What an exciting time to be alive my dear readers. I’m continuing to embrace all the shifts, the beauty in abundance along with all the challenges these past months have brought me. Sometimes I feel I’m crawling, at times standing completely still yet at other times it’s as though I’m living in fast forward. Boy can transformation be disorienting and confusing but all the way powerful! I’m reminded of a saying my partner uses when he’s feeling good, “I’m all the way live”. I’m definitely feeling that today, all the way🥰
I’m almost halfway to completing the 40 hours of intern hours towards my certification to be a shamanic healer. I’ve finalized my trip to Idaho in early September where I will get to spend time with my teacher/dear sister Lindsey Luna and perform my final ritual ceremony. I’m so excited my dears! I haven’t taken a solo trip like this to that part of the country in over ten years. It’s going to be epic. Especially since for the past few months I’ve spent most of my time in quiet solitude.
Today thankfully the clouds parted and the rain let up. We’ve been experiencing a tropical storm here, they originally predicted a hurricane but thankfully it was downgraded. I love to get out on my bike every day but due to the storms, I’ve been indoors for the past two days. So, having cabin fever, I was itching to get out in the fresh air so I headed to my favorite park. I was absolutely blown away by the swarms of dragonflies I rode through! They were EVERYWHERE. Here’s what Google says about the dragonfly….
“In almost every part of the world, the dragonfly symbolizes change, transformation, adaptability, and self-realization. The change that is often referred to has its source in mental and emotional maturity and understanding the deeper meaning of life”.
This is exactly where I’m at my loves. Allowing God to continue to mold me. As usual, Divine timing is perfect. I made some intentions for the full moon asking God to continue guiding me and strengthen my steps, release any doubts as I lite the paper to burn away what no longer serves me so that I may continue to walk my path without any impediments. I dropped it into my coldron and watched it disintegrate🔥
Friday night as I sat by the lake gazing up the beautifully enchanting fullness of Lady Luna, my heart started to ache for my partner. I know he will join me once the time is right but I miss him dearly. These past three months apart from each other feel like three years because of all the personal growth I’ve done in order to become a healer. I wrote two poems in his honor, one Friday night under the moon and the other indoors while listening to the thunderstorm rage outside. Both environments are equally representative of how I feel internally without him. Some days, I’m at peace and acceptance with what must be and others I’m turned up and twisted with sadness and longing to be held in his arms.
I have learned in some intensely dramatic ways that as much as I want to be in control, I most definitely am not. We must be apart for me to fully take on this role and concentrate on opening myself up to all it asks of me. The dragonflies were a sign that I’m right where I’m supposed to be. My spirit guides and my angels are supporting me always. I lean on that everyday and am never disappointed. My blessings are too many to count. Life is so beautiful and I’m embracing every second of it.
My oldest son Ty turns 19 on Wednesday. I told him the other day how blessed I am that God chose me to be his mother and also how blessed I am to have him chose me as his mother. He looked at me kind of funny, like surprised I said that. I laughed and reassured him that since the day he was born, I’ve been his student. Both of my boys have taught me more about myself and life than any other experience I’ve had. That’s who I remain always, a student of life. Staying open to where I am and where I’m heading. Stay blessed😊
Want to contact me for a tarot card reading, shamanic healing or check out my books on Amazon? Click this one link for all of the information in one place😊
Thank you so much Cindy Georgakas of https://uniquelyfitblog.com/ for nominating me for this award!!! I love any opportunity to write and answer questions about myself that help others get to know a bit more about me. Connection with one another, especially with other writers on here brings me so much joy. It takes a village my dears and in times like we are living in currently, I feel very blessed to have such a wonderfully supportive community on here to interact with, share information and a laugh or two😊
Here are the answers to the questions Cindy asked me. I will nominate 10 other bloggers at the bottom of this post. Once again, I appreciate this opportunity Cindy!
