Today is my 41st birthday and I felt a good time to reflect on how much I am grateful for in this past year. The two most important new things being my new job and my writing. Before obtaining this position I hadn’t worked in over five years! Mostly due to my C-PTSD trauma and side effects relating to it. It has been extremely difficult to feel “normal” and safe when I’m out in public alone. I have to admit that I’m proud of myself for being able to take this step forward in my life and career. I was even recently promoted after just three weeks on the job. I’m so humbled and grateful that the management around me sees my potential and values my worth, something I’m still trying to accept and adjust to believing in myself.
I must add that I’m pushing forward with all of these things despite the use of any psychiatric medications. I was on them for fifteen years and I believe they served their purpose and helped me heal but that they are no longer necessary daily. I have developed more holistic ways of helping myself heal and cope. I use essential oils and herbs like St. John’s Wort, Valerian root and Evening Primrose to keep me mentally healthy and grounded. I also use a light therapy system that I can relax with for twenty minute sessions placing two separate pads on any part of my body I feel needs a boost. I usually place the largest one on my stomach or sacrum area because that is where we have the largest amount of blood flow and is our root chakras core. The polychromatic near in-fared lights promote oxygen, blood flow increase because it stimulates the cells and reduces anxiety. I can’t express enough how truly beneficial and life changing my Inlight medical device has been for both me and my fiance.
Meditation and grounding techniques are also key to my all around well being. Devoting time for my self care is vital to a peaceful mind, body and soul. This is something I have learned the hard way and often misunderstood the importance of when I was younger. Today however I schedule “me time” daily where I can shut down, zone out with my thoughts, be still and quiet. I must recharge my batteries so that I can continue to care for the ones I love and spread light wherever I go. No matter what goes on in my world, I must return to who I am at my core and take care of that little girl inside.
For most of my life writing has been a much needed outlet and source of healing, processing and venting of pain. I have always kept journals and notebooks but never did I share what was in them with anybody. Since starting this blog a few months ago I have really come out of my shell and I feel so much stronger and more confident in general. I also have a few poetry sites and apps that I use to share my poems. Someday I would love to publish a book of my work. I especially would love to share it with my boys. I pray one day for them to be proud of their Mom and understand all I have endured and survived.
Until that day I will keep pushing forward, taking manageable baby steps and evolving into the woman I am intended to be. This poem reflects on how it takes the heart of a warrior to face my life some days. I remain grateful, humble and hopeful always. Much love my readers and Happy Birthday to me🎉
Emotional Musings 