Cultivating patience has always been a challenge for me. As a highly sensitive individual alive today in a culture of urgency and reaction, being patient takes a mindful approach. Meditation is the best tool I have found, putting me in the passenger seat as an observer to my thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Developing a pause button greatly assists me in behaving in a way that aligns more to my authentic spirit and my nature. It’s a delicate dance and at times I fall down while the flood of emotions can get overwhelming and yet what I have learned on my self healing journey are what the lessons within each mistake serve to help me to grow stronger, becoming a better version of myself. Many refer to this as choosing one’s battles.
As an emotional warrior and someone who reads energy it can be emotionally taxing for me to over exert my own energy and interject myself into situations not meant for me. Therein lies the mastery of what I believe about how we are the masters of our own reality and emotional states. My behavior is mine alone and I am the one who must face the consequences of my actions.
I must admit my dear readers to feeling the aspects of my shadow in a much deeper way upon the arrival of my partner. We have spent so much time apart and my fear was that he wouldn’t like the person I am today. In the past few days I have had many outbursts, said things I later regretted saying yet after contemplation, meditation and re-centering can see how triggered my ego had become putting me on the defense. My personality was really on display in ways that I haven’t felt in months. These experiences are uncomfortable and lead me to become overly critical, overly analytical and I find myself trying to carry the weight of the world upon my shoulders in a perfectionist way. Old coping patterns, mindsets and behaviors resurface giving me a opportunity to observe these shadow parts of myself over again with fresh eyes throughthe transformationalprocess I have undergone. This my dear ones is the cycle of healing. My first response was to feel the fear and disapproval of myself stemming from years of emotional pain and traumatic wounding like they were fresh all over again. Ultimately, acceptance of what is becomes the only viable solution for inner peace, balance, harmony and self love.
I may not always like everything that I feel all the time yet I understand these are growing pains and are necessary for my partner and I to go through together while we build a stronger, more sound foundation in this new beginning of our relationship. The deep love and acceptance of one another for the different people we are is what comes to the surface healing all. I believe our soul bond and love will carry us through because that is undeniable. He and I have faced many challenges together and I believe that’s what builds a strong relationship. Finding love within the challenges and changes, rediscovering our flow, accepting one another, surrendering to patience and being mindful of how I respond are the keys to mutual joy, peace and love. It’s not always easy yet nothing is when change is unfolding. This meme I came across the other day expresses this idea perfectly.
In the meantime we are being gentle with one another and recognizing that time takes time, a phrase I’ve relied upon often in the past ten years during my self healing journey. I look forward to more walks on the beach, listening to live music, singing together, dancing with one another and lots of laughter. This is the beginning of a beautiful new phase of our relationship. I love you baby, always and forever!
In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below. For a personalized autographed copy please send me an email and use my PayPal account for payment.