If you could do anything you wanted what would it be? I have told my fiancé for the past few years now how much I would love for us to either purchase an RV or mobile tiny home to travel around the country and see what there is to explore. I love car trips and have driven cross country twice along with with many other coastal excursions. Now that I’ve become a shamanic healer, I don’t need to be in one location at all. Emotional Musings incorporates my writing and healing passions, my books of poetry, tarot card readings and shamanic healing sessions. I have always wanted to drive the PCH and explore the west coast. Most of my travels here in the U.S. have been on the east coast where I’m from and the middle of the country. I did go to college in SLC and I love camping in southern Utah, that landscape is my heart. The desert is wild and mysterious to me and inspires my imagination. Travelling in general speaks to my Sagittarius soul, fun loving freedom spirit ♐
2. Who do you admire most and why? Tough question because I admire so many and am influenced by a lot of people both in my world on a daily basis and in the public eye. Currently speaking, I would have to say any artist that puts their heart and soul out there with no apologies or excuses. Some of my favorites currently are Lady Gaga (no relation LOL), Billie Eillish, Bjork and Daft Punk. I chose to mention these creative souls because they can be compared to no one and I love that! I’m all about presenting oneself in the most genuine way that highlights the unique qualities each of us posses as creative artists. Creative expression drives me on a daily basis and I admire that quality in others. For me saying what’s in your heart and standing by it no matter other’s opinions or judgments are is all that matters to me. I’m reminded of Dr. Seuss’s quote, “Why fit in when you were born to stand out”. I admire my parents for doing their best to assimilate in a way more technologically advanced world than the one they grew accustomed to. I admire my oldest son Ty for never letting life get him down and at almost 19 years old, he’s going back into school to continue his education after living on his own for 3 years. My youngest is an emotional warrior at 15 because he and I have been estranged (my ex’s alienation) for over 4 years. Living without your mother must be so difficult for him yet I have complete faith that in time we will be reunited as I have been with his brother. Ultimately I admire any person who is living their dream and expressing themselves authentically. I loathe anything fake or not genuine. As an empath and psychic medium that channels Spirit, I can smell those types of folks a mile away ❤
3. Who has been the biggest influencer in your work? My answer is so similar to the above question. Ultimately my answer is God. Since hitting my rock bottom ten years ago when I attempted to take my own life and woke up in a hospital to learn I was committed, I have been fighting back to learn my soul’s purpose. Finally in this last year I have realigned myself and uncovered that truth. My own soul has been my biggest influencer for sure which only is God powered!! I have a tremendous faith in our creator, hope for tomorrow and enough hootspa and drive to keep me moving forward always. My spirit is strong, it’s my Tephlon shield that protects me against anything life throws my way. Love influences every single thing I do. I chose love over fear always. Never stop loving, myself and others🥰
4. What are you working on in your life? Expanding my brand to reach the masses by writing and healing others. My passions drive me, writing poetry, healing others as a shamanic healer, writing a memoir someday detailing my journey through homelessness, CPTSD, divorce, suicide, job loss and the loss of connection with my own children. Nothing can or will ever break me. I allow my heart to take me where it will and my passion for creative expression is what keeps me going always. The need to express my soul’s deepest desires through writing, music, dance, singing and painting….anything I can do with my own body. Travel is big on my to-do list for the next two years and as long as I keep putting my desires out there, the Universe has my back always. Wherever the wind takes me is where I need to be, I believe in that 🌬
5. What is your favorite saying or affirmation? Again, I have so many, growing up I collected quotes and books of my favorite writers from Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, Maya Angelou, Shel Silverstein, Dr. Seuss and Mark Nepo (eclectic array I know). The two I will share here are one by Shakespeare himself, “Thou she be but little, she is fierce” and my own creation, “I am a strong capable woman and a child of God. God loves me eternally”. Those two quotes get me out of bed on a daily basis! 🤗
6. Where is your happy place? I have mentioned this before on my blog. My happy place is the beach, I have saltwater in my veins. Any place near water really gets me excited! A dear friend of mine recently did my Mayan cross and it was of no surprise to both of us that I have the highest energy on their scale at a 13 (1-13 is the scale). I love being anywhere out in nature. Hiking in the mountains, camping in the desert, on a boat in the ocean or on the lake I live on currently, walking along the coastline, out on my bike or for a long run through the nature preserve near my house. I’m happiest outdoors amongst God’s creations. Add in my boys and my fiancé, now I’m golden! 🏖🏕🏞⛰
7. What do you yearn for? For world peace and for each person on this planet to love each other more. My purpose here to to shine light and love by my words, actions and healing abilities. We are all interconnected and what we do to ourselves we do to one another. It’s time for all of us to wake up to that fact and love. “Simple love” is a poem I wrote recently and is my one wish for our world. To treat each other and every living thing on Mother Earth with love, kindness and respect ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
7. What is your favorite thing to do? I was recently interviewed for a dear friend’s podcast, “The Art of Aliveness” on Spotify and iTunes and asked a similar question, “what makes me feel most alive”. Without question it’s dancing and moving my body! Movement ignites my life force energy and I am in a different zone. Most of my dear readers and followers know I sometimes post my dance videos on here. I’m trained in all forms of dance and in my youth danced competitively and wanted to be on Broadway. Growing up outside NYC, provided many opportunities to audition, be an extra in commercials and movies, perform in showcases with other professional dancers and take classes from world renowned artists. My memories from that time are amazing blessings. I have so many wonderful ones of dancing, travelling, experiences with people I love and am still close to today! 💃👯♀️
8. If you could be anyone in the world who would you be? That’s an easy one for me, ME of course. In the words of Oscar Wilde, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” I spent most of my life dissociated from myself because I was scared of my sensibilities and how I perceived the world. I was labeled “wrong” or “crazy” by many so I detached and did an amazing job of trying to be anyone else BUT me. I have survived a lot of emotional, physical and sexual trauma that also played a role in keeping me away from myself. Living through the past 30 or so years like that was enormously painful on the inside so now I want to spend the rest of my time on Earth here being Maria Teresa 😁
10. You’ll be happy when? I keep myself happy and peaceful everyday by my selfcare routine. Once you know yourself, you know only you can take the best care of you. Again, being realigned with my soul and its purpose has brought me immense happiness and gratefulness. I’m a naturally upbeat, positive and joyful individual so I run with it! 😉
This has been a very monumental week for me my dear readers. I completed the coursework for my role as a shamanic healer and energy practitioner to an abundance of blessings from the great Divine itself. I have completed two of my healing sessions, one for my teacher Lindsey Luna aka @soul.healing.with.luna and one for my son Ty. Each one felt so familiar yet different because Lindsey’s was conducted virtually over Instagram video chat and Ty’s was in person. I now can say with certainty that I was a shaman in a past life and that I worked with Lindsey in one of them. We have reunited in this life for great things, a purpose that is ever unfolding and so intimately beautiful. I get emotional just thinking about how much she means to me on so many levels, a sister, a mentor, a teacher and a dear kindred spirit friend.
