What makes me feel ALIVE

Focusing on what I love about myself while in this Mercury retrograde aka clean out period. Letting go of that which no longer serves me, making room for what does…..and that means what makes me tick💃❤😁

A big lesson that I have been practicing dear reader’s is detaching with love. I must reserve my precious energy, specifically emotional, for myself. The two hardest concepts I have been wrestling with for years are balance and boundaries. I have a ginormous heart and I want to love the world, sometimes that comes at the detriment to myself and my own needs. Self betrayal has been an ongoing theme throughout my life. I was conditioned to think that I needed to mold to what others expected from me and if I could do that, in return I would receive the love and acceptance I so desired.

My parents did the best they could but my mother has narcissistic Borderline personality disorder and unresolved personal trauma. She too was sexually abused. Did somebody say generational trauma….yes 100% true. My father has been emotionally absent my entire life. He is an only child raised by parents who believed children should be seen and not heard. He was born in the early 1930s, a product of that time. He also owned a car dealership and was a workaholic in my formative years. I don’t blame them however I received loads of mixed messages.

As an adult on my healing journey for the past ten years, I have learned lessons the extreme and hard way. I have put myself in harm’s way and have literally had to bang my head against a wall to “get it”. Currently during this planetary releasing period, I feel the Universe is teaching me what perhaps others much younger than me got the memo on as a teenagers. Again, I can beat myself up just fine by morphing into my own worst enemy. Most recently I am releasing the perfectionism ingrained within me. The desire to be what I deem as perfect can look like any number of things. These include being happy and upbeat all the time. That leaves me stuffing any other emotion for fear of not being accepted by those around me.

I am really recognizing and embracing all of this. It is forcing me to concentrate my energy into what makes me feel most alive. Moving my body whether it’s dancing in my room or going for a run ignites my spirit, that fire in my belly like nothing else. The weather here in Dallas has been so up and down. Yesterday was hot almost 80 degrees while today it’s raining and back to the 40s. All the while I’m trying to wait patiently for one of my favorite humans to visit me this week, my son 🥰

I wrote this poem last night…..getting myself pumped up for a fun 4 day weekend😁

Please check out my Linktr.ee/Ladysag77.com

6 thoughts on “What makes me feel ALIVE”

  1. I have the same tendency to be what other people are looking for, especially when I try to date. Disaster. I can’t seem to let who I am come out! No, instead, I have to be whoever the man is looking for. Hmmph.

    Oh my!! I’m hopeful that real friends will love you even if you’re not always in a happy mood!! Bad moods happen to good people! But you’re so hard on yourself! Yeah, maybe teenagers get what you’re struggling to get now (although I doubt it), but in other ways, you’re ahead of other people. It’s a weird assortment of being ahead in some ways, behind in some ways, completel deficient in some ways, completely genius in some ways, and totally normal and average in some ways. Life is weird. Very, very weird.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Meg….you are so right! I needed that put into perspective. I am too up close and personal with it all currently. I appreciate your kindness and support. It’s times like this, it takes a village!

      Yes, real friends and people who love me see me. Especially my partner. Right now he is struggling and that throws me off because I am so sensitive. I do a great job of not allowing his stuff to affect me Kenny best days but currently…..I am struggling with it all!

      I just keep telling myself to look inside, allow my soul to shine and this too shall pass🙏❤

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s