My heavy heart

My dear readers and friends, brothers and sisters, I am not fully myself. However, by the grace and mercy of God, the work I have done over these past 7 months is sustaining my spirit currently as my Dad, 87 is in a hospice facility dying. Just 3 days after I returned home to South Florida, he fell and my Mom and I called for the ambulance because we couldn’t get him up on our own. My Dad has Alzheimer’s disease. In these past 2 weeks he has been in two different hospitals and a rehab facility.  He has suffered a heart attack and now has contracted COVID-19. As you all can imagine, my family and I are devastated that we will have to let him go in this way.

My favorite picture of my Dad & I 🥰

I’m beyond grateful that I’ve arrived home here in time to conduct 3 healing sessions on my mother and have successfully destroyed the generational curse within our family that had many of them attached to demons from birth. At 76, my Mom is fully in her own body now and is experiencing a spiritual awakening! It’s absolutely beautiful. The work I do is sacred and nothing short of a miracle. We were assisted by more ancestors and relatives than I can name or count and I feel so blessed to have as much protection, guidance and unconditional from Spirit. My cup runs over just thinking about it!

My Dad has lived a long and tremendously beautiful life. He was a semi-professional baseball player, a car dealer and a father of 6 children. He and my Mom celebrated their 44th wedding anniversary in June of this year. He is a strong, giving, proud and gently loving man. Being an 100% Italian man raised by 2nd generation immigrants in the 1930s and 1940s, he didn’t always know how to tell us with words how much he loved us. He definitely showed us by always providing for our needs, going above and beyond to give his family the world. I have lived an extremely privileged life full of happy memories that are keeping me comforted now. It’s just truly heartbreaking that we can’t hold his hand right now. Alzheimer’s and COVID-19 are hideous diseases that nobody should ever have to experience. I pray none of you my dears ever has to.

I’m on an emotional roller coaster. I’ve been pouring into my Mom for two weeks now and I’m tired. Yesterday, I hit a wall. I wanted to get this post out there and ask you all to pray for me as I’m in need of your love and light. My angel guides remind me often to ask the other humans around me for help because that’s something I don’t always feel comfortable doing. It’s part of my shadow. Now I’m asking my dears.

I feel some poems coming on as I begin connecting to more ancestors from my Dad’s side who have been occupying our home for days now. They’re preparing him to go home. Like my Uncle Donnie, my Dad’s favorite cousin said, “it’s a goombah fest!

I wanted to share a couple more videos of my poetry that’s featured in my latest book, “My Soul’s Light”. I’m not sure how much or how little I will be posting. Doing my best to stay in the moment and allow whatever comes up. As you all can imagine, that’s the only role right now that needs tending to.

“I am Love “
“I hope”

My books arrived today in the mail just as my Mom and I were bringing some things to the hospice facility. I added an inscription to my Dad and asked his nurse to read from it so he could have a piece of me, of my heart to comfort him. My Mom was so happy we could do that. It’s a gift from Divine for sure.

In light and in shadow, always with love. If you’re interested in a shamanic healing session, tarot card reading, my recorded meditations or to purchase any of my 4 books of poetry please click the link below.

61 thoughts on “My heavy heart”

  1. Oh my heart is feeling your pain. I am holding space for you in this moment. How incredibly strong you are to be tending to your mother right now. Hopefully you can get some rest and recharge. Lots of love to you and your family.
    Hugs 💚

    Liked by 2 people

  2. What an absolutely beautiful photo of you and your Dad!! 💗 It is wonderful to hear you ask for help. We were all taught that we must be brave and do things ourselves. When in reality we really need to lean on each other. I am here for you in your time of need. I know this is truly a very difficult time in your life. Your Dad knows that he is loved by the way. Take as much time as you need for yourself…everything else can wait until you are ready. I’m holding you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you extra love, support and hugs. 🤗🙏💓💜💚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I really needed you to tell me that!! I was just explaining to my cousin that in the work we do, I sense the spirit of the living differently than the ones who have passed over. The highest selves I mean, I know you know😉 Today I’ve been feeling him in both….tonight my Mom and I had the nurse FaceTime us and we told him he can go home because he doesn’t have to hold on for us. I will take care of Mom. He was sleeping with all the medicine they gave him. He has pneumonia too. My Dad is such a strong fighter and stubborn!! He is my hero. So amazing. I can not imagine my life without him but I am comforted in knowing he will join my Nana to become my most trusted guardian angel. Thank you for your kindness. I will message you privately ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  3. My heart is holding yours while you grieve Maria! It is a huge space to hold for your parents when you have struggled with them being available for you and I applaud your courage, resilency of clearing the pathway so you can be availble fror them. I’m not surprised you are exhauseted. Ushering someone, especially your parents to the other side takes a lot of energy. Take good care and I will do some reiki healing for you now. prayer and love. Beautiful loving picture of you and your dad. you llik so much alike but then, I haven’t seen your mother.
    love and hugs. Healing sent and delivered! ❤️ Cindy