This week for me is what defines a full circle moment. Just one year ago I felt so profoundly lost in my own emotional trauma while reliving the past I thought I had buried when I discovered Lindsey on Instagram and reached out to her for healing. Little did I know how deeply impactful that action would reflect upon my life today! We have completed many sessions together for my own healing and now she has taught me about the art of shamanism in a one on one course each week for the past 2 months that she herself admitted to taking years to grasp and understand because she developed herself, solo. Believe me my dear readers, these past few months have been a whirlwind of change, all necessary and quite painful at times. Since I committed to learn from her, I made a promise to myself to never give up knowing that I deserved to do this for myself. I took the first real and definitive step to create something that I can’t truly define by words only feelings. This process has meant so much to me and to my spirituality my dear readers, a homecoming. A return to oneness and to myself.
It all makes sense now, why I know the things that I know, see and feel so differently from other people. Especially why I cut myself off from these messages and gifts for most of my life. It was out of an overwhelming fear. God sent me on a journey in which I have learned from and now see beauty in. All of the pain, struggle and heartache was for this reason. The path of the wounded healer. Shamans are anointed and initiated in this way, forged in the fire. Embracing the I AM mantra and believing that I can overcome what is holding me back took years of diligence, practice and loss as well as hope, faith and of course a strong reliance upon God. Nothing is possible without my ultimate belief in Him, the creator of all. Our Universe and everything within is intricately dependent and created by God.
Recently I took part in a a fun word prompt challenge on the app that I use to create my poems, Mirakee. Happy 4 years in creation to them by the way! The challenge asked to write a poem on how we would like to be remembered after we have passed. Death is inevitable my dears even though I can admit to once feeling scared of it because it brought such devastating sadness along with it for the ones left in its wake. I now understand that we are all part of God’s master plan, the circle of life. I believe one’s spirit never dies and is reincarnated through human existence itself following the purpose that God chose in it’s creation. Remembering mine has brought me so much happiness, joy, inner peace and harmony. Here is the poem I created for the challenge.
I use different tarot decks for daily guidance and this is the card I pulled today which I greeted with a knowing smile.
Writing has been a tool I have leaned on for personal development and understanding my entire life. In this past year, the poems I write are channeled messages from the archangels, most specifically Michael, Raphael and Gabriel. The holy trinity of messengers as all three are my spiritual guides that I feel in my life daily. They in tandem with my spirit animals tug at my soul strings and show me in the most intimate of ways messages from Divine. While I was in session with Lindsey, I felt as though Maria stepped aside and Serena (what I call my soul) stepped forward to provide the healing. Ultimate acceptance and internal permission to be a conduit in this way is the main idea and the theme of this poem.
I’ve awakened from a deep slumber of dissociation and detachment from my authentic spirit my dear readers. Healing isn’t always pretty and nice but the rewards are priceless and the love I feel within my own being combined with the love I have for all of humanity paints my world in technicolor! I’ve often referred to being an empath in this way, feeling and seeing the world in a deeply vibrant hue at all times. It once kept me locked in the jaws of fear, fear of myself which caused utter and complete confusion. Now I understand it.
I have 40 hours of apprenticeship hours to complete before my final certification. Besides having my children and becoming a mother, I have never wanted something more for myself. I’ve written before on here how I have never held a career in the traditional sense besides that of a caregiver. This role of a healer is the ultimate in care giving with the greatest level of responsibility that I could ever have imagined. I’m simultaneously humbled and honored to heal others through the art of shamanism. My journey has reached a new road, one that I take with a pep in my step and a grace I have practiced my whole life. Thank you God for seeing me worthy. I’m eternally grateful.
On days like today, I don’t avoid the rain but purposely go out into it, with my bike or on foot. Today I chose my bike. I like to go for long rides up to 20 miles on some days. The last time I rode in the rain I was annoyed, frustrated and just wanted to get it over. Today’s ride was born from those feelings, they are what drove me out into the storm. The rain holds the magic in which I cleanse my soul while drenching my entire being and allows for clarity. Often in these past two weeks, I have felt utterly lost in emotion.
I have been running from myself for years. Avoiding, dissociating, distracting myself with many different things like abusing alcohol, over exercising, excessive talking and other people’s troubles. Anything to not feel me. Lately I have discovered the wisdom in stillness and quiet. Emotional dysfunction whispers lies yet my soul knows there is always hope. I no longer have the luxury of doing the types of activities and maladaptive behaviors that keep me separated from myself, they have officially run their course. As I write this post, the two songs that have played from my playlist were Phil Collins, “In the Air Tonight” and Bill Withers “Lean on Me”. Both are appropriate for this post because their lyrics shine light on exactly how I have been feeling these past couple of weeks. My feelings have brought me to another layer of shedding what no longer serves, letting go of attachments to allow for my authentic self to come through. Thank you God for showing me in practical, real life instances to lean on you. I certainly have felt this coming for some time, especially at night.
