Well my dear readers, I finally had some professional photographs taken for my media portfolio, upcoming new book of poetry, “Emotional Musings 2” (I plan on self publishing it again on Amazon sometime this month y’all so stay tuned) and another surprise that I’m gonna tease you with here😉
I met Allan Willis II in the boutique I manage a few weeks ago when he came in shopping with his wife. We developed a natural connection as artists and I mentioned needing some photographs taken for my portfolio. It all unfolded so organically which I love❤
Sunday I woke up bright and early ready for our shoot! I asked my sales associate and dear friend Allie to help me with my makeup since she used to work for Christian Dior. We had so much fun getting everything just right for my big close up📸
The entire next few hours went by in a breeze because I was so comfortable with not only my surroundings but with myself. The last professional photoshoot I did was when I was dancing and holding poses is very different than what we did for my author pictures. Think ok…..hold your leg high and 1-2-3 BAM or ready set jump in the air while looking the best you can and GO🤪 Afterwards, Allan told me he didn’t really have to do any building with me after taking some test shots which made me feel really good inside🤗
I have notoriously not enjoyed being the subject of pictures because I’m so hard on myself stemming from having an eating disorder and body dysmorphia when I was dancing. My mother has always been a pictures fanatic which I too have a love/hate relationship with. Having to pose for pictures is unnatural for me and I can see my unease in those types of pictures instantly which makes me not like them or the experience at all….and that cycle has goes on and on for years🙄
This experience completely changed my view of being the main subject of a picture! I even told Allan that if he ever needs a model for anything to please call me. I can honestly and truly feel myself transforming from that shy, no self esteem, forced happiness trying to ignore my wounded inner child adult into a self confident, self assured and empowered woman when I look that these pictures. He was able to capture my love of being in a big city, free spirited essence with flair and my bohemian chic style🌈🌠❤
I have recently come across some posts discussing how in our society we are conditioned to view self care and self love as selfishness and I can whole heartedly agree with that. For my entire life up until June ’19 I have put others before myself. When I was a stay at home mother my biggest mistake was not taking care of myself enough. This is the longest stretch where I have stayed true to the promise of taking care of myself first and foremost, a 180 degree change for the better and I’m doing it consistently. I am proud of myself for this. I have obtained so much inner peace this way, caring for my spirit and nurturing myself. It’s not always easy and those I love push my boundaries a lot but I refuse to give in and go back to the old Maria.
I have written before about how I always knew from reading my astrological chart that I would be a late bloomer, not really coming into my own until midlife. This is the opposite of a midlife crisis, this is midlife contentment. I’m finally loving not only myself but where I am in life. I may not be rich but I’m wealthy in karma. I do my best each day to stay in the moment and enjoy life. I’m letting go of old beliefs surrounding perfectionism and embracing my own emotions, not allowing other’s emotions to drag me down (#empathproblems) I’m healing and honoring my inner child while observing how that has helped make a big shift in my behaviors not only with myself but with others. As always, I remain hopeful and hold tremendous faith that the Divine has my back. I’m stepping into this new, shiny and much lighter version of me and I couldn’t be happier💃😊