healing myself through the many paths I shared in my last post https://emotionalmusings.com/2021/03/18/many-paths-lead-to-healing-this-is-what-mine-looks-and-feels-like/ A few key events also triggered this next level of my soul awakening journey. This is my testimonial of healing, death and rebirth.

Friday the 19th, I accidentally locked myself out of the poetry app Mirakee and couldn’t log back in. I had been logged in since 2018 ( I know right? πŸ˜†) and not being able to get back on right away was quite perplexing for me as a writer being cut off from my body of work with hundreds of my poems that are the many pieces to my soul. At the same time the most difficult decision I have ever had to make was weighing heavily upon me, revealing its truth. This is something that has been sitting on my heart for almost a year now and recent events proved that the best decision I had to make is in choosing myself. I have decided to leave a long term relationship with my partner of almost eight years. This is the worst kind of pain I have ever experienced. Period. I don’t quite have the words yet to fully describe the avalanche of emotions that have been triggered for me. I do know however that this is another layer that is necessary in the healing process. I am detaching with love from my soul mate, my one true love.

“Becoming a Misunderstanding”

More than ever before I feel compelled by my soul to further spread my wings and soar to greater heights as my purpose deepens and reveals the process of awakening and aliveness to me. The fire within me roars strong and bright. At the same time, the wounded inner child within me is begging to be seen and the following videos and poems are how I honor her. Little Maria is now being cared for by Maria Teresa. I have sole ownership over my heart. I have retained its key from my partner who needs to do his own healing. I pray for him to see his way clear to his own soul. Parts of me are dying, I’ve lost my best friend and all I can do is ride the waves of emotion as best as I can. Balancing the ebb and flow as the seas of change bring me closer to where I’m meant to further grow.

Recommitting to myself by continuing to do what scares me. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone fosters change. My path has been so accelerated, at times I want to just quit but I can’t.  I made a promise to my soul to be who I am and express what I’m learning along the way. No more hiding. I am facing the toughest of life challenges with all the tools I’ve learned these past ten years. What I’m experiencing has rocked and shaken me to the very core. I do what I do best, channel them through my creativity. This is a poem about the many faces of transformation that I have been in the last 21 months. I never dreamed becoming me would mean losing you. I pray you find your way. All of my love always. Nothing but love. I know whatever is meant to be, will be.

“The Pain of Letting You Go”

This is the song my Dad sends me when I feel really sad and am desperately missing him. In the midst of heavy change, my heart is open and bleeding right now. Whatever life hands you is yours to use my dear readers. Life is 90% of how you respond to what happens in every experience. Allow the feelings to flow out, use the experience as an opportunity to grow. This is how the roots of transformation are sown. Planting them deeply by using self love as fertile ground. When the pain of staying stuck propels you to do something different. I choose to see the light within the shadows, to rise again and again. Using my love as a superpower that propels me into the next experience. Learning whatever I can to grow within the moments.

“I’ll Stand By You”

Saturday morning I was out for a run, warming up my body and locking into selflove and care. This is a song that always gets me up, movin and groovin. Rebirth for me means that I’m allowing the seeds of newness that were planted in the winter to bloom into life, to be expressed through soul. My soul loves to dance which is my most favorite and true expression. In ancient times, a shaman would ask the members of the tribe that needed care when was the last time they sang or danced. My dear readers, I sing and dance every single day. I’m alive and life is to be celebrated ✨

“Cake by the Ocean” yes please πŸ™ πŸŽ‚

My dear friends nicknamed me “the Sun” because my natural energy is fiery, my attitude is upbeat and matches my bubbly personality. The dancing I do is always improvisational, never choreographed. I spent time at the beach yesterday afternoon gathering myself, soaking up the light rays of the mighty Sun and this energy came through telling me to go LIVE on my Instagram. I have deleted the Ladysag77 account and will be operating from EmotionalMusings on all of the social media platforms, please follow me there my friends.
This is me, this is my soul. I came here to shake shit up, love and be free.

Shout out to my man Mr. Michael Franti “Love Invincible” and his other tunes have been healing my soul for years ❀ Peace, love and so much freaking light my loves.

We are all “Love Invincible”

On my resume in the biography section it says, “I have a special talent for taking lemons and making lemonade”. I have so many blessings to be grateful for right now. Next month I will be embarking upon two awesome adventures. First, I am taking a one year certification course in sound healing to further my knowledge of how music heals the mind, body and spirit. This will add another layer to the shamanic healing sessions I offer my clients. I incorporate the drum, rattles, finger chimes and tuning fork along with my voice to amplify sound energy. At the end of the month I will be surprising my youngest son in Rhode Island for his 16th birthday. I haven’t been back to the state I called home for thirteen years since 2016. This trip is a long time coming and I can’t wait to be reunited with my two sons. My oldest has recently moved into his first apartment and I am so damn proud of him. He is such a kind, generous and gifted young man. I’m also planning to reconnect with my sister friends, some of them for the first time in person because we have only known one another through social media. I will be sure to keep you all posted by writing about these experiences in future posts.

“Fly Away”
“Just love”

In the meantime, life is a combo of positive and negative vibrations that we swim through everyday in what I call an energy soup. It’s up to each one of us to transmute the negatives into positives using love, acceptance and understanding. Dr. Nicole LaPera says,”when we witness and accept all emotions without judgment we allow space for healing. Practice accepting whatever comes up without trying to change it.” I believe that’s how we grow and evolve. I vow to keep doing my part to heal myself and help heal others, one heart at a time.