Learning to become a shamanic healer has taught me that I must first face the challenges in my life, the very ones that I’ve avoided in order to fully help others in their own healing. I must first heal my own soul as a requirement for this role. It’s been whispering to me, “it’s time Maria” and “you can do this”. All the while I have felt so utterly alone. Despite living with both my parents and my son. This minus my partner has made my heart feel so blue without him. He’s my best friend and companion, the person who nudges me out of my seriousness and all the pressure I put upon myself. He accepts me fully no questions asked. We made arrangements for his arrival this week that have been unfortunately postponed for the time being due to circumstances beyond both of our control. That question of “what is in my control” has been popping up a lot lately and I have been taking a lot of what’s been going on personally, which does me no good. I learn so much about myself through our relationship which a big reason I respect, admire and love him as I do. This time apart has presented another opportunity for me to fully accept myself, on my own. I feel so different since we were last together and fear started creeping in again. Would he still love me?
My ride today solidified that the way I was going about this situation isn’t serving me best. I can’t look to anyone or anything to give me these answers. During these long wet rides, I talk to myself and God. That’s when it hit me, I have to rely on God who aids my own inner strength for these realizations. I’m meant to be alone for a bit longer and really I’m never truly alone. That’s an illusion my mind has been telling myself forever, since my confusing childhood years that were loud and scary. As a middle child, I have always had others around me. I have lived alone for very short amount of time in my life. In the total of my 42 years I’ve probably spent less than one year on my own. The light that shines brightly within can’t be denied and I love myself for knowing that, for feeling that again.
Since May, moving and starting this apprenticeship I have seen the different aspects of my being that I have avoided, tried to erase, betrayed and denied. If one is to be whole, ALL of these parts must be integrated into an I AM mantra and belief. There is no separation, no duality, no personality that owns my whole. For I AM all of them which today gives me comfort, no longer fear or shame.
I keep writing throughout all of these realizations and ah-ha moments. This morning after meditation, the message I kept hearing was, “Maria, bloom where you grow”. Then I wrote this poem. While I’m writing this paragraph, Dolly Parton’s “Wildflowers” is playing. This song is exactly how I have felt my entire life. Listen my dear readers…..
Lao Tzu said, “Trying to understand is like straining through muddy water. Have the patience to wait! Be still and allow the mud to settle.” Patience is a virtue I have been cultivating in my garden of growth for years now. After my bike ride arriving home, I feel at peace and I can say the water is running clear my dear readers.
Please check out my three books of poetry available now on Amazon at the links below
Today I gave an interview for my dear friend Chrissy-Marie’s (@comealivewithchrissymarie on Instagram) podcast, “The Art of Aliveness” on how to express oneself through creativity under pressure. We have been cultivating a conversation on how despite the pressures of our current world’s situation with the pandemic of COVID-19, the social and racial unrest pushing for much needed change to systems that have been dysfunctional and broken for some time now added to that the disruption of our daily lives. Despite it all I decide to pick up a pen and write, a paintbrush to paint, put on music and dance. Channeling the energy, emotions and thoughts swirling around me to process it all and make sense of my personal experiences. This has been my lifelong journey. At times like the rest of you my dear readers, I don’t know if I’m coming or going! Through it all, my creative juices keep flowing leading me to express myself and further uncover my authentic self. Allowing my true sprit, my voice to shine through.
There are a lot of myths out there on healing like you have to “become something different” by doing XYZ. Nah…..it’s all about letting go, embracing the present moment for what it is and just being. Becoming quiet, being still and giving myself permission to sing my soul’s language (the name of my second poetry book on Amazon) and to dance to my heart’s song (my third book of poetry on Amazon) has brought me inner peace and joy incomparable to anything external. No book has all the answers, no device can deliver this magic and certainly no person can make us truly happy. The answers all lie within 🧘♀️
Since my last post the cosmic energy of the full moon and eclipse brought out some more truths that needed to be realized, released and integrated into my being. Isn’t it wild how life brings forth those practical lessons in such an up close and personal way, giving us no choice but to face them?
I admitted to Chrissy that since January I have felt like the Universe has been molding me to shine like a diamond under incredibly intense pressure. God has been working his magic through Divine timing thus cracking me right open to see so many things that I have been detached from for years. Embracing the change and going with the flow is my part. Growing pains are expected because there is no “perfection in healing”, that’s also a myth my dears. Healing hurts at times and it’s within that pain where our truth and beauty lies. I must admit too that at times I feel like my squirrel friend here, hanging on is what is required in the moment😉
Yet despite the pain, we keep going. We reach highs we never dreamed possible. The pressure builds and boils over to reveal more. That’s been my process. Through it all having tbe patience to see it all to fruition. It may not make sense in the moment yet the wisdom is in trusting that whatever comes up is merely a way to another truth. Collecting these truths, pieces of my soul are what further fuels life force energy. What I live, breath and strive to maintain in my essence as a creative woman.
I like to include poems in each post and since I haven’t been able to attend a poetry slam in months, I thought I would record myself reciting my latest poems.
The episode we recorded today will be up next month and I will be sure to link it here so you can listen to it my dear readers. In the meantime, please check out my books of poetry on Amazon. They make a wonderful gift if I don’t say so myself🙏💜
I’ve written many times on here referring to my personal motto and mission statement which is “Triumphing over Trauma”. After this last eclipse, a week of deep healing through shadowwork, I feel I have turned a real corner and stepped into my power in a very stabilizing way! This revelation makes my heart sing my dear readers. I’ve finally put the past ten years in the rear view mirror and forgiven myself for ALL of it.