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh Cindy, your healing is so needed right now 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 a million thank you kisses and hugs❤❤❤❤❤❤ it’s so comforting reading your words here. Truth. I look like a perfect combo of my Mom and Dad. I will email you a picture 😉 love to you my sweet dear sister🥰

      Liked by 2 people

      1. oh WOW!!!! Right before Thanksgiving.. He picked a memorable time to make his transition. What a gift you gave him Maria in so many ways and your last gift, a beuatiful poem. Sending love.. ❤️❤️❤️🤗 Cindy

        Liked by 2 people

      2. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ my world feels upside down, an emotional hangover. I’m exhausted. A mix of emotions and thoughts. Going to take time to let the dust settle. Bittersweet. My siblings, especially my youngest sister, the baby of the family is devastatingly heartbroken 💔 The worst part is we are all separated by this pandemic and can’t be together. My Mom is in quarantine bc she was visiting him. I know she will be ok. I just want to hug them all.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Oh boy I can only imagaine what you are going through. That’s a good idea to lay low. Oh what a hard time not to be able to be together during this time to process and hold each other. Take good care of you and sending you an extra hug and some extra energy today! ❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗🤗🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌❤️ Love to you Maria! ❤️❤️ ❤️ Cindy

        Liked by 2 people

      4. oh that is sooo sweet. It’s so great you are both connecting. You mibht have noticed my mom on yoga last week which is another shared connection we have. Hunker in together. Maybe someday she can come when my mom does. Give her my condolances and a special hug. ❤️🤗

        Liked by 2 people

    2. Dear Cindy,
      I would like to commend you highly for your comforting Maria during her grieving the loss of her father.

      Dear Maria Teresa Pratico (Ladysag77),
      Thank you for taking the time to visit and comment on my most recent post entitled “💬 Misquotation Pandemic and Disinformation Polemic: 🧠 Mind Pollution by Viral Falsity 🦠”. I shall respond to your fine comment with a bespoke reply as soon as I can, as I still have a number of errands to attend to. However, I still manage to make a good effort to come over and spend a long time to read several of your posts as well as reading all of the comments contained in those posts. What a year it has been for you!

      In particular, this post entitled “My heavy heart” published on Nov 24, 2020 as well as your other post entitled “Riding the waves of emotion” have led me here to make the very first comment on your blog that is so aptly called “Emotional Musings”. Indeed, your writings have made me very emotional and teary. Reading them have caused me to feel the sadness in my heart and to miss my late mother, whose life has been commemorated and immortalized by the special multimedia eulogy-cum-memoir-cum-biography entitled “Khai & Khim: For Always and Beyond Goodbye”, which has since become a great deal longer and even more comprehensive, intimate and personal than it was. The said post also contains my musical compositions dedicated to my mother, and it is available at https://soundeagle.wordpress.com/2019/08/31/khai-khim-for-always-and-beyond-goodbye/

      The said tribute also contains a lot of my original musical compositions as well as my musical arrangements that you can enjoy to your heart’s content.

      I agree with many commenters regarding your excellent posts recognizing and recalling the strength and spirit of your indomitable and loving father. Reading your posts also reminds me of my late father and mother, both of whom I mention in the said special eulogy-cum-memoir-cum-biography.

      Like your parents, my late parents had also been happily married for more than 40 years. And like youe late father who passed away on Nov 24, mine passed away on Nov 23, but 17 years earlier. He would have been 90 years old this year.

      You clearly adored your dad, who had lived a full life devoting his love and attention to you, your siblings and your mother. Indeed, how grief has affected and transformed each of us cannot be denied, even if our societies and many people in our lives have not always been well-equipped to understand or accommodate our moments of profound sorrow. I am very touched by your dedication to and remembrance of your father.

      As mentioned, your two posts regarding your late father have rendered me rather emotional. How I miss my mother! I have had to contained my emotions and composed myself before I could type out my comment here, and so I took the opportunity to read and like others’ comments left on your two posts. Thank you for your very touching posts. It is a great pity that the pandemic had severely limited the much-needed interactions between you and your late father in his final days. I have had the same or similar thoughts that if my mum were still alive, it would be very difficult for me to keep her safe from the coronavirus without compromising her quality of life as well as our closeness.

      May you and Cindy have a wonderful time spending the last week of 2020 with your beloved ones before 2021 dawns on us! And may both of you enjoy what the new year will bring soon!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I sincerely appreciate your heartfelt comments here. Yes indeed, it has been quite a year. A phrase I keep returning to is strangely beautiful. I say this because my Dad and I are even more connected now in death than we were in life. His passing has elevated the work I do as a shaman. He is my guiding force and teacher, and I him. It’s amazing how he shows up now in everything I do.

