Mental health

My 2nd Poetry Slam

I’m continuing to get on the microphone and dramatically read my poems. When I was younger and studying all forms of dance my dream was to dance on Broadway. I do love the thrill and terror that comes from being on a stage.

Last night’s slam was very intimate and cozy. I met some wonderful artists and even made plans to host a book signing with the promoter of this event who was so welcoming and made me feel so valued as an artist. This is called “Nothing But Poetry Live” and it helps showcase artists in and around Dallas, TX. I really love being around other creative people in this performance capacity!! I have found my people! Being seen and heard, my personal feelings landing with my own unique flare is so empowering. I was asked if I have a music accompaniment to go with my poems last night. I will be doing a collaboration with an old dear friend of mine from high school who is one of the most amazing guitar players I have ever heard and have the pleasure to know.

I asked the promoter Sam, to video me since I attended this event solo last night. This poem is called “Losing my best friend” and is inspired by what’s going on with my partner who is my best friend. My fiance played and retired from professional football with both the NFL and Arena football leagues. Watching and witnessing his struggle with mental illness including memory loss, hearing voices and not knowing who he is at times is beyond heartbreaking. Ironically, he wanted to attend with me last evening but had an anxiety attack that kept him from leaving our apartment. He later admitted how hard it is to see me in pain over what’s happening to him. I know he can’t help it and I don’t take any of it personally because I know how much he supports and loves me. My writing has always served as an outlet for me to process my feelings. This entire situation is hard for both of us yet I know he is my biggest fan even if he can’t show it 100% of the time.

I was having a conversation with my oldest son yesterday about how fast time goes by. I believe it passes even quicker as we age. He wasn’t too thrilled to hear that but I said it just makes every moment more precious. I want to stay mindful in each of them as much as possible to fully enjoy my life these days. I’ve squandered so much time in anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. It’s been 9 years since I was in and out of a psychiatric hospital myself with complications from CPTSD. These days, I celebrate my life and am intensely grateful for all of it! This is what “Triumphing over Trauma” looks like…..

“Losing my best friend”

This year is my year for transformation, a metamorphosis. I am going after my dreams by keeping my foot on that gas pedal and making the most out of this momentum energy I’m cultivating by doing it. It’s so exciting and it makes me feel so alive to be up on a stage again. Keep watching as this free spirit spreads her wings and soars high🦋

32 thoughts on “My 2nd Poetry Slam”

  1. Kudos to you for getting out there! I’ve done things like this too but my social anxiety makes it really hard for me to do so. I’m working on it though. I’m glad this last one was a great experience for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I so appreciate the support. This is a new stage for me since I’m used to dancing up there when the house lights are dark and you can’t see anybody. It’s easier that way. I tell people that my words are my children. Super personal, this poem specifically describes an intense and deeply painful part of my daily life. My fiance just watched the video and is becoming aware of what kind of a toll this is taking on me and ultimately both of us. That’s why I did it. It’s bigger than me. I want to spread awareness and compassion for people going through mental illness struggles. This poem is a peek behind the curtain.
      I believe you will overcome your fears. It’s a shift in mindset and now I use fear to motivate me instead of stop me. I believe we can all get there. Your poems are beautifully crafted and need to be heard by the world my friend💜🙏😊

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you sweetheart, yes it was an amazing night! The man who promoted it was so warm and welcoming which made it all that much easier. He and I are looking to put my book signing together which would be awesome!! Please feel free to share it too because a few friends of mine suggested how powerful it would be for the NFL to see it. Too many men are suffering and dying. Very grateful for your support 💜😊🙏

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nothing really but stopping the game all together. It’s our bloodspoet, like the gladiators. Rugby, boxing even soccer!! All terrible for concussions. Really though, back when my guy was playing there weren’t taking them out of games like they do now. When concussions don’t heal properly that’s when all the white matter grows and that’s what causes degeneration and damage, memory loss and the terrible diagnoses of Dementia and Alzheimers. My man was diagnosed as early onset Dementia at just 46 years old, he is 5p now. My father is 86 and has full blown Dementia. They are both former professional athletes and sooo similar. I watch my mother and I know it’s only a matter of time. We’re trying to at least slow down the progression. CTE (Chronic traumatic encephalopathy) can only be diagnosed after death. There is no known cure.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That’s so heartbreaking! 😦 I admire how much love and support you show to your significant other!! I definitely think brain injuries need to heal and recover! It’s just sad that it’s in the name of a sport! Please keep us posted!!

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      3. Oh for sure I will. Agreed, I think I’m so in it and it’s my reality. We have been together for almost 7 yrs so I’m in deep. Love him to pieces. He is my absolute best friend. I see life and relationships very differently than I did 20 yrs ago when I met my ex-husband.
        A huge part of me quietly aches because I don’t want to see him like this and I’m helpless ro do anything. Plus losing him is an unbearable thought.
        Have you ever seen the movie Concussion? My life is similar to a lot of what is depicted in that movie. Thank you for being compassionate and supportive. That means so much!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I’ve never seen the movie! It sounds like a good movie!! I hope I have a nice relationship with a man someday like you have! 🙂 I’m so glad you and he have each other!

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      5. I highly recommend you watch it, it stars Will Smith as the doctor that first discovered CTE in the brains of retired football players that were killing themselves. What they do is shoot themselves in the heart so their brains can be studied.
        Lincoln and I have our ups and downs but I think what bonds us the most is our respect and genuine love for our companionship. I just love being around him, he’s my milk chocolate teddy bear. He has a ❤ of gold and is a people magnet. We are total pokar opposites because I’m an earthy hippie chic into my spirituality. He is a simple man who keeps me grounded. He let’s me fly and is so loyal. Like I said, I’m 42 and he is 50 so I think I have this part of my life figured out better than the 1st part LMAO🤣
        You will meet the right man for you when you aren’t looking and it will be natural and just click. I know it Meg😊

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You found it! You found a way to use the same energy you once put into suffering into surviving, into a place where your passion for performance art soars. You’re creative for sure, and seem so confidence in a space where your comfortable being something more than your anxieties. You give to Self, to Home, to Stage. Quite the metamorphosis! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is so beautiful. The writing and the poetry and how you read it.

    I admire you very much for being so open about your feelings and channeling your difficulties into such creativity…

    Truly inspiring. You’ve got a fan and an internet friend in me. Thank you for reaching out on my blog and allowing me to find you and your work! Powerful stuff. ♥️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes ma’am…we can’t stop, we will be run over LOL🤣
      If you’re not moving, you’re not growing. Like in nature, everything is constantly shifting, changing and flowing. We too must go with it😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yessssss….I told you!! It soothes our soul and the more grounded you are the better equipped you are to handle life’s challenges.
        When I 1st met Lindsey in June, I was very UNgrounded. Now that we do energy cleansings together and I balance my chakras daily, I am super strong in that department. Never again to I want to feel that heavy, unsettled and over anxious feeling. Now that I have come through to the other side of all of that, there is no turning back. Onward and upwards😁

        Liked by 1 person

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