A dear friend and follower on here, http://davidsdailydoseorg.wordpress.com/ commented on my last post, “Short and sweet” about shame and it really got me thinking. Thank you David for your thoughtful and insightful comment because it got me thinking, how much shame have I allowed others to place upon me, how much did I absorb and take responsibility for of which I shouldn’t have. Well, the answer to that is a lot! Last week, I revisited many of the precipitating events and decisions that I made surrounding my divorce and the subsequent decision to move away from my children in order to find myself, thus saving my own life! That decision was the most difficult I have ever made in my life and I have beaten myself up over it for most of the past ten years.
It’s taken being reconnected with my oldest son Ty to truly see the young man he has become to say to myself, Maria, you did a good job! He’s ok and you’re ok. Miles, my youngest will be ok too despite the fact that we are still mostly estranged. Releasing myself from the shame of being a bad mother or abandoning my children (placing then in the full time care of my ex-husband) has lifted a HUGE and heavy weight off my shoulders. I raised them for their most important formative years, Ty until he was 11 and Miles until he was 6. I have expressed to many of my closest friends, family and numerous therapists that leaving them felt like I would die. I spent years in a depressive state, completely not functioning. In the midst of my sorrow, I met my fiancé who is the love of my life. He has told me many times that I was putting an undue strain upon myself by carrying the whole of the responsibility regarding the breakdown of my marriage. It’s taken this past year of deep introspection, this pandemic and all the sudden life altering changes for me to finally see that! Lord God above, thank you for finally helping me to release that self induced burden and for giving me the strength to forgive myself to move on with this next chapter of my life.
What a chapter that has started to be my dear readers! I’ve reconnected with my son Ty, healed old wounds with my parents and my sisters, learning a new career in the art of energy healing and self publishing two books of poetry since April! Yes my dear readers, I’m really excited to announce that I released “My Heart’s Song” on Amazon over the weekend! I haven’t had any book signing events for any of my three books, I don’t employ a literary agent, pay for adverting but I have plans to start hitting the pavement in a real way to push my work. I’m extremely proud of myself for the work I have accomplished and in a few weeks I will be doing an interview with a dear friend and healer who hosts the podcast, ‘The Art of Aliveness” on Spotify. I have referenced Chrissy Marie in past posts and praised her magic. She is a force of nature, so wise and welcoming with her presence and essence of sisterhood. I just adore everything I have taken part in that she facilitates! I will keep you my dear readers posted on when that interview is up but for now, here is her latest episode.
In celebration of Father’s Day, my family and I went out for an Italian dinner at my parent’s favorite spot. My Dad is 100% Itialian and going out to eat is our family’s favorite way of getting together! We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and I must say this is the first time I had gotten dressed this fancy since March and worn lipstick! I don’t usually wear a lot of makeup daily anymore since I stopped managing the boutique but I do love lipstick because it really embodies everything feminine and is just FUN💄
I know it’s only a matter of time before my partner and I are reunited here in Florida and then my heart will really soar! In the meantime I feel like singing from the rooftops “look out world because this woman is Triumphing over Trauma”! I continue to create, sing to my favorite Grateful Dead tunes while I ride my bike and smile through it all😁
Please check out my 3 books of poetry available on Amazon at the links below📕
I would first love to sincerely thank Tangie T. Woods at Mrs. T’s Corner https://www.tangietwoods for nominating me for the Brainstorms Award! It’s a true honor to interact with so many talented writers and artists on WordPress. I will do the best I can to answer the questions asked of me and then nominate five other awesome bloggers that I follow with five of my own questions. Here it goes…..
Question 1: When did you start blogging?
I have written about this in my early posts and I would like to share my story again now. I’m reminded of a quote by Brene Brown, “Owning your story is the bravest thing you will ever do.” I have kept journals, written poems, short stories and essays my entire life for pleasure and as a way to process my own deeply felt emotions. Writing is how I make sense of the world around me as a highly sensitive person and empath with extra sensory perception. I think in metaphors and analogies. I recently had a dear friend of mine who is a professional astrologer give me my natal chart reading and wasn’t the least bit surprised that writing came up so often. It’s been a dream of mine since I was a child. I told my parents that someday I would write screenplays and who knows, perhaps I will but for now I enjoy authoring this blog and writing my poetry books (the links to which are below and available on Amazon).
In August of 2018 I came across a new movement on social media started by Ms. Jameela Jamil called @i_weigh which is a statement to say we are more than just the number on the scale, our outwards appearance, beliefs, race, sexual orientation etc. I started following her and the movement on Instagram and started liking other people’s posts of their selfies with adjectives and short phrases of who they really are like sister, trauma survivor, home chef, good listener….you get the point. I felt so inspired that I posted my own no make-up selfie with my own words. The response I received was so overwhelmingly positive, it really blew me away! I made fast friends with a soulful woman who lived in Australia and we immediately bonded over how many things we had in common including Complex PTSD, going tlbeing divorced, being empaths, political leaning views, music and writing. She asked me if I had a blog since so many of my messages to her read as lyrics to her. I told her that I enjoyed writing poems but I didn’t share any of it publicly nor did I have any clue how to! She really helped me birth not only this blog but the formatting of my poems. She gave me the confidence I needed to start really producing my writing in a whole new way. I found an app called Mirakee, I highly recommend it to my fellow Android users (it’s not currently in the iTunes store) for creating poetry. In October of 2018 I launched “Emotional Musings” here on WordPress. Here is the picture that launched it all.
