Anxiety, Domestic violence, Grief and loss, Mental health, Spirituality, Women's self care

Purple

Purple is my hand down favorite color. It has been since I was a small girl. My room was painted a pretty lavender and I incorporated unicorns as a main decorating theme when I was in third grade. It was my oasis and my safe place. Since I can remember just looking at any shade of purple calms me down and soothes me. I have always been a scared and fearful person, like my whole body buzzes internally constantly. My spirit animal is a rabbit. Perhaps it’s the trauma I have endured since childhood or reading and picking up on energy. Most likely a combination of the two. When I got really scared I used to hide under my bed or in my closet. I can admit to doing this even as an adult. That last admission has made me feel ashamed of myself. I understand for me it became a way for me to self soothe.

Three years ago I bought myself the best Christmas present ever! It’s a weighted blanket in a customized purple material. I found it on a sensory/tactile products for healing website and it’s become literally my adult security blanket. Children and adults with autism love it as well as those who suffer from anxiety and depression. It’s likes getting a huge hug and gits all my pressure points at once. My nurse in the psych hospital introduced it to me. We patients had to share it because there wasn’t enough to go around. There was a sign out sheet for it. I always told myself once I could I would get my own.

My weighted blanket is part of my self care routine. My fiance throws it over me when I’m about to or having a panic attack. Similar to smothering a fire, it brings my engines down to neutral. It’s also extremely beneficial during my time of the month. I can’t say enough good things about the benefits of using one, I highly recommend it!

This poem grew from that love and became elevated into my commentary on humanity. I wish we could wrap a purple blanket around the Earth so we can all feel its vibe!

Anxiety, Domestic violence, Mental health

Touch

I’m a lover and a giver. I love to hug and I’m big on using touch to heal. Displays of affection both privately and publically are my thing. I love to have my back rubbed and my arm gently scratched. It’s a known fact that human touch is essential to life and the ability to be happy and thrive. That’s why neonatal massage is so beneficial for newborns in the ICU.

One of the gifts I have in addition to being an intuitive empath is I am also a physical empath. I help my fiance daily with his aches and pains from playing professional football. Sometimes I get phantom pains before he even tells me what hurts. It’s very rewarding for me to help heal others both physically and emotionally.

There is a growing lack of compassion and empathy in our world today. Kindness doesn’t cost a thing and can seriously change a person’s life. I like to think about the impact the idea of paying it forward with emotional currency would have on us as a society. More understanding and acceptance of others no matter their culture, race, gender, sexual preference, beliefs etc. This poem was born from those thoughts.

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Mental health, Spirituality

What’s real and me

I have a very discerning eye for genuineness. Society has been so impacted by social media and the 24 hour cycle of news we live in today. The desire to be famous and thirst for other people’s drama is driving our culture into questionable morality extremes. I’m also an intuitive empath and have instinctively been curious about the human condition. When I was going through many of my battles with C-PTSD, psychiatric hospitalizations, outpatient programs and self examinations I was always hinting for answers. Why am I like this? How can I get better? Will I ever feel “normal” again? I learned many helpful things about myself and gained so much insight into the human psyche. Here are some facts about me

1. I am a highly sensitive person and so much in life triggers me

2. Learning how to compartmentalize my thoughts has helped me immensely

3. Using visualization and meditation techniques keeps me grounded and present. The more I practice that the more automatic it becomes as my response to stressful situations.

4. I’m a free spirit and very open minded. I’m honest and trusting to a fault sometimes.

5. Balance and boundaries are two areas I struggle with, always a work in progress. I start my day with a Radical Acceptance mantra (my favorite DBT principle) reminding myself to be mindful of not only my actions and motives but those of others.

5. Learning and implementing DBT has changed my life in such a meaningful way. I am so grateful for Marsha Linehan, the creator of the behavioral modification therapy.

I hope to impart more pearls of wisdom that I have gathered on my journey with this blog. This poem is inspired by my feelings and musings on what’s real, truthful, honest and geniune. Contrasting with what’s fake, fraudulent, dishonest or a sham.

Anxiety, Depression, Mental health, Spirituality

Touched

I have always believed in something greater than myself, a higher more powerful force. I choose to call it God. I was raised in a strict Catholic home. I attended Catholic elementary school for grades first and second. My family was always at our church. I’m the only one of my six siblings that didn’t go through confirmation. My parents allowed me to investigate and study different religions once I became a teenager. I no longer was required to attend Catholic mass. Since that time, I’d estimate twenty-five years or so, I have been reading about religion and spirituality. I have attended different kinds of ceremonies in my search for what feels closest to my own truths for what symbolizes my God. I have determined it is more nature based and universal. I haven’t determined whether this force is male or female. I do however believe that this force is our creator. God indeed for each of his creations to love one another yet there will always be light and darkness within each of us. That’s the natural balance of everything, one can’t exist without the other. We also have free will and with that comes choices. I always tell my boys that they may not like everyone or everything they encounter in life but they must learn to show and practice love. I believe love is our original purpose. We can make different choices along our path to move closer to light and love or darkness and hate. This poem was inspired by those concepts.

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Anxiety, Depression, Domestic violence, Mental health

Aftershocks

I have been through so many ups and downs on my life’s journey. Maintaining my patience has yielded me progress. I’m nothing if not a survivor. I’ve morphed into an emotional warrior. I have battle scars across my heart. My children have told me, Mom…you are so unlucky. I tell them nah, God just trusts me a heck of a lot. He knows I will be able to figure out whatever comes my way. I’m unbreakable, like Tephlon strong. Processing all that has transpired these last seven years inspired me to write this.