Anxiety, Domestic violence, Grief and loss, Mental health, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Women's self care

Purple

Purple is my hand down favorite color. It has been since I was a small girl. My room was painted a pretty lavender and I incorporated unicorns as a main decorating theme when I was in third grade. It was my oasis and my safe place. Since I can remember just looking at any shade of purple calms me down and soothes me. I have always been a scared and fearful person, like my whole body buzzes internally constantly. My spirit animal is a rabbit. Perhaps it’s the trauma I have endured since childhood or reading and picking up on energy. Most likely a combination of the two. When I got really scared I used to hide under my bed or in my closet. I can admit to doing this even as an adult. That last admission has made me feel ashamed of myself. I understand for me it became a way for me to self soothe.

Three years ago I bought myself the best Christmas present ever! It’s a weighted blanket in a customized purple material. I found it on a sensory/tactile products for healing website and it’s become literally my adult security blanket. Children and adults with autism love it as well as those who suffer from anxiety and depression. It’s likes getting a huge hug and gits all my pressure points at once. My nurse in the psych hospital introduced it to me. We patients had to share it because there wasn’t enough to go around. There was a sign out sheet for it. I always told myself once I could I would get my own.

My weighted blanket is part of my self care routine. My fiance throws it over me when I’m about to or having a panic attack. Similar to smothering a fire, it brings my engines down to neutral. It’s also extremely beneficial during my time of the month. I can’t say enough good things about the benefits of using one, I highly recommend it!

This poem grew from that love and became elevated into my commentary on humanity. I wish we could wrap a purple blanket around the Earth so we can all feel its vibe!

Anxiety, Domestic violence, Mental health, Uncategorized

Touch

I’m a lover and a giver. I love to hug and I’m big on using touch to heal. Displays of affection both privately and publically are my thing. I love to have my back rubbed and my arm gently scratched. It’s a known fact that human touch is essential to life and the ability to be happy and thrive. That’s why neonatal massage is so beneficial for newborns in the ICU.

One of the gifts I have in addition to being an intuitive empath is I am also a physical empath. I help my fiance daily with his aches and pains from playing professional football. Sometimes I get phantom pains before he even tells me what hurts. It’s very rewarding for me to help heal others both physically and emotionally.

There is a growing lack of compassion and empathy in our world today. Kindness doesn’t cost a thing and can seriously change a person’s life. I like to think about the impact the idea of paying it forward with emotional currency would have on us as a society. More understanding and acceptance of others no matter their culture, race, gender, sexual preference, beliefs etc. This poem was born from those thoughts.

image-52924731320664137.png

Mental health, Spirituality, Uncategorized

What’s real and me

I have a very discerning eye for genuineness. Society has been so impacted by social media and the 24 hour cycle of news we live in today. The desire to be famous and thirst for other people’s drama is driving our culture into questionable morality extremes. I’m also an intuitive empath and have instinctively been curious about the human condition. When I was going through many of my battles with C-PTSD, psychiatric hospitalizations, outpatient programs and self examinations I was always hinting for answers. Why am I like this? How can I get better? Will I ever feel “normal” again? I learned many helpful things about myself and gained so much insight into the human psyche. Here are some facts about me

1. I am a highly sensitive person and so much in life triggers me

2. Learning how to compartmentalize my thoughts has helped me immensely

3. Using visualization and meditation techniques keeps me grounded and present. The more I practice that the more automatic it becomes as my response to stressful situations.

4. I’m a free spirit and very open minded. I’m honest and trusting to a fault sometimes.

5. Balance and boundaries are two areas I struggle with, always a work in progress. I start my day with a Radical Acceptance mantra (my favorite DBT principle) reminding myself to be mindful of not only my actions and motives but those of others.

5. Learning and implementing DBT has changed my life in such a meaningful way. I am so grateful for Marsha Linehan, the creator of the behavioral modification therapy.

I hope to impart more pearls of wisdom that I have gathered on my journey with this blog. This poem is inspired by my feelings and musings on what’s real, truthful, honest and geniune. Contrasting with what’s fake, fraudulent, dishonest or a sham.

Anxiety, Depression, Domestic violence, Mental health, Uncategorized

Aftershocks

I have been through so many ups and downs on my life’s journey. Maintaining my patience has yielded me progress. I’m nothing if not a survivor. I’ve morphed into an emotional warrior. I have battle scars across my heart. My children have told me, Mom…you are so unlucky. I tell them nah, God just trusts me a heck of a lot. He knows I will be able to figure out whatever comes my way. I’m unbreakable, like Tephlon strong. Processing all that has transpired these last seven years inspired me to write this.

Anxiety, Depression, Grief and loss, Mental health, Uncategorized

What if

It has been raining here for days without end. I have been laying low because that’s what my mood dictates. Searching through an app I have that streams the latest movies and television shows, I stumbled upon the series “Forever”. Maya Rudolph and Fred Armisen play a married couple caught in a prediticable marriage when they suddenly find themselves in an unexpected situation. I can relate because in many ways my marriage was similar. What happens when we get into routines and for me with my children that became our pattern. The ninth episode focuses on the afterlife. The couple find themselves pushing past their personalities, boundaries and expectations from when they were alive. The characters in their own way start acting out in more fearless and truthful ways. It got me thinking about how confined we can get within ourselves in life. As an empath, it’s easy for me to put myself in others shoes, whether real or imagined. All these questions sprang to mind and I wrote this poem.

image-5308294615927223.png