Question 2: Why did you start blogging?
I have a motto that I live by and that is “Triumphing over Trauma”. For the past ten years, I have been on a journey, to heal my soul and uncover who I really am. I like to say I have lived a few different lives in my 42 years on this planet. Most of them were under an umbrella of depression, anxiety, intense fear and trauma. The deepest wound is the childhood sexual abuse I finally spoke out loud just one year ago. I have always felt different and not knowing what an empath was, believing I was crazy because I could feel other people’s feelings and know their thoughts without being told scared me and also separated me from my family and friends until I was 35 years old. Once I discovered there are other people who communicate with spirits, are highly intuitive and possess other metaphysical gifts, it changed my life! In the last year I have experienced two big shifts in the form of spiritual awakenings that have not only brought me closer to God but have allowed me to accept myself, embrace selflove, trust and believe in myself. Yes my dear readers, those were qualities I never had before.
When I first really started to heal from my life’s struggles ten years ago, I went the route of our mental health system. After I attempted to take my own life 9 years ago and proceeded to go in and out of a psychiatric hospital for an entire year (I showed up there once a month) I fell down a rabbit hole of misdiagnoses and a slew of psychotropic medications. I was on them prior to my suicide attempt and in total for fifteen years. I attended every support group available, outpatient program including CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy), EMDR (eye movement desensitization reprocessing) and intensive psychotherapy up to three times a week. I have been in some sort of therapy since I was seven years old. I have experienced both catatonic depression and dissociative episodes since I was very young.
I wear all of these experiences as a badge of honor, not the shame that used to paralyze me. I mainly write this blog to share with others that they too can heal. We aren’t as alone as our ego centered thinking would have us believe at times. Ten years ago when I asked my ex-husband for a divorce, I was a broken and a lost soul. I didn’t want to be a wife and stay at home mother anymore. I didn’t know what I wanted or who I was anymore. I had been trying to fit into the box others wanted of me. I was living two separate lives really, who I was on the inside and who I presented to the outside world. I voluntarily wore the heaviest mask which was invisible to me and I had no clue I was wearing every day. I did what I had to do to survive while separating myself from my own intensely damaged feelings. I felt incredibly alone in this world yet if you asked one person close to me at the time, they would tell you I was a happy woman! That’s how good I was at performing in the starring role of Maria Teresa Pratico. I was an academy award winning actress in my own movie taking “fake it till you make it” to new heights! I loathe that phrase by the way because these days I don’t fake anything. If it doesn’t feel good, I don’t do it. Period. I follow my heart and intuition at all times. After living so long separated from my own soul, I refuse to go back in a closet of darkness.
That’s not to say I don’t sit in my shadow at times and still work to integrate the sides of myself that are sticky and uncomfortable because I definitely do. To know light, we must accept the dark too. I write this blog so that others don’t have to ever feel as alone or crazy as I once did. We humans are made for self healing and unfortunately our society programs us into accepting a belief system that in part teaches us to ignore our emotions. I know better. When you can feel, you can heal and fully embrace who you are in the moment. That’s the key, living in the present by fully feeling instead of dissociating, ignoring or covering up what you feel. It’s the path to true freedom and I hope this blog stands as a beacon for that light to shine while allowing others to do the same. I muse over emotions and like my tagline states, “Getting in touch with your emotional truth, process pain and improving the human condition in the 21st century. Living out loud by my motto “Triumphing over Trauma”.
Question 3: How often do you blog?
When I first started this blog I was unemployed and therefore had loads of time on my hands. Since the last major trauma I endured, getting strangled by a disabled client I had while being a direct support staff for a non profit organization, I hadn’t held employment for five years from 2013-2018. In the fall of 2018, shortly after I started this blog I was hired by Starbucks to be a barista and then was quickly promoted to a shift supervisor. In many ways, this blog helped me get my life back in order. I was posting once a week for about one year. Last June, I went on an emotional leave from that position so I could fully concentrate on healing from the childhood sexual trauma because at that time I once again found myself not being able to function. I was leveled at my knees and ultimately I discovered that that trauma was the root of all my pain. My life began to go through a big metamorphosis and I was hired for a new position, managing a dear friend of mine’s boutique inside a luxury hotel in downtown Dallas. That job was and will always be a dream position because it helped me marry all aspects of who I am so perfectly. I started posting every 4 days and that’s the schedule I do my best to adhere to. If you’re a regular reader of my blog here, you know I usually post a poem of mine at the end of each post. My posts here are usually in conjunction with the creation of my poems. Both serve as an artist expression from my heart and of my soul.
Question 4: What are your thoughts about interacting with fellow bloggers?
That’s a big part and a true highlight of operating this blog! At first I was kind of shy and to myself here, as I am in life believe it or not! It takes me a minute to warm up and want to engage with others, I need to feel into it. This past fall I started branching out and reading more from my fellow bloggers and commenting on their posts. I quickly met some great ladies and gentleman that I truly admire for their own writing skills and how they touch my heart. We are fruitfully blessed my dears by our little community here and I must say especially now during this pandemic lockdown, reading and interacting with you all is a highlight of my day. I have met people from all over the world and it is such an honor for me to be able to do that. Each and everyone I follow and read serves to shine a light and bring joy into my life. I want to thank you all for your dedication to writing and your friendship. I’m a hugger and here is a virtual hug from me!
