Sadness used to terrify me and exacerbate certain situations I found myself in that brought me down. I was literally afraid to break down and cry because I thought I would never stop. Fear of drowning in a pool of my own tears. I went through a period of time before my beloved Nana passed when I never shed a tear. It lasted six years. A complete denial of emotions left me absolutely numb and expressionless. Looking back now, it seems like a whole other person I am describing however that was me.
Since that time in my life I have learned so many life lessons and grown in countless ways. That’s the key to evolvement, if one isn’t open to learning, nothing ever changes. YES, it can be painful and NO, it is not easy. The rewards however are innumerable and priceless. Once I gave myself permission to feel my emotions fully the more I grew. People around me questioned and couldn’t quite place what had changed. They did however remark about how peaceful I seemed. I could definitely feel a spiritual shift occurring deep down in my soul. It was life altering and my sense of self empowerment doubled.
How did it happen you ask? A few key concepts needed to be reckoned with. First and foremost utter and complete honesty with myself. I put my emotions under a microscope in all situations and carefully dissected each one. I started questioning the motives of others and how they impacted me, ultimately drawing conclusions about how I truly felt about them. I believe women can get trapped into a mode of operating on auto pilot when our lives get complicated dealing with our marriages and raising children. We take charge by making sure everybody around us is happy and their lives are running smoothly. We tend to put our needs last, if ever even into consideration on each decision and choice that needs to be made. I know plenty of women who are probably reading this and nodding along, able to recognize themselves in this description. My advice is to do some self examination. Just like we do self exams of our breasts, examine your hearts ladies. Is a kind of cancer lurking beneath the surface eroding our self worth and self esteem? There are so many choices to be made throughout any given day and people in our lives will ask us for our involvement in their life. Give yourself permission to answer these questions honestly:
1. Does it serve me, positive and negative impact on myself and others involved.
2. Am I willing to fully commit, do I love it?
3. What am I willing to lose in order to reap future benefits?
4. What is my risk threshold?
5. What does my “end game” scenario look like?
When we invest some crucial time into investigating each one of these questions and asses how we truly feel about each, we can make whole hearted decisions about our own progress on this journey through life.
So for real, what are you doing today that is beneficial for your own enlightenment and growth? What is your role with those around you? Each one of us has a responsibility in figuring that out. We can choose to do nothing and life happens to us, just surviving life’s ups and downs and merely existing. We can also choose to thrive and engage in our lives. Making the most out of each situation, flourishing and enriching our life to get the best out of it. I wrote this poem in that vein.