This week has been a fast moving one for me my dear readers filled with highs and lows. Our planetary system is preparing for the “ring of fire” eclipse this Saturday, the second of this eclipse season which will end on July 5th. This one is quite powerful and with Mercury in retrograde again along with Venus, boy have I been in my feels this week!
My son decided to go back up to R.I. to visit his girlfriend and his brother, my youngest who still lives with my ex-husband. All the times I’ve had to say goodbye to him always bring up unsettling and sad emotions from the past. I brought him to the airport yesterday morning and sobbed the entire way home. I also gave myself a pep talk, one of the tools for coping I use to handle my strong feelings. When I talk to myself I allow myself the grace to understand and to feel. Being in my own body and feeling is something foreign to me since as a child I learned to dissociate myself from myself because of intense fear. Once back home, I kicked off an entire day of intensely focused self care and nurturing myself by taking myself out on a date.
I hadn’t had a haircut since January and that was first on my list of to-dos. Refreshing my look is the fastest way to uplift my spirits and it definitely did the trick! I feel like I got my groove back with this short and sassy fresh cut. I then went shopping for some new candles, a book on crystal healing and a teddy bear to help me sleep without my love😉
My partner is still held up sorting out his personal affairs in Dallas and my heart literally aches without him. We’ve been apart now for 6 weeks and that’s the longest time in 6 years that we haven’t lived together. I took part in another powerful breathwork class this past Sunday and afterwards I realized how much I have been white knuckling things in order to cope with all the newness in my world. I wasn’t allowing myself to grieve my old life and it has taken a toll on my mind, body and spirit. Since mid March, like the rest of our world, I was laid off from my position managing a boutique. A job I viewed as a dream position and I LOVED. Then came the decision to move back to South Florida because of extenuating circumstances with my living situation. My son agreed to move with me after 10 years of him living with my ex-husband. We are now living with my parents while I transition into a new career as an energy healer and practitioner. That’s a lot of change in four short months!
I’m grateful and blessed, please understand my heart is very much at peace yet I wasn’t allowing myself to feel again. Since my apprenticeship started I have learned so many things about myself as it relates to energy and my highly sensitive nature along with following my intuition much more closely. Boundaries are a real challenge for me since I didn’t grow up learning how to establish them. Now, while practicing energy healing and performing rituals, if I don’t rest myself or follow my intuition I am at a real danger of hurting myself. I learned that lesson the hard way over the weekend. I must listen to my body now or suffer some painful consequences.
All of this prompted some intense purging of what no longer serves me and an in depth introspection of myself AKA shadowwork. Sitting in uncomforbility while integrating the parts of myself that are darker, sticky and uncomfortable is a process I first learned a year ago while going through a spiritual awakening. Acceptance is key to self forgiveness, self love and trust. People like me who have gone through trauma (I am diagnosed CPTSD) have a difficult time with this which leads to shame, the closest vibration energetically to death. I know that feeling intimately and I’m glad I now understand how to heal from it and bring myself out of its grip. A shame spiral is something I lived in for years and it rendered me unproductive, non functional and severely depressed. These days I have many practices I lean into and as you know my dear readers, writing is my #1. I wrote these poems this week to help me process my emotions. Being honest and authentic with myself and those around me is a non negotiable thing these days.
As we head into the weekend and I put this experience in the rear view mirror I feel so grateful. I’ve come a long way baby in these ten years! I’ve conquered situations that threatened to dim my light completely and have emerged on the other side triumphant once more. I know it’s never over. Our journey to salvation is as long as God deems fit until He calls my spirit back home. For now I feel good in this body once again and am ready once more to “Triumph over Trauma”. Love, peace and blessings to all ❤✌🙏
Please check out these links below for the 2 books of poetry I have available for purchase on Amazon. “Emotional Musings” and “My Soul’s Language”. Stay tuned for my 3rd offering coming soon!