Question 5: Have your blogging expectation(s) been met?
I must admit, I had no idea what to expect coming into this and my one goal has always been to share my heart. I believe if I remain true to that this serves it’s purpose. Some of my friends and family have asked me if I make money from this blog and although I have considered changing my plan as of right now I don’t. My goal is quite simple. To share and connect with others. To put my artistic mark on this world as part of my digital footprint. I enjoy expressing myself in my writing here and I hope to spread some hope, inspiration and joy into the lives of whomever reads it!
Well, that’s it my dear readers! My nominees, if they should choose to participate are the following:
I love it when the Universe creates a moment to snap me out of a self destructive pattern like overthinking. Unique Soul, I appreciate the tag and the opportunity to write and reflect upon the gratitude I have for the little things in life that make life worth living! This came at a perfect time, getting me out of my own head and into my heart while I process some old wounds that popped up yesterday. These ten things are in no particular order😊
1. Connecting with my soul/yoga/meditation/shamanic journeying🧘♀️
Embracing the multidimensional human being I am. Taking time to be fully present in both my humanity and spirituality is always a highlight to my day. It’s how I start my day, a little check in with myself and the best way to ground into my body and the Earth. Lately, since I have been learning the magic of shamanic healing, getting to journey with my spirit guides and meditating are one and the same. Just being and feeling inner peace is priceless. I also find that I’m happiest when connecting to nature. Here is a picture I snapped today while on my bike ride.
2. Dancing, singing, painting, writing…doing anything creative…freeing my spirit💃
I’m an upbeat, positive and highly energetic person by nature. I love channeling all my energy into being creative. Expressing myself, embracing my inner weirdo, letting my freak flag fly….ALL OF THAT! It’s taken me many years to accept myself for who I am and nowadays I live to be the artistic, highly sensitive empowered empath who owns her power while leaving my mark on this world with art.
Google made a GIF of me
3. Spending time at the beach😎🌊
I’ve written before about how much I adore being at the beach, it’s my happy place. I definitely have saltwater in my veins my dear readers. I have a lot of masculine yang energy and the Sun and I have been best friends forever! Being at the beach excites all my senses. Here in South Florida, the water is warm enough to swim all year round. Floating is one of my favorite pastimes while visiting. I was blessed to have lived on a private beach ten years ago and I know someday I will live near or on the beach again. For now I get to soak up the views on my parent’s lake.
4. Live music events🎶
In my high school years I was blessed to travel with The Dead and yes my dear readers, I’m a deadhead. It’s ingrained in my hippie soul to twirl to instrumental experimentation groovy music. I have a ziploc bag chock full of ticket stubs from all the music concerts and festivals I have attended since age 15. I love a wide array of bands and musicians. I’ve seen such acts as Harry Connick Jr. Live at Radio City Music Hall, Eric Clapton, Bella Fleck and the Flecktones, Bob Dylan (multiple times), The Rolling Stones, Coldplay and Michael Franti with Spearhead to name but a few. I also enjoy small hip lounge spots with live jazz, blues even classical. I’m a music lover and it soothes my soul. Right now I’m reading a book about how healing sound is. I’ve shared on here the Sound Heal app I use daily to adjust my own vibrations to the 7 different Solfeggio tones. I highly recommend checking it out.
5. Being held by my man, the love of my life and spending quality time together❤
I started this post stating that this list is in no particular order but this is number 1 in my heart. My partner is my best friend, my companion and my favorite human being on the planet! This time apart is very difficult on both of us while he is still in Dallas tying up loose ends. I know once we are reunited it will be spectacular! We will finally be able to start our life together after many years of taking care of family. We recently celebrated 7 years together and we’ve agreed this is our year to finally tie the knot. Stay tuned for that my dears.
6. Sharing ideas and learning new things🦋
It’s no secret that I love people and being a social butterfly. Having stimulating conversations and learning new things from people is something I must admit I miss right now during this lockdown. However, I have been able to participate in some group events via Zoom and I really enjoy interacting with people from all over the world! I tell my boys how important it is to keep an open mind and never stop learning. If you pay attention, you can learn something new every day.
7. Chatting with my lady friends, my soul sisters, my tribe👸
The older I get, the more I cherish and gravitate towards my female tribe. I’m very blessed to have a solid group of lady sister friends that I can laugh with, cry with, share secrets, reminisce with and grab a cup of coffee. My girls are an array of people I have known most of my life with a mix of salt of the Earth sisters that I met online yet we were cut from the same cloth. In this past year I have met a few ladies that I firmly believe I spent a past life or two with. God bless technology, especially right now.
8. Laughing, the good ol belly kind of laugter🤣
Whether it’s kicking back with family or friends, reminiscing over the good ol days or watching a silly movie, I love to laugh. Life is too short not to find the humor in things. Plus, having spent many years stuck in Complex PTSD sticky emotions, fear and depression I relish laughing. Hearing children’s laughter is the purest gift from God.
9. Being a Mom👩👦👦
My children are my best accomplishments in life. I thank God on a daily basis for giving me the best lessons in life through motherhood. I feel like I didn’t fully understand unconditional love and the act of selflessness until I became a mother. My boys are now 18 and 15. The time has definitely gone by too fast. I’m blessed to have been afforded the means in my first marriage to be a stay at home mother for 12 years, during their formative years. They make me so proud. I have put emphasis on raising good human beings. I always told them, it’s great if you can do well in school but I care more about the kind of person you are. Being kind, respectful of others, thoughtfulness, and love goes a long way in my book.