        I write this blog and dedicate it to my deeply felt emotions. As an intuitive empath, my own feelings have always been so intense mixed with the feelings of others, leaving my writing the main toolbar processing and understanding. I believe we heal when we feel, therefore I am glad you were able to revisit your own feelings for your parents and process in a deeper way.

        Thank you so much for taking the time to read through so many of my posts. I write in hopes that I can inspire and comfort others. My journey serves as an example of courage and resilence of the human spirit. We are all connected through our human experience here. I will check out the post you mentioned here and look forward to your music. Love inspires our creativity and expression, this is deeply felt through your words here. Namaste my dear🙏

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Dear Maria,

        I have been having some difficulty in submitting comments to your blog. I’m not sure as to whether my first three attempts at submitting this comment was successful. Here’s my fourth attempt:

        Thank you for your reply and your further reflections and clarifications regarding your ways of being and the “posthumous relationship” that you have been forging and strengthening with your late dad.

        Please be informed that you might need to use a desktop or laptop computer with a large screen to view the rich multimedia contents available for heightening your multisensory enjoyment at my blog, which could be too powerful and feature-rich for iPad, iPhone, tablet or other portable devices to handle properly or adequately.

        In addition, since the post that I mentioned contains advanced styling and multimedia components plus animations, it is highly recommended to read it directly in my blog so that you will be able to see and experience all of the refined and glorious details. Hence, it is prudent to refrain from viewing it in the WordPress Reader, which tends to ignore or strip away some styling and formatting components, and also fails to display animations, all of which are aplenty in this particular post, which will look very different and even improper or amiss in the WordPress Reader.

        I look forward to reading your response, feedback and/or insights in my said post after you have perused it.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I will get on my laptop tomorrow my dear. I want to devote my complete attention to it. Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Sometimes I have issues with the app yet as a master shaman, I embody a master healer frequency which scrambles technology. I have lots of issues on a daily basis. Thank you again for telling me to go on my laptop😁

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I went to your site on my laptop and WOW are you talented my friend. Stunning work. I’m very happy we connected and can appreciate each other on a soul level, artist and creator’s vibe. Grateful for your talent my friend. Wishing you you joy, peace and so much love in 2021 HAPPY NEW YEAR!

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Dear Maria,

        Thank you for your reply. However, I have received neither a like nor a comment from you at the special eulogy-cum-memoir-cum-biography entitled “Khai & Khim: For Always and Beyond Goodbye”.

        As my previous comment have mentioned: “I look forward to reading your response, feedback and/or insights in my said post after you have perused it.”

        After all, I have already expressed various matters about the passing of your father and your relationship with him as well as your reactions and feelings over two substantial comments in your current post, by reading this post entitled “My heavy heart” published on Nov 24, 2020 as well as your other post entitled “Riding the waves of emotion”, plus other posts not related to your father’s passing.

        Moreover, since I concur with you and am delighted that “we connected and can appreciate each other on a soul level, artist and creator’s vibe”, there are even more reasons and connections to be shown and expressed in your anticipated comment to be submitted to the said eulogy-cum-memoir-cum-biography, which contains nearly 150 comments, as many readers have found it so compelling and moving as to be willing to leave their thoughts and feedback there.

        Happy New Year to you!

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Forgive me my friend, I am not as technically savvy as you. I will head there and search that title. A little understanding and patience please 🙏 as I am new to navigating on a laptop. Everything I do is on my phone’s app. The two, as you mentioned are very different. Thanks.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Dear Maria,

        Please bear with me as I am composing a bespoke reply to you at the eulogy-cum-memoir-cum-biography.

        I would like to commend you highly for switching to a computer with a large screen. Sometimes I feel that the smart phones are somewhat overrated, considering that portable computer devices are especially plagued with unresolved limitation in functionality, rapid obsolescence and problems of disposal, resulting in millions of these portable devices going to landfills and poisoning the environment every year.

        For your orientation to becoming more familiar with my blog, I highly recommend reading the User Guide at https://soundeagle.wordpress.com/about/user-guide/

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Of course my friend, always, take your time. I agree with you about the perils of smartphones. I tend to keep mine for years and they are all in various draws in my home. I just write so much on the go that my cell is my go-to. I have embraced the laptop however and I will check out your guide. I find your website so alluring and all of the “bells and whistles” of rich content you have added are really cool🌈💗🌌🎆

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Dear Maria,

        I hope that you have had a chance to check out the User Guide.

        Meanwhile, I am pleased to inform you that I have replied to you with a very long and bespoke comment at https://soundeagle.wordpress.com/2019/08/31/khai-khim-for-always-and-beyond-goodbye/comment-page-1/#comment-13734

        Please enjoy the distinctive design and content of this special reply on your laptop computer.

