The power of belief is a very mighty thing. Over time, it will take one’s dreams and make them a reality. After my awakening four years ago, I began to realize many things about myself. It felt like being struck by lightening and having the ground shake beneath my feet. Little by slowly, a more authentic version of myself emerged. One that believed in herself and her power, who knows her sensitivities are superpowers not weaknesses, and that in being vulnerable enough to accept and share her pain is where all the medicine lies. At this time in my life, I find myself going deeper into these beliefs to begin a brand new chapter. This is one I’ve worked for, prayed for, and envisioned for some time. Its commencement comes simultaneously with the greatest reward. True love has found me at last. The work I do as a shaman, the magic, is created by setting an intention. July is the month I start living my intention and working my purpose. My soul’s mission is to help heal humanity one heart at a time through poetry and shamanic healing. I have decided to end my job as a barista in order to fully focus all of my energy on Emotional Musings!
I could feel these changes taking shape in the spring, yet the steps forward remained shrouded in mystery. Last month, many events unfolded that showed me its time to revisit the intention I set upon welcoming in this new year. July’s full moon on the 3rd in Capricorn asks us to look back and see how far we have come in believing that intention into reality. This is manifestation 101, my dear readers. The word I chose is faith, and now, halfway through 2023, I find myself ready to take a grand leap of faith! It requires brutal honesty with myself and balance while maintaining boundaries. We humans possess both divine masculine and feminine energies. The journey of life is learning how to balance both our softness with strength. Yin energy is receptive, accepting what is. Like the element of water that represents Cancer season. Yang energy is busy, bright, and fast-moving. Owning one’s power is the dance between the sacredness of both yin, feminine and yang, masculine. This poem is a play on these concepts, reminding me it is as important to receive as it is to give.
Diving deeper into soul, I find myself continuing to search for clues to remember why I came here to be on Earth at this time. The grandest of all awakenings is underway as I set off to explore and muse upon my purpose. To make sense of the mysteries in this life. Spirit guides me along by silent song, playing at different volumes. This is the adventure for all of us, depending on where you are in the healing process. Personal experience dictates the pace as I stare into the abyss, while the abyss intensifying stare back at me.
I’ve written here often about the importance of hope. Its power is the beautiful gift of compassion, not only for myself but for others. Hope is something I can’t ever let go of. I will always have hope because I know what it’s like to be without it. Every day, when I pray, I send hope to those who need it. As I’m about to take this plunge into my purpose, my hope is that I can be a clear channel for God to speak through, to be used as an instrument of peace. We can all carry hope by believing in the power of its purpose. Some days, it shines brighter and more clearly than others. I pray you, my dear readers, never release the hope that what’s perceived to be impossible is indeed possible! Believe all you desire into being!
The inspiration for this poem comes from the Japanese art of Kintsugi , or Kintsukuroi , literally golden (“kin”) and repair (“tsugi”). Kintsugi is the process of repairing ceramics traditionally with lacquer and gold, leaving a gold seam where the cracks were. This art serves as a metaphor for the healing journey. Becoming intimate with myself, into me, I see. Love is all there is. Everything is occurring all at once. The shadows and the light both serve the self I am today. Nothing is left out or is too much. Today, I embrace all of me. All at once.
Looking inside the walls of my being within the house of me. Lies layers of what life has taught me. Each level represents stages of growth. Tuning into my heart to feel and heal helps me to listen to the wisdom of soul. The basement is the foundation on which everything is held. Memories from the past, the things we cast off and forget yet never truly do. Everything gets stuffed down there. Each part of life is important and holds value. Looking back over just these last two years here in Utah have taught me how adaptable I am and how much I’ve grown. It’s taken me forty years to know why I was born the way that I am. It’s rare today to come into this world en caul or as “a mermaid birth.” Many cultures say people born in this way possess spiritual gifts and are healers. This belief completely resonates with me as my gifts have become heightened with the ongoing cosmic energy shifts, solar storms, geomagnetic storms, and the rise of the Schumann resonance. All of this has been affecting my abilities greatly.
The relationships we are entangled in teach us so much about our own strength and resilience. The woman who gave me life, my mother, lives with demons attached to her soul. Therefore, she could never truly nurture and care for me the way I needed her to consistently. It’s taken most of my life to understand this and forgive her. I am free in the act of forgiveness and unconditional love. I claim my own soul and the bright future I am worthy of. And so it is and so it will be. In knowing this, I can fully be me. No more hiding or acts of being a contortionist in search of acceptance from others. I love me as my own best friend. Reparenting myself will always be a lifelong practice.
I am made up of mostly the element of fire. The man who I believe to be my twin flame is too. Together, we can smolder gorgeously or scorch and burn one another to the core. Ten years in, I finally understand my role is to simply love him unconditionally so he may see his own humanity within mine. Soul union such as ours can be tricky, yet it’s simple to define. Understanding is the key to the temperance of our flames. Alas, his healing is labored by a lot of physical damage and permanent scars. Not all twin flame unions are destined to stay together. I pulled away in order to prioritize my own healing. Low and behold, I recently discovered that another man whom I’ve admired and trusted as a dear friend (I met him through my twin) for over ten years has been holding back feelings of true love for me! I recently took some time away to be with him and explore this new piece to our relationship. We are extremely alike, the same at our cores. We are both healers in different capacities and Earth angels here to help others. I’m ecstatic about this recent surprising and beautiful development. I feel so at peace with him. The way we look at one another, with so much love. Writing about it gives me chills. This poem is about how, in loving and leaving my twin, I found “him.” God does work in mysterious ways. Everything serves and unfolds in Divine time. Amen.
I’ve been estranged from my youngest son for over seven years now. A few months ago, he turned 18. Last month, he graduated from high school. It hurts like hell to be missing all the big milestones in his life. I know the choices I’ve made have hurt him, and he feels abandoned. All I can do is hold onto the hope (there it is again) that one day he will be willing to hear my side of the story and forgive me.
Here, I find myself, with my two feet planted firmly on the ground. Looking off into the sunset, ready to embark upon my purpose, focused and ready to accept the mission I came here to accomplish. Helping humanity to heal one heart at a time. I am doing my part to raise the vibration and welcome in New Earth. Abundance is granted by following through on Divine time. Fearless and free, always being me. Endings are new beginnings, and I’ve waited a lifetime for this one! I’m compelled to take this leap of faith!
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In light and in shadow, always with love. Namaste.