10. Getting into bed at night😴
I’m definitely more of a night owl than an early riser my dear readers. In my last position as a boutique manager, I worked nights so it wouldn’t be unusual for me to go to bed at 2 AM or so. Now that I’ve changed up my life so much, moved to a new place and am shifting careers into healing as an independent contractor my days are my own. I usually get up by 9 or so and I go go GO all day long so by 11, I’m more than ready to get under the covers. While writing this, I’m reflecting upon how much this change has really changed me! I love going to bed now and I have mostly been a person who didn’t get into bed until so late. To me this means, I’m becoming more content with me. Every month, more and more I can see myself becoming who I was always meant to be. I have created a sanctuary in my bedroom here in my parents house. I love my alter next to my bed, I have my crystals all around me, my candles and my aromatherapy essential oils. In true Ladysag77 fashion, here is my latest poem.
Please check out my two books of poetry available on Amazon and keep an eye out for my third book to be released soon! Here are the links:
I woke up thinking about the Book of Ecclesiastes, written by Solomon son of King David. Specifically, Chapter 3 verses 1-8 where he writes about “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven”. It goes on to talk about how there is a time, reason and place for everything. I just finished watching a bit of the 12th day of protests going on in this country and I for one am so happy to see people, specifically white people coming together making the statement like “Enough is Enough”. As a woman who has grown up with white privileges I believe it is a part of my duty as a human being to stand hand in hand with the black and brown folks who have been pushed to the margins in this country and treated poorly just because of the color of their skin. Also, stand up for inequality of gender and economic status….ALL OF IT! This is that time and this is the season for change to happen.
Our world is so out of balance. Priorities are not focused on the good of the people as a whole but instead on separateness thinking of me, me ME! This is a time we are all being forced to examine what our own values are and I for one have had it with the violence against others based upon either gender, race or beliefs. Our systems have needed an overhaul for some time now and I believe this pandemic’s lockdown has created an atmosphere ripe for something new! If you’re reading this and are annoyed by what’s going on or you can’t understand why so many people are out in the streets, I urge you to take a long hard look at yourself.
Too many of us run around through life, caught in yesterday’s trauma and drama. Go, go GO and consume all we can. I mean that in all aspects, food, material items, entertainment etc…..consumerism run amuck and add into that greed. There is just too much of everything being wasted and not enough to go around for all. It’s disgusting to me that the bend towards capitalism has completely left out the humanitarianism in our society. People are hurting and as an empath I feel it in an acute way.
I’m a woman who loves to stand up for what I believe in and I want to get out there and march with my sign, with my son by my side. This is a great opportunity to teach him that we need to look out for our brothers and sisters. We quite literally ARE our brother’s keeper. It’s hardwired in our DNA for community, compassion and democracy. I have had so much time to think about why we find ourselves where we do in this world. The pandemic and now the social unrest has created to perfect storm for a major shift to occur.
Just observe nature my dear readers. Do animals hoard, take more than they need or overuse the natural resources? They understand the natural order of our vast Universe and what Mother Nature is trying to teach all of us right now is to stop raping her! I know that may sound harsh but that is what we have been doing. Pillaging our forests, fracking the land, polluting the waters and displacing folks who were there originally to begin with to boot!! There are so many sins this country in particular must atone for.
I’m going to paraphrase something I wrote on my Instagram a few days ago……
We all have something to contribute in this world. My lane is love. God created me to feel in an extrasensory way and share what I have learned through having this gift entrusted to me is this. Love is the meaning of life my dears. We are created from it and made full of it. It’s actually been scientifically proven by a company called “Heart Math” that our heads don’t have the most sense. In other words, it’s not best to lead with our thinking, our brains, but instead to lead with our hearts. I’m living proof that when you follow your heart, happiness will follow. As in the Book of Ecclesiastes, which Solomon wrote as an explanation of how there is no happiness outside of God. He outlines the reasons why the 5 W’s I call them, wisdom, wine, work, wealth and woman don’t create lasting happiness and joy. They may provide it momentarily but understand this. Nothing external is going to bring you lasting happiness my friends. It’s an inside job and it starts with each and everyone of us going there and loving ourselves.
God is inside of all of us. He created all of us in his image with so much unconditional love that when I think about it my heart ache’s from the beauty and I cry with gratitude for it all. Living life is a miracle and there is so much magic in it once you can understand that we are all meant to enjoy love. First love of ourselves and spilling it to others then causes ripple effects onto everything we come across. We all deserve peace, happiness, health and yes I’m saying it again LOVE!!!
As the creative woman I am, my duty is to dance this thing called life and remind my fellow humans to love. I have been in the middle of a super creative explosive time in my own life. The lockdown, physical move to a new place and a career change has afforded me so much time for myself that I feel there isn’t enough time in my day for all I want to do! I recently realized that I have enough poems to put together my third book of poetry so stay tuned for that my dears. Here are some of my projects that reinforce the message of balance and change. Whatever you do my dear readers, do it with love and kindness ❤
If you enjoy my poetry, please check out my books available on Amazon at the links below 😊