        This reply is about 750 words in length and thus it can qualify as a post in itself, but a special post specifically composed for the two of us.


      10. Dear Maria,

        I would like to inform you that I have immortalized Bryan Wagner’s comment that he submitted to my post at https://soundeagle.wordpress.com/2020/12/19/misquotation-pandemic-and-disinformation-polemic-mind-pollution-by-viral-falsity/ by actually quoting his comment in my said post itself for posterity.

        I take commenting very seriously and take the time and care to acknowledge and even reward them in various ways, not to mention going to the length of creating bespoke and specially designed comments in replying to my readers.

        Liked by 1 person

      11. How thoughtful and touching. You are a special and bright light. I wish you all the best in all your creative endeavors, you are so talented my friend! Your website is gorgeous, thank you again for telling me to look at it on a laptop😍

        Liked by 1 person

      12. You are very welcome, Maria. Thank you for your compliment. As mentioned, I look forward to reading your response, feedback and/or insights in my said eulogy-cum-memoir-cum-biography after you have perused it.

        Happy New Year to you and your family!

        Liked by 1 person

      13. Thank you so much SoundEagle for you heartfelt message and kind blessings to Maria. You were a great son and your mom and dad very lucky to have you! You enjoy the Reat of 2020 as well!
        💕🙏 Cindy

        Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh, my dear sweet soul sister, I am so sorry to hear this news.
    Your dad, while he may have lived a long and fruitful, beautiful life, still doesn’t deserve this horrible ending. I’m so sorry for what you and your family are going through. I am happy to hear that you’re able to be there in this time of need and that you can be there for your mom.
    Please stay safe during this difficult time. I am sending infinite love to you and your family and hoping that you all stay healthy and remember the greatest moments your dad brough to your lives. ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes, my Dad is the strongest man I know. To see him this way kills me. He also has pneumonia they told us. He has to go this way however, with no one around him because he is just so stubborn and won’t leave us any other way God bless his soul❤ Thanks V😘

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Your wordsprovide so much comfort to me sweet girl❤ I can’t imagine my life without my Dad but I know he fought the goodnight always and I so enjoy of the good ones. A straight arrow. He is my hero. Love you soul sis😘🙏🌠

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you my dear friend 🙏 He flew home free this morning and I ushered him in with a poem. My Mom and I were hugging while I read it. I will share it too❤ He’s already my top guide and teacher ❤

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you my dear, my Dad flew home free this morning and I ushered him over with a poem I wrote just a few hours prior. I will post it. Your loving kindness has always held me in light and love sister 🥰 🙏

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I am very sorry about your loss, Maria. I can only imagine the rollercoaster ride of your inner world. The knowledge about death is not an end but a new beginning and at the same time the pain you are feeling and the worries about your mom. You are a strong woman and you have come such a long way. When even you are still human, your wisdom and faith will help you over this difficult and hard time. I am sending you the biggest hugs and much love, dear sister 💖

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You just said it all💗 It’s my friends and family who are raising me up now in love and light. My Dad is my biggest hero and guide now in Spirit 💗 Thank you for your kindness always and our connection, it warms and comforts my ❤ love u😘

      Liked by 2 people

  6. A daddy’s girl, a soul with a crimson love. A moment of feeling broken, but yet a heart feeling; forever tethered to her daddy’s love. May the days bring moments of peace, for a heart feeling full… of love! God’s blessings!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I’ve gone through this with both of my parents and my mother in law. Our prayers are with you and your family. It’s good to hear your mom is doing better. It is great that you can be there with her. Blessings to you, always.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much David 🥰 Yes, being here is such a gift. My Mom is an amazing woman and is so grateful that we have each other. I am too❤ What a year this has been for my family and I 🙏 God is so good!!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Beautiful and so touching. I loved the story — stories we tell and live!– of your father. And your poignant line about, “we hate to let him go this way.” — It is the “this way”, isn’t it, that makes the passing harder than ever? The Covid and the Alzheimers — both really demonic presences in the world, not the person, but in our being with the person those forces put up barriers that hurt like barbed wire. I have been praying for you, dear one, ever since you commented to me on this hard journey you and your mom are on. There will be much time needed for care for your soul and I also pray you will have that time as your father passes to Glory. Shalom, Jane

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you doesn’t quite feel fitting enough dear Jane because you see my soul, it’s aching and it’s many revelations on grief. Over these past few weeks, my Dad has given us many gifts. My Mom has shared with me some truths of his character that I never knew, that make me love him more. Apparently my Dad was a deep person, as I am. We are very alike in ways I wasn’t aware of until now. We are both hugely God centered beings and my Dad now sends me messages of what it’s like on the other side within the presence of God and the angels. I’m cycling through so much and your words here are so comforting. Love to you always ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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