I am so happy to say good bye to April and welcome in May😊 Last month was one of the hardest of my entire life. More details to come on that subject in future posts but for this post I would like to express my new found love for breathwork. You may be thinking my dear readers, what is breathwork? Here’s Google’s definition: Breathwork defines various breathing practices in which the conscious control of breathing is said to influence a person’s mental, emotional or physical state, with a claimed therapeutic effect. Last evening I participated in my second such course offered and facilitated by my dear friend Christina Tucciarone aka @comealivewithchrissymarie on Instagram.
Chrissy has an amazingly powerful presence as both a leader and a teacher. She and I have worked together a few times and I feel so blessed to call her my friend. I sincerely appreciate her devotion to what she teaches coupled with her insightful guidance during each session. Last night I really appreciated her steady reminders to push through the resistance that can be felt once the body is fully oxygenated. There were three rounds of active breathing for 7 minutes and then a minute each of holding the breath and releasing it at the bottom. During the first round I immediately felt pulled to the wounds from my inner child and an intense sense of fear and sadness. My entire body went completely numb. I knew instinctively that my body was attempting to dissociate. This coping mechanism is something I developed at a young age during the sexual abuse I endured. It served as a survival technique then and I must admit for most of my life over the past 35 years.
In the past year, since acknowledging and healing from this dark secret I have experienced a spiritual awakening that has transformed my life in such a way I view it has the Maria I was before June of 2019 and the Maria I am now. Going in and out of dissociative episodes when I found myself involved in intense emotional situations has been both a subconscious and conscious way for me to escape from reality. Over the years I had become very keenly aware of what was triggering me yet at the height of those experiences I was dumbfounded as to how to stop them from occurring. It felt humiliating afterwards when I would “wake up” and realize how much time I had lost. During the recent Divine Intervention session I had, Mr. Adifon confirmed that I regularly lose hours and still days of myself. Maria feeling Maria 100% of the time is very new still. Last night was a reminder of how going to that detached place no longer serves me.
I began to explore what little Maria was telling me. I listened and began a running dialogue in my mind with her, soothing her fears and reestablishing trust by vowing to not abandon her again. The human brain fascinates me. How such an intense level of fear and panic can create a whole new space for our psyche’s to travel to if just for a visit! My mind created this safe space, like a holding pattern for little Maria to still exist in yet not feel what was happening. Violation of a child is so seriously shameful.
However damaging that experience has been to my life I don’t regret it. I have learned so much about myself and the world around me from every single experience, everyday and in each moment over the past 42 years. Putting all judgements aside, good, bad, ugly and beautiful what I have learned is how vital all of it is to living a full life.
Here are some of the main things I have learned about myself over this past year……but most assuredly had them solidified last month. These were the messages I told little Maria I was proud of her for. Experiencing the pain of long held fear is absolutely terrifying when first felt yet in moment last night I knew I had to take control of my healing and be my own hero.
You are not afraid of change, you welcome it with an open mind and heart.
You have an intense love and trust for others, humanity fascinates you and you never meet a stranger.
Keep wearing your heart on your sleeve and remain proud of your free spiritedness.
You allow your big heart to lead in and through life’s ups and downs. Don’t ever change that Maria.
Empathy and intuition are your superpowers.
You my dear little Maria are extremely resilent.
Keep the people you love whether family or friends close to your heart creating friends for life!
It was an awesomely amazing hour. I cried a lot with becoming so flushed with emotion, sweat and gratitude seeped out of every pore in my body as we finished and wrapped up the session. I quickly composed myself and tucked myself under my trusty weighted blanket. Then I grabbed my journal to document the experience. I then took a separate sheet of paper out and wrote down the things I knew were time to release and let go of. My convictions growing deeper with every step towards the backyard, I read my own words aloud then lit the paper on fire. I closed the ritual with a personal prayer.
I wrote the poem below on Friday, before the breathwork course last evening. I’m so grateful for understanding and accessing my intuition and continuing to heal my inner child wounds. Life never ceases to surprise and amaze me. As always, with an open mind and heart I humbly bow my head and give thanks to God🙏
Emotional Musings 
Nice post….
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
My pleasure….
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so happy you’ve found useful things that lead you to peace.
I myself have found most ‘popular’ coping methods to be failures. So instead of trying to fit the mold, I am taking a little from cognitive, a little from breathing, and some from dialectal and just mixing up the lot to reach a point of contentedness. Sometimes it works, and sometimes, my demons stomp all over it, but I am trying and knowing that I am being proactive helps me feel better about myself.