If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below or click the Services tab in the menu.
For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment. Maria@emotionalmusings.com
https://linktr.ee/Ladysag77
paypal.me/tinyd9
In light and in shadow, always with love. Namaste.

23 thoughts on “#testimonytuesday, Death and Rebirth”

  1. Oh this is such a BEAUTIFUL post! I am at a loss for words! Your vulnerability and honest words/emotions is so inspiring and admirable to so many and most definitely to me!! I send you so much love and joy through your rebirth!!!! I love your dancing videos, the energy is alive and palpable…almost like you’re in the room dancing right next to me!!! You have such a beautiful, vibrant, electric and fiery soul/spirit that I feel so lucky to have connected with!!! This post definitely included a lot of exactly what I needed to hear, so, thank you for the comforting reminders!!!! I celebrate you, Maria Teresa!!!! So much love and hug hugs, sis πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ€—βœ¨

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    1. I’m so very honored by your showering of love Ace. When we can be seen, heard and felt for who we really are in this world it is a true gift❀ It brings tears of joy to my life, allows me to sing louder and dance faster πŸ˜†πŸ’ƒπŸ™ŒπŸŒ πŸ’—

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  2. Sometimes it’s time. To move, to explore, to see opportunity and possibilities. For me in order to do so it means to lighten the load in so many ways. Many painful, but that’s good because it’s always the loads that no longer were assisting in my expansion process. Be good to you today, and kind, and compassionate. Then do it over and over. Take care of you my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Bryan πŸ™ Yes, that’s the journey in a nutshell. It means so much to have your kind support. Today I am unplugging and riding my bike to the beach, about a 20 mile round trip, with lots of beauty along the way. Drinking in Gaia is what is on the agenda πŸŒ±πŸ’šπŸƒπŸŒΏ

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  3. It needs so much strength, (self-)awareness, and a higher perspective to take the step you took. It is a painful process since this has grown such deep roots in your heart. It is a paradox that giving away what we think we are, actually takes us closer to who we are. I honor you for the loving determination with which you are progressing. Much love to you, Maria πŸ’–

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    1. Your words touch my soul in the deepest way. I have received so much through this relationship and I loved him enough to let him go because I understand he needs to care for his own soul now. It’s in detaching with love that I can further my own journey and allow him his at this time. Your loving support is invaluable and very much appreciated at this time my dearest sister Erika ❀ Now I dive deeper, continuing the journey of my own soul’s story of love.

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      1. Sometimes letting go is the strongest sign of love because it is unconditional. Blessings, my dear friend, on your further journey. I know, it will be amazing. Thank you for our connectionπŸ’–

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  4. It’s not easy these deaths and being reborn but right in time for Easter and how wise of you rto clear the debris and move forwqrd in truth and faith even in the face of pain and uncertainty. You are so brave inspirational and following your heart and truth is always the right thing to do. I truly loved your poems so honerst and courageous!
    Bravo to you as you move forward to gifts on the distant horizon!!!πŸ’–πŸ’–

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your tremendous love and support always dear Cindy. I must as I say follow my soul’s lead and go by feel. Everything I experience is a gift from God and my life continues to unfold into more truth, love and peace for me. My Mom loved last evening and kept telling me how awesome you are for following your passion and teaching yoga and movement to others. Here’s to us for doing what soul says πŸ€—πŸŽ†πŸ™Œ love to youπŸ’›πŸ’›πŸ’›

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh you are sooo welcome Maria! It is an honor and pleasure. I totally agree. Life continues to meet us where we open and trust our next steps if we listen and follow our messages. It was such a treat to meet her as well. She is so beautiful and I love her heart and admiration and love of you. What a beautiful soul. My mom wasn’t able to tune in because of her husband but hopefully next week. Oh that is soooo sweet of her. Yes, cheers to us! πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–β€οΈ

        Liked by 1 person

  5. You certainly have a lot going on, I’m so sorry for your pain and loss. But I admire your strength to grow and move forward, you got this! You are an amazing soul, keep being true to yourself and be excited about your new future! Love and respect my dear friend!❀πŸ₯°πŸ™ŒπŸ™βœ¨πŸŒΌ

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know how but this comment ended up in my spam folder. I do appreciate your shining light and love of support my creative sister. It means so much with me to connect with you. I believe God holds the plan and I’m open to whatever that is. When he closes a window, a door opens and many have been flung open in just the past week in the form of ah-ha moments. I continue to allow the healing of my soul’s journey to continue so that I can help others. So much live to you my dear sister ❀❀❀

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  6. Wow, so many immense changes. Ebb and flow, ebb and flow. I know you are excellent at this, but I do hope you will take good care of your heart, soul, mind and body, letting each tell you what they need and what they have to offer you in that moment. Love never dies, even if it changes. Peace, friend, and continued joy in “the dance” — Jane

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely, felt and received❀ It turns out that my partner and I are about to attempt a reconnection, indeed love is changing. I’m a student of life so I welcome it all in. I have been spending more time in nature, in quiet reflection gearing up for the last two weeks of this month that will be BIG. First week with him and the 2nd with my boys. Such a big hug to you Jane, so much love ❀❀❀❀❀❀❀

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