As I walk through experiencing this newly uncovered belief and trust within myself, I have been noticing a few tricks my mind likes to play on itself. Some old thought patterns and coping skills have knocked at the door wanting to regain control. Yesterday was one of those days. Our minds are so complex that way, ego is relentlessly trying to protect itself. New neuro pathways want to inevitably lead back to older more used ones.
Thankfully, I have a great circle of support around me. In this past year, I have truly manifested my deepest desires and having the right people show up in my life is one of the best gifts the universe has provided me.
This past June I faced the deepest, darkest and most shameful secret from my past that I have actively been trying to bury since childhood. This memory pushed me to a place of sorrow that I hadn’t felt in many years. I was full of despair and fear. I can now look at my desperation as a blessing because it pushed me to seek out another level of healing.
One day I was scrolling through my feed on Instagram and I came across a post from a woman who is Reiki master and shamanic healer who was talking about the importance of energy cleansing. I have had Reiki sessions in the past done by two dear friends. Her post was so intriguing and I took it as a sign that it was time to get my energetic healing on! I have been rebirthed! She has helped me reclaim my spiritual journey and in fact I feel she is a true friend and kindred spirit, my soul sista Lindsey Luna aka @soul.healing.with.luna. I highly recommend checking her out!
That positive expierience has led me to discover some wonderfully talented, inspiring and uplifting woman on Instagram. I really enjoy that platform the most out of all other social media apps. I highly recommend following @the.holistic.psychologist, @mindfulnesswithsattva, @hercreativelight, @mindfulmft, @realized_empath and @keto_grateful_countrygurl if you want to get a great perspective on mindfulness, mental health, spirituality, whole body health and healthy eating alternatives.
By the end of summer I had found myself in a new place. A place I can honestly say I have never been. I feel confident, self assured and for the very first time I can honestly say I love myself. That fact equals real inner peace and happiness within my soul. I am living my dreams while I keep mainfesting new intentions for my future. Let me tell you, after the dark clouds that for years plagued me….this bright light that surrounds me feels A-MAZING🤗
As with every step forward, one must be prepared for a few steps back. Bad days do still happen and I’ve learned that it’s ok to not always be ok. The doom and gloom that was my past way of thinking and reacting doesn’t serve me any longer. I have gained a new perspective. Life experiences as a 41 year old woman, the reading I do, beliefs I practice and the people I surround myself with are great mirrors for me when I feel that darkness creeping back in.
Yesterday was that day. It started a bit shaky because I am fighting off a cold but then it grew to more. Before I knew it I was tearful, feeling depressed and not liking the intense fear that was knocking once again at my mind’s door begging for attention.
With the help of my dear girlfriend Claudia and my partner, the love of my life, reminding me of just all that is my new reality I gave myself a little pep talk. This poem is the result of that pep talk. It’s onwards and upwards my dear readers. No more living life in the rear view mirror. I love the new Maria and I chose her😁