Guess we take what we can. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly!! I have shared with you that I have learned many different strategies over the years. I always say use what works and leave the rest. These days I focus more on the holistic side of health and healing. I have learned a tremendous amount from the many years I have spent navigating the psychological side, mental health system. Incorporating it all to what works best for you is proactive and powerful. It’s taken me 10 years to get here by trial and error. Growing, learning about myself and deciding to put myself first has made the biggest difference.
Thank you for reading my blog and supporting me my friend. Sending you so much ❤❤❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s so amazing! You’re lightyears ahead of me, I sometimes feel!! I lack discipline for breathwork and find it cumbersome and tedious. Like, “Waa, I don’t want to bother.” I’m so impressed! I feel like you’re someone I could ask for advice if I needed to know which direction to go in spiritually!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your kindness is so humbling Meg❤ Thank you. Yes, I am here to answer any questions you may have. Always😉
LikeLike
Beautiful poem. Some months are just! I never heard the term breathwork so learnt something new that was good.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you my friend! I’m glad I could shine a light on something new for you. Yes breathing IS work when you do it actively and deliberately. It’s extremely therapeutic and each time has been very healing for me😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a delight to discover you. I too experienced sexual (and verbal) abuse (at the hands of family members) and woke up spiritually nine years ago. However, three years ago another spiritual awakening (a Kundalini awakening) has been ongoing and extremely challenging. Thanks for following my main blog. My sister blog (address is attached to my gravatar picture) called Remembering My Divinity is all about my healing journey from a spiritual perspective. It’s more raw and real than Life’s a Journey…
It’s amazing how breathwork can be so transformative. I haven’t actually done much intentional breathwork other than focusing on my breath when I’m struggling, to help bring me into the now. And the effects of Kundalini energy have had interesting effects, breath wise, a handful of times.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ahhhhhh thank you for sharing about your spiritual awakening both of them😉 I can relate because I experienced one in June 2019 and then also a Kundalini one a few months after that after completing some sessions of Reiki with a Shamanic healer. I too am now about to embark upon an apprenticeship to become a shamanic healer under the same wonderful woman who has become a dear friend of mine❤
As an intuitive empath with extra sensory perception I understand how challenging the shifts can be. I raised my own vibration which is what brought about the Kundalini experience and BOY was that interesting. Especially for my partner😉
Thank you for telling me about your sister blog and kudos for being a mother AND writing for 2 blogs!! I’m impressed.
I always enjoy meeting other female writers and especially ones who have gone through trauma. My 1st traumatic encounters were with two different babysitters at ages 5 and 6. Thankfully, I don’t have many memories of it. I believe that experience set off an avalanche for other situations I would find myself in over the years. I have seen evil up close and personal. Despite it all, the many cracks in my personal life have allowed God’s beautiful light to shine through and out of my soul. What didn’t kill me made me a lot stronger. That is the main reason I write and share my story, so that others don’t have to feel alone.
Again, it’s wonderful to “meet” you❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
My first awakening came a few weeks after being Reiki attuned in 2011. I became obsessed with Energy Healing, wanting to know everything about it. After taking a handful of intuitive classes, going to a few workshops of different modailities, I ended up working with a hypnotherapist with a spiritual twist, who helped me heal bucketloads of stuff. (I’d worked in hypnosis before my awakening). Eventually I’d healed so much that I experience a massive shift to my consciousness, which allowed Kundalini energy to crank open after one of my sessions in early 2017. Since then I’ve been on the rollercoaster ride of my life. Very, very difficult, but finally beginning to come out the other side, slowly. Isn’t it astonishing that evil looks like nothing what society thinks? Kudos to you for not only surviving, but thriving!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my friend how our world works, God really in His mysterious ways❤ I can relate so much to your story!! Before my energy clearings, I too am obsessed with them😉 that’s why I want to become a practitioner myself, I went the route of mental health. In and out of psych hospitals, every diagnosis in the DSM etc. I was on medications for 15 years even. Now I’m happy to say I have completely transitioned to a much more holistic approach. Yes, rollercoaster ride for sure. I’m giving you a standing ovation over here regarding the comment on how our society views evil. I believe that a lot of this pandemic is flushing out so much of that, forcing it into the light of our collective consciousness. More of a focus on humanity, compassion and empathy. Old systems that didn’t work anyways breaking down. I am a deep thinker sister😉❤
I appreciate your kindness on my thriving. It feels wonderful to be seen after spending so many years covering up my spirit and this big heart of mine 🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sending you love. I must check out your books.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you my friend!! Yes, please do❤
LikeLiked by 1 person